7 Tested Tips for Moms of Teens by Letitia Suk

Letitia Suk is a guest on the Monday Morning Blog today with some great advice for moms of teens and tweens from her book Need-to-Know Tips for Moms of Tweens and Teens. This is a delightful and practical guide for grandparents too. As I was reading, I thought about my thirteen-year old granddaughter who was coming with her friend to stay with us for a week. Our tendency is to fall back on our own parenting style with the next generation, but I knew I could learn a few tips, and I did. Leave a comment for a chance to enter the drawing to win this precious book!

My new book Everyday Brave: Living Courageously as a Woman of Faith is now available for preorder on Amazon. Mothering tweens and teens is a courageous and brave endeavor that I know we would all agree we couldn’t do without the help of God. Chapter 7 is “Brave Mothers.” 

7 Tested Tips for Moms of Teens

by Letitia Suk

7 Tested Tips for Moms of Teens

Parents and teens will clash, often! If you are a parent of a teen, you have been on both ends of the clash at some point in your life. Remember?

As much as it feels challenging to get through this roller coaster season of parenting, choose the long view. This current crisis will pass but your relationship with your teen lasts the rest of your life.

[Tweet “One of the primary tasks of parenting teens is to establish a bond of closeness that can be drawn on for the long journey ahead.”]

Your pediatrician might not have mentioned it, butone of the primary tasks of parenting teens is to establish a bond of closeness that can be drawn on for the long journey ahead.

Hard as it is to believe, most of the years spent with our child in our lifetime will be in an adult-adult relationship that will outlast these exciting, fun-filled, and often challenging years.

[Tweet “Most of the years spent with our child in our lifetime will be in an adult-adult relationship”]

Looking for help?

If you need some help today, 100 Need-to-Know Tips for Moms of Tweens & Teens is a grab and go guide to read along the way. Each short, stand-alone tip provides an immediate opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your teen for both now and for the decades ahead.

Here is a sample of some of the tips you can try right now. 

  1. Keep Texts Friendly.

Chances are your teen prefers texting to most other forms of communication. Choosing to use this tool in a friendly way is a great way to stay in touch. Tell them you love them and are praying for their test. Ask them if they need anything from Walmart or send fun tidbits of information. TM can also be used to ask questions like when will the car be back? Will you be home for dinner? Could you please pick up a gallon of milk?

Decide that you will only use this creative tool for positive thoughts or simple questions. This is not the vehicle to complain (the kitchen is a wreck), criticize (you never leave gas in the car), or accuse (you were out too late last night). Keep it upbeat and they’ll want to keep opening their inbox.

  1. Ditch the Dread.

“Wait till they’re teenagers!” was the foreboding warning that awaited me on almost every turn of the stroller. “Wait till they start mouthing off” or “Wait till they get to high school” or “Wait till they get their driver’s license” have been part of the mom to mom network from the playground to the boardroom. It was never clear what the wait was for, it didn’t have the same hopeful note as waiting to go on vacation.

[Tweet “Instead of expecting the worst, start the day with a hope and a prayer that your teen is going to be OK.”]

            Instead of expecting the worst, start the day with a hope and a prayer that your teen is going to be OK.

Talk back to your inner critic and tell her you’re doing just fine as a mom. Don’t let moments of doubt turn into dread-fests. Be the voice of the yay-sayer instead of the naysayer to other moms. Expect the best and wait for it to come!

  1. Wave the White Flag.

If you are the parent of a teen, you have engaged in some conflict. In fact, you might have instigated it or inflamed it. It is never too late to wave the white flag and start a round of peace talks in your family. Someone needs to step up and stop yelling, door   slamming, or silent treatment. Might as well be you!

Calling for peace is not glossing over incidents but acknowledging your part in the current conflict. “I was angry, and I insulted your character, I’m sorry.” “I was tired, and I yelled at you. That wasn’t fair.” Asking for forgiveness is also a huge step but necessary to move on.

[Tweet “Conflicts will come and go but the relationship is forever.”]

Conflicts will come and go but the relationship is forever.

What your teen sees from you in the way of how to do resolution will shape their future interactions as well.

4. Leave on a positive note.

When your teen leaves the house for an outing with friends, make a point to say have a good time, you look great, I love you.

[Tweet “The last few minutes of your interaction with your teen can set the tone for the rest of the evening.”]

The last few minutes of your interaction with your teen can set the tone for the rest of the evening.

If your teen leaves the house feeling good about you and about themselves, they will carry those positive feelings with them. Likewise, if they leave home angry, feeling misunderstood, or belittled, those feelings may shape their evening. If you really want to make a lasting impression, occasionally slip a little unasked-for cash!

  1. Avoid Micro-Managing Your Teen’s Faith.

It has been said that “God has no grandchildren” meaning we each have our own faith experience separate from our parents. In our spiritually aware culture, most teens are searching for something/someone to believe in. Your teen’s faith journey might parallel yours, lag behind, or leap ahead. Most likely, it will not be identical just as your faith experience is not the same as your parents.

[Tweet “Your role as a parent is to provide spiritual training for your children, but not to force their faith development.”]

            Your role as a parent is to provide spiritual training but not to force their faith development.

In these teen years, you can nurture your teen’s faith by your prayers, your example, your encouragement, and trust God to work out the big picture. Keep in mind, his timing is rarely the same as ours.

  1. Differentiate Between Rules and Policies.

Try less rules, more policies. A policy has flex to it, a rule is fixed. Use policies for the minors of life such as room cleaning, late phone calls, attendance at family events, established study times, etc. A policy can be changed by request, “I need to talk to Sara tonight, but she won’t be home till 10:30. Can I call her later?” You: “OK, thanks for asking.” Exception given, policy still in place.

Rules, however, cover the majors and are not flexible. No point in your teen asking if they can have a party when you’re out of town. Ditto, there won’t be an exception as to whether they can drink and drive or have a sleepover with their boyfriend/girlfriend. Policies can be created on the spot and revised often. Keep the actual rules very few and very clear.

Remember, rules without relationship can lead to rebellion. 

[Tweet “Remember, rules without relationship can lead to rebellion in children.”]

  1. Bless their Friends, Even the Ones You Don’t Like.

You won’t like all your teens’ friends. Usually announcing that you don’t like a friend quickly elevates this person into sainthood in your teen’s life. The secret is not to let your feelings be known unless your teen is in danger or serious risk from a “friend.”

Find something, anything to comment on positively about the friend. “I like the way ____    is passionate about causes, knows a lot about music, isn’t afraid to be different.” then you might say something casually like, “I am a little concerned about his/her ____(driving?, ditching school? lying? poor relationship with parents, etc.” (choose only one) then follow with, “What do you think about that? Listen and don’t comment. Very hard tactic to follow but so worth it. Wait it out and see if your impression was wrong or your teen recognizes it’s not a healthy relationship. It almost always happens.

Interested in reading more?

Ninety-two more tips are available in 100 Need-to-Know Tips for Moms of Tweens & Teens (Ellie Claire/Hachette, 2019.) Beautifully designed with inspirational quotes on motherhood interspersed throughout, this book makes an excellent gift for yourself or a friend.

Which of these tips did you need today? 

Have you used any of these tips successfully?

Please leave a comment here for a chance to win a free sign copy of 100 Need-to-Know Tips for Moms of Tweens and Teens.

About the Author:

7 tested Tips for Moms of Teens

Letitia Suk invites women to chase the intentional life. She is the author of 100 Tips for Moms of Tweens and Teens, Getaway with God: The Everywoman’s Guide to Personal Retreat & Rhythms of Renewal. Letitia’s Amazon page

She and her husband, Tom, live in the Chicago area and are parents of four grown children. Letitia’s Website

Return to top of page

5 Ways to a Fresh Start in the New Year

God's grace is how I find 5 ways to a fresh start in the New Year

First, let me extend to each of you a Blessed 2018! We’re only one week into the New Year, and I’ll admit I already want the year to slow down. I always feel that way as I watch January slip away and the exhilaration of starting a fresh new year morph into an overwhelming “there’s so much to do” feeling.

If you’re like me, I relax during the week between Christmas and New Year’s and enjoy a rest from activities leading up to Christmas. I don’t take my decorations or lights down till after the New Year because I still enjoy reflecting on the past year and the warmth of Christmas lights. Every year it seems the month of December just goes a little too fast, even though we put the tree up the weekend after Thanksgiving!

Some of you prefer to move past Christmas quickly and take everything down the next day or week. I’ve seen many on social media say that it feels good to have the house back to normal after what can sometimes feel cluttered with the trappings of Christmas. You’re ready for a fresh start in your home and the new year.

I have to admit that while I’m writing this note to you on January 5, I haven’t taken down one decoration yet, and my heart is a little sad and reminiscent as I consider putting it all away tomorrow for another year. Maybe those like me aren’t quite ready to bring closure to 2017’s Christmas memories

We each have our own way of ending one year and moving on to the next; but ready or not, 2018 is here!

[Tweet “We each have our own way of ending one year and moving on to the next; but ready or not, 2018 is here!”]

Five Ways to a Fresh Start in the New Year!

Aside from taking down Christmas decorations, here are five ways that help me get a fresh start in the New Year. Maybe some of what I do and the reasons why I do them will help you too!

  1. Priority one for me is to pray about how God wants me to commune with Him in a fresh new way. For a number of years, I’ve started January reading the Bible in a year. To keep it new and fresh, I choose a different translation and reading plan each year and even read the Chronological Bible one year. Every time I do this, the Lord reveals new insights and speaks to me through His Word in ways I hadn’t seen before, even in familiar verses. I love how His Word is new every morning.
  2. I start a yearly devotional to accompany my Bible reading program for the year. This year I’m reading Women of the Bible: A One Year Devotional Study by Ann Spangler & Jean E. Syswerda, which also doubles as research for writing my new book Get Your Brave On! I also asked for Christmas The Believer’s Code: 365 Devotions to Unlock the Blessings in God’s Word by O.S. Hawkins. Sometimes I’ll pull one of my previous devotionals off the bookshelf to read again because I see the authors’ thoughts in a new and fresh way depending on what’s happening in my life or maybe what book or article I’m writing.
  3. Yes, I do set goals, rather than resolutions. Goals seem more positive to me, and I like to frame my aspirations as doable. I’m more goal oriented than resolution motivated. According to Wikipedia’s definitions . . .

Resolution is a firm decision to do or not to do something.

Goal is the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result. The destination of a journey. (I especially like thinking of my goals as a journey to a destination.)

[Tweet “I especially like thinking of my goals as a journey to a destination”]

Our wedding anniversary is December 19, a perfect time for us to set new yearly goals for our marriage, and I set personal goals for the upcoming year. I write these in my One Year Walk With God devotional, which I’ve read so many times it’s literally falling apart.

Sometimes previous year’s goals carry over to the next year, and the next year . . . I don’t feel condemnation, just a fresh motivation to achieve them in the upcoming years. It’s important to set achievable realistic goals: not so high we give up, or too easy we don’t stretch.

On Facebook many have asked if anyone sets New Year’s resolutions and often the answer was no because they don’t want to break them or be disappointed. However, I did see a few setting goals. Progress doesn’t happen without a goal and a plan to achieve it. We never succeed at what we don’t try. I hope I’m encouraging you to set some goals for 2018. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

[Tweet “Progress doesn’t happen without a goal and a plan to achieve it. We never succeed at what we don’t try.”]

  • Do you set resolutions or goals each year? Why or why not?
  • What’s one goal you kept that changed your life?
  • What area of your life has God asked you to surrender to Him in the new year?

[Tweet “Progress doesn’t happen without a goal and a plan to achieve it. We never succeed at what we don’t try.”]

If the Lord does lead you to set new goals, or work on last year’s goals, refer to them regularly during the year and pray asking God’s guidance on where He wants your focus to fulfill His purpose for your life.

[Tweet “If the Lord does lead you to set goals for the New Year, or work on last year’s goals, refer to them regularly during the year and pray asking God’s guidance.”]

  1. Stay in the Moment—this is probably the hardest one for me. We all need a bit of forward thinking and planning, but I tend to let my mind race ahead to all that must be done in the future, which distracts me from what I need to do today. I watch with dread as the days of the month slip by and I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished enough. My husband is always reminding me not to worry, but trust God with the details. Can I hear an Amen?!
  2. When plans and goals get sidelined! 2017 was an extremely difficult year for me, as many of you know. Nothing I could have expected or planned to happen. On Christmas day 2016, I fell and started 2017 with staples in my head and a concussion, which left a continual ringing in my ears that God has not chosen to remove. Just as the concussion was subsiding, I had a horrific side effect to a medication and had bladder and kidney surgery that downed me for two months. Then in the fall, I had cataract surgery in both eyes that was supposed to be a “piece of cake!” But I had a reaction to the eye drops, and one of my new lenses has shifted, so I’ll be having another surgery on January 16 to rotate it back in place.

My plans to write the next book were “sidelined.” But in the midst of all the pain and setbacks, God birthed Mentoring for All Seasons: Sharing Life Experiences and God’s Faithfulness and blessed me with an amazing launch team and caring compassionate editor who understood when I couldn’t meet all the editing deadlines after the kidney surgery.

Then to my surprise and delight, I was offered an opportunity to be on the teaching staff at Mount Hermon Christian Writer’s Conference in March 2018! Mount Hermon is where I learned to write and I’m honored and humbled by this invitation.

[Tweet “Ask God for forgiveness and grace for last year’s mistakes and blunders,”]

My point is that even when the year doesn’t go like you expect or want, trust God to meet His expectations and purpose for you and let Him turn what seems so bad into good. Ask God for forgiveness and grace for last year’s mistakes and blunders, and set a new goal of living for Christ and His ways in the new year. Be sure and give Him all the glory for the things He has done in and through you, no matter how it turns out.

[Tweet “Give God all the glory for the things He has done in and through you, no matter how it turns out.”]

And that’s really how to start fresh and stay fresh every day of every new year: Establish a fresh new perspective on our relationship with God who knows our future and reminds us that our eternity is with Him!

I know I’ve probably left some important things I do off this list, but a fresh start for 2018 is achievable for all of us. Won’t you share in the comments what helps you feel motivated and enthused with the prospect of a new year!? Often the first step is telling someone else.

5 ways to a Fresh Start in the New Year helps focus on what's really important in 2018!

PS I’m still receiving stories of God calling on you to be brave or do something you couldn’t do without Him. Contact me for more information.

If you received this blog by email, please leave a comment here.

*Opening graphic courtesy of Our Daily Bread which I subscribe to and read daily.

Return to top of page

On a First-Name Basis with God


Carrying on the theme of Breast Cancer Awareness month, I’ve invited Ava Pennington to share her book, 
Daily Reflections on the Names of God. In  Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer, I encourage women as they struggle with breast cancer to talk and write to God. There are journal lines and prompts for writing “Your Love Letter to God” at the end of each chapter. In the “God’s Love Letter to You” sections, I personalize Scripture and sign it with the many names and assets of God.

Ava’s book will  enhance everyone’s personal relationship with our Lord and Savior. Today’s post is written by Ava Pennington.

Daily Reflections on the Names of God - lo-res

I’ve been a Christian for more than forty years, but it wasn’t until the past several years that I could say I’m on a first-name basis with God.

Don’t get me wrong. I knew Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord, and I was confident God knew me by name. But I didn’t realize until recently that, although God knew me by name, I was not as intimate with Him by name…specifically by the names and attributes He revealed for Himself in His Word.

The topic of the names and attributes of God is a popular one. There is no shortage of books, calendars, and cards on the subject. But I wanted to write a devotional that moved beyond learning a name and checking it off a list.

As I wrote Daily Reflections on the Names of God: A Devotional, I was struck by how many of God’s names and attributes I knew only on an intellectual basis. I had not stopped to consider what many of them meant to me personally.

For example, when I call God my Banner or a Consuming Fire, how did those names change the way I lived? Or did they change the way I lived at all? When the Bible refers to the Lord as the Bridegroom, what did that mean to me – someone who has been married for 35+ years? Or when Jesus is called the Lion of Judah, what did that mean to this city girl whose closest exposure to a lion occurred at the local zoo?

A Devotional

Because of my own need, I chose to structure this book as a devotional, applying three unique devotions to each of 122 names and attributes of God. Each name and attribute is explored from three perspectives: who God says He is, who we are in relation to that name/attribute, and how our relationships are influenced by that name/attribute.

At the end of the project, I knew God more intimately and I understood myself more clearly. For one thing, it changed the way I related to Him. My faith is not a “blind faith” since it rests on the proven character and ways of God. While I may not fully understand who He is until I get to heaven, His names and attributes provide glimpses into His divine nature.

A Renewed Prayer Life

Understanding why God has chosen certain ways to describe Himself also changes my prayer life. I’m not praying to an impersonal force out in the universe. I’m praying to our very personal God, who I know by name and who knows me by name. Whatever the subject of my prayer – whether worship, thanksgiving, interceding for others, or asking for myself – there is a name or attribute God has revealed for Himself that helps me relate to Him in that area.

Knowing what God says about Himself has also changed the way I teach and share Christ. God is not some ancient or outdated theological concept. Everything about who He is and how He works is relevant to us today. Knowing His names and attributes gives me the specific words to describe Him to others. It also helps me when others speak of who they think God is, because I have a starting point to say, “Let’s look at who God says He is!”

I hope you’ll join me in becoming more intimately acquainted with our great God. As you do, let me know the difference it makes in your life!

Ava Pennington is a writer, Bible teacher, and speaker. Her newest book, Daily Reflections on the Names of God: A Devotional, is endorsed by Kay Arthur, founder of Precept Ministries International. Additionally, Ava is co-author of Faith Basics for Kids. The first two books in the series are Do You Love Me More? and Will I See You Today? She has also written numerous articles for magazines such as Today’s Christian Woman, Power for Living, and Focus on the Family’s Clubhouse.

Ava also teaches a weekly, Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) class of 175+ women. She is a passionate speaker and teacher, and delights in engaging audiences with relevant, enjoyable presentations.

For more information, visit her at www.AvaWrites.com

To purchase Daily Reflections on the Names of God:

Amazon

Barnes and Noble

Christianbook.com

Deeper Shopping

© 2010 Martin Alan Grivjack Photography Martin Alan Grivjack Photography

Return to top of page

Guest Post by Kathy Howard “10 SIGNS of FLAT FAITH”

I told her things I had always been too afraid to tell anyone before. My faith felt dead. I doubted my salvation. God seemed so distant. I saw something in Susan’s life I longed to have in mine. Her faith was vibrant and real. Even the way she talked about God demonstrated a dynamic in her relationship with Him that I lacked. I had been a Christian since childhood and actively served in church, but my face never lit up when Jesus was the topic of conversation.

While our toddlers played on the floor together nearby, I tearfully shared with Susan the doubts that had plagued me for nearly two decades. She listened with compassion, but she also challenged me to not be content with my condition.

Desperation gave way to vulnerability that day. Fed up and tired of trying to ignite my faith through my own works and activity, I humbly admitted I could not do it. Honesty with myself, Susan, and ultimately God opened the way for His activity. I could not make myself into what God wanted me to be. I could not find the abundant life Jesus promised. But God could do it all.

The encounter with Susan jump-started my journey toward a fiery faith. Along the way, God shifted a few of my attitudes and changed some of my actions to fire up my faith. God can use these same attitudes and actions to start a flame in your life.

What is Flat Faith?

The word flat can be defined as “without vitality or animation; lifeless; dull.”Many Christians with flat faith love Jesus and continue to serve Him, but they often feel as though they’re simply going through the motions of Christianity. Their love for Christ is short on passion. They serve largely out of a sense of duty or because that’s what they’ve always done. The routine of the Christian life may even feel superficial and directionless.

Although not an exhaustive list, here ten signs that may indicate your faith needs some pumping up:

  1. Relationship with Christ is not deepening and growing.
  2. Religious activities overshadow your relationship with Christ.
  3. Life of faith feels boring, tired, or overwhelming.
  4. Feeling of disconnect from God; no real sense of His presence or voice.
  5. Little excitement over or awareness of God’s activity.
  6. Little or no anticipation that God will work.
  7. Praise and worship feels dry and forced.
  8. Nagging sense you should be experiencing more.
  9. Notice fiery faith in others’ lives that you desire.
  10. Efforts and activity produce few results of eternal value.

Countless Christians experience flat faith. Some have never experienced a vibrant faith characterized by real intimacy with Christ. Flat faith is all they’ve known. Others have lost the passion for Christ they once had and desperately long to find it again.

Are You Fed Up? Let God Pump You Up!

What about you? Do you see yourself in the description above? Are you fed up? Pumped up, fiery faith is not only possible, God wants it to be yours. God never intended for our life of faith to be boring and cold. You can connect with God in real ways. You can experience His activity in and around you. Your life can bear fruit that lasts.

While we cannot grow our own faith, God expects our cooperation. He calls for our active and obedient participation in His work in our lives (1 Corinthians 9:24–27; 1 Timothy 4:7; Philippians 3:12–14). We can learn to position ourselves before God so He can accomplish in our lives the things that only He can accomplish.

The Bible is not silent about flat faith. Life examples and practical help for spiritual dryness pack the pages of Scripture. When you apply these truths to your life, you can follow God out of flat faith to a place where He can set your faith on fire!

My book, Fed Up with Flat Faith, highlights ten key attitudes and actions found in Scripture that help God’s people position themselves for Him to work in their lives. These ten practical, biblical steps of faith will shift your attitude and change your behavior to put you in the center of God’s activity.

Are you ready to let God pump up your flat faith? You don’t have to give up or pretend. You don’t have to settle. Instead, get fed up with flat faith and embrace the full life of faith Jesus offers.

This article is excerpted from the first chapter of Fed Up with Flat Faith: 10 Attitudes and Actions to Pump Up Your Faith by Kathy Howard.  Find out more about the book at http://www.kathyhoward.org/fed-up-with-flat-faith/  Fed Up with Flat Faith is available from your local Christian bookstore and all online stores.  Find out more about Kathy, her ministry, and her other books at www.kathyhoward.org.

FedUpFlatFaith_N134110

Return to top of page
Return to top of page · Copyright © 2024 Crown Laid Down Designs All Rights Reserved · Our Privacy Policy