Why Aren’t All Christians Extending Grace and Forgiveness to Trump?

praying-for-trump

A post that I wrote during the 2016 election is trending on my website and I know why! It’s just as applicable before this coming election as it was four years ago. Sadly, not much has changed with some Christians opposing President Trump, even in light of all he’s done to fulfill his promises that he would:

  • Be Pro-life and put action behind his words, even speaking at the recent March for Life and repeatedly confirming that “Every child is a sacred gift from Almighty God.”
  • Support and restore religious freedoms
  • Move the Capitol of Israel to Jerusalem and insure that America remains a strong ally of Israel
  • Choose two pro-life conservative Supreme Court justices and replace hundreds of liberal federal judges with conservatives.

At this year’s State of the Union address, President Trump publically affirmed:

“My administration is also defending religious liberty, and that includes the constitutional right to pray in public schools,” Trump continued. “In America, we don’t punish prayer. We don’t tear down crosses. We don’t ban symbols of faith. We don’t muzzle preachers and pastors. “In America, we celebrate faith. We cherish religion. We lift our voices in prayer, and we raise our sights to the glory of God.”

At the National Prayer Breakfast on February 6, 2020, the day after he was acquitted from a partisan hoax impeachment, he said, “Faith keeps us free. Prayer makes us strong. God gives us grace.”

At that same prayer breakfast Arthur Brooks, author of Love Your Enemies, was the speaker along with President Trump who responded to Brooks “I’m trying to learn. It’s not easy. When they impeach you for nothing it’s hard to like them. I’m doing my best.”

Yet many Christians are still refusing to grant President Trump grace and forgiveness.

So I’m reposting below my blog from October 17, 2016, “Why Aren’t All Christians Extending Grace and Forgiveness to Trump?” I think you’ll agree, except for Hillary being the opponent, I could’ve written it today!

What Does It Mean to be A Forgiven Christian?

I’ve been thinking a lot this week about what it means to be a saved, forgiven Christian, granted grace and mercy when I was so undeserving. Our Couples’ Group is studying Pastor Tony Evan’s Victory in Spiritual Warfare and he used a term I’d never heard before: “unsaved, saved person.” I realized that was another term for backsliding, which I did for seventeen years—saved at a youth camp at the age of eleven when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, and then living an ungodly life from my late twenties until early forties, a backslidden believer. Saved but living like an unsaved person, until I rededicated my life. I write about this time in most of my books—it’s my testimony—of how God redeemed me and has used me About His Work since the day I gave my life fully back to Him.

God forgave me for my sins as a “born again” young girl on fire for the Lord, and He never withheld His love or protection, even as He watched me do things that broke His heart and were so unworthy of someone who knew better. It was as if for seventeen years, I had blinders on, until Pastor Greg Laurie asked at a Harvest Crusade if I was ready to die that night. I wasn’t. God had been gently bringing His prodigal back to Him, as I had recently turned my dating life over to God and was dating the man He had picked to become my husband.

I’m so grateful I was attending Saddleback Church, which welcomes sinners and seekers and offers restoration, hope, and forgiveness for those who are willing to repent, ask for forgiveness, turn from their wayward ways, and follow Jesus’s biblical ways. I married my godly husband Dave, blended our two families, graduated from Fuller Theological Seminary, quit my secular job, and started the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry as a rededicated, divorced, remarried woman. I always was shown love, grace, mercy, support, and encouragement at seminary and Saddleback Church.

I felt so unqualified and ill equipped, but my church gave me the tools I needed, as I took a huge prayerful step of faith. I was the least likely woman to start such a ministry . . . many churches might not have let me serve. But I said, “OK” when God called me to “Feed my sheep,” and He did the rest. As a result, twenty years later, Woman to Woman Mentoring is an international ministry blessing thousands of women in Titus 2 mentoring relationships.

Dr. Charles Stanley’s wrote in “Faith Barriers,” In Touch Magazine October 13, 2016:

When we are called to serve, our strength, skill, and wisdom do not matter. Rather, it is the Lord who does the work through us. He doesn’t seek out the most qualified person for a particular job, but instead calls men and women who are willing to surrender themselves to Him. When His strength works through their weakness, it is obvious that only God could have achieved the result.

A Disturbing Lack of Forgiveness Among Evangelicals

Trump has always said that as a child he was a saved Presbyterian, but I think, like me, he probably became an “unsaved, saved” backsliding Christian. Michael Anthony on Godfactor.com shares part of an interview with Dr. James Dobson about Trump’s recent salvation this past summer. Dr. Dobson has seen a change in Trump and only God knows the condition of his heart, which is true for all of us. Anthony also explains how we all mature in our faith at different degrees: some are like microwaves—the change is instantaneous–others are like crockpots.

Anthony and Dobson both called for prayer for the new  “baby Christian” Trump, but I’ve not seen or heard much prayer for Trump, who represents the conservative political agenda in this election. Instead, I’ve seen more stone throwing and rock slinging at him from evangelicals for his past transgressions, right along with the progressive liberals. Many Christians, who are so distressed when called “deplorables” and “haters” by the liberals, have themselves called Trump terrible, unkind, slanderous names.

I can only wonder how many new believers would last if we treated them all that way? And why are Christians doing that, when evangelism is all about sharing the forgiveness of sin and grace of Jesus Christ?

In a political move, tapes of vial things Trump said over eleven years ago became public and many Christians and prominent ministry leaders reacted as if he said them yesterday. I’ve seen video clips of him surrounded by the many Christians he has on staff as he prayed for forgiveness and he asked publicly for forgiveness during the debate. Yet many Christians are unwilling to grant him forgiveness. Why?

If he is saved, God forgave him and wiped the slate clean from all the things he did before, just like He did for you and me when we became Christians. God forgives when we mess up and ask for forgiveness, but many evangelicals pulled their support and backlashed Trump, refusing to show any grace or mercy.

[Tweet “Letting Trump’s past transgressions divide us, another score for Satan. “]

How would any of us feel if our past sins haunted us as new believers? Badmouthing Trump and not looking at the real issues in this election, is just what Satan wants us to do. Letting Trump’s past transgressions divide us, another score for Satan.

Trump is a flawed man, as has been, and will be, every president, but he’s the first one I’ve seen who actually chose a born-again Vice President who told his testimony in the VP debate. He has Christians like Ben Carson on his team mentoring him, who see the bigger picture of the Supreme Court picks who will make decisions that will affect our religious freedoms for the next thirty years! Which will determine whether we as evangelicals can voice our faith publicly in the future in a blog post like this!

With men like that surrounding him, if not saved, he’s certainly a seeker, and aren’t we as evangelicals supposed to help draw seekers to Christ?

We Need a Refresher in Forgiveness

Christians are forgiven by the grace of God, and we need to extend that same grace and forgiveness to others, including Donald Trump: “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.” Ephesians 1:7

Yes, that would apply to Hillary too, but so far, she has only made excuses for her bad behavior, justifies supporting the things God detests, and puts political spins on her lies. Her agenda is anti-Christian and anti-God. I haven’t seen her sincerely ask forgiveness for anything, but she does need prayer to repent. Wouldn’t that be a wondrous miracle of this election!

4 FORGIVENESS MYTHS

MYTH #1:  Forgiveness must be quick like God’s forgiveness

TRUTH:  Forgiveness is a process

MYTH #2: If I forgive, that means that the offense was “ok.”

TRUTH: Forgiveness doesn’t turn sin into good. Sin is always wrong.

MYTH #3:  If I forgive the person gets off the hook.

TRUTH: Sin always has consequences.

Trump and every Christian can relate to and apply 1 Timothy 1:12-16, Paul’s own words about himself:

“I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.”

[Tweet “Let’s start showing grace, mercy, forgiveness, and pouring out prayer for Trump.”]

Let’s start showing grace, mercy, forgiveness, and pouring out prayer for Trump. He is the candidate for the conservative platform. This election is not about a person, it is about the platform, but God cares about every person’s eternal life. Instead of helping to feed the media beast, let’s pray for a flawed man who is being:

  •  made publicly accountable for past sins
  • humiliated and humbled
  • attacked and assailed
  • refined, renewed, and reformed

He could just be the unlikely person who becomes the future leader of America and allows us to put God back in the public square for generations to come. God could do that!

My last paragraph in that 2016 blog was almost prophetic. President Trump did become the leader of America and he is putting God back in the public square and just recently signed an executive order to allow prayer back in schools! 

I hope I didn’t confuse you, but I wasn’t being disrespectful in the 2016 blog by using “Trump” instead of President Trump, but as of that writing, he had not won the election. 

To read a passage where Jesus saw the good in someone who wanted to serve, but the religious Pharisees only saw her as a sinner read Luke 7:36-50.

I would encourage you to also read this excellent article (2020) How Can You Follow Jesus and Support Donald Trump?

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Why Is the Church Going Dark?

Why is the church going dark when Jesus is the light of the World?

Crouch Community Church with the Light shining even on a cloudy day!

Recently, we visited a church, not too different from some other churches I’ve visited. Maybe this even describes your church.

It was dark! No windows and the only bright lights shining were on the stage. People entered the dimly lit, mostly dark, rows of chairs and found their seat. Some pulled out their cell phone and started texting.

I wondered, as I always do when I enter a similar church, will they turn up the lights so I can see my Bible when the sermon starts. They didn’t.

As we began to worship in song and the lyrics appeared on the screens, I had an epiphany from the Holy Spirit. The lyrics were much like this song “The Light in the Darkness,” which starts out like this:

In the beginning was the Word
The Word was with God and the Word was God
Through Him all things were made that have been made
In Him was Life and that Life was the Light of men

And the Light shone in the darkness
But it did not understand
The Light shone in the darkness
But it did not comprehend

That which we have heard and we have seen
This we proclaim to you concerning the Word of Life
This is message we have heard and declare to you
God is Light and in Him there’s no darkness at all

And the Light shines in the darkness
But it did not understand
The Light shines in the darkness
But it’s hard to comprehend

As the words kept flashing on the screen, I thought, Lord, why are we singing about you being the Light in the darkness while standing here in almost complete darkness? This just doesn’t seem right. You are the Light of the world. You tell us to go into the dark world and let our Christian light shine, and yet, we’re worshipping in a church enveloped in darkness!

[Tweet “Lord, You tell us to go into the dark world and let our Christian light shine, and yet, many worship in a church enveloped in darkness!”]

We continued singing in the dark . . .

The Word became flesh and dwells among us
We behold the glory of the only begotten Son
He has come full of love full of grace and truth
This is the message we proclaim to you

And the Light shines in your darkness
And we pray you understand
The Light shines in your darkness
And we pray you comprehend

The Light shines in the darkness
Ah but will you understand
The Light shines in the darkness
But will you comprehend
Will you comprehend
I pray you comprehend

I know many churches start out in movie theaters and office buildings, but the church we were in that Sunday morning looked like a new building.

[Tweet “I’ve heard the reasoning behind having the church dark is to draw the younger generation,”]

I’ve also heard the reasoning behind having the church dark is to draw the younger generation, but this is not a concert setting, this is church! Why does the next generation want to sit in the dark?

[Tweet “Why does the next generation want to sit in the dark in church?”]

The pastor was not a young pastor; he looked like he could be a grandpa.

When we returned to our home church, I loved worshipping in the sunlight streaming through the windows and looking at the clouds and blue sky through the window behind the log cross, built by one of our parishioners. And with the beautiful overhead lighting, I could see clearly my church family, and most importantly, the words in my Bible.

The side “walls” at Saddleback Church, (Pastor Rick Warren) where we were members for almost twenty-five years, are floor to ceiling windows, and the sanctuary well lit with overhead lights. When you walk in, you can clearly see fellow parishioners to greet them. There is no darkness. Even if you were feeling down when you entered, your spirits lift in the bright cheery atmosphere. People can actually sit outside and look through the windows to see the stage and hear through speakers.

They can see to read their Bibles, if they bring them.

Pastor Rick Warren speaking at Saddleback church

Pastor Rick Warren preaching at Saddleback Church

Saddleback Church is not a dark church, it's flooded with light

Saddleback Church

With so many churches going dark today, I understand why people aren’t taking their Bibles to church. I recently wrote about this sad trend: Are Today’s Churches Discouraging Reading the Bible? Some comments mentioned they couldn’t read their Bible in church because it was so dark.

[Tweet “Some people don’t bring their Bibles to church because it’s too dark to read them.”]

The word “light” appears 263 times in the NIV Bible.

Maybe I’m making too much of this, but I know it was the Holy Spirit nudging me to speak out as I stood in the dark, singing about the Light shining in the darkness. We know that “darkness” in the Bible refers to a culture or “world” that doesn’t know or worship God and His ways: anti-God.

But “God is never too exhausted by His Light to take care of the darkness,” Pastor Brian Smith. And neither should we be!

[Tweet “Scriptural darkness” is a culture that does not know or worship God and His ways”]

I honestly don’t understand why churches are choosing to have dark sanctuaries. I would welcome a discussion to please enlighten me, and others who want to see clearly, when we go to church.

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

Walk in the light because He is in the light!

If you received this post by email, please leave a comment here.

Saddleback sanctuary picture compliments of Jenne’ Blackburn

Pastor Rick Warren preaching, www.thechristianmail.com

I took the picture of CCC cross on a rainy day. You can imagine how beautiful it is with billowing clouds floating in a blue sky shining through the window above it.

 

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Happy Birthday Mentoring for All Seasons!

Happy Birthday is celebrating the release of a new book Mentoring for All Seasons: Sharing Life Experiences and God's Faithfulness

Last week was a super exciting week here at About His Work Ministries! We had a Big Birthday and Release Day celebration for the birth of my “baby” Mentoring for All Seasons: Sharing Life Experiences and God’s Faithfulness. In honor of this long awaited day, my hubby grilled salmon: my favorite food!!

Many have followed me on this year-long journey from writing the book last year in a very short four months, then the physical setbacks I had earlier this year with a concussion and then kidney surgery during the final edits. Praise God, nothing could stop His plans for Mentoring for All Season’s release day September 12!

Happy Book Borthday to Mentoring for All Seasons that released Sept. 12!

[Tweet “Praise God, nothing could stop His plans for Mentoring for All Season’s release day September 12!”]

It’s been an amazing week of sharing this release on social media and guest posting every day, sometimes twice a day, on friends’ blog posts. This book is the culmination of what God has taught me over the past twenty years, when He took a woman who had no experience in women’s ministry or had never written a book or done any public speaking to start a ministry that has now blessed innumerable women and churches!

[Tweet “I was just an ordinary woman who said “Yes” to the Lord, and as they say, the rest has been HIStory.”]

I was just an ordinary woman who said “Yes” to the Lord, and as they say, the rest has been HIStory. Some have heard or read my testimony, others may wonder how did Woman to Woman Mentoring come about? Who am I to write a book to help women mentoring each other in all seasons of life? Honestly, I’m surprised too: that God would choose me for such an honor to serve Him in this way.

So I thought today, I would share with you a little of the origins of my story.

I never planned to become a writer, speaker, or for sure not go into ministry! But isn’t that just like the Lord to direct us onto the paths He wants us to go, and we have a choice whether to follow Him or go our own direction. In my thirties, I chose my own path, but the Lord guided me back. I rededicated my life and His prodigal daughter returned with all my heart. Little did I know the plans He had for me.

[Tweet ” Isn’t that just like the Lord to direct us onto the paths He wants us to go”]

Soon I was attending Fuller Theological Seminary getting a Masters of Arts in Christian Leadership, while managing an insurance agency and being a new bride with a blended family. I prayerfully attended a Women in Ministry Leadership Conference, hoping the Lord would reveal where He wanted to use me when I completed seminary, as long as it wasn’t in women’s ministry. Since I also had an MBA, surely it would be in business. Trying to create my own path again.

The Lord did speak to me, but not how I expected. I was enjoying a cup of coffee, waiting for the evening’s worship and teaching to begin with Jill Briscoe, when I heard a voice . . . “Go, and feed My sheep.” I looked around, but no one was speaking to me. I thought, “What sheep? Where? And what would I feed them if I found them?” Again, “Feed My sheep.” I muttered, “OK,” and spent the rest of the evening wondering what I had just agreed to do. Feed my sheep is my testimony in my new book Mntoring for All Seasons: Sharing Life Experiences and God's Faithfulness

I couldn’t wait to call my husband and excitedly share what I heard from the Lord. My godly husband suggested we pray for the Holy Spirit to reveal the meaning of “Feed My sheep.”

The next morning, the workshop instructor taught from John 21:15-17 where Jesus tells Peter, feed My sheep. Her topic was “Shepherding Women in Your Church.” The Holy Spirit was answering our prayer. But women Lord?!

Returning home, I asked everyone to pray for me to find my sheep and for direction as to what to feed them when I found them. The first sheep bleat came from a business associate asking me to mentor her. I didn’t have a clue what “mentoring” meant, so I read the late Lucibel Van Atta’s Women Encouraging Women [out of print] and learned it was simply sharing my life experiences—the good and the bad—and God’s faithfulness through it all. I wondered if perhaps feed My sheep might mean mentoring women?

Soon I was also mentoring a young woman from my stepdaughter’s small group, where I had become a mentor to the group. Seemed like enough “sheep.” But then a life-altering encounter. The Lord divinely placed the Pastor to Young Adults at our church, Saddleback, and me simultaneously at the gym. I worked out daily, but this was the only time I ever saw Pastor Brad there. As we chatted, he mentioned that many women in his young adults group were asking where they could find a mentor.

As if God was sitting on my shoulder, I suddenly poured out my “feed My sheep” story. Pastor Brad said he thought I should start a mentoring ministry at Saddleback Church, not just mentor two mentees. What!? I wasn’t equipped to start a mentoring ministry. I had to read a book to figure out how to mentor. I did meet with the Pastor to New Ministries, who agreed with Pastor Brad and he handed me a “12-Step Planning Guide to Developing a Ministry at Saddleback.” With both pastors’ encouragement, I began going through the process of starting the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry.

The Lord blessed our mentoring ministry and other churches started calling asking how they could start one. I couldn’t tell them everything over the phone, so I resigned from my insurance career, and wrote a Kit for churches to start a mentoring ministry. Today, God has taken the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry into churches around the world through the DVD Leader’s Kit, Woman to Woman Mentoring How to Start, Grow, and Maintain a Mentoring Ministry. I continue to have the opportunity to share Woman to Woman Mentoring through my speaking and writing ministry, About His Work Ministries. I had no idea “feeding sheep” would go beyond Saddleback Church—even to international sheep.

[Tweet “Today, God has taken the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry into churches around the world through the DVD Leader’s Kit, “]

Woman to Woman Mentoring is the Lord’s ministry following His mandate in Titus 2:1-8: one generation of Christian men and women must teach and train the next generations. When I let God guide, He allowed me to participate in something much bigger than I ever imagined. He changed my heart. He gave me a passion for the issues women deal with and wisdom in helping them turn to the Lord and to each other to navigate life’s seasons. Mentoring for All Seasons: Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness, is a book for both mentors and mentees in every season of life from tweens to twilight years.

It’s been twenty-two years since I heard “Feed My sheep,” and I’m still feeding and mentoring them as the Lord leads.

Thank you for all your support and prayer, and for those who shared your stories, both as mentors and mentees, in this book. For those who have participated in church mentoring ministries or enjoyed mentoring in your personal lives, bless you for living out God’s direction for women in Titus 2:3-5.

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Since the book released, there are so many stories already of women knowing other women who share their story in the book, and I encountered many while writing it. For example, I mentioned Lucibell Van Atta’s book was influential in helping me learn about mentoring only to discover that she was my friend Poppy Smith’s mentor! Poppy shares their story in the book along with 65 other mentors and mentees.

So it’s time to ask . . .

Who are you mentoring and who is mentoring you through a new life season?

[Tweet “Who are you mentoring and who is mentoring you through a new life season?”]

PS: If you lead a women’s ministry, mentoring ministry, and/or would like to share with your church, a special discount offer for Mentoring for All Seasons from the publisher, please contact me.

*Some parts of Feed My Sheep are excerpts from Mentoring for All Seasons, shared with permission of Leafwood Publishers. Pages 22-29 has more of that story and the birthing of the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry.

Mentoring for All Seasons: Sharing Life Experiences and God’s Faithfulness is now available at all online bookstores, Amazon, Christian bookstores, and signed by me at my website store.

Author Bio

Janet Thompson is an international speaker, freelance editor, and award-winning author of 19 books. She is also the author of Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter; Forsaken God?: Remembering the Goodness of God Our Culture Has Forgotten; The Team That Jesus Built; Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby?; Dear God They Say It’s Cancer; Dear God, He’s Home!; Face-to-Face Bible study Series; and Woman to Woman Mentoring: How to Start, Grow, & Maintain a Mentoring Ministry Resources.

She is the founder of Woman to Woman Mentoring and About His Work Ministries

Visit Janet and sign up for her Monday Morning Blog and online newsletter at womantowomanmentoring.com

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Is Your Church a Hugging Church?

I started the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California, which as Pastor Rick Warren describes . . . “We’re a hugging church.” So I knew that women attending one of our Woman to Woman Mentoring Orientation Coffees would need welcoming from a “Greeter/Hugger” at the front door.

Some churches starting the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry question the need for a Greeter/Hugger, until they have an experience similar to the church who shared this story with me:

A helper offered to be the Greeter/Hugger at our Orientation Coffee, but she couldn’t hug a stranger so she would shake hands. We aren’t a hugging church, but since we were following your Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry Coordinator’s Guide where you stress the importance of having a Greeter/Hugger, we decided we would have her help in another area and find someone who would hug the women as they arrived. Then during the sharing time, one woman said she was a newlywed, and shortly after their wedding, her husband deployed overseas. The hug she received from the Greeter/Hugger was her first hug in eighteen months, and that hug assured her the mentoring ministry was just where the Lord wanted her. After the Coffee, the helper who said she couldn’t hug strangers, said she would be the Greeter/Hugger at our next Orientation Coffee.

How Did Church Members Greet Each Other in Jesus’s Day?

[Tweet “God’s design for the church was for believers to be family.”]

God’s design for the church was for believers to be family. Jesus made that clear in Mark 3:31-35:

Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, “Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.”

“Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked.

Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.”

We often refer to ourselves as brothers and sisters in Christ, and some churches still call each other “brother _______” and “sister _______,” but most have dropped the use of this familiar term, maybe to a detriment. Families hug each other in greeting, so it shouldn’t seem strange for brothers and sisters in Christ to greet each other with a hug.

The early church actually went a step beyond a hug and greeted fellow believers with a kiss. This wasn’t a romantic kiss, but one like Europeans or relatives give to each other, maybe on the cheek. When Paul sent letters to the churches, this is how he told them to greet each other . . .

“Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ send greetings.” Romans 16:16

“All the brothers and sisters here send you greetings. Greet one another with a holy kiss.” 1 Corinthians 16:20

“Greet all God’s people with a holy kiss.” 1 Thessalonians 5:26

Peter also said, “Greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ.” 1 Peter 5:14

Why Don’t All Churches Hug Today?

I asked several people if they had a time of greeting in their church, and if so, was it shaking hands or hugging. One man replied that there was greeting prior to the service and if you had a relationship with someone you might hug them, but if there had been some animosity or misunderstanding, you wouldn’t want to hug that person. I thought that was interesting since this is church we’re talking about! But then I had a disagreement with someone, and it was hard to hug that person until we resolved it.

When my husband and I travel and attend churches, we notice that sometimes we’re the only people hugging. One church we attend regularly, the pastor sticks out his hand to shake my husband Dave’s hand, and as Dave gives him a hug, the Pastor laughs and says, “Oh yes, you’re the hugger.”

I don’t remember that many people hugging when we first started attending our small mountain community church where we live now, unless they were already friends, but now everyone hugs! I’m so used to hugging people, I once hugged our new neighbor, and I barely knew her. It just seemed like the welcoming thing to do, although she did seem a little surprised, I did it without thinking . . . because I’m a hugger.

[Tweet “Admittedly, some people are extremely private and don’t like people invading their space with a hug.”]

Admittedly, some people are extremely private and don’t like people invading their space. They’re uncomfortable hugging, especially if they don’t know you. I’ve never had anyone take inappropriate advantage of hugging in church, but I suppose that could happen too. And it’s important to caution children to be leery of anyone they don’t know hugging them inappropriately, and be sure your church has a vetting process for everyone working in youth and children’s ministry.

[Tweet “Hugging etiquette considerations at church.”]

Here are hugging etiquette considerations if you’re a hugger like me, but not sure how the other person feels about hugging:

  1. If it’s a first meeting/greeting, shake hands, especially with the opposite sex.
  2. After several meetings, try a side hug. If you feel resistance or tenseness, return to handshakes.
  3. Be open. Explain that you’re a hugger, and ask if they’re OK with a hug in greeting and honor their wishes.

If you’re uncomfortable with hugs, that’s OK. Don’t feel badly or that you have to explain. A bright smile, and kind, friendly greeting speaks volumes.

“An honest answer is like a warm hug.” Psalm 24:26 The Message

What are your thoughts on giving hugs during greeting time at church?

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Overcoming the Naysayers in Your Life

Live Love LaughRustic Blooms*

Hubby and I just returned home from a month in sunny Southern California. We had a great time visiting with friends and family and worshipping in Idyllwild Bible Church and Saddleback Church. Both of these churches hold dear spots in our hearts and as do the godly pastors gifted in leading their congregations to a closer relationship with God. Last week, I shared a message we heard at IBC from John Holesclaw. Many of you commented on how God has been calling you to Go Beyond the comfort and calm of your daily life as God calls you to follow a new vision.

Today, I want to share with you some thoughts from Pastor Rick Warren’s message of Ignoring the Naysayers that might come out of the woodwork when you start following that vision.

As I listened to Pastor Rick preach, I was nodding my head the entire time because I had experienced every one of his naysayer points when I started Woman to Woman Mentoring. In fact, when I train churches on starting Woman to Woman Mentoring, I always warn them to beware of the naysayers and then I tell them how God helped me overcome them to push through and start a ministry that God has taken around the world for the past twenty years.

If you have a vision that’s bigger than you . . . that only God could bring to fruition . . . you’re going to experience naysayers. Here are a few points from Pastor Rick’s sermon with an example from my own experience. I would love to hear about some of your experiences.

Naysayer: “A person who says something won’t work or isn’t possible; a cynic who habitually expresses pessimistic views.”

How I Defeated the Naysayers in Starting Woman to Woman Mentoring and You Can Do the Same in Your Life.

[Tweet “Naysayers are not God!”]

  1. Remember That They Are Not God!

The fear of human opinion disables; but trusting in God protects you from that. Pr. 29:25, The Message

“The bigger God’s opinion in your mind, the smaller the opinions of others.”—Rick Warren

Naysayers don’t know what God has said to you so they don’t understand your dream or vision from God. It’s not their “call,” it’s yours! They are not God.

[Tweet “We can’t seek the approval of men over the approval of God. “]

We can’t seek the approval of men over the approval of God. It doesn’t matter if others don’t agree with us. Don’t worry what other people will think; worry what God thinks.

[Tweet “Don’t worry what other people will think; worry what God thinks.”]

When I was starting the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry, I heard things like:

  • Somebody tried that a few years ago and it didn’t work.

Me: Might have been wrong person or wrong time. I’ll find out what they did that didn’t work and do the opposite. I’ll also try to locate the women who were interested in mentoring at that time. God definitely wants a mentoring ministry at Saddleback now, and he’s told me I’m the one to start it.

  • Twenty years ago, Saddleback was a seeker church and the average age range was 25-45, so people said I wouldn’t find women old enough or spiritually mature enough to be mentors.

Me: Well someone who accepted the Lord six month’s ago is spiritually older than someone who is seeking and who better to relate to a seekers questions and hesitations. We wouldn’t look at Titus 2:3-5 as chronological age, but spiritual age. We might not have large age or maturity ranges, but we would have women who had walked longer with the Lord than someone else.

  • I’d never been involved in women’s ministry before so who was I to start a ministry?

Me: I won’t be influenced by how things “have always been done.” I’ll be open to listening to the Lord and taking my direction directly from Him. My personal writing and speaking ministry became About His Work Ministries.

Ask yourself: Who am I allowing to play God in my life?

  1. Don’t Get Distracted by Negativity

So I replied by sending this message to them: “I am engaged in a great work, so I can’t come. Why should I stop working to come and meet with you?” Four times they sent the same message, and each time I gave the same reply.—Nehemiah 6:3-4 NLT

“Every opportunity comes with opposition.”—Rick Warren

Billy Graham quoted Neh. 6:3-4 when he was doing crusades in London and the journalists were harassing him. He was too busy saving lives to take the time to go down and answer the journalists’ taunts.

Rick said that naysayers’ distractions come in the form of: ridicule, rumors, threats, and endless discussion to slow you down.

I experienced all four of those attacks when starting Woman to Woman Mentoring, I even had a mutiny on my original team, which later became the imputes to write The Team That Jesus Built and Face to Face with Euodia and Syntyche: From Conflict to Community:

  • You should have teas not coffees.
  • “Mentee” is not a word.
  • Who are you to start this ministry?
  • You’re only writing about this to make money.
  • Woman to Woman Mentoring is only for our church not others, so you shouldn’t be writing resources for other churches to start the ministry.
  • You could never match M&M’s simply by prayer.
  • Women won’t come.
  • You can’t match two strangers
  • How are you going to find two women to match in such a large church?
  • And so it went . . .

Ask Yourself: How is negativity distracting you from accomplishing your goal?

[Tweet “How is negativity distracting you from accomplishing your goal?”]

  1. Never Attack Back—Leave It in God’s Hands

When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.—1 Peter 2:23 NIV

“I’m most like Jesus when I stay silent under attack. Bless them instead.”—Rick Warren

[Tweet “Don’t engage naysayers in discussion”]

The best way I found to deal with naysayers was to not engage them. Don’t waste your time and emotion trying to convince them they’re wrong, or getting into endless discussions. This is hard to do because we want to defend our position and get them to agree with us, but I learned to simply ignore them and not give fuel or energy to the negativity. A ministry was being birthed that was clearly God’s will and that’s the only opinion I valued. A successful ministry blessing the women would prove the naysayers wrong.

Ask Yourself: How am I wasting time and energy trying to defend my goal and vision?

  1. Stay Focused on God and His Promises

The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?—Psalm 118:6 (NLT)

“The size of your God determines the size of your goals.Rick Warren

[Tweet ““The size of your God determines the size of your goals.–Rick Warren””]

To do a mighty work for God, we need to remember that we don’t need the approval of others to be happy or successful; we’re only seeking a “well done” from God. I knew that I had received a Feed my Sheep call from the Lord who had revealed that the feeding meant mentoring and the sheep were women. I had said yes to that call and that was the only thing that mattered.

[Tweet “My Great God was going to use me to start a ministry that would change the lives of women for years to come”]

Somehow, someway, my Great God was going to use me to start a ministry that would change the lives of women for years to come. My role was to not be distracted or dissuaded by naysayers, listen closely to the voice of God and do what He said to do, and give Him all the glory for doing something only God could do.

Ask Yourself: What “call” has God given me that He promises to fulfill, if I let Him?

I would love to hear how God speaks to you about overcoming the naysayers in your life.

You can leave a comment below, or if you receive this by email click here.

Portions of this blog are from Pastor Rick Warren’s message “Ignoring the Naysayers” at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California, November 1, 2015.

*Rustic Blooms is a new sign making venture of my daughter Kim Mancini. I’m sure she had a few naysayers along the way (not me), but she’s making beautiful creative artistic signs as the orders pour in and I’m so proud of her.

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“Organic” Mentoring. . . Say What?

My 9 yr-old granddaughter and I are studying together Face-to-Face with Mary and Martha

My 9 yr-old granddaughter and I are studying together Face-to-Face with Mary and Martha

The first time I heard “organic” used in the same sentence with “mentoring” in the church, I was curious and cautious. I wondered: Say what? How’s that working for you? How many women in your church connect “organically” into a mentoring relationship and how does the word “organic” apply in the church?

[Tweet “How many women in your church connect “organically” into a mentoring relationship “]

Synonyms for “organic” in Roget’s Super Thesaurus are:  inherent, intrinsic, innate, native, natural—untouched by man. So using the term “organic” for mentoring implies that mentoring relationships will just happen naturally in the church with no outside help. Yet, when I do Woman to Woman Mentoring trainings on how to formally develop a mentoring ministry in your church and ask the audience how many see mentoring happening naturally in their churches—spiritually younger women asking spiritually older women to mentor them, or vice versa—they respond, negative.

What Does The Bible Say?

[Tweet ” the majority of women in churches do not naturally, or “organically,” live out Titus 2:3-5″]

Perhaps a few mentoring relationships do develop “organically,” but the majority of women in churches do not naturally, or “organically,” live out Titus 2:3-5, where we are instructed as Christian women to:

 Teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

I am sure that Paul, the author of the Book of Titus, expected that women would naturally follow his admonition, and maybe they did in that day, but today, by their own admission, most women don’t have the desire, energy, interest, or feel they have the time to apply these Scriptures “organically.” Common concerns are thinking that they don’t know enough to mentor and fear of rejection.

My passion is to help women understand the biblical mandate in Titus 2:3-5 to mentor each other and to cultivate a culture of mentoring in our churches. But this takes work—for the women’s ministry director and the women she shepherds. In today’s culture, our inherent, intrinsic, innate, natural,—organic if you will—bent is to take care of our own needs and those of our immediate families.

Organic Takes Effort

Organic certainly has a place in gardening, and my husband and I have striven to eat organically produced foods since my first diagnosis of breast cancer twelve years ago. But “man” touches organic gardens; they don’t just happen naturally or innately. Organic produce takes time, energy, and effort to grow and cultivate without chemicals, and hence, the higher price in the market. Organic gardens don’t sprout up and grow inherently or intrinsically—they need an overseer, someone who plants the seeds, waters, weeds, watches over them to make sure bugs and weather don’t destroy, harvests, nurtures, and cares for the garden.

[Tweet “Very few ministries take place organically in a church”]

And here’s my point: so do mentoring relationships and mentoring ministries. Very few ministries take place organically in a church—the music ministry doesn’t organically come together Sunday morning to lead worship without practice, leading, and direction. Children’s programs don’t just spring up organically on Sunday morning without preparation, planning, and supervision. The pastor doesn’t get up in the pulpit and preach whatever organically comes to his mind that morning—he has put in research, energy, effort, planning and study time to prepare his message. People don’t organically become Christians—our natural or native selves are sinful and we must intentionally be born-again.

Rather than using the buzzword “organic,” I propose we think intentional. Intentionally cultivate Titus 2:3-5 in your church, and nurture One generation will commend your works to another, they will tell of your might acts” Psalm 145:4. Help the women learn how to share intentionally their life experiences and God’s faithfulness and help connect and nurture them in mentoring relationships. I guarantee the women in your churches will be “organically” blessed when you have an intentional mentoring ministry—as expressed in this email I received recently from a mentee:

Hi Janet,

About 15 years ago, I attended a Woman to Woman mentoring coffee at Saddleback Church and was matched into a mentoring relationship with Ellie Swain. I just wanted you to know what a blessing that was. I moved to Arizona, and Ellie moved to Arkansas, but we visit each other and talk on the phone nearly every week to encourage each other in our walk with Jesus.

Janet, you made a difference in our lives. Thank you!

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Forgiveness. . . . Forgiveness. . . .

Rick Warren on Twitter: “Someone on the internet sold Matthew an unregistered gun. I pray he seeks God’s forgiveness. I forgive him.

MATTHEW 6:15″

Like us, many of you were saddened and shocked to learn of the loss of Pastor Rick Warren’s 27-year old son, Matthew, who took his own life after suffering for years with depression and mental illness.

Pastor Rick is like extended family to my husband Dave and me. Dave and I attended Saddleback Church for over 23 years, and twenty years ago, we met each other in a small group. We’ve watched Saddleback church grow from meeting in a high school gym, to the mega church the world knows today.

Pastor Rick will always be “our pastor.” Even though we have since moved to another state and are members of a church in our community . . . . we’re still all in the family of God. And so it is that Dave and I mourn and grieve with Pastor Rick and Kay and our extended Saddleback family.

The Grieving Process Can Lead To or Away from God

Matthew took his own life with a purchased gun, but someone took my father’s life with his own gun. He was a California Highway Patrolman killed in the line of duty while trying to help the very man who killed him. My father had chosen a career protecting his community. He died two weeks before his 37th birthday doing exactly what he had signed on to do.

My mother shook her fist at God and said no just God would ever allow this to happen. I watched my mother’s bitterness and anger cause her to deteriorate emotionally, physically, spiritually, relationally . . . resulting in a difficult childhood for my sister and me. Praise God, two years after my father’s death, I was invited to a church youth camp where I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

But when I became an adult, mom and I were estranged for 15 years. Then one of Pastor Rick’s sermons went straight to my heart when he said, “You’ll never experience true love if there’s someone in your life you haven’t forgiven.” I had been a single mom for 17 years and realized that if I didn’t forgive my mom, I would probably never have a happy marriage relationship. I did forgive her and within months, met my wonderful godly husband Dave.

Misconceptions Stop Us from Forgiving

In my Bible study, Face-to-Face with Euodia and Syntyche: From Conflict to Community, I discuss the myths about forgiveness and the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation:

FORGIVENESS is not allowing anyone else to control your emotional life except GOD!

FORGIVENESS is VERTICAL between God and you.

RECONCILIATION is HORIZONTAL between you and the other person

If you’re struggling with forgiveness or difficult relationships, studying Face-to-Face with Euodia and Syntyche will help you discover biblical ways of resolving conflict. Here are several of the myths that prevent us from granting unconditional forgiveness:

FORGIVENESS MYTHS I LEARNED FROM PASTOR RICK

MYTH #1:  Forgiveness must be quick like God’s forgiveness.


TRUTH: Forgiveness is a process.

MYTH #2:  If I forgive, that means that the offense was “ok.”

TRUTH: Forgiveness does not make sin into good. Sin is never “ok.”

MYTH #3:  I cannot forgive until I can forget, just like God does.

TRUTH: We are not God. When God forgives, He doesn’t need to learn anything. We do!

MYTH #4:  If I forgive, I have to reconcile with the person.

TRUTH: You do not have to be reconciled to forgive, but you do have to be able to forgive in order to reconcile.

“Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges” (Colossians 3:13 TLB).

Who do you need to forgive so you can be free from the chains of bitterness and anger? You can do it! Listen to Matthew West’s song “Forgiveness” ,which starts out…

It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don’t deserve

It’s the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have to say the word…

Forgiveness
Forgiveness

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