Home Archives for woman to woman mentoring

What’s Your Story?

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Little girl praying

As many of you know, I’ve been writing the past three months on a new book which will be out March, 2016, How Good is God? I Can’t Remember … Creating a Culture of Memories.  I hope you’ve enjoyed all the guests who have enriched this blog with posts on many varied topics. I’m blessed to have so many talented and gifted author friends and I know you enjoy hearing from them.

I was surprised when several people asked me if I thought this would be my last book? I wasn’t sure why they would ask that except for the fact that we were under great spiritual attack and duress while I wrote on a topic that the enemy hates–remembering God in a culture that is quickly forgetting God.

But that would never stop me from writing and speaking for the Lord, until the day He decides to take me home. My ministry is About His Work Ministries and I plan on being about His work until my last breath. So it might not surprise you that I’m gearing up for the next book. I gave you a glimpse into it several months ago when I asked for stories, but I switched plans when the How Good is God? book had such a short deadline. So now I’m back to the mentoring book and I need your stories.

Do You Have a Mentoring Story?

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If you follow me, you know that my passion is mentoring—Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s faithfulness. Since I wrote Woman to Woman Mentoring: How to Start, Grow, and Maintain a Mentoring Ministry in 1997, God has been starting mentoring ministries in churches all over the world, and mentors and mentees (M&M’s) have been experiencing the blessings of mentoring.

Over the years, many ministry leaders have sent me stories about starting the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry, and many M&M’s have sent me their stories too; but I also know there are many untold stories that would bless my readers. Will you help me write this book?

I Need Your Help

The working title is Mentoring for All Seasons: Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness. Here’s what I could use:

  1. What would you want to read about in a mentoring book about the seasons of a woman’s life?
  2. What would encourage you to be a mentor or mentee?
  3. If you’ve been in a mentoring relationship—either as a mentor or mentee or both—would you tell me your story? Even if it didn’t go like you planned.

If you would like to share your story, please leave a comment and how to contact you. Or go to the contact page on this website and leave me a message with your email address and I’ll give you more details.

[Tweet “If you would like to share your story in my new book …”]

Generation to Generation

FullSizeRender-2My 9-year-old granddaughter Katelyn asked if she could have one of my books for Easter, which made my heart swell with joy. I decided she was not too young for us to do a Bible study together, so I gave her Face-to-Face with Mary and Martha: Sisters in Christ.

[Tweet “An important aspect of remembering God, is helping the next generation know God.”]

An important aspect of remembering God, is helping the next generation know God. It’s our job description as Christian men and women!

Together we can reach, encourage, and teach what we’ve been taught to the next generation.

 Your job is to speak out on the things that make for solid doctrine. Guide older men into lives of temperance, dignity, and wisdom, into healthy faith, love, and endurance. Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior. Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives.

Titus 2:1-6. The Message

 

April 13, 2015
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Effective Mentors Ask Questions

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two women mentoring

Kathy Collard Miller and her husband Larry Miller are the authors of a book I recently endorsed, Never Be The Same. I asked the Millers if they would share with you how some of the principles they discuss in their book could be applied to mentoring. I was delighted when I saw that they chose the topic of asking questions because that is the same advice and training I give to mentors. Instead of lecturing or trying to get the mentee to see things our way, questions can help the mentee arrive at her own conclusions. In my Bible study, Face-to-Face with Naomi and Ruth: Together for the Journey, Session Three, Day Four is on “Asking Questions.” This method works well for parents too.

Effective Mentors Ask Questions

by Kathy Collard Miller and Larry Miller

One of the many goals of mentoring is helping our mentee identify her motive for the choices she makes. All of us react, respond, and choose based on our desires and wants, or what we think will prevent emotional or physical pain. Helping our mentee to recognize motives is a challenge.

[Tweet “Be an effective mentor by asking questions.”]

We are lay-counselors, and as we help people make wise and godly choices, we’ve noticed that long-range change occurs with a heart transformation, not just mental assent. We have also been counseled and mentored, and appreciated the counselor or mentor who asked questions that helped us identify our motives and what we hoped to gain.

[Tweet “Mentees can choose a heart transformation.”]

Why We Wrote Never Ever Be the Same

[Tweet “Why We Wrote Never Ever Be the Same http://amzn.to/1ITmLfy @KathyCMiller”]

We wrote Never Ever Be the Same, to help people discover why they make the choices they do. Rather than encourage them to grit their teeth and vow to be better, we want them to have a deep spiritual change where they trust in God—not self-effort.

Asking Questions More than Giving Advice

[Tweet “Tweet: Ask questions rather than offer advice.”]

Asking questions rather than giving advice helps your mentee to get in touch with her motivations. If you only give advice, your mentee could depend upon you for her power rather than having a heart for God. It can be difficult to think of the questions to ask.

[Tweet “It’s difficult to think of questions to ask as we mentor.”]

Although we don’t provide a list of questions in our book, we do give examples of how we use questions with those we mentor.

Questions to Use While Mentoring

[Tweet “Here are some questions to use for mentoring. “]

Here are some questions we ask. These aren’t in any order, but use according to what the mentee is telling you. Then ask more questions based upon the mentee’s answers or response:

  1. What did the other person’s reaction seem to say about you?
  2. What if you didn’t keep doing that? What do you fear would happen?
  3. What is God inviting you into through allowing these circumstances?
  4. What would you like to say to that person who hurt you?
  5. Why do you believe that’s true when other people have told you it’s not?
  6. What were you hoping or longing for?
  7. What do you feel is lacking in your life?
  8. What does that choice provide for you?
  9. What were you saying about yourself during the time that hurtful thing happened?
  10. How does your behavior leave out God in your life?
  11. How does that behavior protect you from some kind of harm or pain?
  12. Everything is a choice. Why are you choosing that destructive behavior: to gain something or protect yourself from something?
  13. What does your choice say about who God is?
  14. What does your behavior or choice indicate is your belief about God, life, or other people?

Learning to use these questions may take time. Asking them may not bring instant change to your mentee. But the Holy Spirit can use the mentee’s new sense of self-awareness to reveal wrongly motivated thinking and choices. That kind of heart transformation will have long-range benefits.

Share a question that you have found useful in mentoring that the Holy Spirit used to bring a heart change in your mentee.

Leaving any comment here will include you in the drawing for a free copy of Never Ever Be the Same: A New You Starts Today by Kathy Collard Miller and Larry Miller.

 9780891124504-1

Kathy Collard Miller is the author of 50 books and an international speaker. Kathy and her husband, Larry, have been married 44 years and he is a retired police lieutenant who speaks and writes. Larry and Kathy often speak together. They live in Southern California, and have two grown children and one grandson. Visit them at www.LarryAndKathy.com and www.KathyCollardMiller.com.

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Never Ever Be the Same: A New You Starts Today (Leafwood Publishers) offers Christians hope that they can change their destructive patterns of behavior through identifying their sinful self-protective strategies and then being empowered to trust God instead. Their book includes biblical principles, insightful stories, and helpful instruction. It also provides discussion questions for individuals or groups.

Never Ever Be the Same is available at your local Christian bookstore and in both print and digital versions. Even though you may find Never Ever Be the Same can only be pre-ordered on some online bookstores, if you pre-order, your cost may be less when they mail it to you.

Amazon

Christianbook.com

Barnes and Noble

January 12, 2015
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The Call That Changed My Life by Judith Couchman

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I’m delighted to introduce to you a fellow author, Judith Couchman, who shares her experience in mentoring other authors. Mentoring takes place in every area of our lives when one person who is a little ahead of the other in some life experience is willing to share and encourage someone else going through something similar: Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness.

Judith’s Story

Coaching by Camille-Pissarro

Coaching by Camille-Pissarro

If ever I felt stupid initiating a phone call, this was it. As I listened to my cell phone ringing into cyberspace, each pulse mocked me with a repeated warning: You can’t do this. You can’t do this. You can’t do this. I readily agreed with each ring’s caution: it mimicked the fear pounding in my chest. But before I could hang up, Erica answered.

If ever a woman contrasted with me, Erica was the one. Married with two young grade schoolers, she managed her husband’s left-brain medical practice and helped lead the women’s ministry at a church. A lifetime single and ardent writer, I joked that God created me so right-brained, I probably perpetually leaned to the right without recognizing it. I lived as a precarious Pisa Tower in bodily form. I also back pedaled from group attachments and their draining effect on my time and energy. But more and more, I thought about Erica. So much so, I wondered if God was calling.

After some questioning and procrastination, I couldn’t deny the Spirit’s persistent nudging. I finally originated the fatal phone call, the ringing that changed my life.

I’d met Erica at a small writer’s retreat, so we chatted with a vague familiarity. Then I posed the persistent question in my head: “Do you need a writing mentor?”

Without hesitation, she answered yes before I could apologize for asking and hang up.

And that was that. I instantly morphed into a writing coach.

From Dread to Delight

If ever a resistant mentor existed, it was me. Consumed by my own publishing and speaking life, I didn’t gravitate toward guiding writers in close-up relationships. I eschewed the recurring time commitment, the detailed assessments, and the embedded fears accompanying new writers. At the same time, I’d taught at many writers’ events—from expansive conferences to intimate retreats—and doubted the results. How many participants actually returned home and wrote? In my experience, not many.

As the Holy Spirit pressed me about Erica, I wondered if personal mentoring would yield more effective outcomes. In other words, would one-to-one mentoring produce people who actually wrote? Would they actively pursue God’s call to write and publish?

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            Answering these questions meant following the gentle compulsion to call Erica.

Not much time passed before my dread transformed into delight. Through the recommendations of people I trust, I began coaching a handful of writers. Like Erica, new clients fascinated, taught, befriended, and stretched me beyond expectation. And yes, the chance someone will write and publish dramatically increases when a seasoned writer draws in close. This cheers me. This feels like making a difference for God’s kingdom. Like preparing the next generation to impact the world, too.

The Deeper Questions

As I’ve coached writers, mostly those getting started and some changing direction, it’s grown into satisfying, sacred work. However, the scope doesn’t encompass just my clients. It’s also included God challenging and changing me. Usually, He asks me poignant questions. For example:

  • I grew so busy pursuing my own call, I ignored the necessity of bringing along those behind me. This proved a serious oversight because Scripture called me to mentor, both expressly and by example. Instead, I acted selfish and protective. I didn’t give to others. Would I stop this self-centeredness? Early in the coaching process, I confessed this sin to the Lord and repented.

 [Tweet “I grew so busy pursuing my own call, I ignored the necessity of bringing along those behind me”]

  • With so many changes in the Christian publishing industry, I’m unsure about my future as a published author and speaker. Despite my uncertainties, God challenges me to feed into the writing and speaking ministries of others. Is it possible my outreach could extinguish while theirs flames? Am I willing to still invest in them?
  • Can I not feel competitive or jealous of writers twenty or more years younger than me? Can I coach them with an open, encouraging spirit? Can I applaud if they exceed my accomplishments?
  • Can I mentor through difficult personal times in my life? Can I focus on clients and not myself, not expecting anything from them during these troubles?

Answering these questions constitutes an ongoing journey. But as I gradually say yes to each one, shedding self-concerns, I gain freedom, joy, and wonder. I celebrate my clients and their progress. I feel closer to God’s heart. Honestly, sometimes I hardly recognize my coaching self. Except I still don’t like making phone calls.

 

Judith Couchman is an author, speaker, and writing coach with more than forty traditionally published books, Bible studies, and compilations. She’s also contributed to Bible projects. Learn more about Judith and her work at www.judithcouchman.com. Or contact her at [email protected].

 Judith Couchman

 

 

 

October 20, 2014
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Finding Mom Mentors: No Gray Hair Required by Melinda Means

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grayhairedwoman

Melinda Means is our guest today on Monday Morning Blog. I met Melinda for the first time at The M.O.M Initiative Better Together Conference this past summer. Today Melinda writes about something I’m always teaching–mentoring is just being a few steps ahead of someone else. Sometimes it will be an older woman, but other times it might be someone your own age or even younger like in Face-to-Face with Mary and Martha: Sisters in Christ. Melinda talks here about finding a mentor mom, but all of her suggestions apply to finding a mentor in all walks of life.

She never arrived.

I waited for her. Prayed for her. God knows how desperately I needed her.

But, as a young mom, the Titus 2 woman I envisioned never made an appearance.

I so badly needed a more seasoned mom to show me the ropes. To help guide me away from foolish choices and selfish attitudes.

But the sweet, gray-haired wise mentor I dreamed of – the one who’d spend structured time with me each week — never materialized.

Instead, God sent my pastor’s wife. Just a few years older than me, she modeled how to put family before myself in healthy ways.

He gave me another wise friend with kids a stage or two above mine who alerted me to the pitfalls I was going to encounter if I didn’t set better boundaries with my children.

“My kids always know I mean what I say. They never doubt that I’m going to follow through,” she told me. “Yours have to know that, too.”

Although she moved away years ago, I’ve never forgotten those words.

He sent me a lifelong friend who is actually a year younger than me who gave me tough love during a difficult time. God used her to strengthen my resolve and muster the courage to make hard choices during a very painful season with one of my children.

He sent others along the way who gave me just what I needed at a crucial time in my life and mothering.

Some of them are still in my life. Others were there just for a season. Still others didn’t even know they were mentoring me. I simply observed and learned from them, even though I may not have had even more than a passing relationship with them.

It took me years to recognize that these were my Titus 2 women.

She did show up after all! She just didn’t arrive in the package that I expected. I didn’t realize that my Titus 2 woman could look just like me.

[Tweet “I didn’t realize that my Titus 2 woman could look just like me. “]

Many moms do have wise older women who pour into their lives regularly. Today, I count myself among them.

But as a young mom I found the search for traditional mentoring difficult. Along the way, I discovered there’s no age requirement for mentors. They just have to be humble, godly and willing to honestly share the wisdom of their life experiences. As moms, we can learn a lot from women who are just a stage or two ahead of us in the parenting journey.

So how do you find your Titus 2 woman?

I have good news. She’s probably already in your life. You just may not know it. I had to look beyond my idea of what a mentor “should” look like.

Try asking yourself these questions:

  • Do I have a friend who is highly skilled in an area of mothering where I struggle?
  • What women do I know that have godly character that I admire?
  • Have I observed someone in my life who seems to handle difficult situations with her husband and/or children in a way I respect and want to learn from?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you have a Titus 2 woman in your life.

To benefit from her wisdom and experience, all it takes is a teachable heart, keen observation, and the humility to ask for help and guidance.

Are you the answer to someone’s mentor prayer?

We all need mentoring, but we can also be mentors. You could be the Titus 2 woman that someone else is praying for.

Because no matter how inadequate we may feel at times, we always have skills and character traits that someone else admires and can learn from.

God never intended for us to do mothering alone. We need each other.

[Tweet “God never intended for us to do mothering alone. We need each other.”]

Sometimes we just have to open our eyes to the resources around us. And open our hearts to other moms who need our wisdom and support.

No gray hair required!

Melissa Means

Melinda Means

About Melinda:

Melinda is mother to two teenagers — a strapping son and a beautiful and entertaining daughter. She has been a freelance writer since her daughter was an infant, writing primarily for healthcare publications up until several years ago when her writing focus took a decidedly maternal turn.

You can find Melinda on Moms Together, a thriving, interactive Facebook group for moms. She is also a Regular Contributor to Christian Work at Home Moms and More To Be, a mentoring site for mothers and teen girls. Melinda co-authored Mothering From Scratch: Finding the Best Parenting Style for You and Your Family. It will be released by Bethany House Publishers in January 2015.

October 6, 2014
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Do You Have a Mentoring Story?

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 Mentoring

 

“You should write a book about mentoring!” the editor suggested at the International Retail Show in 2006.

“You should write a book about mentoring!” the agent suggested at the International Retail Show this past June!

Do you think God is trying to get my attention? I do, and I’m listening. I so want to do His will.

If you follow me, you know that my passion is mentoring—Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness. Since I wrote Woman to Woman Mentoring: How to Start, Grow, and Maintain a Mentoring Ministry in 1997, God has been starting mentoring ministries in churches all over the world, and mentors and mentees (M&M’s) have been experiencing the blessings of mentoring.

Over the years, many ministry leaders have sent me stories about starting the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry, and many M&M’s have sent me their stories too; but I also know there are many untold stories that would bless my readers. Will you help me write this book?

[Tweet “Do you have a mentoring story to share and encourage others?”]

I Need Your Help

Here’s what I could use:

1. What would you want to read about in a mentoring book?

2. What would encourage you to be a mentor or mentee?

3. If you’ve been in a mentoring relationship—either as a mentor or mentee or both—would you tell me your story? Even if it didn’t go like you planned.

share your mentoring story

If you would like to share your story, please leave a comment below and I can contact you. Or you can go to the contact page on this website and leave me a message with your email address and I can give you more details.

I know God is smiling that I’ve finally paid attention to His call. In the beginning, I thought God’s call was just to write resources to help start mentoring ministries and then teach and train about mentoring. But He’s also been gently nudging me that there’s more mentoring work to do!

[Tweet “Together we can reach, encourage, and teach what we’ve been taught to the next generation.”]

O God, . . .I constantly tell others about the wonderful things you do. Psalm 71:17

September 8, 2014
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The Making of a Mom

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In May, I  introduced you to you my friend Stephanie Shott who has a heart for moms and a burden for moms mentoring other moms, one mom at a time. Stephanie is the founder of The M.O.M Initiative, where I am a mentor mom!

God divinely brought Stephanie and me together from opposite corners of the United States–Stephanie lives in Florida and me in Idaho. But when we met face-to-face last year, it seemed as Stephanie talked, my words came out of her mouth and vice versa. God has give us the same passion for woman to woman mentoring, following the Lord’s direction in Titus 2:3-5.

Today, July 14, is the release of Stephanie’s book the Making of a Mom, which I had the honor of endorsing. We both hope to meet many of you at The M.O.M. Initiative’s first conference July 31-August 2.–Better Together. There’s still time to register.

Following is a glimpse into Stephanie’s story and her call from God to start The M.O.M. Initiative:

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I caught a glimpse of her as she walked across the parking lot. She looked to be about sixteen. Young in years, but great with child.

Reflecting on my own teen pregnancy, I couldn’t help but wonder if she was ready for the journey ahead. Did she grasp the greatness of her newfound role and how everything she had ever known was about to change? Would someone walk with through her motherhood or would she have to go it alone?

I was eighteen when my son was born and had no idea what it meant to be a mom. Oh, I thought the whole mom thing was going to be a breeze, but it didn’t take long to learn that my dream of motherhood was very different from my reality.

I wanted to be the mom who did all the right things, never had to count to three, and baked her own bread.

But instead, I was a single mom, without Christ, without a mentor, and without a clue.

As the years passed, I married, and not long after that I became a Christian. Everything changed except that I still didn’t have a mentor and I barely had a clue.

For me, motherhood was like a messy experiment and my kids were the guinea pigs. 

That was twenty-seven years ago, and as I reflect on the way I muddled my way through motherhood, I can’t help but wonder where all the mentors were. I remember looking up to several women in the church, yet for some reason I was never able to wiggle my way under their wing.

But it shouldn’t have been that hard, and no mom should have to go it alone. After all, mentoring should be woven into the fabric of the church. Right?

[Tweet “no mom should have to go it alone. “]

Mentoring moms is powerful. It’s how you and I can change the world. It’s not only a God-given way in which we can leave a legacy of faith, but it’s also an amazing tool to help us reach our communities and this culture for the Lord Jesus Christ.

Two years ago I started The M.O.M. Initiative—a ministry devoted to helping the body of Christ make mentoring missional. Evangelistic in nature, the mission is to begin M.O.M. Groups that not only minister to moms who know Christ but that we reach those who don’t.

Ultimately, our goal is to reach a MILLION MOMS for Christ. And if only 3 women in 1/2 of the churches in the United States would mentor just 3 other moms, that would translate into reaching a MILLION MOMS for Christ and impacting over 2.5 MILLION CHILDREN as a result.

Sitting in the parking lot, a ministry was born and a book was conceived. I wrote The Making of a Mom to be a unique dual purpose resource. A book to help lay a solid biblical foundations for real moms who are in the trenches of motherhood…to help answer the deep questions of a moms heart and to help each mom embrace the significance of her role as a mother. I want moms to know they are deeply loved and profoundly influential.

I also wrote The Making of a Mom to provide and in-reach and an outreach resource for the church.

To help the body of Christ weave mentoring into the fabric of the local church. As an outreach, The Making of a Mom equips local churches with a unique resource that will help them weave mentoring into the fabric of the church and to reach their communities and this  culture for Christ by mentoring moms in urban areas, in low-income apartment complexes, neighborhoods, prisons, homeless shelters, crisis pregnancy centers, the mission field and wherever young moms can be found.

You see, if we reach the moms of this generation, we’ll reach the heart of the next generation. but if we don’t, I’m afraid we’ll lose them all.

[Tweet “If we reach the moms of this generation, we’ll reach the heart of the next generation.”]

Today, you and I have an opportunity to change the world one mom at a time through the power and beauty of mentoring.

I didn’t have a mentor . . . and I don’t know if that young girl at the gas station will have one either. But no mom should have to go it alone. So, let’s step into our Titus 2 shoes and begin impacting our community and this culture for the Lord Jesus Christ.

We’ll have forever to be glad we did.

To find out more about how you can begin a M.O.M. Group, click this link.

To find out how to sign up to be ONE in a MILLION MOMS who would like to be connected with a mentor and raise your children to know Christ, click this link.

To find out how to order The Making of a Mom.

TheMakingofaMomsmall

July 14, 2014
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Mentoring is Not an Option

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This past weekend, I had the honor of sharing the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry with churches in Sedalia, Missouri. I’ve shared this message hundreds of times throughout the United States and Canada, and I’m as excited and passionate about encouraging and equipping women to mentor, as I was when I first heard God’s call to “feed My sheep” nineteen years ago. The passion never fades—the excitement of telling a new group of women about the blessings of following God’s instructions for mentoring never wanes.

Mentoring is The Job Description for Christians 

When churches call and ask for advice on how to encourage their women to become involved in a mentoring relationship, I say: Take your women to Titus 2:1-8 where the Lord is giving a command to all Christian men and women. He says for spiritually older men to teach the spiritually younger men, and the women to do the same.

Next, I suggest that they point out that there are no qualifiers in that passage. The verses don’t say: If you have time, or if you feel like it, or if you can fit it into your schedule, or if you aren’t doing another ministry, or if you don’t work, or if you feel comfortable with it, or if you feel qualified, or if you feel called…..

They simply say for Christians to just “DO IT”—no options!

In Titus 2:5 and 8, Paul emphasizes why it’s so important for spiritually older men and women to teach the spiritually younger: “so that no one will malign the word of God” (v 5) or “have nothing bad to say about us” (v 8). But today the culture is maligning the Word of God and bad-mouthing Christians because we’ve stopped following Gods instructions in this passage.

God wants the spiritually mature to help newer believers learn how to become godly role models reflecting how His people live and have relationships and marriages so others would seek Christ through us.

Christian living should help rather than hinder the spread of the gospel.

There’s A World of Hurt

Many young women today are struggling in their roles in marriage, as mothers, as friends, as employees, as women in the church. Where are the women who will selflessly reach out and “show them the ropes” of living a life in Christ?

I’ve heard the sad testimony of women who walked out of a crusade or revival meeting or the church service where they accepted Christ, and went right back into their old lifestyle. One woman told me she even went to a party with her worldly friends the very night she accepted Christ! She didn’t know any different. Many new believers backslide and go years with Christ in their heart but not in their head. Their stories have a common theme…

            I know I accepted Christ. I asked Him into my heart, but I didn’t know what that meant. My old familiar life and friends and unsaved family were all still there, and there was no one from this “new life” that would help me learn how to live it. It just seemed easier to go on as I had before. Only now I had a lot of confusion, guilt, and conviction in my life, which made me feel even worse than before I accepted Christ.

Haven’t you heard these stores yourself? We would never let our babies out on their own with no direction as soon as they could walk and talk. Yet, we let these new baby Christians go out the doors of our churches straight into the world, without a hand to hold to keep them safe until they’re ready to be spiritually on their own. This is tragic when there’s a wealth of maturity in the women of our churches. Women who have so much to offer from walking with Christ, and could help these younger Christian women mature in the Lord.

Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness

Taking the time to reach out to a spiritually younger woman is a selfless act of giving and ministry. Not to preach, but teach. To let your life—with all the wealth of good and bad experiences—be a role model that Christ was with you through it all. There are women in your church who desperately need a woman who will honor the command given to each of us in Titus 2. Women who will teach how to: study God’s Word, be a Christian wife and mother, manage a home and family, deal with temptation or crisis . . . be a “lady of the Lord.”

  • Who is assuming responsibility to transmit biblical values to these women?
  • Who is listening to their questions and their concerns and guiding them to the Book with all the answers and the One who fulfills all our needs?

Blessings of Being a Titus 2 Woman

Many of you know the blessings of accepting this Titus 2 call and command from the Lord. When we make an investment in a spiritually younger woman, it enriches our own lives, the sense of connectedness and shepherding in our church families deepens, society benefits, and we honor God’s Word.

Jesus said:  “I tell you the truth, anyone who gives a cup of water in my name because you belong to Christ, will certainly not lose his reward” (Mark 9:41).

You can’t out-give God. As we share our lives with another sister-in-Christ, our own life and our church will receive immeasurable blessings.

If you’ve experienced the miracles and blessings of being in a Titus 2 mentoring relationship, please share your testimony with others who may have questions or may be hesitant to mentor. If you’ve been a mentor, please pray about making Titus 2:3-5 a permanent and ongoing part of your Christian walk.

If you’ve grown spiritually as a mentee, God will put someone in your life who is right where you once were and could use your encouragement and mentoring.

One generation commends your works to another;
they tell of your mighty acts.—Psalm 145:4

clip_image002_005-245x250To start a Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry in your  church:

Woman to Woman Mentoring How To Start, Grow, and Maintain a Mentoring Ministry

March 24, 2014
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Will You Be My Spiritual “Big Sis”? Guest Post By Pat Ennis

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Our guest blogger today, Pat Ennis author of The Christian Homemaker’s Handbook , confirms my passion and mission to encourage churches to be more intentional about applying Titus 2:3-5 in the lives of the women in their congregations. We often think of a mentor as a spiritual mom, but Pat offers the perspective of a mentors being a spiritual big sister—

 

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My commitment to mentoring comes from my early years as a young professional when there was an absence of older women who were willing to lend a helping hand. Many offered criticism, few offered help. I vowed that if I survived, I would be willing to help others on their spiritual and professional journeys. The young women whom I have mentored serve our Lord throughout the world. I love the times when I answer the phone to find one of them on the other end of the line. Their personal visits are always a blessing and their e-mails, cards, and letters often arrive to encourage and minister to me on challenging days. I am looking forward to our reunion in heaven and count it a privilege to be “the older woman” in their lives!

The strategy outlined in Titus 2:3-5 provides the biblical foundation for understanding the mentoring relationship, while the book of Ruth details an example of its application.  However, despite the fact that Titus 2:3-5 is an instruction, not a suggestion, to Christian women . . . few are willing to mentor.  Excuses range from, “I don’t have time” to “no one cares what I have to say”.

A Revealing Survey 

The “Perceptions of Homemaking Study,” which established the foundation for The Christian Homemaker’s Handbook, revealed the twenty-first-century woman’s knowledge of—and ability to perform successfully—life skills commonly associated with the management of the home. In the study, 2,315 respondents completed a 30-item survey. Each respondent could list four skills to complete this statement: The homemaking skills many Christian women lack are. . . .

The 4,599 responses revealed that many younger Christian women lack the homemaking skills of cooking, sewing, organization, time management, hospitality, and cleaning.

Women who would be considered “older women” in their churches (35 and above) comprised 62.9% (1,459) of the respondents. They overwhelmingly replied that they are confident in their homemaking skills. However, as they responded to the open-ended questions, the women expressed concern for the lack of biblical character and practical skills possessed by the younger Christian women (15-34 in age) they encounter.

A Break in the Mentoring Cycle

The results suggest a break in the circuit: he Titus 2:3-5 model is being ignored in our evangelical cycle of women’s ministry. The survey results pose a thought-provoking question: Have the younger women become less teachable or have the older women failed to teach?

Seeing answers, I spoke with the editor of the Biblical Womanhood Blog to discuss how the Titus 2:3-5 passage can be practically applied to a mentor/mentee relationship. A gifted, well-educated young woman in her mid-twenties, she provided some insight to what comprises a meaningful mentoring relationship. She commented that in her opinion a mentor is like having a “big sister” who is willing to make a life-to-life relational investment—nurturing, involved, invested, and a willingness to walk with you through “your journey”.

Probing a bit deeper I asked where the “spiritual big sis” draws the line between being interested and intrusive. I so appreciate her suggestions:

  • Ask questions rather than make demands.
  • Serve instead of control.
  • Demonstrate a willingness to mentor.
  • Be an available voice.
  • Avoid perfectionism. The scriptures challenge us toward excellence. Perfectionism is God’s responsibility. That means the mentor needs to be willing to share her “mess ups” so she doesn’t give the impression she walks on water.

Formal or Informal Mentoring

I believe that mentoring relationships can be either formal or informal and have some practical suggestions for each to share with you.

Formal Mentoring Suggestions

  • Reading and discussing a Christian women’s book together (for example, Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy DeMoss, Loving God with all Your Mind by Elizabeth George, or my book with Lisa Tatlock, Becoming a Woman Who Pleases God).
  • Completing a study like Janet Thompson’s Face-to-Face Bible study series, written for mentors and mentees to do together.
  • Reading and discussing a commentary on a book of the Bible (such as Titus).
  • Memorizing Scripture or keeping a prayer journal and then spending time talking and praying together each week.

Informal Mentoring Suggestions

  • Discussing questions raised by the younger woman (regarding relationships, skills, or life experiences).
  • Working on projects together such as planning events or holidays to learn practical skills in management (set goals then work together to accomplish them).
  • Simply spending time together talking and letting the younger woman see your life and family.
  • Sharing your knowledge about practical home management (menu planning, cleaning house, or paying the bills).

Whether formal or informal, “The Seasons of Mentoring Cycle” begin when younger and older women regularly spend time together.

Pat Ennis is a distinguished professor of Homemaking and Director of Homemaking Programs at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, Fort Worth, Texas. She is a speaker and author, and her most recent release is The Christian Homemaker’s Handbook with Dorothy Patterson (Crossway, March 2013).

Christian Homemaker's Handbook

September 16, 2013
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“Organic” Mentoring. . . Say What?

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My 9 yr-old granddaughter and I are studying together Face-to-Face with Mary and Martha

My 9 yr-old granddaughter and I are studying together Face-to-Face with Mary and Martha

The first time I heard “organic” used in the same sentence with “mentoring” in the church, I was curious and cautious. I wondered: Say what? How’s that working for you? How many women in your church connect “organically” into a mentoring relationship and how does the word “organic” apply in the church?

[Tweet “How many women in your church connect “organically” into a mentoring relationship “]

Synonyms for “organic” in Roget’s Super Thesaurus are:  inherent, intrinsic, innate, native, natural—untouched by man. So using the term “organic” for mentoring implies that mentoring relationships will just happen naturally in the church with no outside help. Yet, when I do Woman to Woman Mentoring trainings on how to formally develop a mentoring ministry in your church and ask the audience how many see mentoring happening naturally in their churches—spiritually younger women asking spiritually older women to mentor them, or vice versa—they respond, negative.

What Does The Bible Say?

[Tweet ” the majority of women in churches do not naturally, or “organically,” live out Titus 2:3-5″]

Perhaps a few mentoring relationships do develop “organically,” but the majority of women in churches do not naturally, or “organically,” live out Titus 2:3-5, where we are instructed as Christian women to:

 Teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

I am sure that Paul, the author of the Book of Titus, expected that women would naturally follow his admonition, and maybe they did in that day, but today, by their own admission, most women don’t have the desire, energy, interest, or feel they have the time to apply these Scriptures “organically.” Common concerns are thinking that they don’t know enough to mentor and fear of rejection.

My passion is to help women understand the biblical mandate in Titus 2:3-5 to mentor each other and to cultivate a culture of mentoring in our churches. But this takes work—for the women’s ministry director and the women she shepherds. In today’s culture, our inherent, intrinsic, innate, natural,—organic if you will—bent is to take care of our own needs and those of our immediate families.

Organic Takes Effort

Organic certainly has a place in gardening, and my husband and I have striven to eat organically produced foods since my first diagnosis of breast cancer twelve years ago. But “man” touches organic gardens; they don’t just happen naturally or innately. Organic produce takes time, energy, and effort to grow and cultivate without chemicals, and hence, the higher price in the market. Organic gardens don’t sprout up and grow inherently or intrinsically—they need an overseer, someone who plants the seeds, waters, weeds, watches over them to make sure bugs and weather don’t destroy, harvests, nurtures, and cares for the garden.

[Tweet “Very few ministries take place organically in a church”]

And here’s my point: so do mentoring relationships and mentoring ministries. Very few ministries take place organically in a church—the music ministry doesn’t organically come together Sunday morning to lead worship without practice, leading, and direction. Children’s programs don’t just spring up organically on Sunday morning without preparation, planning, and supervision. The pastor doesn’t get up in the pulpit and preach whatever organically comes to his mind that morning—he has put in research, energy, effort, planning and study time to prepare his message. People don’t organically become Christians—our natural or native selves are sinful and we must intentionally be born-again.

Rather than using the buzzword “organic,” I propose we think intentional. Intentionally cultivate Titus 2:3-5 in your church, and nurture One generation will commend your works to another, they will tell of your might acts” Psalm 145:4. Help the women learn how to share intentionally their life experiences and God’s faithfulness and help connect and nurture them in mentoring relationships. I guarantee the women in your churches will be “organically” blessed when you have an intentional mentoring ministry—as expressed in this email I received recently from a mentee:

Hi Janet,

About 15 years ago, I attended a Woman to Woman mentoring coffee at Saddleback Church and was matched into a mentoring relationship with Ellie Swain. I just wanted you to know what a blessing that was. I moved to Arizona, and Ellie moved to Arkansas, but we visit each other and talk on the phone nearly every week to encourage each other in our walk with Jesus.

Janet, you made a difference in our lives. Thank you!

July 8, 2013
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Mentoring: It’s a Beautiful Thing!

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I am thrilled to introduce my guest today on the Monday Morning Blog. Stephanie Shott is the founder of  The M.O.M. Initiative, and I am on the Mentor Mom’s Team. Stephanie and I share the same heart and passion for mentoring, and we have walked many of the same journeys. When we met last March at the Mentor Moms Team Retreat, it was as if I was hearing myself speak and looking in the mirror 18 years ago when God first gave me the call to “Feed My sheep”.

Stephanie is the age I was when I started Woman to Woman Mentoring and I’ve often asked God who was going to carry on my legacy of helping women understand Titus 2:3-5 and apply it to their lives. I know it was a God-thing that put Stephanie and me together across the miles. Stephanie lives in Florida and I’m in Idaho…miles apart in distance…but oh so close in Spirit and love for Jesus! Here’s Stephanie…..

______________________________

As the sun began to sneak a peek through the horizontal lines of my mini blinds, I was reminded that another hectic day awaited me. It wasn’t easy being an early bird and a night owl in the same skin, but as a single mom who was struggling to be all and do all, I didn’t have a choice.

Each day held its own basket full of burdens for a girl who wore too many hats and didn’t realize the significance of her role as a mother. I was a single mom without Christ, without a clue, and without a mentor.

As the years passed, I married, and not long after that I became a Christian. Everything changed except for the fact that I still didn’t have a mentor and I barely had a clue.

That was twenty-five years ago and as I reflect back on the seasons of my life, I can’t help but wonder where all the mentors were when I was raising my children. I remember looking up to several women in the church but was somehow unable to wiggle my way under their wing.

Occasionally, I noticed older women walking through a season of life with a younger woman and couldn’t help but think, “What a beautiful thing!”

Perhaps I wasn’t trying hard enough. Maybe they just didn’t notice my need – but I was definitely in need of their words of wisdom as I walked through those important days of motherhood.

But times have changed and while many women still struggle with the whole mentoring thing, there seems to be a resurgence of women who understand the Titus 2 mandate is not only a calling to fulfill but it’s packed with the purpose of leaving a legacy of faith.

The tide is turning and Titus 2 seems to be gaining ground in the hearts of women on both sides of the mentor equation. Women are not only noticing their own need for a mentor, but those who are older are rising up to make a mark on the next generation.

  • It’s a beautiful thing to see women mentor other women through various seasons of life.
  • It’s a beautiful thing to hear how one woman has helped a young college student successfully sort through the decisions that lie before her.
  • It’s a beautiful thing to see a woman be a shoulder to cry on and a heart to listen while a younger woman walks through a painful place in her life.
  • It’s a beautiful thing to hear how a single mom who was struggling to be all and do all found a friend who was older and a bit wiser, and who was willing to step in and help her through those trying times.
  • It’s a beautiful thing to see a sea of women who understand that mentors matter and are now ready and willing to take on that very important role.

When I started The M.O.M. Initiative, I wasn’t sure how women were going to respond. My experience in the 80’s left me wondering if our culture has somehow become so isolated that women wouldn’t even consider mentoring. But what I have found is the opposite is true.

Women are not only longing to be mentored, but mentors are longing to step into their God-given Titus 2 roles and make a difference for such a time as this. Seeing women mentoring others to leave a legacy of faith and change the world one life at a time…well, that truly is a beautiful thing!

Stephanie Shott is the founder of The M.O.M. Initiative

Leading Women to Live Full, Fearless and Faithful Lives
Founder of The M.O.M. Initiative
Author of: Ecclesiastes: Understanding What Matters Most

 

May 27, 2013
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