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6 Ways to be ‘Slow to Anger’ in Today’s Crazy World

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My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19

Our nation seems to be teetering on the brink of its own destruction. The news is full of smash and grab theft, car jackings, senseless killings, criminals allowed back on the streets, illegal aliens bused and flown into our communities, government tyrannical mandates and lockdowns, an ongoing politicized pandemic, boys allowed in women’s sports, nonsensical defund the police campaigns, and now even an after-school “Satan club” in Illinois just to name a few of the atrocities and assaults on our peace. Daily we’re bombarded with contesting angry voices deluging the airways, media, public, and even private discourse.

You might feel your anger swelling up just reading the opening paragraph!

Undoubtedly, we’ve all experienced anger in our personal lives too! Someone says or does something we don’t appreciate. The car won’t start. Our child throws a ball through the neighbor’s window. A prodigal makes bad choices. Spouses get into a tiff. Our candidate loses.

Often, anger turns inward at ourselves. Maybe we didn’t get the job promotion. We failed the test, made a bad decision, or didn’t perform up to our own expectations . . . .

Anger bubbles up when we feel out of control. Occurrences like a pandemic that we can’t change make us anxious and mad.

Sometimes, we’re even angry with God. Perhaps for the loss of a loved one, a troubled marriage, a devastating health diagnosis, infertility, or God not answering our prayers the way we want.

Anger can range from annoyance and strong displeasure, to actual hostility that could lead to violence and bodily harm. Some people become so upset that it results in physical symptoms or panic attacks. Their face might turn red, neck vessels bulge, clenching of fits, pounding heart, sweating, muscle tension, blood pressure rises, ulcers, and even tremors or twitches.

Frequent uncontrolled anger can damage your health. Anxiety weighs down the heart. Proverbs 12:25

Many horrific acts occur and hateful words hurl in a moment of anger. You can’t retrieve actions or words. Uncontrolled raging anger makes us, and everyone around us, miserable. Repressed anger eats away at us physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Anger is a legitimate emotion felt in the moment that requires quick resolution, which is why James warns us to be “slow to anger.”

What Does Being ‘Slow to Anger’ Mean Biblically?

Anger can be a root and result of conflict; and left to fester, it opens the door for potential sin. Anger isn’t necessarily a sin, but how we handle it can lead to sin: “in your anger do not sin” (Eph. 4:26).

The world is watching Christians to see how we react to unfavorable situations. Do we have the peace that passes all understanding that helps us express our emotions in a Christ-like way or do we react the world’s ways.

Are we able to show restraint and respond with the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22) love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, or do we explode with a temper tantrum during adversity?

The Greek word for self-control is sophron meaning, “to be of a sound mind, sane, curbing one’s desires and impulses, temperate.” Our witness to our family, friends, community, and most importantly unbelievers that God is in control can be tarnished with one fit of rage.

The Context of James 1:19

James addresses his letter in 1:1-2 “To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations: Greetings. Consider it pure joy my brothers and sisters when you face trials of many kinds.”

Commentators believe he was writing to fellow Jewish Christians from the early Jerusalem church, who were scattered to other areas after the death of Stephen (Acts 8:1) and were encountering hardships as they relocated and sought safety.

James’ theme relates to practical ways to maintain and display faith as a Christian while experiencing trials, temptations, and persecution. He gives us tools and reasons for keeping the lid on anger that could so easily arise: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” (James 1:19-20)

Why Did God Give Us Anger?

Notice that James isn’t telling us never to be angry, but to be slow to anger. Anger shouldn’t be an instant go-to response.

James specifies that “human” anger isn’t a righteous retort for Christians. In the Greek, and in some translations, it says, “a man’s anger.” Human anger usually has a self-centered motivation of how something affects us personally. It’s often accompanied with hurtful, even vicious words and can resort to inflicting harm.

Conversely, we might be righteously angry that someone we love turns their back on a relationship with Jesus because we know they will be lost for eternity. Or they choose a sinful lifestyle that will only bring them pain. But our anger should spur us on to persistently pray for their salvation and change of heart not berate them.

Mark 3:5 shows Jesus’ anger and grief because the Pharisees did not believe he was the Messiah. He was concerned over their lack of faith and their example to others. “He looked around at them [the Pharisees] in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts . . .”

When Jesus cleared the temple of the moneychangers and animal sellers (Matt. 21:12-13; Mark 11:15-18; John 2:14-17), His anger stemmed from the lack of respect for God and His Holy temple. He also reprimanded sinful behavior from those who were taking advantage and gouging people who had come to Passover and needed an animal to sacrifice. And it was taking place on God’s holy ground!

He said to them, “The Scriptures declare, ‘My Temple will be called a house of prayer,’ but you have turned it into a den of thieves!” Matthew 21:13 (NLT)

Then his disciples remembered this prophecy from the Scriptures: “Passion for God’s house will consume me.” John 2:17 NLT

Jesus became angry for the right reasons but was never malicious, hurtful, or hateful.

We can and should have righteous anger over evil like abortion, child trafficking, and injustice, but just being angry serves no purpose other than a display of emotion. We can let our anger lead us to asking God what He wants us to do to stop evil. Then obey and do it.

Scriptures to Help Manage Anger

God knew that in our humanness, we would experience anger and so He gave us a number of ways to restrain from acting inappropriately. Here are just a few Scriptures addressing managing anger.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness. Proverbs 14:29 NLT

A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel. Proverbs 15:18

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared. Proverbs 22:24-25

Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins. Proverbs 29:22

Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool. Ecclesiastes 7:9 NLT

As surely as a north wind brings rain, so a gossiping tongue causes anger! Proverbs 25:23 NLT

And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. Ephesians 4:26-27 NLT

The Benefits of Being Slow to Anger

Unbridled anger unleashes an offensive attitude that often expresses itself in a barrage of vile words and/or aggressive behavior. While there may be a quick release of angry emotion, others may become victims of the residual fallout.

If we internalize and bury anger without dealing with the root cause, bitterness festers and our heart hardens.

Learning how to follow the smart advice of James to listen carefully before speaking and respond slowly while controlling our emotions could be the answer to many of our physical, social, and relational concerns.

6 Ways Christians Can Respond to Anger Today

1. Turn off Mainstream Media

Did you know the media outlets design the news to raise your blood pressure, anxiety level, and anger meter? The media wants you to engage angrily with the person or situation their reporting on—they want you mad. Occasionally, they’ll throw in a feel-good story, but usually it’s a series of “breaking news” that’s not substantiated or factual . . . just hearsay, opinions, or “maybes” . . . and you walk away worried . . . angry. Maybe even yelling at the screen!

The media purposely creates headlines to generate a negative response and the more salacious the title, the more people read the article. Even as Christians, we’re being conditioned right along with everyone else.

Dave and I like watching NEWSMAX and Flashpoint because they present current events from the perspective of how we as Christians should respond.

Keep current but not conflicted.

2. Refrain from Heated Discussions

We’re all guilty of saying to someone, “You make me so angry!” Maybe that person does typically irritate us, but it’s our choice whether or not we give into our anger.

If you find yourself raising your voice, change the subject. If you can’t debate without being disagreeable, don’t forge on trying to win the argument. It’s not worth it.

3. Don’t Engage on Social Media Over “Hot topics.

People feel free to express their anger on social media with words they probably would never use in person. I’ve experienced angry, vulgar, mean, vicious lashing out comments on my blogs, Facebook, and Twitter posts. It’s alarming that people live with such angry, bitter thoughts in their minds and hearts and use hurtful, X-rated words in their daily lives.

Ignore them. Engaging online with someone you may not even know isn’t a good use of time or energy. Avoid following people whose posts and comments tend to annoy you.

4. When Possible Take Positive Action

We may think that we can’t make a difference or change circumstances that upset us, but often we can. When you’re doing something about a situation and you feel a sense of hope and purpose . . . your anger subsides.

5. Recognize Your Angry Signs

Next time you’re starting to feel angry, notice your trigger body and mind reactions. Acknowledge that you’re getting angry. Stop, take a deep breath, and if possible step away from the source of anger. If you’re in the midst of a heated discussion, let the other person know you’re not walking away in a huff; you just need to take a break.

6. Release Your Anger to God

Pray and ask God what you should do regarding the source of anger. Defuse and release your anger to God. You’ll feel a sense of peace.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

Let’s Pray

Father, I know I grieve You when I respond harshly in anger. It seems I do this most often with those close to me where I feel comfortable letting my emotions show unchecked. I need Your help to make me aware of the trigger signs that my anger is rising to a level where I’m going to verbally attack someone instead of taking the time to consider what I’m about to say and how it will be received.

I want to be a good example of Christian love to my family and those in my sphere of influence. I know that angry words and a mean demeanor is not the Christian image that I want to portray. I can’t speak of the love of Jesus and later act unkindly towards someone.

Please help me develop patience and learn how to channel my emotions in directions that are pleasing to You. When presented with ways I can rectify injustice or evil so prevalent in our world today, give me the courage and boldness to take actions that are helpful but not hurtful.

Lord please remove any unrighteous thoughts from me and use me to Your glory. In Jesus name I pray, Amen

We live in a fallen world. This isn’t Paradise yet. So there will always be something or someone in the world that could be a source of our anger. But remember: Jesus didn’t display “man’s anger” but the righteous indignation of God! Let us go and do likewise.

Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime. Psalm 30:4-5

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January 17, 2022
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5 Ways to Survive the Storms of Marriage by Carol Kent

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I’m thrilled to have Carol Kent as a guest today on the Monday Morning Blog and the timing couldn’t be more perfect. If you’re married, you’ve been spending a great deal of time together, more than usual, during the Coronavirus stay-at-home season. There’s probably stress about finances, kids out of school, fear about catching this virus, restrictions imposed on us by local government, maybe loss of a job or trying to work from home and we just want our lives back.

Carol and her husband Gene, along with Cindy and David Lambert, have a new book out that every couple will appreciate not only during these difficult times, but in the inevitable storms we will face together in our marriages.

Carol is offering a free copy of Staying Power so be sure to leave a comment to enter the drawing. Now grab a cup of coffee or tea and enjoy Carol’s words of wisdom.

5 Ways to Survive the Storms of Marriage by Carol Kent

I had been happily married to Gene for more than 25 years when a middle of the night phone call turned my world upside-down. The news was unthinkable.  Our son, a graduate of the U.S. Naval Academy, had been arrested for the murder of his wife’s first husband. Amid multiple accusations of abuse involving the biological father of Jason’s three-year-old and six-year-old stepdaughters, our son unraveled—mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—and now he faced a trial for murder. Following seven postponements of the trial, he was convicted of the crime and sentenced to life without parole. 

This caused unspeakable pain (for us and for the victim’s family), emotional tension, financial stress, frayed nerves, public humiliation, and often triggered pressures in our marriage we hadn’t faced before.

Our situation might seem more drastic than what your marriage is going through, but there are times for most of us when due to no fault of our own, outside challenges hit our lives and decisions need to be made. In your case it might be a struggle with infertility, or the addiction of your child, a financial crisis, an accident that changes everything about your future, caring for the needs of an aging parent, a child with a disability, parenting a grandchild, the incarceration of a loved one—and so much more.

How can our marriages become stronger when we face the storms of marriage—those things that come out of the blue, without warning, that threaten to destroy our relationships? Here are five action steps you can take.

1. Decide to be “in this together.” Gene and I, along with our co-authors, David and Cindy Lambert, have discovered through God’s faithfulness during our own trials, that as distressing as many of the challenges our marriages face are, they’re also a rich opportunity to grow together in strength and in wisdom. We have an opportunity to make our marriages stronger and more resilient than before the crisis hit.

John 16:33 says, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

2. Make the next right choice. Author Clare DeGraaf helped me understand the importance of pre-decisions. I call them our “non-negotiables”—a series of pre-determined choices we made to each other. Some of those are:

  • I will request, honor, and respect the advice of my spouse.
  • I will serve my spouse sacrificially.
  • I will control my tongue. That means no matter how difficult our situation is, Gene and I are committed to treating each other with kindness.

Clare DeGraaf writes about the 10-Second Rule: “Just do the next thing you’re reasonably certain Jesus wants you to do. (And commit to it immediately—in the next ten seconds—before you change your mind!).”

We discovered that when we regularly spent time with the Lord, Scripture passages we were reading helped to confirm important decisions. We didn’t require another two weeks of uncertainty. We discussed the options, shared what we believed God was nudging us to do, and then made the next important choice.

3. Practice automatic forgiveness. Because Gene and I live in a challenging situation that will probably not end in our lifetime, we’ve had to learn that forgiveness usually isn’t a one-time thing. We’re still human. Tempers flare.

We communicate poorly when we’re exhausted. We’re learning to instantly recognize that this negativity and unforgiveness can escalate. So we STOP and remind ourselves that . . .

  • We want resolution.
  • We need the support of each other, or our marriage won’t survive.
  • Our love is deeper than this crisis. We’re committed to forgiving each other for negative behaviors and outbursts quickly and often.

Proverbs 17:9 NLT says: “Love prospers when a fault is forgiven.”

Our goal is to be unoffendable.

4. Say “yes” to guilt-free time-outs. As a Type-A first-born, I like to solve problems and move on to the next thing. But having an incarcerated son isn’t something that’s a task to be completed on a “to-do” list. I often found myself worn out—trying to keep all of the balls of speaking, writing, being a wife, and caring for my son’s needs in the air—and I hit a wall! 

All couples who face long-term challenges need to develop a daily habit that takes them away from the immediate stress of their ongoing situation for a short while. When our family members are in pain, we often feel uncomfortable experiencing pleasure.

Make a plan to rediscover your joy.

5. Serve while suffering. Find someone who needs help worse than you do. Then do a tangible act of kindness for that person together. Serving others shifts our focus off our own challenges and onto someone else. It makes us Jesus-focused and our own challenges become less overwhelming.

Serving others produces blessing.

“Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.” Luke 6:38 MSG

Never give up on defending your marriage and your family against the challenges life throws at you. You can build lasting staying power into your marriage with God’s help.

Drawing for a Free Copy of Staying Power

Which of the five suggested ways to make your marriage stronger in the middle of challenging circumstances is one you’d like to try? Leave a comment and a winner will be selected on Friday, May 8.

Adapted from Staying Power: Building a Stronger Marriage When Life Sends Its Worst, by Carol and Gene Kent and Cindy and David Lambert, Revell, 2020.

Get to Know Carol: 

Carol Kent is a bestselling author and international speaker. She’s the executive director of the Speak Up Conference, a ministry committed to helping Christians develop their speaking and writing skills. She and her husband, Gene, have founded the nonprofit organization, Speak Up for Hope, which benefits inmates and their families. Carol has trained Christian speakers for over twenty-five years and she has been a featured speaker at Women of Faith, Extraordinary Women, and Women of Joy arena events.  She is the author of over twenty-five books, including the bestselling When I Lay My Isaac Down and Becoming a Woman of Influence. Her two newest titles are a 365 page-per-day devotional titled, He Holds My Hand, and Staying Power, co-authored with her husband Gene, and Dave & Cindy Lambert. Connect with Carol on FB, Twitter, or Instagram.

May 4, 2020
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Do You Need a Pardon?

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Do you need a pardon?

Pardons were in the news last week as President Trump pardoned and commuted sentences of several prisoners. Speaking at a graduation ceremony for Hope for Prisoners, President Trump said that he “loves” finding those treated unfairly by the criminal justice system and offering them pardons.

The discussion of pardons started me thinking about how God has pardoned every Christian. Since Romans 3:23 reminds us that, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Christians are the recipients of unmerited grace and mercy.

In my Bible Study Face-to-Face with Euodia and Syntyche: From Conflict to Community, I describe it this way:

  • Justice is getting what you deserve.
  • Mercy is not getting everything you deserve.
  • Grace is getting what you don’t deserve.

Mercy is showing more love and kindness to a person than he or she expects or deserves. Undeserved pardon! Grace is undeserved forgiveness.

It’s so easy to look at the transgressions of others and say they deserved the punishment rendered, and often they do. But what about Christians who had their debt pardoned and paid for by Jesus who unjustly endured the brutal cross for us? He took the punishment that we deserved. That’s mercy! That’s grace!

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. 4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:1-5

All we had to do for a pardon was confess our sins to Jesus, ask for forgiveness, and repent! Our dark sins became white as snow. Erased! The Bible says that God has forgiven and forgotten and will never bring them up to us again.

“Come now, let us settle the matter,”
says the Lord.
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool. Isaiah 1:18

Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away. Acts 3:19 (NLT)

15 And the Holy Spirit also testifies that this is so. For he says,

16 “This is the new covenant I will make
with my people on that day,[a] says the Lord:
I will put my laws in their hearts,
and I will write them on their minds.”[b]

17 Then he says,

“I will never again remember
their sins and lawless deeds.” Hebrews 10:15-17 (NLT)

What a gift! How did we deserve such a pardon? We didn’t! Yet, how often do we take our pardon for granted. Almost like we did deserve it. How often do we remember the price and penalty that Jesus paid for our release from the punishment due us? I would suggest, not often enough.

We may not have been in a cold, dark, prison cell, but we were in a cold, dark spiritual hellhole. Satan had us shackled to him in sin and shame. Then Jesus entered into our life and set us free. But Satan never gives up. He’s always trying to lure us back. We can never forget the cost of our pardon.

“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:24

Sin Has Consequences

Just like with all pardoned prisoners, there will always be consequences of our sins that we will have to bear ourselves and assume the responsibility. God told the Israelites who refused to follow His lead, “You will bear the consequences of your sin . . .” (Numbers 14:34 HCSB)

As Christians, we must ask for Jesus’ help and strength to make restitution for our sinful behavior when possible. If we broke the civic law, or God’s law, we’ll pay the penalty. The scars will be with us, and possibly with others, for life. Often our actions negatively affected someone else. That’s on us. Jesus forgives us when we repent of our sins, but we may need to forgive others or seek their forgiveness and they might not grant it. The hurt is too deep. The debt too high.

But President Trump also told the crowd of 29 graduates from Hope for Prisoners, “the best part of your life is just beginning.” “Today we declare that you are made by God for a great and noble purpose. You are valued members of our American family and we are determined to help you succeed,” the president said.

And that’s what the Lord says to us too:

Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. Micah 7:18

My Second Pardon

Do you need a pardon?

In Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, I share my testimony of accepting Jesus into my life at eleven, but as an adult I backslid into a sinful life for seventeen years while raising my daughter. I was a prodigal raising a prodigal. I can’t change those years, but when I rededicated my life back to Christ, He gave me another pardon I did not deserve. Praise God, He is the God of endless pardons. I was a changed person—a new creation in Christ.

Like President Trump told the released prisoners, God did have a great and noble purpose for my life as He used me to start the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry and write and speak for Him.

But there were consequences to my wayward years. I had to ask my daughter for forgiveness, and while she didn’t understand what that meant at the time, she does now. I prayed and begged God daily to open her eyes to the life she could have with Christ. After six years of a mother’s prayers, she accepted Christ as her Savior.

No matter what you’ve done in your past, or are currently doing, Jesus waits eagerly to mercifully forgive you and restore your life for a great and noble purpose. All you need to do is ask Him for a pardon.

Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. Isaiah 55:7

________________________

God has put on my heart that my next writing project will focus on the loneliness epidemic in our culture. If you have a story of seasons of loneliness, or you’ve helped someone through their loneliness, I would love to hear your story. Please contact me or email at [email protected].

February 24, 2020
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How a Beauty Pageant Launched a Destiny by Catherine Zoller

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Today’s guest post is written by a dear friend who puts books of the Bible to rhyme for children. Her books are beautifully illustrated and loved by all children. Enjoy her post on Esther and her own personal testimony.

Catherine Zollers rhyming Bible stories for children

How a Beauty Pageant Launched a Destiny

by Catherine Zoller

People either love beauty pageants or hate them. But one of the oldest beauty pageants in history turned a participant into a queen.

Like many of you, I’m sure, I’ve come to love the small ten chapter book of Esther.  Not only because it’s a beautiful story of a young woman who dared to risk her life by trusting the living God, but also because it speaks so powerfully of identity and destiny.

Esther, or Hadassah, as she was known before being taken into King Ahasuerus’ harem, was a young Jewish orphan girl.  Think about those four words for a moment. Don’t let your eyes and thoughts glide over them without being struck by what they reveal. Young. Jewish. Orphan. Girl. It was a societal four strikes. In a caste system (and it was, of sorts) she would have been on the lowest rung.

Her cousin, Mordecai, had been taken captive from Jerusalem into exile in Babylon under the ruler ship of King Nebuchadnezzar (Esther 2:5-6).  Mordecai was raising young Hadassah. Somehow after the death of both of her parents, she found herself in her relative’s care. As the story unfolds, we are relieved to see how devoted he was to her well-being.

However, they were living as outsiders in a foreign land.  They were Jewish, and about to face severe persecution to the point of planned annihilation.  Hadassah was an orphan in a patriarchal society.  And she was a girl.

And yet God, as only He can, gave Hadassah a change of identity. Within a year of being one of the chosen women to potentially replace the rebellious Queen Vashti, Esther would find herself winning the favor of the king and being crowned the Queen of Persia and Media.  Without any intermediary steps in between, she went from a position of lowest to highest. It’s remarkable, really! And a lesson we can take to heart of the kind of transformation the Lord wants to do in each of us.

From Rebel to Writer

[Tweet “Thankfully, God is in the business of changing identities and leading us into our destiny”]

Thankfully, God is in the business of changing identities and leading us into our destiny.  But rarely does it come without His transformational power on grand display.

I was raised in what appeared to be an ideal situation. Within an intact marriage; with two brothers, and a financially successful father.  And yet, like every family since the one in Eden, we had our share of dysfunction.  At some point, I began to believe a lie. A lie that seemed to scream at me from the lips of almost every adult in my life. And the lie was this: It’s not okay to be me.

I wasn’t quiet and studious like my older brother.  Nor was I docile and winsome like my younger brother. Rather, I was the challenging, wildly curious, hyperactive, rule-questioning, exasperating middle child.  I was a horrible student from the moment I entered Kindergarten until I managed to graduate from high school.  “Trouble” was my constant companion and we got along just fine.

Because I felt marginalized both at home and in the classroom, a flicker of fury was quietly being fanned into an inferno of rage and rebellion.

The summer I turned fifteen, my parents severed their parental rights and had me placed in a state run home for juvenile delinquents. I felt the sting of rejection and the slap of abandonment in the deepest part of my being. I became even angrier and more rebellious. At one point, I was put on six months’ probation with a potential 8-year prison sentence hanging over my head like a guillotine waiting to be released. (You can read the full story here.)

My identity was clearly defined in my mind and everyone else’s, and all who knew me could see I was racing headlong down a path of destruction.

But God.

I don’t have time in this short blog to tell you how God scooped me up from the miry pit and set my feet on the narrow path.  But He did.  And in the process, He began to change my identity.  Not as swiftly as He did Esther’s, mind you, but every bit as effectively.

I married, had three children, and buried my oldest son three weeks before his 22nd birthday. I was active in our church, attended two Bible studies, and began to put the books of the Bible to rhyme. The Rhyme and Reason Series was born in 2009 and is now eight titles strong. I’ve been an inspirational speaker, sharing strength, hope, and the redemptive power of Jesus for longer than I can remember.

You Are a Destiny Imparter

[Tweet “Like Esther, like you and me, every child has a God-given destiny and identity.”]

Like Esther, like you and me, every child has a God-given destiny and identity.  Our job as parents, grandparents, mentors and human beings, is to help guide those God has placed within our families and spheres of influence. When we impart that knowledge to them in their early lives, and reinforce it all along the way, we empower them to seek and discover God’s purpose and plan for their lives.

[Tweet “Our job as parents, grandparents, mentors and human beings, is to help guide those God has placed within our families and spheres of influence.”]

Tools to Inspire

If you have a child in your life between the ages of two and twelve whose identity and destiny you are trying to help shape, consider reading the book of Esther to them in rhyme. And then take advantage of the free coloring pages, word games, and activity sheet that correspond to the book and help reinforce the story.

Use these tools as a natural springboard for conversations about how the child sees themselves. If what they say doesn’t line up with who you know them to be and who God declares they are, begin to gently shift their thinking with words of truth and encouragement.

I leave you with the words of my favorite rhyme mister, Dr. Seuss. “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better.  It’s not.”

If you feel so inclined, please share with me and others the practical ways God is using you to make things better for the people in your lives as you help steer them into their identity and destiny.

Leave a comment below to enter a drawing to receive an autographed copy of Esther.

If you received this blog by email, leave a comment here. 

With a delicious blend of engaging humor and biblical truth, writer, author and inspirational speaker Catherine Zoller more than lives up to her pledge to, “Make ‘em laugh, make ‘em cry, make ‘em think, and change their lives!”

Catherine’s life experiences, along with her wit and candid, invigorating style, resonates deeply with her audiences.

At the age of fifteen, she fell in love with the truth found in the Scriptures and experienced its life-changing power.  Since that time, Catherine’s singular passion is for divine influence to move hearts toward reverent obedience to God and His Word.

She firmly believes in getting the truth into children’s lives at a young age.  To that end, she has put several of the books of the Bible to rhyme.  “The Rhyme and Reason Series” began in 2009 and is currently seven titles strong.

Catherine and her husband Jay have been married a very long time and have three grown children, the oldest of whom is with the Lord.

March 12, 2018
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Why I Have Hope for Katy Perry

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My book Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter: Hope, Help & Encouragement for Hurting Parents, is about a prodigal, aka me, raising a prodigal. As I’ve read about Katy Perry’s recent public confessions of why she turned away from her childhood Christian faith, I saw a certain parallel to my life. No, I never became a multimillion dollar, outrageously popular pop star, but I did turn my back on my Christian faith after my divorce and became a very successful businesswoman living a worldly life while raising my prodigal.

Katy’s father is a pastor and her childhood home was faith-filled. In her public therapy session aired on Viceland, she went by her birth name Katheryn Hudson. Faithwire wrote an article from this session, Why Kathy Perry’s Rejection of Her Childhood Faith Should Concern Every Bible-Believing Christian. They quoted Hudson as saying, “I grew up with a lot of born-again Christian beliefs around me, and so I had people around me — like-minded people — and I would say it was a bit of a bubble,” Hudson explained. “I was a very curious person, and the curiosity — sometimes it wasn’t allowed because you had to have faith.”

The article goes on to say that Hudson explained she was “curious about what was going on in the rest of the world, and how they lived, and what they saw as they were living . . . I felt like I was missing out.” She decided to explore her singing career further to “pop [her] own bubble, to get out of [her] own situation.”

“I guess I was just trying to get out of one way of thinking. It was like ‘do as I say, no ifs, ands, or buts. It was based on my religious upbringing… I have so many questions. I ask all the questions in the world, and all the questions in the world have gotten me to where I am at now.” [To read the whole article]

There is so much in that last statement about finding answers in the world, which made her rich and famous, but spiritually bankrupt denouncing her faith and  singing songs with provocative, shocking lyrics and movements that many young girls listen to and imitate.

[Tweet “Why did Katy Perry turn to the world for answers to her questions?”]

Why did she turn to the world for answers? Because she couldn’t find answers to her questions in the church. She was raised around born-again Christians, but never actually says she was born-again.

In Forsaken God?: Remembering the Goodness of God Our Culture Has Forgotten, I challenge the church with that same thought: “If we don’t teach our children to follow Christ, the world will teach them not to. Not encumber them with rules easily broken, but guide them toward a relationship they wouldn’t forfeit or jeopardize for anything.” I ask the question: “How many are making sure their children and grandchildren understand, accept, and embrace the Christian lifestyle? How many know, for certain, their children have a personal relationship with Jesus?”

[Tweet “How many parents know, for certain, their children have a personal relationship with Jesus?””]

Again I warn in Forsaken God?: “The church failed to reach out to the next generation with a message relevant to the world they live in today, but the secular world was ready and waiting for them. . . .Today, even children from Bible-believing homes may not have the tools or fortitude to equip them to face a liberal world drifting away from the God of the Bible.”

I stress exactly what Katy Perry said she couldn’t get from the Christian “bubble.”

They need mentors and parents to have the tough, honest discussion about abortion, sexuality, sexual exploitation, marriage, same-sex attraction, transgenderism, radical Islam, cults, drugs, alcohol, suicide . . . whatever they’re facing in their world.

My “Katy Perry” Story

When I left my good-girl Christian lifestyle, even though I was a born-again Christian since age eleven, I felt just like Katy that I was missing something “out in the world.” Satan makes sin seem fun and enticing. And there were plenty of people ready to teach me the “world’s ways.” I was naïve enough not to understand how quickly I was being sucked into that lifestyle.

[Tweet ” Satan makes sin seem fun and enticing.”]

I wasn’t raised in a Christian home like Katy was, but I did have a very devout grandmother who planted the seeds of faith in me. My mother would drop me off at church, but I was on my own. I loved everything about church and did find mentors and “spiritual mothers” to answer my questions until I went away to college and there was no one guiding me not to marry an unbeliever or pray with me about my choices.

What Brought Me Back to the Lord?

After seventeen years of backsliding, I was invited to a Harvest Crusade where Pastor Greg Laurie asked the crowd if they were ready to die that night? The Lord had gradually been bringing me back to Him through attending Pastor Rick Warren’s Saddleback Church, and I knew the answer to Pastor Laurie’s question was, no. I rededicated my life to the Lord that night and God has been using me About His Work ever since.

[Tweet “Do you know where you’re going if you die tonight?”]

I think Katy Perry, Katherine Hudson’s, public “therapy” session is her cry for help. I know she feels God on her shoulder calling her back with every provocative move, word, and action she uses to try to separate from Him.

[Tweet “I think Kathy Perry’s public “therapy” session Katy Perry is her cry for help”]

What Can We Do?

Katy Perry’s mother, a minister’s wife, author, and a mentor to many Christian women, has some advice that she shared in an interview by J. Lee Grady, Charisma News, “How Katy Perry’s Mother Praises God Through the Pain.” Grady asks: How does a Christian mother handle it when she sees her daughter drifting so far from the values she taught her?

“The devil definitely tries to steal my joy,” Mary told me. “I sometimes have to fight depression.” A few years ago, Mary anchored her soul to Psalm 113:9, which says, “He gives the barren woman a dwelling, making her the joyful mother of children. Praise the Lord!”

“That verse inspired her to write her 2015 book, Joyful Parent, Happy Home. Mary believes if you want your children to live for God, “You have to get happy and stay in the ‘God zone.’ Mary’s close friends also support her unconditionally. And she asks new friends to agree with her in prayer for a miracle turnaround for her daughter . . . Mary believes parents of prodigals must focus on others rather than wallowing in their own pain. For the past 11 years she has poured her life into women who attend her Arise conferences.” The full interview is at CharismaNews.

[Tweet “Katy Perry’s mother encourages parents of prodigals to focus on others rather than wallowing in their own pain”]

Mary also mentioned something important that I share in Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter: show unconditional love to your prodigal, and as much as it is up to you, keep the lines of communication open.

Praise God, both my daughter and I enjoy a wonderful relationship with God and each other. I now have precious grandchildren to help pour into spiritually. I want to make sure I’m not just telling them what to believe, but helping them come to their own conclusions. To feel free to ask us questions and to help them solve their faith problems without giving them the answers we think they should arrive at. To help them develop problem-solving techniques and know where and how to go to the Bible when they question something happening in the world.

When they ask if I know that Katy Perry “used to be a Christian,” we talk about the fact that if she did give her heart to Jesus as a child, she still is a Christian, but she’s not living like one, so let’s pray for her.

The 6/26/17 issue of Time Magazine, quoted Katy’s apology for “criticized acts of cultural appropriation”: “I didn’t know that I did it wrong until I heard people saying I did it wrong. And sometimes that’s what it takes.” Let’s pray Katy hears from God that she’s been doing wrong and apologizes to Him. Someday, Katy could have an amazing testimony and God will use it for good. Pray it’s soon before she influences more young girls and women for the world.

[Tweet ” Someday, Katy could have an amazing testimony and God will use it for good.”]

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

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PS I just realized this is the end of June already and should be Love Your Body Monday, but this post was on my heart so I’ll post a Love Your Body blog for the 4th of July week!

June 26, 2017
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Are You The Woman Today You Want Your Daughter to Become?

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If you’ve followed me for awhile, you know I’ve been writing, editing, and proofing a new book, Mentoring for All Seasons: Sharing Life Experiences and God’s Faithfulness. Last week, I turned in my final proof edit to the publishers, Leafwood Publisher, as I anticipate it’s September 12, 2017 release. Then I learned the exciting news that this book is now on Amazon ready for preorders! You can order now, and as soon as it’s in stock at Amazon, you’ll receive your pre-release copies. The more preorders, the more they bring in stock. Will you help me get this book into the hands of mentors and mentees, those wanting to know how to be a mentor or mentee, and Women’s Ministry Directors to guide women in all seasons of their life.

This book will guide and equip women from tweens to twilight seasons in how to biblically mentor or be a mentee! I think it’s the first book of it’s kind written for both M&M’S! One endorser has already said every Women’s Ministry Director needs this book in her library. As the summer goes on, I’ll share more tidbits about this book for all women.  So drum roll please . . . I’m unveiling the cover!

The Mothering Season

[Tweet “When I speak to woman about mentoring, I tell them that their first mentoring responsibility is to their daughters if they have daughters or nieces. “]

When I speak to women about mentoring, I tell them that their first mentoring responsibility is to their daughters if they have daughters or nieces. They’re the role model for these young girls and they’re mentoring to them what it looks like to be a woman today: either a woman of the world or a woman of the Word. And then, I ask the question: Are you the woman today you want your daughters to become because they’re watching you, and as much as they don’t want to be like you, they will probably become just like you at sometime in their life.

In Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, I share how during my backsliding years, my daughter wanted to be just like me. I realized some of the poor choices she was making were a reflection of the poor choices she was watching me make.

That was a huge revelation to me that I needed to make some changes in my life. When I did rededicate my life to the Lord and start living a godly life, she didn’t want any part of it. She liked the way we were living more by the world’s standards than by God’s ways. And that’s the story I talk about in Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter. I went down on my knees and prayed Scripture for her daily for six years; all the time showing and role modeling for her the blessings of being a rededicated woman of faith.

[Tweet “I went down on my knees and prayed Scripture for my daughter daily role modeling a woman of faith.”]

I’m happy to say our story took a happy turn and Kim did eventually give her heart to Jesus, and she has done a much better job than I did raising her three children in a Christian household. She’s mentored them in character qualities that her two daughters and son are obviously noticing. For a school project, 3rd grader Sienna was to write why her mom should be in People Magazine. I must admit, I was troubled by this teacher’s choice of a magazine that 3rd graders had no business knowing about or writing an article for, so I was relieved when Sienna said she had no idea what People Magazine was, anyway!

[Tweet “Would your children see these character qualities in you?”]

But what did impress me were the character qualities Sienna wrote that she saw in her mom. My daughter is a fitness instructor with a fabulous figure, she’s gorgeous, dresses stylishly, and always looks beautiful. So when Sienna decided to write about why her mom should be on the cover of People Magazine, she easily could have talked about these superficial, outward qualities, but at eight-years old this is what she wrote, exactly how she wrote it, no edits from Grammie:

My mom should be on the cover of the People magazine. My mom’s name is Kim Mancini. My mom is medium height, has brown hair, and her eyes are brown. There are so many reasons why my mom should be on the cover of the People Magazine.

One of the amazing things about my mom is that she is trustworthy. My mom trusts me all the time. My mom does not lie. My mom is trustworthy with my whole family. Now you know why my mom is trustworthy.

My mom is the most honest person in the world. She is honest with me. She once said, “Do not be scared that’s not real.” My mom is honest with my grandparents. There is no doubt, my mom should be on the People Magazine because she is so honest.

My mom is so helpful. My mom helps me when I am hurt. My mom helps me with my homework. She helps me get ready for school. My mom should win an award for being the best mom ever. My mom is the best mom in the world.

By Sienna

“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

Sienna’s mom, is trustworthy, honest, and helpful. Later she wished she had included hardworking. Isn’t that what every mom wants all her children, not just her daughters, to say about her?! Good job Kim.

What would your kids write why you should be on the cover of People Magazine?

The Mancini family. Sienna is next to her brother

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June 5, 2017
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Messy Journey, Offering the Prodigal a Way Home by Lori Wildenberg

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I always teach that mentoring the next generation starts with our own family. But what do you do when your children or grandchildren are walking with the world instead of with God? As many of you know, parenting prodigals is dear to my heart and prompted me to share our family’s journey in Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter: Hope Help & Encouragement for Hurting Parents.

Today, my author friend, and licensed parent and family educator Lori Wildenberg offers practical grace- and truth-filled ways of navigating your relationship with a detoured child whether they are rejecting faith, dabbling in sin, or wholeheartedly embracing sinful behavior.

Lori knows the heartache of having a rebel child. Her new release Messy Journey: How Grace and Truth Offer the Prodigal a Way Home is for parents walking the difficult road with a wayward child. Be inspired to drink the deep waters of peace as you draw closer to the Father of all prodigals. There is hope. After all, their struggle isn’t really with you, it’s with God.

 [Tweet “A prodigal’s struggle isn’t with you, it’s with God.”]

MESSY LIFE by Lori Wildenberg

“When her parents discovered she was pregnant, they kicked her out.”

This single mom has defied the odds. She is raising her child, going to college, and working to support the two of them.

Not easy.

I don’t know the details of this woman’s story. I have no clue as to the relationship she had or has with her parents. I don’t know all the times of trouble that led up to this separation.

But…

I do know a number of families in a similar situation who chose to do life differently. They chose to support their unwed pregnant daughter and help her in her time of need. Three of the girls kept their babies. All three are now married (not to the baby daddy), another girl miscarried (now married with kids), and a fifth made an open adoption plan.

During the most difficult time in their life, each young mom knew her parents were there for her. Each woman in the middle of the mess knew she could count on her parents to help stabilize the shaky ground. All girls are now thriving.

As daughter’s of Eve and sons of Adam, we make decisions that are not in our best interest, ones that are not God’s best for us.

[Tweet “We make decisions that are not in our best interest, ones that are not God’s best for us.”]

Humans have a wandering propensity.

[Tweet “Humans have a wandering propensity”]

Some young people stray due to an unwed pregnancy, sexual sin, porn, substance abuse, or a rejection of faith. When we have a prodigal, sometimes we are to let ’em go (see Luke 15) and other times we are to chase after our lost sheep (see Luke 15).

Either way, we need to keep the bridge built so our prodigal is able to return.

[Tweet “Parents need to keep a bridge built so our prodigal is able to return”]

I have a child who, for a season, stepped away from the family. It was the most painful thing I have ever endured. There were times I chased her down like the shepherd and other times I waited like the dad.

[Tweet “My prodigal shutting out the family was the most painful thing I’ve ever endured.”]

I cried. I prayed.

I was a mess. I was weak.

God was strong.

Praise God, He brought her back to us.

I am thankful I kept the drawbridge down so she could cross it.

If your young person has taken a detour from the way in which he should go, keep the bridge open.

Don’t destroy it, build it.

During a messy life, lay down the planks of unconditional love: grace, humility, mercy, forgiveness, honesty, and truth.

Build the bridge and yes…they will come.

Back.

“Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.”
Luke 15:6b (NIV)

Where is God calling you to build or rebuild a relational bridge?

If you received this post by email, leave a comment here.

Lori Wildenberg is passionate about helping families build connections that last a life time. She is a licensed parent-family educator and co-founder of 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting. She has written 4 parenting books with Messy Journey: How Grace and Truth Offer the Prodigal a Way Home published by New Hope as her most recent. She is a parent consultant, national speaker, and lead Mentor Mom over at the Moms Together Facebook Community Page. Lori is a contributor to a number of on-line magazines. Every Monday you can find her blogging about faith and family. Mostly, Lori is wife to Tom and mom of four. The Wildenberg’s home is nestled in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. A perfect day in Lori’s world is a hike with her hubby, four kids plus a daughter-in-love, and Murphy the family labradoodle.

Find Messy Journey: How Grace and Truth Offer the Prodigal a Way Home at Amazon.

Additional Books:
Raising Little Kids with Big Love (for parents of toddlers- 9)
Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love (for parents of tweens-young adults)

www.loriwildenberg.blogspot.com

www.loriwildenberg.com

www.facebook.com/momstogether

www.facebook.com/1Corinthians13Parenting

www.1Corinthians13Parenting.com
https://twitter.com/LoriWildenberg

https://pinterest.com/loriwildenberg/

Instagram: LoriWildenberg

May 8, 2017
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Love Your Body: Revive Sexual Purity

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Love Your Body Like God Loves It

Love Your Body Like God Loves It

My goal for 2017 is staying aware of God’s presence and listening to His warnings. The word the Lord gave me: “Revival.” Today is Love Your Body Monday, and I want to talk about reviving sexual purity.

  1. Last Friday was the March for Life— the rights of the unborn. For the first time in history, a Vice President addressed the crowd and talked about “Life is winning again in America! Society can be judged by how we care for our most vulnerable—the aged, the infirm, the disabled, the unborn. Science is illuminating when life begins!”
  2. Six days prior was the “Women’s March”—the right to kill the unborn by abortion. Willie Robertson of Duck Dynasty described that march: “I was blown away by the vulgarity and the young children there!” I discussed that march in last week’s blog, which I encourage you to read if you haven’t: Some Women Are Still Like Eve: Believing the Serpent.

Two marches embodying two opposing concepts:

  • good vs evil
  • life vs death
  • peaceful vs angry
  • a body as God’s creation capable of creating and sustaining life, vs self-rights to use “my” body to create and kill life

In last week’s post, Eve and Adam ate from the forbidden fruit and sin entered the world. They immediately knew they were naked. (Genesis 3:2-3) Let’s continue:

7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

11 And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

12 The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

20 Adam[c] named his wife Eve,[d] because she would become the mother of all the living.

21 The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. 22 And the Lord God said, “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil.

Satan was watching and saw God say:

  • Eve would become the mother of mankind
  • Nakedness should be covered
  • Man would always know good from evil

Satan already knew he could easily deceive man. The stage was set for Satan to do his work as ruler of this world in each of the above areas:

  1. Destroy humankind by having them kill each other in wars, murders, riots, terrorists, and abortion–sanitizing it with a name like “Planned Parenthood.” Slow propagation through infertility, normalizing LGBT lifestyle, redefining marriage, and creating gender confusion.
  2. Exploit and pervert sex, promote promiscuity, adultery, pornography, provocative seductive clothing, immorality, and lust, using media, marketing, entertainment, and Hollywood as the vehicle to idolize, romanticize, and normalize sin to each generation.
  3. Start a political liberal progressive atheistic movement that demonizes purity, virginity, celibacy, monogamy, Christianity, and the sanctity of life—remove God and the Bible from the public squre.

Time has proven that what one generation does in moderation, the next generation does in excess because Satan goes after the children!

[Tweet “What one generation does in moderation, the next generation does in excess because Satan goes after our children!”]

Satan’s tactics have worked. Christians talking about abstinence or purity  . . . are laughed at . . . called prudes, dreamers, delusional, judgmental, preachers, and worse. Many give up even trying. Pastors don’t talk about the hazards of sex outside of marriage . . . the moral, sinful, and physical consequences on our bodies . . . God’s precious holy temples.

15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh. 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:15:20

[Tweet “Why aren’t pastors telling young people and congregations that when you have sex with another person you become one with them?”]

Why aren’t pastors telling young people and congregations that when you have sex with another person you become one with them? Hook ups, one-night stands, date sex,  living together, casual sex . . . every person you EVER had sex with . . . your souls united because that’s how God made us “the two become one flesh (Gen. 2:24) in sex.  God meant for it to be in marriage. Satan the great Deceiver would say, God didn’t really mean that. Yes he did.

Let’s Start a Pure Body Revival

One woman wrote to me: My mother gave me birth control pills at 13 so I wouldn’t get pregnant with all the low life boys I would have sex with in my passage into womanhood.

That broke my heart. We need a sexual revival in our country. Let’s start educating our young men and women. Parents, churches, mentors teachers taking the time to teach kids what really happens spiritually when you have sex, not just the physical mechanics, but share verses like those above and ones on purity and holiness, do Bible studies together, and talk about why God wants His people to only have sex in marriage. Explain that sex is not a natural or expected part of a relationship unless you’re married, regardless of how the movies or TV depict it, or what your friends are doing.

How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
    By living according to your word. Psalm 111:9

In Forsaken God? I wrote, “Young people need to hear how to use the Bible as a benchmark to distinguish truth from lies. They don’t need condoms and birth control pills and talks on safe sex; they need to know how to make choices based on eternity, not just avoiding maternity.”

Sexual revival applies to all ages and it won’t be popular, but we can pray for God to empower us and give us the opportunity to spread revival in our sphere of influence. Our culture ridicules men and women who vow celibacy until their wedding night. Rampant casual sex—hook ups, dating sex, friends with benefits, living together—reduces sex to lust, not love. The world, deceived by Satan asks, “What’s love got to do with sex?” Even many Christians choose to be a part of this world rather than set apart and pure for God who tells us “So set yourselves apart to be holy, for I am the Lord your God.” –Lev. 20:7 (NLT)

Single moms and single women this means you too. You must set the example and role model for these young women and girls and for your daughters and sons. I was a single mom and I’ve been on both sides of this discussion. Yes, I was a virgin when I married my daughter’s father. We didn’t have birth control pills when I was a teenager. My mother wasn’t a religious person, but she told me emphatically that sex was for marriage. Sex can make babies. White wedding dresses are for virgins, and no boy or man is worth forfeiting that one-time sacred privilege. I believed her, and I waited, and I’m glad I did. She set a moral compass for me and I stuck to it.

In Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, I share how my moral compass shifted in my divorced, single years and I did not set a good role model for my daughter. I’m here to tell you that Satan is a liar. God made our bodies to glorify and honor Him, and praise God He is the God of many chances. For those who feel it’s too late, they aren’t a virgin or are too sexually impure so what difference does it make, God is the God of renewal. We can come before Him and ask for forgiveness for our past, repent, rededicate our life and go and sin no more just like the woman caught in adultery and the woman at the well.

[Tweet “Satan makes the sinful life look exciting and enticing,”]

Satan makes the sinful life look exciting and enticing, but anyone who has come out of the dark into the light will tell you loving your body the way God loves your body is the only way to a joyful, peaceful life.

4 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. Titus 3:4-7

Many will think I’m idealistic and sexual revival is impossible. I’m not naïve enough to think women and men are going to stop having sex outside of marriage, but maybe some will. The theme of this year’s Walk for Life was the Power of One. They stressed the importance of reaching the next generation, which is my passion too.

Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” Luke 18:27

I want to share two books: both from the Robertson family of the Ducky Dynasty TV Series. The Robertson’s are vocal about their faith and belief in Jesus Christ and family.

Sadie Robertson was seventeen when she wrote Live Original: How the Duck Commander Teen Keeps It Real and Stays True to her Values and I included this quote in my book Forsaken God?: Remembering the Goodness of God Our Culture Has Forgotten

When you put your relationship with God first and you also have a great relationship with your family, you can risk having people get upset with you for standing up for your beliefs. You can risk being rejected because of your values, and you can even risk losing a boyfriend if the relationship is not going in a godly direction. You can risk looking or acting different from other people. You can do these things because you know you will be okay without them. You know God is with you and for you, and I hope you can also know your family is standing beside you, but even without your family’s support, you can know that God is there.

Jase Robertson wrote in Good Call: Reflections on Faith, Family, and Fowl about his decision as a teenager to remain sexually pure until marriage:

One day after hearing my buddies talking about sexually transmitted diseases and asking my dad about it. I don’t remember the specifics of his speech, but I would never forget the last thing he said. “Son you keep that thing in your pocket until you get married and you’ll never have to worry about it.” He told me. The timing of our conversation was perfect when it came to my staying sexually pure.

I eventually came up with a plan of action. On the first date, I would share my faith with the girl and declare my intention to wait until marriage before having sex. In a way this held me accountable, and it also got rid of any girls who had a quick roll in the hay in mind. I also decided to stay away from the “second look”—noticing a good-looking woman, then dwelling on her for a second, more lustful look. I tried to notice the beauty and feel the attraction to a woman but ultimately pursue their spiritual makeup. . . . God changes us from the inside out, and that helps us look at other people the same way.

Jase did stay sexually pure. He and his wife Missy were both virgins on their wedding night. With God all things are possible!

[Tweet “We need to build a new culture of purity, a new culture of life. A new normal.”]

We need to build a new culture of purity, a new culture of life. A new normal.

Let’s make purity popular again!

9 And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10 so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, 11 filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:9-11

share-odb-2017-01-30

An article I wrote for Crosswalk that might be helpful Have You Forgiven Each Other for Premarital Sex?

If you’ve had an abortion, I recommend Pat Layton’s book Surrendering the Secret.

For more thoughts on Revival of Titus 2 Women see this month’s About His Work Newsletter.

A Bible study I wrote for First Place 4 Health goes into depth about keeping our bodies, minds, souls, and spirits pure and holy: God’s Best For Your Life. Study on your own or as a group.

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January 30, 2017
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Remember Not Every Woman is “Happy” on Mother’s Day

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motherbouquet

My daughter Kim and I were just on the phone making Mother’s Day plans. As we chatted about what we would do to celebrate her being the mother of my three darling grandchildren, and me being Kim’s mom . . . my mind wandered back to a Mother’s Day twelve years ago that wasn’t so happy for Kim.

In Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? A Companion Guide for Couples on the Infertility Journey, Kim shares a painful and heartbreaking Mother’s Day:

Dear God,

It’s almost Mother’s Day and I don’t know if I can handle seeing all those happy moms at church and brunch. I’m trying to focus on my mom and not think about how I’m missing out on being a mommy on yet another Mother’s Day. This year is especially hard since we’ve been trying to be parents for so long and so hard, only to be repeatedly disappointed. At the store looking for a card for my mom, I see the cute cards at the end of the aisle “To Mommy”…oh God, I wish I were someone’s mommy! I look away and continue focusing at the task ahead, getting my mom and mothers-in-law their cards.

Today’s the day, it’s Mother’s Day. I don’t think I can bear it. It’s just begun and already I want this day over. I pull myself out of bed and get ready for church. I’m not looking forward to the sermon about children being a blessing and honoring mothers. God, help me focus on my mom.

We met my parents at church and I put on my happy face, when inside I was crying watching all the mothers with big smiles dressed in pretty spring dresses and children running all around. This was a day of celebration and I just wanted to go back to bed. The pastor started the message with asking all the mothers to stand up. Hundreds of women stood and everyone applauded. I couldn’t take it any longer and sat slouched over in my seat quietly crying. Toby put his arm around me and my mom held my hand, but nothing took away the pain. I barely heard the rest of the message.

After brunch, I came home, collapsed on my bed, and cried myself to sleep where I remained the rest of the day. God, please don’t make me go through another Mother’s Day with this hole in my heart. I want to stand up in church with all those other mothers beaming from ear to ear and have everyone applaud me. God, please let me stand up next year.

Some of you identify with Kim’s cry out to God.

“I hate Mother’s Day!” admitted a dear friend longing for a baby. “You know that women struggling with infertility don’t go to church on Mother’s Day.” Kris agrees, “I was that mom-in-waiting for sixteen years. I stayed away from baby showers, church, and pregnant friends. I didn’t stop praying, but it was the worse pain.”

Lisa concurs, “I am guilty of having skipped church on Mother’s Day a few years before we adopted my son.”

[Tweet “1 in 6 Women Experience Infertility”]

Someone You Know is Struggling with Infertility

Mother’s Day is especially hard for mommies-in-waiting, but for most of these women, every day is hard. With 1 in 6 couples experiencing infertility, you are, or know, a woman experiencing this heartache. Often we don’t know what to say to them, so we say nothing, or maybe unintentionally say something that makes them feel worse. Kris says, “We cannot ignore them [women longing for a child]. I know how hard it was for people to talk to me. But I would have loved it if they did.”

[Tweet “We cannot ignore them [women longing for a child]. I know how hard it was for people to talk to me. But I would have loved it if they did.””]

Avoidance only adds to these hurting women’s feelings of isolation and loneliness. When you don’t know what to say or do these suggestions might help: “Top Fifteen Things Not to Say or Do and to Say or Do to Someone Experiencing Infertility.”

[Tweet “It breaks my heart to hear that many women say the one place they feel the loneliest is in the church.”]

It breaks my heart to hear that many women say the one place they feel the loneliest is in the church. Doesn’t that break your heart too? Jesus said he came for the sick, and that includes heartsick. The church should be a safe place for the hurting, not a place where they feel shunned or like outcasts.

How does your church comfort mommies-in-waiting on Mother’s Day … and every day?

Mothers of Prodigals

[Tweet “Mothers of prodigals are another group of women who dread Mother’s Day. “]

Mothers of prodigals are another group of women who dread Mother’s Day. They may not know where their child is, or know all too well where he or she is, and that breaks a mother’s heart and the heart of God. These moms need comforting, a hug, and assurance that this day is for them too.

Mothers Who Have Lost a Child

A mother who has lost a child, lives with that grief every day, but Mother’s Day is a painful reminder of the precious child they lost. I can’t imagine that pain, but I watched the sadness in my Granny Reed’s eyes that was always there over the murder of my father, her beloved son, a week before his 37th birthday. She had six other living children who she loved dearly, but there was always pain for the one she lost.

Women Who Have Lost Their Mother

[Tweet “There’s a void and ache that never goes away when your mom is no longer living on Mother’s Day “]

Mother’s Day is about celebrating your mom, but there’s a void and ache that never goes away when your mom is no longer living, and Mother’s Day becomes a sad reminder of all the years you celebrated her on Mother’s Day. It can also be a joyous time of remembering, but still there’s no one to buy a card for, give a hug to, and a special gift for the years she devoted to raising you. Even after you become a mom yourself and your children are celebrating you, there’s a generational celebration as you are still somebody’s little girl, just all grown up.

I hope that you will not ignore but love on the mommies-in-waiting, the moms of prodigals, or the moms who have lost a child or their own mom, who may need a shoulder to cry on . . . a prayer . . . an understanding hug this Mother’s Day.

[Tweet “If you’ve been where they’re at, mentor them like only someone who has been in their shoes can. “]

If you’ve been where they’re at, mentor them like only someone who has been in their shoes can. If you haven’t been in their shoes, let them know you can’t possibly understand, but you’re there for them and God is too!

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”—1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)

Lindsey Bell shared another helpful blog post on my website 6 Thing Not to Say to Someone Who is Hurting (And What to Say Instead)

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May 2, 2016
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Left for College a Christian, Returned an Atheist

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First RC College Pre Group of High Schoolers

First RC College Prep Group of High Schoolers

  In my book Forsaken God?: Remembering the Goodness of God Our Culture Has Forgotten, I have a section on Generation to Generation where I discuss the tragedy of losing the next generation for God, especially college age kids, and what we can do to keep them sold out for Jesus. I also share in Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter how I ignored the warning signs when my daughter was taught about Darwinism and evolution in High School.

With the influx of liberal professors on college campuses, it’s vital that parents know about the mentioning ministry Ratio Christi.

Ratio Christi has 150 chapters on college campuses teaching Christian apologetics – the history, philosophy and science which supports the Bible and the life, death & resurrection of Christ. This strengthens the students’ faith, helps to stem the tide of “youth flight” from church due to the secularization of our colleges, and makes our young people stronger witnesses. We have also now started doing high school apologetics and have a goal of being on all college campuses.

 Sadly, this doesn’t just happen in high school and on college campuses. My granddaughter was only in third grade when she was disciplined by a teacher for defending her Christian faith to two girls who were bullying her at school. My granddaughter was the one  called out, not the other two girls.

Her teacher told her not to talk about Jesus again at school, and I told my granddaughter that teacher was out of line and together we looked at the Scriptures:

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes.” Romans 1:16

“So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. Rather, join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God.” 2 Timothy 1:8

“Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” 1 Peter 3:15

In my new book releasing September 12, Mentoring for All Seasons: Sharing Life Experiences and God’s Faithfulness I stress the importance of tweens and college age children and young adults having a mentor so they are ready to defend their faith and not succumb to teachers or other kids’ pressure when their faith is under attack. Statistics are alarming of the number of kids who went to church faithfully while home, but stopped going to church once they went to college.

Sheryl Young is one of the national leaders of Ration Christi and she shares with you what parents can do to help their children stay strong in their faith.

What a Difference a College Class Makes in a Christian Kid’s Life

By Sheryl Young

“So how was your first semester of college?”

“Mom, dad, I’m an atheist now.”

This dreaded conversation took place in the home of a friend of mine, but it’s happening throughout the United States today. It’s no wonder, with kids from Christian homes hearing the following statements almost as soon as they reach the college campus:

“There is no good reason to believe in Christ.”

“There is no logic or reason to Christianity.”

“You will not mention God in my classroom.”

[Tweet “The atheist movement in academia is trying at every turn to move students away from a firm faith in Christ.”]

It should be no secret to any Christian family today that colleges and universities have become a bastion of secularism and atheism. The atheist movement in academia is trying at every turn to move students away from a firm faith in Christ.

God’s Not Dead may be a movie with fictional characters such as a bitter atheist professor and few students with the courage to stand against him, but it is based on real-life events.

Make no mistake. Christian parents and grandparents are doing their children a great disservice by telling them that Christianity is just “because the Bible says so” or “because the pastor says so” or “because I say so.” It’s like sending them straight from grade school to college. It simply doesn’t hold any water in today’s culture.

1 Peter 3:15 says: “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” (NIV). We don’t show respect for nonbelievers, or ourselves, when we haven’t researched the reasons for our faith. Having “blind faith” may be good inside churched walls, but it won’t be understood by outsiders: it’s foolishness to them (1 Corinthians 2:14).

[Tweet “Having “blind faith” may be good inside church, but to outsiders it is foolishness (1 Corinthians 2:14). Know why you believe.”]

Josh McDowell, a foremost expert comparing Christian with secular youth, says in The Last Christian Generation: “The majority of our churched young people do not believe Christ is the Son of God, do not believe the Holy Spirit is a real entity, and think ‘doing good’ earns them a place in Heaven.”

What do we expect when they get one hour of Sunday school or youth group, and eight hours in school where they’re taught “there’s no absolute truth” and the Bible isn’t acceptable?

Are We Exaggerating the “youth exodus” from Church?

No. Statistics in various studies show that 50 to 70 percent of American youth drop out of church and leave their Christian beliefs between the ages of 18 and 22. For example, in David Kinnaman’s 2011 book You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church . . . and Rethinking Faith, he cites research showing nearly three out of every five young Christians disconnect from their churches after the age of 15. That’s nearly 70 percent.

[Tweet “The number of atheist professors on college campuses is a direct connection to students losing faith”]

The increasing number of atheist professors on college campuses is a direct connection to students losing faith. A study at George Mason University revealed that the percentage of professing atheists and agnostics among college professors is 26 percent higher than the general U.S. population. In addition, 51 percent of professors describe the Bible as “an ancient book of fables, legends, history and moral precepts,” while only 6 percent of college professors say the Bible is “the actual word of God.”

[Tweet “The percentage of atheist/agnostic professors is 26% higher than the general atheist/agnostic U.S. population.”]

We’ve all heard the stories of Christmas song censorship, valedictorians forbidden to mention God, and football teams not allowed to have student-led prayer. Many school districts do not understand – or choose to ignore – the freedom of religion guaranteed by the First Amendment on school property, especially when it comes to Christianity. Christian students and faculty are having their rights and viewpoints trampled.

[Tweet “Christian students and faculty are having their rights and viewpoints trampled.”]

“Political correctness” isn’t limited to public education. Many private schools, even some in Christian denominations, now support the “valuing diversity” theme that makes allowances for those who do not hold to biblical principles.

Let’s hear it from the young people – how do they feel?

[Tweet “Ratio Christi is a nonprofit international campus ministry which exists to encourage and strengthen the faith of Christian students”]

I [Sheryl Young] work with a ministry called Ratio Christi, and I thank Janet Thompson for letting me write here about this issue. Ratio Christi (“Reason of Christ” in Latin) is a nonprofit international campus ministry with over 150 chapters, which exist to encourage and strengthen the faith of Christian students through the use of intellectual investigation called “Christian apologetics” – learning the historical, scientific and philosophical evidence that gives logic, reason and credibility to our Christian faith when presenting it to others.

Curtis Hrischuk, the chapter director for Ratio Christi at North Carolina State University, says: “Most of the students we get are confused when they arrive at college. They’re realizing that they don’t have a strong basis for their faith, and they’re looking for help.”

Ratio Christi’s chapter leaders often hear from their Christian students that even throughout high school they didn’t receive a strong basis of theology to prepare them to face the secular pressure once they got to college. Many felt their church youth groups were all fun and games to keep them occupied, or automatically supposed that kids who came to church were already grounded in the faith and didn’t need much help. Some felt they could speak about deep Christian issues with their parents, and others didn’t.

Grant, a student from the University of Alabama says, “My youth group studied the Bible but (the teachers) pre-supposed that we accepted it as truth.”

Or Bentley from the University of Mississippi: “I was missing the historical, foundation principles and background of Christianity.  I felt it was extremely important to understand who God is, why I believe what I believe, and understand how to defend my faith against those who might try to disrupt it.”

Going back to McDowell’s The Last Christian Generation, he writes of his surveys:

  • Only 33 percent of churched youth said church would be part of their lives when they leave home.
  • 63 percent of them don’t believe Jesus is the only true way to God.
  • Only 6 percent of publicly schooled children now come away with a true belief in the Bible.

It cannot continue to be a church mantra, or a mantra in Christian homes, that our blind faith is enough. Not if we want our kids to keep their faith intact and be persuasive witnesses for Christianity later in life.

[Tweet “It can’t be a church mantra, or a mantra in Christian homes, that blind faith is enough. Not if we want our kids to keep their faith intact.”]

 Ratio Christi Can Help

RC Large Logo.jpg Ratio Christi (RC) students learn to present factual and philosophical evidence for God in classrooms led by atheist professors or to other groups of nonbelievers – and they often end up getting that opportunity. RC students and leaders invite atheists, agnostics, skeptics, and adherents to any religion to attend sessions and investigate the claims of Christianity in friendly discussions.

The nonprofit ministry’s president, Corey Miller, says, “Students who identify themselves as Christians at the beginning of college, with the rest of their lives and careers ahead of them, are under fierce attack and are leaving the Christian faith in alarming numbers.”

A Ratio Christi club member from the University of Virginia, Caitlin says, “If it weren’t for Ratio Christi, I’m not sure I would still be a Christian.” CaitlinBentley adds, “Ratio Christi has taught me how to converse with others about Christianity. It has helped me become more comfortable about being an evangelist of Christ to others.”

Here’s a student named Blake from a Ratio Christi high school-aged group preparing for college:

“Apologetics has given me compelling evidence for the existence of God, the reliability of the Bible, and so much more! I strongly believe that if it wasn’t for apologetics, I would not be as effective a witness for Christ.”

Home school groups, school teachers, clergy, church members, parents, grandparents, and concerned citizens are welcome to get involved with RC at all levels, from prayer to becoming RC mentors. Individuals and churches can “adopt a college” to help start a RC chapter if there  isn’t one at their nearest college. Parents might want to learn apologetics along with their kids so that there are no blank stares across the dinner table if a teen comes home excited about what they are discovering.

[Tweet “Parents might want to learn apologetics along with their kids”]

Learn more about how you can get involved with Ratio Christi, or find a college chapter. If a student can’t find an existing chapter at a college of their choice, or wants to find out how to get involved at the high school level, Contact Us. Young people are our future. Helping them know their Lord is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.

Sheryl Young is the Media Outreach Coordinator for Ratio Christi, and interviews many chapter students and leaders for RC’s national newsletter.

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January 11, 2016
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