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Respect Your Weapons of Fasting and Prayer!

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I hope you didn’t look at the title and discount this blog because you saw fasting. Hang in with me. I’ll explain why I chose this topic after battling with it myself for over a month.

Each week, I wait on the Lord to reveal a topic to write on and He never lets me down. Sometimes it’s at the last minute. Other times, I look for more confirmation, especially if it’s a hard one to tackle and maybe not one I’m eager to apply myself!

Dave and I watch Flashpoint on Victory News Channel. Pastor Gene Bailey, who hosts the program, has been encouraging the “Flashpoint Army” of viewers to join a Corporate Fast for our nation from February 5th through the 25th. I felt a tugging in my heart every time I heard him talk about it. I struggled with the Lord. With my health could I actually fast?

Then last Wednesday morning, January 31st, I opened my email and saw CBN was covering live the 2024 National Prayer Breakfast in DC, so I decided to watch. The keynote speaker was Senate Chaplain Barry Black. He started by saying he wasn’t a speaker, he was a pastor, and so his message that morning would be from the Bible. His topic was fasting!

Now, I knew God was trying to get my attention! He wanted me to share about fasting with all of you, who like me, have been praying for a spiritual revival and reformation in our churches, nation, and government. Or maybe you need a spiritual breakthrough in your life. I’ve shared in previous blogs about my ongoing battle with our local library to remove inappropriate obscene books harmful to children. I’d prayed continuously (1 Thess. 5:17), but I hadn’t fasted.

I told my husband the Lord wanted me to not only write about fasting, but also join the 3-week Flashpoint Corporate Fast. His initial response, “You might lose more weight!” Now to some that might seem like a good thing. In my case, I need to maintain my weight so Dave had a legitimate concern.

Some of you might have health issues that don’t allow fasting food for extended periods, but you could fast a meal, do a liquid fast, or fast a favorite food or activity. Chaplain Black said many at the Capitol join him in the Wesley Fast and Prayer on Wednesdays when they fast until 3 pm. John Wesley originally advocated fasting on both Wednesday and Friday as a weekly spiritual discipline and wouldn’t ordain anyone into the Methodist ministry unwilling to fast both days.  But later, he only fasted once a week starting at sundown Thursday and ending at 3 pm on Friday. That seems doable.

There’s nothing magical about those days. If another day of the week works best for you then pick that if you want to only do a one-day weekly fast. Be flexible. Listen to the Holy Spirit so you don’t focus more on the fast than the reason for it—to draw closer to God and hear the Holy Spirit more clearly.

Fasting doesn’t always have to be food. Maybe it’s something that has a grip on you like screen time, television, news media, social media, junk food, or even caffeine and fasting it would be a significant sacrifice.

Why Fast?

Intermittent fasting is a popular diet regime, but spiritual fasting isn’t about weight loss, it’s about spiritual gain. Food has power. Food motivates. Food addicts. Food controls. We’re often willing to spend more time and money on our food purchases and preparation then we spend on our time with the Lord. Esau traded his birthright as the firstborn son for a bowl of stew!

Fasting helps us crave spiritual food from God more than physical food from the refrigerator or pantry. Fasting intensifies the powers of our prayers. Fasting is more dependent on faith than any other spiritual discipline. When we fast, we believe that God’s going to show up. We hunger and thirst for righteousness and knowledge more than food and drink.  Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Matt. 5:6

Many describe fasting as a lifting of the fog of fear, doubt, uncertainty, and worry revealing clarity of vision on what God wants us to learn from His Word and the Holy Spirit.

Fasting is often portrayed as hard and painful. It is a form of self-denial, but the purpose of spiritual fasting is to focus on God instead of what you’re fasting. Every time you go for the remote or to check social media or grab that snack or cup of coffee, instead you stop and pray for God to have more sovereignty over your time, mind, and body than food or the outside world.

Your desire becomes more for God than the object of your fast. Many testify that fasting and prayer, not one or the other, is the most powerful effective spiritual road to revival. We know we need revival in our country and in our government, but maybe it’s revival in your home or in your life.

Examples of Fasting and Prayer in the Old Testament When Seeking God’s Intervention for Their Nation

Moses: This happened when I was on the mountain receiving the tablets of stone inscribed with the words of the covenant that the Lord had made with you. I was there for forty days and forty nights, and all that time I ate no food and drank no water. 10 The Lord gave me the two tablets on which God had written with his own finger all the words he had spoken to you from the heart of the fire when you were assembled at the mountain. Deut. 9:9-10 NLT

Nehemiah: When I heard this, I sat down and wept. In fact, for days I mourned, fasted, and prayed to the God of heaven. (Neh. 1:4 NLT) On the twenty-fourth day of the same month, the Israelites gathered together, fasting and wearing sackcloth and putting dust on their heads. 2 Those of Israelite descent had separated themselves from all foreigners. They stood in their places and confessed their sins and the sins of their ancestors. 3 They stood where they were and read from the Book of the Law of the Lord their God for a quarter of the day, and spent another quarter in confession and in worshiping the Lord their God. Neh. 9:1-3

Esther:  “Go and gather together all the Jews of Susa and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. My maids and I will do the same. And then, though it is against the law, I will go in to see the king. If I must die, I must die.” Esther 4:16 NLT

Daniel: So I turned to the Lord God and pleaded with him in prayer and fasting. I also wore rough burlap and sprinkled myself with ashes. 4 I prayed to the Lord my God and confessed: “O Lord, you are a great and awesome God! You always fulfill your covenant and keep your promises of unfailing love to those who love you and obey your commands. Dan. 9:3-4 NLT

In the third year of the reign of King Cyrus of Persia, Daniel (also known as Belteshazzar) had another vision. He understood that the vision concerned events certain to happen in the future—times of war and great hardship. When this vision came to me, I, Daniel, had been in mourning for three whole weeks. 3 All that time I had eaten no rich food. No meat or wine crossed my lips, and I used no fragrant lotions until those three weeks had passed. Dan. 10:1-3 NLT

Jonah:  The people of Nineveh believed God’s message, and from the greatest to the least, they declared a fast and put on burlap to show their sorrow. Jonah 3:5 NLT

Examples of Fasting and Prayer in the New Testament.

Many have falsely claimed that fasting was only a spiritual discipline for the Old Testament, but the Bible contradicts such a fallacy. I don’t know why we don’t hear more sermons on fasting.

Jesus: For forty days and forty nights he fasted and became very hungry. Matt 4:2 NLT

Anna There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Penuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, 37 and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. 38 Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child [Jesus] to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem. Luke 2:36-38

Paul: He remained there blind for three days and did not eat or drink. Acts 9:9 NLT

Church Elders: One day as these men were worshiping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, “Appoint Barnabas and Saul for the special work to which I have called them.” 3 So after more fasting and prayer, the men laid their hands on them and sent them on their way. Acts 13:2-3 NLT

Paul and Barnabas: Paul and Barnabas appointed elders for them in each church and, with prayer and fasting, committed them to the Lord, in whom they had put their trust. Acts 14:23

 The disciples fasted after Jesus ascended into heaven, as should we as His disciples: One day the disciples of John the Baptist came to Jesus and asked him, “Why don’t your disciples fast like we do and the Pharisees do?” 15 Jesus replied, “Do wedding guests mourn while celebrating with the groom? Of course not. But someday the groom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast. Matt. 9:13-15 NLT

Examples of the Thompsons Fasting

  1. Our first year of marriage blending a family was horrific. Without keeping Jesus at the center of our marriage, we would’ve never made it. On Mondays, we did a liquid fast and prayed for our family and protection from the enemy. We were both working and would call each other during the day for encouragement. Those Monday liquid fasts drew us closer to the Lord and to each other and helped us not just endure, but experience victory!
  2. When my daughter Kim and her then fiancé Toby accepted Christ in a premarital course we gave them as an engagement gift, we prayed and fasted for them to want to be baptized. Dave fasted tortilla chips, a daily bread of life for him to this day. I was addicted to Diet Coke, so that’s what I fasted. Soon Kim and Toby both started asking about baptism and Dave and I helped baptize them two weeks before their wedding. Dave went back to eating tortilla chips; I never drank another Diet Coke. The Lord removed the desire.
  3. Two of our daughters and their husbands experienced infertility. Dave and I both fasted all sweets and desserts as we prayed for the Lord to let them become parents. We didn’t tell anyone what we were doing, as we never did, according to Matt. 6:16, 18 NLT And when you fast, don’t make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so people will admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get . . . Then no one will notice that you are fasting, except your Father, who knows what you do in private. And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you. But after not even eating birthday cake on our own birthdays, the family started noticing. After many months, Shannon became pregnant and had a baby boy, but Kim still wasn’t a mommy, so we kept on fasting and praying. Seven months later, Kim and Toby adopted our grandson Brandon, and the night they picked him up she called and told us to go out and have a hot fudge sundae!

“When praises go up blessings come down.” 2 Chron. 20:5-6

The Thompsons 2024 Fast

Dave and I are uniting with the Flashpoint Corporate Prayer and Fast to take a stand for biblical changes in our nation, culture, and world. Following is Flashpoint’s prayer list. The last four items I added, and this is not an exhaustive list for us.

  • Prevention of anti-God government decisions
  • Closure of the wide-open Southern border
  • The large number of supporters, especially in colleges, of the horrific Oct. 7 attack on Israel
  • What our children are being exposed to in schools and libraries
  • The unabashed censorship and attacks on Christians and biblical ideals
  • End abortion entirely
  • Remove men from women’s sports
  • Stop the gender confusion and mutilation of our children and end transgenderism
  • Removal of obscene and pornographic books from our local library

Together, from Feb. 5-25, we will set our faces toward God in order to bring about breakthrough. Why three weeks? Due to stubborn national and global strongholds, an extended time of fasting is necessary. They say it takes 21 days to change your life, to change your story. It takes 21 days of repetitive confession to change an inner narrative. We’re hoping to change our country. Also, Daniel fasted for 3 weeks.

What Flashpoint and We Are Believing for, Nationally and Globally, in this Fast:

  • An awakening to God in the Body of Christ
  • An awakening to God in Israel
  • An awakening to God in America and the nations
  • Fair 2024 elections
  • Ministry breakthroughs
  • Personal breakthroughs
  • Preparing for all that is coming

Pray and seek God for what He might be asking you to lay aside during a fast. Take that time to allow the noise to be silenced so His voice can be heard more clearly. Allow God to pinpoint the things He’s asking you to surrender.

The battle is not ours; it belongs to God. But we’re in the Lord’s army and fasting and prayer are weapons He’s given us to use towards victory. Fasting isn’t a way to get a better response to prayer. True fasting is a means of fostering a humble, repentant approach to prayer.

“He can turn our crisis into conquest. Release the power of your praise before the victory is won.” Chaplain Barry Black

Other Resources

PS Sorry this was long, but I always like to post the text of the Scriptures I’m referencing.

I’m so interested to read your comments on this article. Please leave a comment here.

February 5, 2024
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Three Lessons Beyond the Story of His Only Son!

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Last week, Hubby Dave and I saw the latest movie from Angel Studios, His Only Son. I was thrilled that just like Jesus Revolution, this new Christian movie stayed in theaters long after its Pre-Easter release and the five day expected showing. That’s because many Christians poured into theaters to support His Only Son.

When I looked over at Dave during the movie to see if the sounds he was making meant he was falling asleep, I discovered to the contrary, he was crying. The story of Abraham, Sarah, and Isaac brought my tenderhearted husband to tears more than once.

If you haven’t seen the movie, I don’t want to give away too many details, but it’s the familiar story of God asking Abraham to sacrifice his long-awaited son, Isaac, born to elderly parents. The son that God had told Abraham would bring descendants outnumbering the stars in the sky. It’s a beautifully filmed movie with superb acting as it brings the Bible story of Genesis 22 to life. If you haven’t seen it and it’s still in your theaters, I encourage you to go, enjoy, and maybe cry at a father’s love for his son, but his even greater love for the Father in Heaven who Abraham trusted and obeyed, even when asked to perform a seemingly impossible sacrifice.

Interwoven into the story was a brief glimpse of Sarah’s servant Hagar when Abraham and Sarah attempted to go ahead of God. In today’s blog, I want to fill in some of the blanks with lessons from the story of Hagar and Ishmael, discussed in conversation during the movie if you listen closely, but not depicted.

We can learn from the consequences of Abraham and Sarah’s poor decision about using Hagar to circumvent God’s plan. Consequences still felt in the Middle East today.

Who Was Hagar?

When we first meet Hagar in the Bible, she’s an Egyptian maidservant to Sarai (later called Sarah), the wife of Abram (later called Abraham). Sarai was infertile and desperately wanted a child. God had told Abram that he would have an heir, a son, and yet as time passed the aging couple still didn’t have a baby (Gen. 15:2-5).

Mistakenly, Sarai thought the Lord had kept her from having a baby so she came up with her own plan to give Abram a family. (Gen. 16:2) In those days, a maidservant had no rights and was required to comply with whatever her owners told her to do. When her barren and desperate mistress Sarai decides to use Hagar as a surrogate to provide her husband Abram with a child, Hagar has no option but to obey. Abram agreed and slept with Hagar and she became pregnant.

The movie alludes to this, but tastefully never shows Abram and Hagar in any sexual scenes, not even an embrace. This seems like an odd practice to us today, but it was actually an ancient custom in biblical times to ensure the birth of a male heir.

What Happened Next to Hagar?

When Hagar learned she was carrying Abram’s child, she felt superior to Sarai and the Bible says she “began to despise her mistress” (Gen. 16:4). Maybe Hagar was upset that her mistress forced her husband on her, or she felt rejected that Abram didn’t treat her as a wife, and she took her frustration out on Sarai. Whatever the reason, she wrongly thought that her pregnancy empowered her to treat Sarai with contempt.

When the relationship between the two women deteriorated and became hostile, Sarai complained to her husband. Abram told her that this had been Sarai’s idea in the first place and Hagar was hers to do with what she wanted. He wasn’t going to get involved with their dispute. Sarai took that as permission to mistreat Hagar, so pregnant Hagar ran away into the desert. But what she didn’t expect was an encounter with God, which we don’t see in the movie.

7 The angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert; it was the spring that is beside the road to Shur. 8 And he said, “Hagar, slave of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?” “I’m running away from my mistress Sarai,” she answered. 9 Then the angel of the Lord told her, “Go back to your mistress and submit to her.” Gen. 16:7-9

The angel of the Lord also told her she would have a son and name him, “Ishmael, for the Lord has heard of your misery.” (Gen. 16:11)

So obediently, Hagar returned, gave birth to her son, and stayed on as Sarai’s maidservant. Sixteen years later, Sarai, renamed by God, Sarah, finally had her own miracle son as God had promised, but like any older brother, Ishmael started teasing his little toddler half-brother Isaac. Sarah was having none of this and demanded that her husband, now called Abraham, send Hagar and her son away . . . this time permanently. The movie eludes during a conversation that this took place, but we don’t see it happening. We hear about Ishmael, but never see him.

The child [Isaac] grew and was weaned, and on the day Isaac was weaned Abraham held a great feast. 9 But Sarah saw that the son whom Hagar the Egyptian had borne to Abraham was mocking, 10 and she said to Abraham, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son, for that woman’s son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac.” (Gen. 21:8-10)

Abraham, now the father of both sons, protested but to his surprise, God intervened and incredulously told him to let them go. Listen in the movie for when Abraham discusses why he let them both go.

11 The matter distressed Abraham greatly because it concerned his son. 12 But God said to him, “Do not be so distressed about the boy and your slave woman. Listen to whatever Sarah tells you, because it is through Isaac that your offspring[a] will be reckoned. 13 I will make the son of the slave into a nation also, because he is your offspring.” (Gen. 21:11-13)

Reluctantly, Abraham agreed and sent Hagar and Ishmael out into the desert with food and water.

14 Early the next morning Abraham took some food and a skin of water and gave them to Hagar. He set them on her shoulders and then sent her off with the boy. She went on her way and wandered in the Desert of Beersheba. (Gen. 21:14)

God has lessons for us to learn from every biblical story and He tells us the story of Hagar in the Bible so we can apply what she learned to our own lives. Here are three important life application lessons.

Lesson #1: God Never Rejects Us

Hagar must have lamented her painful mistreatment and abandonment. Why was all this happening to her? When her hurt and despair sent her fleeing into the desert the first time, she was surprised but also very relieved and blessed when God met her there. She realized that even in her lowly position in life, she was important to God and He hadn’t rejected or forgotten her.

It was hard to hear God wanted her to go back to Sarai and endure abuse, but then God gave her a name for her son, Ishmael. God said He would even multiply Ishmael’s descendants. Wow, that was quite a promise, which God did fulfill in later years.

Hagar agreed to God’s plan and called the Lord, “The God who sees me, for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” (Gen. 16:13)

God heard her cries of affliction. Amazingly, a slave girl was the first recorded appearance of God face to face in Scripture. Others had heard His voice or seen visions, but here was God in person.

Like Hagar, when it seems like others are rejecting you, God sees and hears you. Don’t let rejection define you; allow it to refine you. Hagar had the confidence and security in God to humbly return to Sarai and Abram and fulfill her role in biblical history.

Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me! (Ps. 66:20)

The Lord will not reject his people; he will not abandon his special possession. (Ps. 94:14 NLT)

Lesson #2 God is Near to the Brokenhearted

When Abraham sent Hagar and her son Ismael into the desert, it looked like they would surely die when the supplies Abraham had given them were exhausted. Now her precious son who God had given her and even named would starve to death. It was too much for her to bear. She couldn’t watch as he curled up in a fetal positon under a tree, but she couldn’t block out his starving moans and wails.

15 When the water in the skin was gone, she put the boy under one of the bushes. 16 Then she went off and sat down about a bowshot away, for she thought, “I cannot watch the boy die.” And as she sat there, she[b] began to sob. (Gen. 21:15-16)

But, what was she hearing now? Could it be a second encounter with God?! Yes, He had heard the cries of her son and asked her what was wrong? The Angel of the Lord spoke to this distressed mother yet again and reassured her not to be full of fear or sadness. Just as He had promised, God reaffirmed that her son’s legacy would be a great nation.  

17 God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, “What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there. 18 Lift the boy up and take him by the hand, for I will make him into a great nation.” (Gen. 21:17-18)

When we’re in deep despair, our tendency often is to shut out the world, and sometimes that includes shutting out God. But God is the one who understands our distress like no human can. Sometimes He will put people in our life and speak through them to comfort us, but what He longs for us to do is bend our ear towards Him and listen. Let His presence comfort you with the hope that He’s going through this with you and He always has a plan if we open our eyes to see our opportunities and listen to the wisdom He whispers in our prayer time.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Ps. 34:18)

Lesson #3 God’s Plan Is Always the Best One to Follow

When Hagar opened crying eyes, to her astonishment there was a well of water in the middle of the desert. Only God! She ran to fill her wineskin and gave her thirsty son a refreshing drink.

19 Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink. (Gen. 21:19)

Bravely, Hagar believed God and trusted that even as a single mom rejected and stranded in the middle of nowhere, if God said it was so, then she would trust Him and obey again. God was faithful to His promise.

20 God was with the boy as he grew up. He lived in the desert and became an archer. 21 While he was living in the Desert of Paran, his mother got a wife for him from Egypt. (Gen 21:20-21)

While we often focus on Abraham and Sarah, God has a powerful lesson in the story of Hagar. Through no fault of her own, she became entrenched in the couple’s contrived plan to fulfill God’s promise themselves instead of waiting for God’s perfect timing and plan. We can’t outsmart or outdo God. His plans always are for good and will prevail, but we’ll pay a price when our impetuous and prideful thinking is that we know best.

22 The Scriptures say that Abraham had two sons, one from his slave wife and one from his freeborn wife.[a] 23 The son of the slave wife was born in a human attempt to bring about the fulfillment of God’s promise. But the son of the freeborn wife was born as God’s own fulfillment of his promise. (Gal. 4:22-23)

Just as God promised, Ishmael became a great nation but to this day, his descendants continue to be in conflict with the nation founded by his half-brother Isaac.

Everyday Brave Hagar

I include Hagar in Everyday Brave: Living Courageously as a Woman of Faith because she didn’t let the hard life that she encountered defeat her. She had a personal experience with God and He protected and provided for her. She courageously understood that God was the One she could depend on and trust. He would make a way when circumstances seemed impossible.

Even when we don’t see God face-to-face like Hagar did, or maybe have trouble feeling His presence, our faith assures us of the truth that we’re never alone. God has promised to never leave or forsake us even when others disappoint or even abandon us. God is always just a prayer away.

God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Heb. 13:5b)

If you received this blog by email, please go to the website at this link and leave a comment. I always appreciate hearing from you and reply to each comment.

April 17, 2023
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If You’re Pro-life, You’re Pro-Woman!

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If You're Pro Life, You're Pro Woman

I woke up the morning of January 24 excited and eager to watch the 2020 March for Life on TV. For the first time in the forty-seven years of this annual march, a President, our President Trump, was going to speak in person! A bold and brave step in the current political climate.

I made my coffee and turned on the TV, but to my dismay, no reception. Looking out the window, I saw snow on our cable Dish, and even though we cover it with a trash bag, sometimes the weight of the snow or ice inhibits the DISH from operating properly.

Knowing how important this was to me, hubby put on his snow clothes and boots, grabbed the brush to clear the DISH, and plodded out through the snow in what was now rain. A true act of love!

The TV screen finally came alive, but now what channel would be broadcasting this momentous event? Surely, no mainstream media since they were too busy championing the impeachment trial.

Again, hubby to the rescue located the march on C-Span just as the program was starting. Then with an opening prayer, a welcome from pro-life Vice President Pence and his wife streamed in from Italy where they’re meeting with the Pope, President Trump strode onto the stage to address the tens of thousands of marchers ready to take up their Pro-Life signs and march for the right to life of the unborn.

[Tweet “One sign at the March for Life was especially poignant as it portrayed the birth of Jesus in a manger with the words “An Unplanned Pregnancy Saved Us All!””]

One sign was especially poignant as it portrayed the birth of Jesus in a manger with the words “An Unplanned Pregnancy Saved Us All!” We know that Mary and Joseph didn’t plan that pregnancy, but God did as He plans each and every pregnancy!

As President Trump greeted the crowd, he reiterated how proud he was to stand with the advocates for life to “protect the right of every child, born and unborn, to fulfill their God-given potential.”

A few of his remarks:

[Tweet “Every child is a precious and sacred gift from God. Together, we must protect, cherish, and defend the dignity and the sanctity of every human life.” President Trump at the March for Life”]

“All of us here today understand an eternal truth: Every child is a precious and sacred gift from God. Together, we must protect, cherish, and defend the dignity and the sanctity of every human life.”

“When we see the image of a baby in the womb, we glimpse the majesty of God’s creation.”

“As the Bible tells us, each person is wonderfully made.”

“Together, we are the voice for the voiceless.”

What If You’ve Had an Abortion or Know Someone Who Has?

[Tweet “If you’ve had an abortion, please know that God loves you and is ready to forgive if you only ask. ‘There is forgiveness of sins for all who repent. Luke 24:27 NLT”]

If you’ve had an abortion, please know that God loves you and is ready to forgive if you only ask. ‘There is forgiveness of sins for all who repent. Luke 24:27 NLT

I’m sure it hurts to hear and read about pro-life speeches and marches when you don’t know what to do with your pain and sorrow. I encourage you to share your story with a trustworthy person. Someone who will pray with you and keep your confidence. It’s healing to talk about your feelings and not let them fester in your heart where they can lead to bitterness and self-deprecating efforts to soothe remorse.

If you know someone who has had an abortion, offer to be a listening ear. Pray with and for her. Assist her in finding the help and support she needs to experience the peace and forgiveness her heart craves.

Life Empowers: Pro-Life is Pro-Woman

The March for Life chose the above theme this year because 2020 marks one hundred years since the 19th Amendment giving women the inalienable right to vote.

[Tweet “From the beginning of time, God empowered women with the incredible ability and responsibility of bringing new life into the world. Eve, whose name means “life-giving” was the first mother through which the entire world populated.”]

But from the beginning of time, God empowered women with the incredible ability and responsibility of bringing new life into the world. Eve, whose name means “Life-giving,” was the first mother from which the entire world would populate. Eve also means “Mother of All Who Have Life.”

[Tweet “Only a woman is empowered by God with the capability and privilege of carrying a human life in her womb.”]

Only a woman is empowered by God with the capability and privilege of carrying a human life in her womb. To feel her baby as it grows. The first kick. The first hiccup. The first rollover. That is our amazing joy as women to bring another person into the world. New creations, each one designed by God unique with its own DNA, fingerprint, and purpose.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. Psalm 139:13-14 NLT

God picks the time of each child’s conception! Sometimes His timing coincides with our desires, but like everything God does, it’s not always on our terms or times. That’s why He’s God and we’re not.

[Tweet “With the advent of ultrasounds, unborn babies may be voiceless, but they’re not invisible and their heartbeats are clearly heard.”]

With the advent of ultrasounds, unborn babies may be voiceless, but they’re not invisible and their heartbeats are clearly heard. It’s the Devil’s lie that these aren’t precious little human beings to be incubated and nourished in their mommy’s tummy until they burst forth with their first breath and cry. Both bodies intertwined from the moment of conception, bonding even before birth. That’s how God designed the mystery and majesty of creation.

Abortion is the ultimate exploitation of women.

[Tweet “Abortion is the ultimate exploitation of women.”]

The case for abortion is based on lies and manipulation. Abortion has become a cash cow funding industries and organizations like Planned Parenthood who lie to women and tell them their baby isn’t really human and that they won’t feel a thing. The truth is that they will feel their searing loss for the rest of their lives. Those women who sadly tout and brag about how liberating their abortions have been are trying to convince themselves that they didn’t really eliminate their own children.

What Can We Do?

If You're Pro Life, You're Pro Woman

As Christians, we need to remember that God doesn’t conform to man’s laws!

We can’t stand idly by and do nothing or think abortion isn’t our issue because it might not affect us personally or it’s “legal.” As I mentioned in last week’s blog post, apathy is the antithesis of the Christian life.

We need to let what breaks God’s heart, break our hearts.

I know you may have other good causes that you’re giving your time and energy too, but I ask: What could have been more important than saving the life and future of the 61,000,000 babies aborted? The purpose and plans God had for these baby boys and girls?

You don’t have to walk in a march or carry a sign to be an advocate for life.

As speakers pointed out in the Walk for Life, we have the right and obligation to vote for this Human Rights Issue. With our empowered vote, we choose government legislatures and presidents who don’t just talk about changing the status quo, but are willing to risk their political future and reputation to save the next generation of babies.

Who will go up against the liberal left?

Who will use the power we give him or her to not just maintain limits on abortion, but abolish it completely?

[Tweet “No woman or man should have the right to make a choice that ends in savagely taking a life and calling it legal.”]

No woman or man should have the right to make a choice that ends in savagely taking a life and calling it legal.

I challenge you that silence is compliance. Not taking a stand for right is inadvertently taking a stand for wrong.

[Tweet “Silence is compliance. Not taking a stand for right is inadvertently taking a stand for wrong.”]

I applaud each of you with a burden in your heart for the babies tortured, dismembered, and horrifically burned every second of every day because Satan spreads the lie that an unborn child does not have the inalienable right to life.

For everyone reading this blog, and I know there will be many unsubscribes, I pray that God speaks to your soul with what He wants you to do. Because there is no denying there will be a price to pay for this bloodstain on our nation as God asks: I saved you, why aren’t you saving the children?

Our Family’s Adoption Story

If You're Pro Life, You're Pro WomanIf You're Pro Life, You're Pro Woman

I have an amazing grandson because fifteen years ago a pregnant 15-year-old girl chose life for her second baby, while she was still raising her 18-month-old first baby and attending high school! She managed to keep her pregnancy a secret from her mom for seven months, when fifteen years ago abortion wasn’t an option at that late stage of pregnancy. Instead, she delivered a beautiful baby boy. My daughter and son-in-law, who suffered from infertility, blessed our family by adopting him and we became his forever family.

While I rejoice and praise God over that young girl’s choice to give her baby, my grandson, an opportunity to live, I cry over the millions of babies who never had the same opportunity.*

“We cannot know what our citizens yet unborn will achieve. The dreams they will imagine. The masterpieces they will create. The discoveries they will make. But we know this: every life brings love into this world, every child brings joy to a family. Every person is worth protecting. And above all, we know that every human soul is divine and every human life, born and unborn, is made in the holy image of Almighty God.” President Donald J. Trump

Yet you brought me safely from my mother’s womb
and led me to trust you at my mother’s breast.
10 I was thrust into your arms at my birth.
You have been my God from the moment I was born. Psalm 22:9-10 NLT

You can watch President Trump speaking at the 2020 March for Life and/or read the transcript at LifeSitenews.com.

Read two of our daughters’ infertility stories and about my grandson’s adoption in Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby?

In my book Mentoring for All Seasons, there’s a section on “Pregnancy—Planned and Unplanned” with tips and Scripture on how to mentor a pregnant woman, Teen Mom, and “Post-Abortion Recovery” section for mentoring a woman who has had an abortion.

In Everyday Brave, the chapter on “Brave Mothers” includes a testimony of Kathleen, a brave teen mom who chose to keep and raise her baby, who twenty-eight years later is a digital media arts teacher. In the chapter “Brave Believer,”
Penelope tells her brave story of being an RN Circulator in operating rooms and refusing to participate in abortion procedures even though it could jeopardize her career and she received much ridicule from her peers.

January 27, 2020
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In Today’s Culture, I Might Have Been Aborted

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In Today's Culture I Could've Been Aborted

“I wouldn’t have had you if I knew I would be passing on health issues to you!” My mom said to me.

As states are rapid-fire passing abortion laws that allow babies to be aborted for any “health” reason, even up through and after delivery, my mother’s words echo in my mind. I was just a young girl and I tried to frame her words in love. But I wondered then, as I do now, why wouldn’t she want me? Were her words coming from a point of regret or concern about my future? She’s gone now and I never asked.

[Tweet “Ultrasounds have made strides in helping to determine when a heart starts beating as new parent’s excitedly watch the development of their baby in mommy’s tummy.”]

Ultrasounds have made strides in helping to determine when a heart starts beating as new parents excitedly watch the development of their baby in mommy’s tummy. There are so many benefits of ultrasounds, especially in letting hesitant mommy’s know their baby is not just tissue or a fetus, but a kicking, smiling, yawning, sleeping, squirming baby boy or girl.

Ultrasounds and amniocentesis also detect early developmental issues. Often a baby’s life can be saved by intrauterine surgery or detecting that the mommy needs to be on bedrest.

[Tweet “Before ultrasounds detecting problems babies would have a chance at life. Today doctors encourage fearful parents to abort “and try again.””]

But these same tests can detect problems that can’t be treated until the baby is born, or maybe not treatable ever.

Before intrauterine technology, those babies would have a chance at life. Today doctors might encourage fearful parents to “abort and try again.” Even though we read story after story of the doctor and the tests being wrong and a beautiful baby boy or girl surprises everyone. A baby almost killed because he or she might not be perfect.

I would’ve been one of those imperfect babies.

Today’s technology could probably detect that I would have a spine with severe debilitating congenital scoliosis. Doctors might have told my first-time parents that without treatment I would be deformed and why not “get rid of me and try again for a better baby next time.” But my mom was pregnant before ultrasounds. Parents had to anxiously wait until their baby was born to even know if they were having a boy or a girl. So I lived.

But as I grew, my mother continually told me to stand up straight and had me standing for hours with my back against the wall hoping my spine would straighten on its own. But it only got worse until doctors told her if I didn’t have surgery to put a metal rod down my spine or be put in traction and wear a plaster cast from just under my ears to my hip bones until I finished growing, my left arm would eventually drag the ground. There was no way to correct the S-shaped curvature, only stop it from getting any worse and I would endure a lifetime of back pain.

She probably repeated in her mind, “I shouldn’t have had you.”

In Today's Culture, I Could've Been Aborted Because I had a deformed spine

At Christmas with my younger sister. The plaster cast you see around my neck went all the way down to my hip bones. I’m bracing myself with my left hand because I could barely sit up.

Or maybe she would’ve started experiencing many of her “health issues,” and when she became pregnant, she didn’t want to pass them on to me. I would be better off not being born. Aborted.

When I had breast cancer three times after she was gone, had she been alive, she might have said again, “I shouldn’t have had you.”

But praise God . . . she did have me.

In Today's Culture, I Could Have Been Aborted

[Tweet “God had a plan for me like He has for every one of His creations and none of us are perfect.”]

God had a plan for me like He has for every one of His creations and none of us are perfect.

Mothers often express in delight, “My baby is perfect as they count ten toes and fingers, four limbs, two eyes, two ears, one nose and a mouth, but no one really knows what awaits each of us. And that’s a good thing. If we knew a two-year old was going to get cancer, would we not want to have those two precious years with our child? What about if doctors could predict asthma or allergies? Would those be considered enough “health issues” to abort?

Now that they can detect Down’s Syndrome and cleft palates, should those darling children not have a chance at life? Savagely, doctor’s give parents that choice today.

[Tweet “Every life has a purpose, and while we’d like our life to be pure joy and happiness, we’re all going to have challenges.”]

Every life has a purpose, and while we’d like our life to be pure joy and happiness, we’re all going to have challenges. God’s plan is for all His children to be a part of human history for however long or short our time on earth or how imperfect our bodies or minds.

It’s not our call to play God.

[Tweet “It is not our call to play God.”]

Here’s some ways God has used my less than perfect body.

  1. I had a beautiful baby girl, who could’ve possibly had scoliosis, but she doesn’t. I tried so hard to have her while I struggled with infertility and not once did I ever think, “Maybe God doesn’t want me to have a baby.” I love being a mother.
  2. My daughter has three beautiful children. I love being a grandmother.
  3. I have a godly husband who is devoted to Jesus and to me. I love being a wife.
  4. I had the opportunity to start the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry over twenty years ago and only God knows the number of women throughout the world who have been, and continue to be, blessed by mentoring relationships. I love being About His Work.
  5. At the age of 50, I became an author! September 2019 will be the release of my twentieth Christian nonfiction book, all written to the glory of God. I love being an author.
  6. I’ve had the opportunity to speak and encourage women throughout the United States and Canada about how to live a life for Christ. I love speaking and mentoring.

It’s true I’ve had, and continue to have, many health issues, but I’m so glad my mother did choose to give me life.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

Psalm 139:13-14

In a recent post Don’t Just Cry About It, Do Something, I said one of the things we can do is put a face to the inhumanity of abortion by telling our stories. I’m sure all of you have a story to tell too of someone, maybe you, who might’ve been aborted today. Share with us your story in the comments and tell someone else today! You might just be saving an unborn life.

If you received this blog by email, leave a comment here.

*Opening picture is from the Christian Conservative

February 18, 2019
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Love Your Body: Revive Sexual Purity

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Love Your Body Like God Loves It

Love Your Body Like God Loves It

My goal for 2017 is staying aware of God’s presence and listening to His warnings. The word the Lord gave me: “Revival.” Today is Love Your Body Monday, and I want to talk about reviving sexual purity.

  1. Last Friday was the March for Life— the rights of the unborn. For the first time in history, a Vice President addressed the crowd and talked about “Life is winning again in America! Society can be judged by how we care for our most vulnerable—the aged, the infirm, the disabled, the unborn. Science is illuminating when life begins!”
  2. Six days prior was the “Women’s March”—the right to kill the unborn by abortion. Willie Robertson of Duck Dynasty described that march: “I was blown away by the vulgarity and the young children there!” I discussed that march in last week’s blog, which I encourage you to read if you haven’t: Some Women Are Still Like Eve: Believing the Serpent.

Two marches embodying two opposing concepts:

  • good vs evil
  • life vs death
  • peaceful vs angry
  • a body as God’s creation capable of creating and sustaining life, vs self-rights to use “my” body to create and kill life

In last week’s post, Eve and Adam ate from the forbidden fruit and sin entered the world. They immediately knew they were naked. (Genesis 3:2-3) Let’s continue:

7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

11 And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

12 The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

20 Adam[c] named his wife Eve,[d] because she would become the mother of all the living.

21 The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. 22 And the Lord God said, “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil.

Satan was watching and saw God say:

  • Eve would become the mother of mankind
  • Nakedness should be covered
  • Man would always know good from evil

Satan already knew he could easily deceive man. The stage was set for Satan to do his work as ruler of this world in each of the above areas:

  1. Destroy humankind by having them kill each other in wars, murders, riots, terrorists, and abortion–sanitizing it with a name like “Planned Parenthood.” Slow propagation through infertility, normalizing LGBT lifestyle, redefining marriage, and creating gender confusion.
  2. Exploit and pervert sex, promote promiscuity, adultery, pornography, provocative seductive clothing, immorality, and lust, using media, marketing, entertainment, and Hollywood as the vehicle to idolize, romanticize, and normalize sin to each generation.
  3. Start a political liberal progressive atheistic movement that demonizes purity, virginity, celibacy, monogamy, Christianity, and the sanctity of life—remove God and the Bible from the public squre.

Time has proven that what one generation does in moderation, the next generation does in excess because Satan goes after the children!

[Tweet “What one generation does in moderation, the next generation does in excess because Satan goes after our children!”]

Satan’s tactics have worked. Christians talking about abstinence or purity  . . . are laughed at . . . called prudes, dreamers, delusional, judgmental, preachers, and worse. Many give up even trying. Pastors don’t talk about the hazards of sex outside of marriage . . . the moral, sinful, and physical consequences on our bodies . . . God’s precious holy temples.

15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh. 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:15:20

[Tweet “Why aren’t pastors telling young people and congregations that when you have sex with another person you become one with them?”]

Why aren’t pastors telling young people and congregations that when you have sex with another person you become one with them? Hook ups, one-night stands, date sex,  living together, casual sex . . . every person you EVER had sex with . . . your souls united because that’s how God made us “the two become one flesh (Gen. 2:24) in sex.  God meant for it to be in marriage. Satan the great Deceiver would say, God didn’t really mean that. Yes he did.

Let’s Start a Pure Body Revival

One woman wrote to me: My mother gave me birth control pills at 13 so I wouldn’t get pregnant with all the low life boys I would have sex with in my passage into womanhood.

That broke my heart. We need a sexual revival in our country. Let’s start educating our young men and women. Parents, churches, mentors teachers taking the time to teach kids what really happens spiritually when you have sex, not just the physical mechanics, but share verses like those above and ones on purity and holiness, do Bible studies together, and talk about why God wants His people to only have sex in marriage. Explain that sex is not a natural or expected part of a relationship unless you’re married, regardless of how the movies or TV depict it, or what your friends are doing.

How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
    By living according to your word. Psalm 111:9

In Forsaken God? I wrote, “Young people need to hear how to use the Bible as a benchmark to distinguish truth from lies. They don’t need condoms and birth control pills and talks on safe sex; they need to know how to make choices based on eternity, not just avoiding maternity.”

Sexual revival applies to all ages and it won’t be popular, but we can pray for God to empower us and give us the opportunity to spread revival in our sphere of influence. Our culture ridicules men and women who vow celibacy until their wedding night. Rampant casual sex—hook ups, dating sex, friends with benefits, living together—reduces sex to lust, not love. The world, deceived by Satan asks, “What’s love got to do with sex?” Even many Christians choose to be a part of this world rather than set apart and pure for God who tells us “So set yourselves apart to be holy, for I am the Lord your God.” –Lev. 20:7 (NLT)

Single moms and single women this means you too. You must set the example and role model for these young women and girls and for your daughters and sons. I was a single mom and I’ve been on both sides of this discussion. Yes, I was a virgin when I married my daughter’s father. We didn’t have birth control pills when I was a teenager. My mother wasn’t a religious person, but she told me emphatically that sex was for marriage. Sex can make babies. White wedding dresses are for virgins, and no boy or man is worth forfeiting that one-time sacred privilege. I believed her, and I waited, and I’m glad I did. She set a moral compass for me and I stuck to it.

In Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, I share how my moral compass shifted in my divorced, single years and I did not set a good role model for my daughter. I’m here to tell you that Satan is a liar. God made our bodies to glorify and honor Him, and praise God He is the God of many chances. For those who feel it’s too late, they aren’t a virgin or are too sexually impure so what difference does it make, God is the God of renewal. We can come before Him and ask for forgiveness for our past, repent, rededicate our life and go and sin no more just like the woman caught in adultery and the woman at the well.

[Tweet “Satan makes the sinful life look exciting and enticing,”]

Satan makes the sinful life look exciting and enticing, but anyone who has come out of the dark into the light will tell you loving your body the way God loves your body is the only way to a joyful, peaceful life.

4 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. Titus 3:4-7

Many will think I’m idealistic and sexual revival is impossible. I’m not naïve enough to think women and men are going to stop having sex outside of marriage, but maybe some will. The theme of this year’s Walk for Life was the Power of One. They stressed the importance of reaching the next generation, which is my passion too.

Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” Luke 18:27

I want to share two books: both from the Robertson family of the Ducky Dynasty TV Series. The Robertson’s are vocal about their faith and belief in Jesus Christ and family.

Sadie Robertson was seventeen when she wrote Live Original: How the Duck Commander Teen Keeps It Real and Stays True to her Values and I included this quote in my book Forsaken God?: Remembering the Goodness of God Our Culture Has Forgotten

When you put your relationship with God first and you also have a great relationship with your family, you can risk having people get upset with you for standing up for your beliefs. You can risk being rejected because of your values, and you can even risk losing a boyfriend if the relationship is not going in a godly direction. You can risk looking or acting different from other people. You can do these things because you know you will be okay without them. You know God is with you and for you, and I hope you can also know your family is standing beside you, but even without your family’s support, you can know that God is there.

Jase Robertson wrote in Good Call: Reflections on Faith, Family, and Fowl about his decision as a teenager to remain sexually pure until marriage:

One day after hearing my buddies talking about sexually transmitted diseases and asking my dad about it. I don’t remember the specifics of his speech, but I would never forget the last thing he said. “Son you keep that thing in your pocket until you get married and you’ll never have to worry about it.” He told me. The timing of our conversation was perfect when it came to my staying sexually pure.

I eventually came up with a plan of action. On the first date, I would share my faith with the girl and declare my intention to wait until marriage before having sex. In a way this held me accountable, and it also got rid of any girls who had a quick roll in the hay in mind. I also decided to stay away from the “second look”—noticing a good-looking woman, then dwelling on her for a second, more lustful look. I tried to notice the beauty and feel the attraction to a woman but ultimately pursue their spiritual makeup. . . . God changes us from the inside out, and that helps us look at other people the same way.

Jase did stay sexually pure. He and his wife Missy were both virgins on their wedding night. With God all things are possible!

[Tweet “We need to build a new culture of purity, a new culture of life. A new normal.”]

We need to build a new culture of purity, a new culture of life. A new normal.

Let’s make purity popular again!

9 And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10 so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, 11 filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:9-11

share-odb-2017-01-30

An article I wrote for Crosswalk that might be helpful Have You Forgiven Each Other for Premarital Sex?

If you’ve had an abortion, I recommend Pat Layton’s book Surrendering the Secret.

For more thoughts on Revival of Titus 2 Women see this month’s About His Work Newsletter.

A Bible study I wrote for First Place 4 Health goes into depth about keeping our bodies, minds, souls, and spirits pure and holy: God’s Best For Your Life. Study on your own or as a group.

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January 30, 2017
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Remember Not Every Woman is “Happy” on Mother’s Day

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motherbouquet

My daughter Kim and I were just on the phone making Mother’s Day plans. As we chatted about what we would do to celebrate her being the mother of my three darling grandchildren, and me being Kim’s mom . . . my mind wandered back to a Mother’s Day twelve years ago that wasn’t so happy for Kim.

In Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? A Companion Guide for Couples on the Infertility Journey, Kim shares a painful and heartbreaking Mother’s Day:

Dear God,

It’s almost Mother’s Day and I don’t know if I can handle seeing all those happy moms at church and brunch. I’m trying to focus on my mom and not think about how I’m missing out on being a mommy on yet another Mother’s Day. This year is especially hard since we’ve been trying to be parents for so long and so hard, only to be repeatedly disappointed. At the store looking for a card for my mom, I see the cute cards at the end of the aisle “To Mommy”…oh God, I wish I were someone’s mommy! I look away and continue focusing at the task ahead, getting my mom and mothers-in-law their cards.

Today’s the day, it’s Mother’s Day. I don’t think I can bear it. It’s just begun and already I want this day over. I pull myself out of bed and get ready for church. I’m not looking forward to the sermon about children being a blessing and honoring mothers. God, help me focus on my mom.

We met my parents at church and I put on my happy face, when inside I was crying watching all the mothers with big smiles dressed in pretty spring dresses and children running all around. This was a day of celebration and I just wanted to go back to bed. The pastor started the message with asking all the mothers to stand up. Hundreds of women stood and everyone applauded. I couldn’t take it any longer and sat slouched over in my seat quietly crying. Toby put his arm around me and my mom held my hand, but nothing took away the pain. I barely heard the rest of the message.

After brunch, I came home, collapsed on my bed, and cried myself to sleep where I remained the rest of the day. God, please don’t make me go through another Mother’s Day with this hole in my heart. I want to stand up in church with all those other mothers beaming from ear to ear and have everyone applaud me. God, please let me stand up next year.

Some of you identify with Kim’s cry out to God.

“I hate Mother’s Day!” admitted a dear friend longing for a baby. “You know that women struggling with infertility don’t go to church on Mother’s Day.” Kris agrees, “I was that mom-in-waiting for sixteen years. I stayed away from baby showers, church, and pregnant friends. I didn’t stop praying, but it was the worse pain.”

Lisa concurs, “I am guilty of having skipped church on Mother’s Day a few years before we adopted my son.”

[Tweet “1 in 6 Women Experience Infertility”]

Someone You Know is Struggling with Infertility

Mother’s Day is especially hard for mommies-in-waiting, but for most of these women, every day is hard. With 1 in 6 couples experiencing infertility, you are, or know, a woman experiencing this heartache. Often we don’t know what to say to them, so we say nothing, or maybe unintentionally say something that makes them feel worse. Kris says, “We cannot ignore them [women longing for a child]. I know how hard it was for people to talk to me. But I would have loved it if they did.”

[Tweet “We cannot ignore them [women longing for a child]. I know how hard it was for people to talk to me. But I would have loved it if they did.””]

Avoidance only adds to these hurting women’s feelings of isolation and loneliness. When you don’t know what to say or do these suggestions might help: “Top Fifteen Things Not to Say or Do and to Say or Do to Someone Experiencing Infertility.”

[Tweet “It breaks my heart to hear that many women say the one place they feel the loneliest is in the church.”]

It breaks my heart to hear that many women say the one place they feel the loneliest is in the church. Doesn’t that break your heart too? Jesus said he came for the sick, and that includes heartsick. The church should be a safe place for the hurting, not a place where they feel shunned or like outcasts.

How does your church comfort mommies-in-waiting on Mother’s Day … and every day?

Mothers of Prodigals

[Tweet “Mothers of prodigals are another group of women who dread Mother’s Day. “]

Mothers of prodigals are another group of women who dread Mother’s Day. They may not know where their child is, or know all too well where he or she is, and that breaks a mother’s heart and the heart of God. These moms need comforting, a hug, and assurance that this day is for them too.

Mothers Who Have Lost a Child

A mother who has lost a child, lives with that grief every day, but Mother’s Day is a painful reminder of the precious child they lost. I can’t imagine that pain, but I watched the sadness in my Granny Reed’s eyes that was always there over the murder of my father, her beloved son, a week before his 37th birthday. She had six other living children who she loved dearly, but there was always pain for the one she lost.

Women Who Have Lost Their Mother

[Tweet “There’s a void and ache that never goes away when your mom is no longer living on Mother’s Day “]

Mother’s Day is about celebrating your mom, but there’s a void and ache that never goes away when your mom is no longer living, and Mother’s Day becomes a sad reminder of all the years you celebrated her on Mother’s Day. It can also be a joyous time of remembering, but still there’s no one to buy a card for, give a hug to, and a special gift for the years she devoted to raising you. Even after you become a mom yourself and your children are celebrating you, there’s a generational celebration as you are still somebody’s little girl, just all grown up.

I hope that you will not ignore but love on the mommies-in-waiting, the moms of prodigals, or the moms who have lost a child or their own mom, who may need a shoulder to cry on . . . a prayer . . . an understanding hug this Mother’s Day.

[Tweet “If you’ve been where they’re at, mentor them like only someone who has been in their shoes can. “]

If you’ve been where they’re at, mentor them like only someone who has been in their shoes can. If you haven’t been in their shoes, let them know you can’t possibly understand, but you’re there for them and God is too!

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”—1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)

Lindsey Bell shared another helpful blog post on my website 6 Thing Not to Say to Someone Who is Hurting (And What to Say Instead)

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Dear God, Why Can't I Have a Baby coverproddaughterbookcoverjpg1-661x1024

 

May 2, 2016
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6 Things NOT to Say When Someone is Hurting (And What to Say Instead)

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6 Things NOT to Say When Someone Is Hurting

My friend, fellow author and a The MOM Initiative mentor mom, Lindsey Bell, has a new book, Unbeaten, that I wanted to share with you this week. In today’s blog post, Lindsey shares about something I write about also in both Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer (The-Top-Thirteen-Things-to-Do-or-Say to Someone with Breast Cancer) and Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? (The Top Fifteen Things Not to Say or Do to Someone Experiencing Infertility). It’s hard to know what to say, or not say, to someone who is in deep emotional or physical pain and so often we say something that hurts rather than helps. We’ve all been there: had something hurtful said to us, or said the wrong thing to someone else.

6 Things NOT to Say When Someone is Hurting (And What to Say Instead)

By Lindsey Bell

One of the most important aspects of mentoring is ministering to someone who is going through a hard time.

[Tweet “One of the most important aspects of mentoring is ministering to someone who is going through a hard time.”]

Unfortunately, there is often confusion as to what is best to say when someone is hurting.

We want to encourage people, not make their pain worse, but we don’t always know what to say.

After each of my four consecutive miscarriages, and during the years of waiting, testing, and grieving, people tried to say things to me that would comfort my broken heart. They meant well, just as most people do when they attempt to comfort someone who is hurting.

Unfortunately, many of their well-intention words did more harm than good.

Here are a few things you should never say to someone who is hurting (and a few ideas of things you can say instead).

[Tweet “6 Things NOT to say to someone who is hurting (and what to say instead) “]

  1. You just need to trust God (or God’s timing or God’s plan, etc.).

While this might be true, it’s not a helpful thing to hear right after a loss or while the pain is still fresh.

Instead, say, “I’m so sorry.”

And that’s it. You don’t have to offer answers to someone going through a hard time.

[Tweet “You don’t have to offer answers to someone going through a hard time. “]

  1. There’s a reason for everything.

Really? Are you sure?

I guess this might be true. There probably is a reason for everything, but maybe that reason is simply that life stinks sometimes. Maybe that reason is that bad things happen.

Maybe there isn’t some theological, deep reason that God allowed this trial into their life. It’s possible, of course, there is a deeper reason. Maybe God is planning to use this situation in some really huge way.

But isn’t it also possible that this bad thing happened simply because it happened…not because it was a part of some huge plan?

Instead, say, “This stinks.”

  1. At least you have….

At least you have another child…. At least you had X number of years with him. At least you have …

I think the reason people say this is because they want the person who is hurting to focus on his or her blessings.

And though it’s certainly helpful to count your blessings, there’s also a time and place for grief. People need to grieve, and pointing out the positives in their situation does not help them grieve.

[Tweet “People need to grieve, and pointing out the positives in their situation does not help them grieve.”]

Having one child does not make the loss of another any easier to swallow. (It might serve as a distraction, but it doesn’t negate the loss of the other child).

A loss is a loss, so it’s better not to minimize that loss by bringing up the positives in the situation.

Instead say, “Can I pray for you right now?”

And then actually do it. Right then. Right there.

  1. Next time will be different (or God is going to fix this or something similar).

I can’t count the number of times people told me this. After our first miscarriage, they told me our next pregnancy would be different. It wasn’t. After our second miscarriage, they said it again. It wasn’t.

The truth is, we don’t know what the future holds, so it’s better not to pretend that we do.

[Tweet “We don’t know what the future holds, so it’s better not to pretend that we do.”]

Instead, say, “I’m going to the grocery store. What can I pick up for you?” Or, “I’m running by Sonic. What kind of drink would you like?”  

People mean well when they say, “Let me know if I can do anything.” But most likely, people won’t take them up on their offer. Instead of offering general assistance, offer to do something specific.

  1. I know how you feel.

No, no, you don’t. Even if you have gone through something very similar, it’s not exactly the same because you are not the same person.

[Tweet “No two pains are exactly the same.”]

No two pains are exactly the same.

Instead, say, “There are no words.”

Because really, there aren’t. There are no words that will instantly fix their situation.

  1. God won’t ever give us more than we can handle.

This statement bothers me for two reasons.

First, is makes it sound like God is the one handing out the painful situations. God allows death, but I don’t think he “gives” it to us.

Secondly, I’ve never seen this idea in Scripture anywhere. In fact, I’ve seen many examples of the opposite.

I’ve seen God allowing really hard things into peoples’ lives so they will learn to trust in Him.

Instead, say NOTHING. Just be there.

What other things would you add to this list?

If you received this post by email, leave a comment here.

This post is part of Lindsey’s blog tour to celebrate her new Bible study and devotional, Unbeaten: How Biblical Heroes Rose Above Their Pain (and you can too).

To celebrate her book, she’s giving away a HUGE bundle of books! Leave a comment on this post to be entered to win. You can get more entries by commenting on other blogs in the tour as well. Get a full list of participating blogs here: www.lindseymbell.com/unbeaten-is-here-win-this-huge-bundle-of-books.

Unbeaten Cover

About Unbeaten:

Why does life have to be so hard? If you’ve ever asked this question, you’re not alone. Difficult times often leave Christians searching the Bible for answers to some of life’s most difficult questions.

Questions like:

Does God hear me when I pray?

Why isn’t He doing anything?

Does He even care?

In Unbeaten: How Biblical Heroes Rose Above Their Pain (and you can too), Lindsey Bell walks with readers through the stories of men and women in the Bible who went through difficult situations. In this 10-week Bible study and devotional, she addresses many of these questions and helps readers learn how they too can be unbeaten.

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About Lindsey Bell:

Lindsey Bell is the author of the Bible study and devotional, Unbeaten, and of the parenting devotional, Searching for Sanity. She’s a stay-at-home mother of two silly boys, a minister’s wife, an avid reader, and a lover of all things chocolate. Lindsey writes weekly at www.lindseymbell.com about faith, family, and learning to love the life she’s been given.

April 18, 2016
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Seek Community During Infertility

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Yesterday was Easter, the hope that every Christian has of eternity because our Savior died on a cross and arose three days later. That’s the only true and meaningful purpose of Easter. Many families gather together to celebrate Easter and fun traditions for the kids are Easter baskets, Easter egg hunts, and the little ones all dressed up in their Easter outfits. And that is why Easter can be a heartache for a mommy-in-waiting who has dreamed of having a little one to do all those fun things with at Easter. Her life can seem hopeless, even in light of the hope of the Cross. A day that should fill her with joy, only reminds her more of her empty arms. It’s for that reason that some couples struggling with infertility avoid family gatherings at holidays. My daughter and step-daughter know about this personally as they shared in my book Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby?

Today’s guest post is written by Lisa Newton, author of 31 Days of Prayer During Infertility:

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“Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.”- Galatians 6:2

When you’re struggling with infertility, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to connect with other women who are also dealing with it.

[Tweet “When you’re struggling with infertility, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to connect with other women”]

Oh, it can feel like a big risk to befriend someone else in similar circumstances as you. You may start to worry about what you’ll do if her treatments work and yours don’t. Or how do you tell her when you get pregnant and she’s still not? You might think that dealing with your own pain and your own suffering is hard enough. Why would you want to open yourself up to someone else’s pain, too?

But Galatians 6:2 directs us to share each others burdens. It doesn’t make sense from our earthly perspective, but when we connect with others who are struggling our own burdens are eased in the process.

[Tweet “When we connect with others who are struggling our own burdens are eased in the process. “]

When I first received my infertility diagnosis, I kept it to myself. I didn’t share it with friends or family because I thought I needed privacy. I’m an introvert, so I often quote the verses that describe Jesus withdrawing to solitude in order to pray (Luke 5:16). But I came to realize God’s presence is near when we are in community (Matt. 18:20). His comfort, encouragement, and wisdom often comes to me through conversations I have with other infertility survivors.

[Tweet “If I want to be more Christlike, I must seek out community.”]

And the fact is that Jesus’ entire public ministry happened with eleven other men—his community! So if I want to be more Christlike, I must seek out community. Now I can’t image walking this journey without the prayers, love, and support I receive from my infertility community.

The fact that you’re reading this post means that you’re open to the idea of hearing about other’s experiences with infertility. Let me encourage you to take it a step further and reach out. You don’t have to start your own blog and publish every detail of your experience. Just take a small step and share a part of your story with someone.

I’d love to connect with you over at my blog. There’s also a wonderful online infertility community on Twitter. If you’d prefer an in-person connection, check out the RESOLVE website to see if there’s an infertility group in your local area. Or, if you know of someone who’s currently suffering from infertility or has suffered from it in the past, ask them if they’d be willing to go out for coffee and talk a bit.

Be brave. Bear someone’s burdens. Have your own burdens eased in the process.

[Tweet “Be brave. Bear someone’s burdens. Have your own burdens eased in the process.”]

Have you experienced your burdens being eased by community? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.  

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Lisa Newton blogs about her infertility journey and the faith that gets her though it at AmateurNester.com. She lives with her husband, Tom, their orange cat, Hemingway, on the Central Coast of California. She’s the author of the 31 Days of Prayer During Infertility eBook and was a 2014 nominee for RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association’s Hope Aware for Best Blog. You can follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.  

April 6, 2015
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Expecting the Unexpected at Christmas

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Our guest post is from author/speaker Julie Sanders. Julie and I are Mentor Moms on The MOM Initiative team, and today Julie talks about the unexpected happenings that each Christmas brings to all of us, starting with Mary, the mother of Jesus. In my Bible study Face-to-Face with Elizabeth and Mary, I talk about how Elizabeth, who was expectant with John the Baptist, mentored Mary through those first three months after her visit from the angel Gabriel telling her she would be the mother of Jesus.

I also know how difficult this season can be for women with an expectation of being mothers this Christmas season. In Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby?, my daughter Kim describes the worse Christmas of her life when all three of her siblings had children and she was still struggling with infertility. She had plans and expectations of being a mother that Christmas, but her arms were empty. Little did she know that the New Year would bring her two babies within nine months!

If you’re going to be around friends or family who are struggling with infertility and worried you might say the wrong thing or don’t know what to say, the blog post I wrote during National Infertility week will help you: “Hug an Infertile Couple This Week.”

If you’re the infertile couple, dreading the holidays, the post 10 Ways to Survive the Holidays When You’re Infertile is for you.

“Mary” by Julie Sanders

Every heart is Expectant 400-1

Her betrothal was still fresh when her expectations dissolved in the light of the angel’s arrival. To be old enough to be promised was to be mature enough to bear a child. Before Mary even had time to adjust to changes in her own body or warm up to the name “Joseph,” everything she anticipated fell away. There would be no joyous gathering of girlhood friends, envious of her new status. None of the other girls wanted to swell with a child before uniting with a husband.

[Tweet “When what we expect falls apart, it’s easy to feel paralyzed. “]

When what we expect falls apart, it’s easy to feel paralyzed. At the first sign of a change, Mary was troubled and frightened. She had questions. Before she had time to learn the physical ways of womanhood or enjoy intimacy with a man, her body would be taken over for purposes bigger than she could conceive.

“And the angel said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. ‘”(Luke 1:30)

No experience has the power to stir a woman’s hopes like that of becoming a mother. Whether she enters in through adoption, infertility, or traditional pregnancy, a mother learns to sacrifice her expectations for the gift of raising a child. Instead of being paralyzed by the sudden uncertainty motherhood brings, confidence can be found in knowing, “There will never be a time when our children are out of God’s sight or apart from His presence,” (from EXPECTANT, Calling the Shots). Every journey is unique, but every heart is expectant.

[Tweet “No one anticipates interruptions like job loss or a life lost. “]

Most of us have plans for this Christmas season. No one anticipates interruptions like job loss or a life lost. Such unexpected events never appear on our wish list. We rarely address the severity of suffering in our Advent readings. But in the erasing of our expectations and the dissolving of our decisions comes God’s opportunities to display His grand plan. He takes our hand, leading us to unwelcoming inns, simple stable accommodations, and to exile in Egypt. Our Father lets us glimpse the greater glory found when life encircles the Prince of Peace.

[Tweet “Motherhood has a way of causing our expectations to fall away”]

Motherhood has a way of causing our expectations to fall away. From the moment young Mary received her angelic message, nothing unfolded as she imagined, but she found the greater glory in God’s greater plan. “But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart.” (Luke 2:19)

Let’s agree that this Christmas will probably not be according to our plans–hold loosely to your expectations. Let’s look for God’s greater glory with hearts that are expectant.

Father God,

I want to treasure Your actions in my life. I want to glimpse the glory of being part of Your story. Help me to hold to my expectations loosely and to welcome your plans for me.

 Cropped Courtyard

 

Julie lives where tea is sweet and grits are cheesy. She and her husband of 25 years have two nearly grown kids. EXPECTANT: 40 Devotions for New and Expectant Moms was born when God brought a group of young couples into their lives, just as they began to long to grow their families. Julie loves to teach God’s word to women in her hometown and across the globe; she is passionate about fighting human trafficking and helping women of all tribes and tongues find God’s peace for life. Check out Julie’s blog home Come Have a Peace  (www.juliesanders.org) and Marriage Mondays to find reasons for peace and information about her ministry.

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EXPECTANT is available at Barnes & Noble and Amazon.

Follow Julie at:

Facebook: with One Minute4MOM

Twitter: @JulieSanders_

Pinterest

December 15, 2014
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When God’s Gift is “No”

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Our guest blogger today is a dear friend and fellow author and speaker from San Diego, California, Cindi McMenamin. Cindi and I met at Mt Hermon Writer’s Conference the year she got her first book contract with Harvest House and we’ve remained encouragers and supporters of each others careers ever since. She interviewed me for stories in several of her books, and the secondary infertility story she shares below is in my book Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby?

I know you are going to enjoy what she shares from her new book–

When God Sees Your Tears by Cindi McMenamin

When God Sees Your Tears by Cindi McMenamin

Do you know what it’s like to ask God for something and to keep receiving a “no”?

I do. And it hurts. But I’ve learned through the years that God’s “no” is often a gift greater than what I had originally asked for.

Whether I was trying to get a book published, trying to have a child, or trying to pry open a door of opportunity, every time I received a “no,” I later learned what God was really saying was “Wait, I have something far better for you than you thought to ask for.” Yet all I could see in front of me was a rejection letter. More waiting. Another closed door. Discouragement.

God’s Gift to Hannah was “No.”

Hannah, a woman we read about in the Old Testament, knew that discouragement, too. She longed to have a baby. Yet we find twice in the first few lines of her story that the reason for Hannah’s infertility was “because the Lord had closed her womb” (1 Samuel 1:5-6).

Ouch! Now, I would feel so much better if that sentence about Hannah read, “because she was unable to bear children.” But that verse specifically tells us that the Lord was the One withholding from Hannah the one thing she wanted most in life.

We’d like to think God is behind only the blessings we receive in life and, therefore, we have a hard time wrapping our minds around the possibility that God would allow—or even arrange—certain difficulties to come our way. Yet, that is one of the primary ways He—

  • awakens our need for Him,
  • grows our dependence on Him,
  • shapes our character,
  • and draws us closer to Him.

In Hannah’s case, she became so desperate to have a son that she poured out her heart to God in prayer, promising to give her son back to God if He would finally give her a child. It was then, after Hannah came to that place of complete surrender, that we read God’s gracious, yet timely, response: “And the Lord remembered her. So in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son…” (1 Samuel 1:19-20).

Sometimes “No” means Wait

[Tweet “Sometimes “No” means Wait”]

Hannah got her long-awaited son, but years later than she had anticipated. The apparent “no” from God was really “wait.” And the wait turned out to be the best blessing of all. Hannah didn’t have just any baby. She had a son named Samuel who became one of Israel’s greatest prophets and priests. He anointed Israel’s first two kings and helped turn the nation’s heart back toward God. Wow! Hannah simply asked God for a baby. But God wanted to give her—and a nation—so much more than she asked. So He waited and did it in His timing, not hers.

Scripture tells us that God can do “all things. No plan of (His) can be thwarted” (Job 42:2). Scripture also tells us that “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” (James 1:17 NIV). So if every gift is from God, and you’re praying for a “gift” and it’s not arriving, God is the One who is deciding to withhold that gift. And I have learned that some of God’s “gifts” are the very things He decides to withhold.

 [Tweet “some of God’s “gifts” are the very things He decides to withhold. “]

Sometimes “No” is a gift from God

God’s “gifts” sometimes take the form of difficulties, losses, frustrations, and outright pain. We don’t originally see them as gifts, but more like disappointments, aggravations, or even rejection. But they are gifts, nonetheless, that are given to us to grow us to a new level in our spiritual life or to prepare us for something better that God has in store for us; or perhaps to even help us see something extraordinary about God that we couldn’t see before.

I remember not wanting to accept one of the “gifts” God was giving me, primarily because I saw it as His withholding, not as His giving. I struggled with not being able to have a second child (what doctors now refer to as secondary infertility). It was a struggle because I remember “claiming” Psalm 84:11 as my promise that I would have another child: “No good thing will he withhold from those who walk uprightly (NASB).”

“Surely another baby is a good thing, God,” I prayed. “Certainly You will not withhold.” And yet, God did. Apparently, what God considered a “good thing” in my life was not birthing a second child, but birthing a writing and speaking ministry, instead. Although, at the time, I felt that God was withholding something from me, I can today see His withholding as a “gift” in terms of a different life direction that He had for me.

Through the years, I’ve seen repeatedly that God’s idea of a good thing—and ultimately what’s best for me in my faith walk with Him—may be completely different than mine. Although my opinion has often differed from God’s in His early stages of withholding something, I have learned not to question the wisdom and actions of an all-knowing, all-loving God who is much more capable of managing my life than I am.

I do not have a second child today because the Lord had closed my womb. But I could also say, “I am living the dream God has placed on my heart through my writing and speaking because the Lord had closed my womb.”

Because the Lord had . . .

I could give you a lengthy list of other “gifts” that I have received at God’s hand, but didn’t originally see as gifts because they all included the phrase because the Lord had…

           I didn’t marry Mike because the Lord had changed his heart.

           I lost a good friend, because the Lord had taken her away.

           I went through a season of loss, because the Lord had shut the door.

There are other ways of looking at those same “gifts” (or withholdings):

          I married Hugh because the Lord had changed Mike’s heart.

          I was spared further hurt, because the Lord had taken her away.

          I can minister to women today because the Lord had shut that door.

What because the Lord had phrases have affected your life and caused your tears to flow? Are you a woman who is where she is today . . .

                       because the Lord had closed that door?

                        because the Lord had changed his heart?

                        because the Lord let you get cancer?

                        because the Lord had not healed her?

Oh, my friend, God has His reasons for why He has allowed or prevented something from happening in your life. And it’s not because He wanted to punish you or make your life miserable. It’s not because He didn’t love you or didn’t care about you or didn’t hear your prayers. It’s very possible that He wants to bless you from another angle. And it’s very possible He wants you to realize that the one thing you need the most—your one missing piece—is Him.

 

Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker and award-winning writer who helps women find strength for the soul. She is the best-selling author of When Women Walk Alone(more than 120,000 copies sold) and a dozen other books including When a Woman Overcomes Life’s Hurts, and her newest release, When God Sees Your Tears, upon which this article is based. For more resources to strengthen your soul, marriage, and relationships with God and others, see her website: www.strengthforthesoul.com.

View More: http://chelseamariephoto.pass.us/cindi

August 4, 2014
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