Archives for 2015

Burnout or Balance?

Today’s guest blogger is a fiction author friend of mine, DiAnn Mills. She has some great tips for us today on how to live a balanced life without burning out. If you want to do a Bible study on this topic you might enjoy my Face to Face with Priscilla and Aquila: Balancing Life and Ministry. Be sure to check at the end of her post for her offer of a copy of her new release, Deadlock. Just leave a comment to enter the drawing. I couldn’t put it down!

Burnout or Balance? By DiAnn Mills

Recently I took an honest evaluation of myself, and I didn’t like what I discovered. Exhaustion pelted my mind and body. Did I mention cranky? Looked older? Felt worse? I rose earlier in the morning and hit the pillow later at night. I cancelled breakfast meetings with friends and attended a writer’s conference where I failed to make all the necessary connections. Still the work piled up, and I wasn’t enjoying what I’d previously loved.

[Tweet “Fight burnout with balance to equip your #ministry. “]

In short, my professional life had spiraled downward into a pitiful heap, and I needed to find a solution.

Some of you may be feeling the same way. No matter how we spend our days, burnout is a painful disorder, but I have an antidote. I found twelve ways to help me be the woman God intended, and I’m sure they will help you too.

[Tweet “”Twelve ways to help you fight burnout – #Christian women””]

Twelve Ways to Fight Burnout!

Everything begins with prayer. Every dream. Every decision. Every dilemma.
Read Ephesians 4:1-7 and write down your purpose. This is your ministry, God’s calling on your life. It’s rich and beautiful and uniquely you.
Thank God for everything placed in your path: the good, the bad, the victories, and the challenges. Repeat these events aloud every morning. I use a “Thankful” journal. If you doubt the value of this practice, check out Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts. You can also follow her marvelous wisdom on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AnnVoskamp. [Note from Janet: I suggest a Thankful Journal and quote Ann Voskamp in my new book coming out in March, Forsaken God: Remembering the Goodness of God Our Culture Has Forgotten.]
Record what you enjoy about being you. Be passionate! Living every moment for God should fill us with unspeakable joy and allow us to worship Him in a personal way. If our lives are empty, then we are on the road to burnout. Examine what does bring joy and pray for God to open a window of hope for you.
Take time to rest. A woman can’t focus if she’s in sleep-deficit mode. If possible, take a few naps and crawl into bed earlier.
Listen to soothing music.
Follow a healthy diet and commit to exercise. Remember the temple we’re supposed to take care of? Satisfaction does its best job when our bodies are being fed the right stuff and it’s in good shape. If this is a problem area, ask God for help and to lead you to an accountability partner. [Note from Janet: Read my Love Your Body blogs the last Monday of the Month.]
Don’t forget loved ones—family and friends. When we’re too busy, we forget about people. Our role on earth is not about how much work we’ve done or a completed check list. We’re to touch lives with the love of Christ.
Discern what is stopping you from being productive in your ministry. A wise woman told me there are many wonderful God-projects in the world, but that didn’t mean God intended for me to get involved with all of them. Practice saying no and feeling good about it. Guilt doesn’t come from God.
Eradicate all those negative influences stopping you from smiling. These can be unhealthy habits or relationships.
Do you need cooperation and support from your family? Call a meeting and pour out your heart. So what if you shed a few tears? We earn our title of drama queen honestly.
Establish a schedule that works for you and stick to it. An accountability partner ensures you’re working toward your goals and accomplishing the purpose for which you were created.

[Tweet “Find joy in your #Christian #ministry”]

Add Balance with Prayer and Study of God’s Word

[Tweet “Add Balance with Prayer and Study of God’s Word”]

This list won’t stop the down days or the mistakes made when we don’t take care of ourselves. But it will help when burnout overwhelms us. When a woman achieves body and soul balance, love and creativity flow like a winding river.

How are you balancing the purpose God gave you?

Leave a comment for a random drawing of a personalized copy of my new romantic suspense novel Deadlock, released by Tyndale Publishing.

If you receive this post be email, leave a comment.

DiAnn Mills is a bestselling author who believes her readers should expect an adventure. She combines unforgettable characters with unpredictable plots to create action-packed, suspense-filled novels. Her titles have appeared on the CBA and ECPA bestseller lists; won two Christy Awards; and been finalists for the RITA, Daphne Du Maurier, Inspirational Readers’ Choice, and Carol award contests. Library Journal presented her with a Best Books 2014: Genre Fiction award in the Christian Fiction category for Firew and she speaks and teaches writing workshops around the country. She and her husband live in sunny Houston, Texas.

DiAnn would love to connect with readers on any of the social media platforms listed at my website.

October 12, 2015

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Someone You Know Has Breast Cancer

Blanket made for me by my daughter-in-law and grandkids for first recurrence.

“I’m sorry…but you do have breast cancer.”

Those shocking words crackling through my cell phone rocked my world thirteen years ago. I was running errands…trying to outrun suspected bad news. After the doctor’s parting words, “You’ll be fine,” I fired up the car engine and started driving and dialing. The first person I called, after I told my husband, was my best friend, but she couldn’t comprehend the diagnosis. “A positive biopsy doesn’t mean it’s malignant, does it?” she asked.

[Tweet “It’s hard to know what to say or do when a friend or relative drops the bombshell news that she has breast cancer. “]

It’s hard to know what to say or do when a friend or relative drops the bombshell news that she has breast cancer. Often our natural response is to recoil and retreat. Maybe it’s the fear of facing our own mortality or the time and emotion required if we do get involved. We ease our conscience by thinking: she would rather be alone right now anyway. Or she needs her family at a time like this. Or she has so many friends; I know someone will help her.

We may send a card or make a call offering to help, closing with “I’ll be praying for you,” then on we go about our life while her life crumbles. Yet the Bible clearly tells us to, “Help each other in troubles and problems. This is the kind of law Christ asks us to obey” (Galatians 6:2 NLV).

How can we put that verse into practical terms? What does it truly mean to help each other in troubles and problems? Perhaps you can glean some ideas from the ways my friends and family came along side me during my initial breast cancer journey and two recurrences.

[Tweet “October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month and I pray that God will make you aware of the women around you with breast cancer”]

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month and I pray that God will make you aware of the women around you with breast cancer and that you’re getting regular exams yourself!

Helping with the Bad Days

[Tweet “Don’t Just Offer to Help—Do Something Tangible”]

Don’t Just Offer to Help—Do Something Tangible

Most of us find it difficult to receive help; we’re hesitant to impose on others. When asked the generic question, “How can I help you?” our common response is, “I’m fine, but thank you for asking.” Truthfully, we need everything, but we don’t know if the person is offering to mop our floors or pick up our kids from school—both of which we need, but are afraid to ask.

Another well-meaning comment I received was, “Just call me if you need anything.” Now how many women are going to pick up the phone and ask for help, especially if they are not feeling well? Again, we don’t know what the person is willing to do for us, and we don’t want to be a burden.

So instead of offering to help—just jump in and do something. If you know your friend well, you know where she needs help; and even if you don’t know her well, you know where all women need help. If she is in the midst of cancer treatment, she is going to need assistance with every area of her life, especially if she is single. Here are some practical ideas:

Schedule her friends, family, and church to bring meals. Use your lunch break to take her lunch and eat with her.
Offer to drive her to doctor’s appointments or treatments and take notes for her.
Shuttle her kids to and from school or find someone who can.
Sit with her during chemo treatments or accompany her to radiation. Talk, read a book to her, or just hold her hand.
Take her children on a play date or to your house.
Do her laundry.
Do her grocery shopping. If she is too sick to dictate a list, take an inventory of her refrigerator and cupboards and make your own list.
Answer her email.
Bring her a gift that makes her feel feminine.
If she feels like talking, sit and chat with her. When she doesn’t feel like talking, just be a presence in her home so she doesn’t feel alone.
Babysit her kids so she and her husband can have some private time.
Clean her house or pay someone to do it.
Go with her to pick out a wig or prosthesis.
Pick up prescriptions.
Run errands.

[Tweet “Don’t Say, “I’ll Pray For You,” Unless You Mean It”]

Don’t Say, “I’ll Pray For You,” Unless You Mean It

At church a couple came up to greet my husband and me and asked if they could pray for us. That meant so much to me as we wrapped our arms around each other, and there on the church patio, this precious couple prayed for my recovery and Dave’s strength for the journey. When we finished, the wife asked where we needed help. I hesitated because I knew this woman didn’t like to cook, but Dave quickly interjected, “We could use a meal.” She didn’t flinch. She said they would be over the next night with dinner, and they were…and they prayed for us again.

“I’ll pray for you” is said too often with the casualness of “Have a nice day.” But a promise to pray isn’t just a feel good phrase. We are telling someone that we will petition God on her behalf, and we are living falsely if we don’t. I find it’s best to stop in the moment and pray right then. It keeps me honest and blesses the other person.

Helping to Enjoy the Good Days

[Tweet “Be happy with your friend with breast cancer when she’s happy”]

Be Happy with Her When She’s Happy

Cancer is a grim word. Overnight life becomes serious, tense, and laden with fear. There is very little laughter during those first shocking days following the “dreaded diagnosis.” But life continues and there are going to be good days interspersed with the bad. An insightful friend will capitalize on the moments of reprieve when there is an opportunity to laugh or smile. Be ready, because it may only last a moment, but the break from pain and fear is immeasurable.

If your friend is having an especially good day, avoid topics that you know will bring her down. You aren’t minimizing or making light of the seriousness of the situation, but you are giving her a recess from the intensity. Don’t fake happiness, but take advantage of humorous or lighter moments. Smile. Laugh. Be happy. Don’t let the serious eclipse the humorous.

I remember laughing at myself one day in the shower when I realized that I was so carefully not shaving under my left arm because of the lymph node surgery, that I also wasn’t shaving my left leg. I frequently retold that story so people could laugh with me.

[Tweet “Nurture a breast cancer survivor’s need to feel like a little girl again”]

Nurture the Little Girl Inside Her

When I was in the hospital, the nurse in charge of the breast-care unit gave me a white stuffed toy sheep named “Fleece.” Taking Fleece with me everywhere, I held him as a shield in front of my sore breast, tucked him under my arm as an armrest, and snuggled next to him in bed. For six months, I indulged my childish need for security and no one chastised me for it. In fact, they acted like it was normal. And I discovered when I was writing my book, Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer, that it was normal! One woman who shared her story in the book had a black stuffed sheep named “Lamby” that she cuddled in her hospital bed. Another received a baby-sized pillow, and she recalls, “That pillow became a part of my wardrobe for eighteen months.”

Comfort and Security Gifts

A stuffed animal, pillow, or quilt.
A favorite food.
A game she loves to play and play it with her.
A movie she loved as a kid and watch it with her.
A surprise reunion with childhood friends.
A tea party.
A fun hat—even if she hasn’t lost her hair, she might not feel like fixing her hair.
A new nightgown that buttons down the front.
An ice cream cone.
A nightlight
A copy of Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer a Companion Guide for Women on the Breast Cancer Journey signed by me to her. Many women tell me it’s as if I’m walking right beside them.

[Tweet “Shower with love a woman with breast cancer”]

Shower Her with Love

Kay Warren shared with me about her breast cancer experience, “I don’t know how we would have gotten through this difficult time without the outpouring of love and support from so many. I have not felt alone at all…which is such an amazing gift!” And that it is…love is the best gift you can give to your friend suffering with breast cancer. Don’t desert her when she needs you most. Right now, she requires extravagant love, and God will help you when your heart is breaking or it just seems too sad or too hard. John 13:34 tells us to love one another just as God has loved us. God is the author of love and He knows just what your friend needs, and He will show you how to love her when she is feeling unlovable.

Surprise her. What woman doesn’t love an unexpected gift or demonstration of how valuable she is to us? We were in the midst of a messy kitchen remodel when breast cancer assaulted me. Everything in my life seemed out of control. But I felt so loved the day I returned home after the painful needle biopsy and spotted amongst the rubble—gift bags full of treats with balloons attached and a card from two girlfriends assuring me they had been praying during the ordeal.

Ideas For Showering Your Breast Cancer Friend With Love

A Spa day at a salon, which treats women with breast cancer.
If she wears a hat or scarf, wear one too.
Tell her how much you love her and what a great friend she is.
Stick with her even when the treatment lingers on. Her biggest fear is that others will not endure the journey.
Include her in as many activities as she feels up to.
Go to a breast-cancer support group with her.
Plan a girls’ day or night out, when she feels up to it.
Sit and watch old movies with her—even if she falls asleep.
Do her makeup.
Pray for and with her.

The Bible assures us in Proverbs 17:17 that “A friend loves at all times.” What a privilege it is to put that verse into practice for your precious friend with breast cancer. You probably won’t be able to do everything I suggest and I hope you have ideas of your own, but as a three-time breast cancer survivor, I assure you there are three things that will endure through the good and the bad times—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

The Top Thirteen Things to Do or Say and NOT to Do or Say to Someone with Breast Cancer

Article includes excerpts from Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer: A Companion Guide for Women on the Breast Cancer Journey.

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October 5, 2015

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Love Your Body—Break the Food Strongholds

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. ⁴The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. ⁵We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Fitting into one leg of old jeans

Last month, in the Love Your Body series, we talked about Weight Loss is Not the Goal. If you haven’t read that blog post yet, you might want to start there. That post points out that anything but a well-balanced, portion-controlled eating pattern for life, will only be a short-lived weight loss. The gimmicks and enticements to get you to lose weight with a “program” or “product” will never work over a lifetime. You become a discouraged victim of diet failures instead of celebrating victorious success.

[Tweet “The only way to maintain a healthy body weight is learning how God designed your body to sustain with natural wholesome food He created for us to eat.”]

The only way to maintain a healthy body weight is learning how God designed your body to be sustained with natural wholesome food He created for us to eat.

We need God to help us achieve and maintain a healthy weight, just like we go to Him in every area of our lives. Why would we think He doesn’t care about our health when He created us?

[Tweet “Abusing our bodies with anything—drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, and yes, food—is a sin against God.”]

Abusing our bodies with anything—drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, and yes, food—is a sin against God. We make food, or the quick-fix diet plan, our god, our idol when we’re … lonely, sad, depressed, emotional, happy, frustrated, needing comfort, worried, bored, tired, … you know the drill.

In last month’s Love Your Body post, I mentioned how I often observe friends posting pictures of their weight loss on Facebook. Every time I see one of these pictures, I ask my friend how she/he lost the weight. Then my next question: How are you going to maintain your weight loss? If they’ve done anything besides eating a balanced diet, cutting back on portions and empty calories, and exercising, I know they’ll struggle to maintain their weight loss. They’ve only altered their eating habits for the duration and directives of the “diet” or “program” or “regime,” and they have no tools to help them maintain their weight after they eventually go off the diet, program, or regime and start adding foods back in that they like or missed….or worse yet, return to their old eating habits.

So when I saw the before and after pictures (in this post) of my author/speaker friend, Debbie Dittrich, on Facebook, I asked Debbie, “What are you doing and what’s the maintenance plan? Debbie shared with me how she lost the weight, but admitted she wasn’t sure how she was going to maintain this weight loss for a lifetime, and asked for my help.

Debbie with hubby before weight loss …

Debbie gave me permission to share her story, and in November, I’ll share the maintenance plan I suggested that would work for anyone wanting to stay at a healthy weight for life. But remember, I don’t recommend going on any diet or program that requires buying products, eliminating food groups or meals, or deviates from eating from the five food groups. And BTW, sugar is not a food group, but grains and dairy are and they carry a wallop of vitamins and mineral so never eliminate them. You may need to modify the type you eat for allergy reasons, but you will experience nutrient deficiencies if you exclude them entirely.

Debbie and hubby after weight loss. He lost weight too!

I know many will relate to Debbie Dittrich’s story as told by her! I’ll make comments at the end:

Janet, I was desperate to be free. I’ve been obese for 30 years, trapped in gluttony, sin, shame, and hopelessness. I believe mine was an addiction, and like any addiction, a stronghold of sin. I was at the end of my rope last November and had never felt worse. I’d had three surgeries within five months and was in constant pain. I could hardly move or walk. I cried out to God for deliverance and He reminded me of an email from my granddaughter the year before about a group for food addicts.

I looked at it and went that night! Food addicts is a 12-step program based on AA. I needed the balanced food plan with no sugar. I went to three meetings a week, made three outreach calls a day to other members, and worked my program. I thank God for it, but realized after six months, I needed to leave to continue with the Lord as my guide. I saw many people were as addicted to the plan as they were to food!

[Tweet “Many people were as addicted to the food plan as they were to food!”]

I’ve still been successful. Without sugar, I have zero cravings. Sugar is SO addictive! ALL my constant aches and pains are gone now. I had NO idea what havoc sugar was creating. I still have some pain from degenerative arthritis, but the difference is night and day! And perhaps my amazing energy and health explains why sticking to this food plan isn’t a problem for me.

[Tweet ” I sought food first when I felt any emotion or exhaustion, and God second.”]

Food is now just fuel, not entertainment! Honestly, food was my god. I sought food first when I felt any emotion or exhaustion, and God second. I had no idea I was doing that.

God is my One true God and I seek Him first now! I probably have 15 to 20 more pounds to go. But I am honestly looking for a good maintenance plan that will be doable for the REST OF MY LIFE! I cannot live the way I did before ever again.

This was the first time in my life that I approached weight loss as something I had to do forever and not just as a quick fix to lose weight.

Overeating is a Spiritual Battle

[Tweet “I now realize my problem was a heart issue more than a diet issue.”]

I knew how to do every single diet imaginable! I now realize my problem was a heart issue more than a diet issue. I needed a lasting heart change that only the Spirit of God can bring and maintain. I pray daily to surrender my eating to Him forever.

[Tweet “Every pound of weight puts about 6 to 8 pounds of pressure on your knees.”]

I was so blind. People would try to help me, and I would go on diets and lose enough to make me look better, but then I would quit. I constantly cried out to God. I had no quality of life. Everything was hard. My knees are bad and every step hurt. Every pound of weight puts about 6 to 8 pounds of pressure on your knees. No wonder they hurt! About 500 pounds of pressure are gone now! My cholesterol went from 210 to 165. That was in 2 months. It’s probably less now.

I wake up ready for life and ready to go; whereas before, it took me hours to wake up from my food coma. It’s such a huge spiritual issue. Overeating is a tool of the enemy to defeat us and deceive us daily … and we let him!

[Tweet “Overeating is a tool of the enemy to defeat us and deceive us daily … and we let him!”]

I was so helpless and hopeless.

I knew I did not need another diet; I needed deliverance! God used a food plan, not a diet, to deliver me. It took months, but God gave grace and began to show me what the true spiritual issues were.

For me, I realized fear controlled me and I used food to medicate and soothe myself. But overeating only made my fear worse! I’ve learned to surrender daily to Him, trusting Him, believing that He has given me “everything I need for life and godliness.”

[Tweet “Many of us with this “little issue” have no idea how we’re losing a huge spiritual battle every day and Satan is thrilled.”]

This is a battle zone, as you know. Many of us with this “little issue” have no idea how we’re losing a huge spiritual battle every day and Satan is thrilled. By fighting this battle and dying to self, I am clinging to Jesus through His Spirit.

By walking in self-control, I’m proclaiming the Gospel! I’m shouting, with no words, that Jesus is enough, not only for eternal life, but also for daily life. Not just to be thin, but to be free to love and serve Him by loving and serving others. Thin is just a welcome benefit. When I’m absorbed and obsessed with food, I have no room for God, much less others.

Well, I could talk forever about this! I would love to get your input for a good maintenance plan.
Thanks for all you do.
In Him,
Debbie

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2

Food Is Not the Enemy

[Tweet “Food Is Not the Enemy”]

I am NOT promoting Food Addicts for several reasons:

1. Overeating isn’t an addiction, it’s idolatry: food plays too important a role in an overweight person’s life.

2. Addictions are usually to something that is bad for us and the solution is to abstain and avoid. God made our bodies to require food so we can’t abstain or avoid food.

3. Food Addicts doesn’t include God, as Debbie wisely realized is essential to a lasting heart and health change.

However, the Food Addicts food plan is fairly balanced, and it’s natural food with reduced daily calories, portion control, and modifying eating habits, but as Debbie pointed out, you can become “addicted to the diet plan.” Debbie did mention she and some of the other members lost hair and that could be due to insufficient calories to provide essential vitamins and minerals or varying fruits and veggies.

[Tweet “Crash diets are NEVER healthy diets and can do long-term damage.”]

Food isn’t the enemy, Satan is. The only way to be free of Satan’s overeating stronghold is to put food in its proper place in our life as fuel and eat sensible proportions of a well-balanced diet with limited sugar and no processed foods. That’s a food plan you can stay on for life.

I wrote a Bible study for First Place 4 Health because they address the physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental aspects of eating and offer group accountability, menus and recipes for eating a balanced diet and suggestions for exercise programs. But most importantly their health program centers around God: “As we learn to keep Christ first in our lives, we will find that He is the One who satisfies our hunger and our every need.” When my churches Women’s Group did the study I wrote, God’s Best for Your Life, without even focusing on the food plan, one of the ladies lost 15 pounds by simply learning to love her body like God loves it.

https://womantowomanmentoring.com/publications/bible-studies/#best

God’s Best for Your Life

In November, I’ll share with you the maintenance tips I gave to Debbie for how to eat and stay fit for a lifetime.

Did you identify with Debbie’s testimony? Did you realize overeating is a spiritual battle?

Do you have questions for Debbie? Ask them here and she’ll answer.

If you receive this post by email, comment here.

Love Your Body Like God Loves It

September 28, 2015

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Prisoners of “Choice” by Patti Smith

As believers, we know God’s timing is perfect; we just need to listen for His voice and obediently follow the guidance and direction He gives us daily. My ears are always open to His voice, and I’m looking for God in every circumstance of my life. Several weeks ago, I posted on Facebook this article, The Power of Pro-Life Women: It’s time to harness “feminine authority” to protect the unborn. I added this comment:

This is a great article. Women deserve better than abortion. They’ll have to live with the grief, trauma, guilt, sin, and consequences for the rest of their lives. Abortion is not a “women’s issue”; rather, it is a human issue that affects women uniquely” and women need to speak out against it offering hope, encouragement, and support for saving human lives. Men can only speak intellectually … women speak from experience. Don’t let Hilary be the women’s voice in the next election.

A short while after posting that comment, I received a Facebook Private message from Patti Smith: “Don’t know if you read my blog post about pro-life feminists but here is the link.” Patti sent me the link to today’s blog post, which I’m sharing with her permission. It’s a powerful article and a dramatic window into the other side of the Pro-choice feminist rhetoric about women’s health and right to her body.

Patti’s article here, along with the newly released Sidewalk Chronicles, in which Patti appears, should encourage you to be the “feminist” voice for why Prolife is the healthiest choice and right of women and babies. Sidewalk Chronicles is about an hour long, so after you read this blog post, grab a cup of coffee or tea, and listen to the voices of women like Patti who know the tragic effects of abortion on the life of the woman. It exposes the ugly truth that Planned Parenthood never tells women, and exposes the ignorance of “Pro Choice” advocates who are clueless about the prison of guilt and shame these women experience.

This article will also help women struggling with the abortion choices they’ve made in the past. At the end of the post there are post-abortive helpful resources.

For now, read Patti’s account of using her testimony to help women who have had abortions and find themselves not only in an emotional prison … but also inmates in physical prison.

PRISONERS OF “CHOICE”

by PATTI SMITH

Three of us stood at a bulletproof window separating us from an armed, uniformed receptionist. She slid a sign-in sheet and black pen through a small opening and asked us to sign it and exchange our driver’s licenses for a visitor’s badge. I thought back to the orientation: In the case of lock-down, visitors will be escorted out; however, under certain circumstances they may be required to stay until the situation is resolved. What was I getting myself into? Maybe my husband was right, and I should have declined the invitation to co-lead one of the, post-abortion healing retreats that Rachel’s Hope takes into the local women’s jail.

The metal door opened and for security reasons, we had to go through one door at a time. I was first, and as the door thundered shut behind me, I faced another metal door. Being claustrophobic, I started breathing heavily in this little portal, even though it was only seconds before the second door opened.

The chaplain and biggest supporter of bringing post-abortion healing to incarcerated women, waited for us on the other side of the doors. The retreat was in the library on the opposite side of the facility. Curious eyes followed us as we passed the high chain link fences that enclosed small yard areas outside each dorm-style cell. The cells seemed absent of any form of comfort or homeyness … just bunk beds and bare walls.

We arrived at the library and began making the room less institutionalized: more inviting and calming to create an environment that would help the participants forget for a while where they were. Open flames weren’t allowed, so we scattered battery-operated candles around the room. The chaplain provided pencils … the tiny ones used by golfers because larger ones are potential weapons. We brought in a variety of snacks—a special treat for participating in the program and one more way to make the women feel special.

[Tweet “I expected to see cold-hearted criminals, smacking gum, and sneering at the “church ladies,”]

I expected to see cold-hearted criminals, smacking gum, and sneering at the “church ladies,” but as the seven women entered, I was taken aback. Although displaying pleasure with the décor and practically drooling over the snacks, they were visibly anxious and nervously chatting among themselves. One inmate, Ann, told me later that she, as well as the others, avoided approaching “the ladies” in fear of saying something stupid or wrong. In addition to anxiety, their faces displayed defeat, sadness, and pain.

Sharing Their Abortion Stories

The first activity involved going around the room and sharing our abortion stories. We three co-leaders went first. As we spoke, the women nodded their heads and exchanged knowing looks. Although I was the only co-leader that suffered from alcoholism, albeit sixteen year sober, and institutionalized for depression, we all had past demons. While we shared, the women whispered, “Them too?”

[Tweet “All but one in the group had obtained multiple abortions, including Susan, who had over ten, using it as birth control “]

Their offenses primarily related to drug and alcohol possession, possession for sale, and some cases theft and assault. All but one in the group had obtained multiple abortions, including Susan, who had over ten. They either had been encouraged to abort by parents or a significant other, felt it was best due to their living situation, or as Susan candidly disclosed, “a form of birth control.”

They tried to maintain a sense of “being cool” while sharing their stories, but it didn’t take long before the dam of pain and remorse broke, releasing torrents of tears. Regardless of the circumstances surrounding their pregnancies, they weren’t prepared for the havoc their “choice” would wreak on their lives.

Abortion Often Leads to Destructive/Abusive Behavior

[Tweet “Substance abuse is common among many women trying to deal with the emotional turmoil from abortion”]

Substance abuse is common among many women trying to deal with the emotional turmoil from abortion. It’s a temporary way to forget or minimize what we have done; however, the negative feelings continue to surface, which leads to more and more self-medicating. Dependence increases to the point of desperation and total loss of control. These women were all involved with drugs and alcohol at some level, and hearing their stories, I thought, There but for the grace of God, go I.

I’m a recovering alcoholic. Abusing alcohol was the method I used to forget my two abortions. I drove drunk all the time, but never got caught. I could have easily caused an accident resulting in injury or death to another person and ended up attending this jail retreat instead of co-leading.

[Tweet “While drugs and/or alcohol are used to numb emotional pain of abortion, they also disclose other self-destructive behavior, such as promiscuity. “]

While drugs and/or alcohol are used to numb emotional pain, they also disclose other self-destructive behavior, such as promiscuity. None of these women served time for prostitution, but they all admitted to numerous sexual encounters. Again, the same applied to me; in fact, I had a nickname back in the day: “Pass around Patti.” Sex is a weapon to combat self-loathing. We’re duped by the misguided notion that sex equals love, so the more love, the better. Eventually, we come to our senses and end up demoralized and ashamed.

In an attempt to “settle down,” we try to become monogamous, and end up in multiple unsatisfying, or sometimes abusive, relationships. I’ve been engaged too many times to count, entered into several affairs with married men, and am on husband number three. A distorted self-image makes us feel undeserving of being truly happy so we “settle,” which only adds more misery to our already fragile emotional state.

Assault behavior can stem from suppressing feelings of lack of control in our lives, and subsequently, those feelings escape in the form of physical violence. When we transfer the pain to another, the relief is so great; it mimics a chemically induced “high.” Just as with drugs and alcohol, however, the “high” eventually dissipates, and the need for relief returns. Personally, I resorted to verbal assaults, lashing out at loved ones for no reason. The pain I inflicted left emotional scars as ugly as any physical ones. I spared no one in my family or circle of friends.

When discussing destructive behaviors and consequences, each of these women disclosed something that had not even crossed my mind. In an odd twist of fate, their self-destructive methods of dealing with the emotional turmoil of abortion(s) eventually resulted in losing custody, temporarily or permanently, of the children they chose to keep. This happens on the “outside” as well. Self-destructive behavior doesn’t always lead to illegal activity, but threatens the well-being of children.

[Tweet “Self-destructive behavior doesn’t always lead to illegal activity, but threatens the well-being of children. “]

As for me, I never lost custody of a child, but I did purposely lose the ability to have one. I convinced a doctor to give me a tubal ligation at the age of thirty, and I know of other women compelled to do the same.

[Tweet “All destructive behaviors, illegal or otherwise, are a way of coping that reflects a form of self-punishment. “]

All destructive behaviors, illegal or otherwise, are a way of coping that reflects a form of self-punishment. Three of the inmates admitted to having suicidal thoughts, a permanent solution to end the pain and anguish. Their admission brought back memories of the darkness I experienced prior to institutionalization for being suicidal and telling the psychiatrist that I was already dead inside and just wanted to finish the job.

The Lies of the Abortion Industry Revealed

As the retreat progressed, we grew to love these women, and when it was over, we hated to say good-by. Although we weren’t supposed to have physical contact, hugs were in order.

When I initially walked through those metal doors, I expected to find a significant difference between “them” and “us.” Instead, I realized we are all sisters in suffering that fell prey to the pro-choice rhetoric. We experienced the same pain, remorse, and regret, and exhibited the same behaviors, just to different extents. We used whatever means necessary in an attempt to find peace and regain control of our lives.

[Tweet “The abortion industry uses the feminist movement as its primary marketing target”]

The abortion industry uses the feminist movement as its primary marketing target by promoting “my body; my choice” as a source of empowerment. But empowerment requires that a woman feels comfortable in her own skin, confident, and at peace. Once a woman has an abortion, empowerment slowly slips away leaving a gaping wound in her soul filled with pain, self-hatred, guilt, shame, and remorse.

[Tweet “The number of pro-life feminists is growing,”]

The number of pro-life feminists is growing, which actually should be the rule rather than the exception. They are the ones not only fighting for the rights of the unborn, but for the well-being of women. They are exposing the lies perpetuated by the abortion industry; the lies that lead women to believe that choosing abortion over life is a source of empowerment with no ill effects.

Really? Take a walk with me behind that metal door.

If you received this post by email, leave a comment here.

Note from Patti: I am not claiming incarcerated post-abortive women are there because of their abortion. They’re incarcerated due to their actions. However, the psychological effects of their “choice” could have easily exacerbated other contributing factors.

Note from Janet: All names, expect Patti’s, are fictitious, but the story is all too real! Please share this post, and let’s all become “Prolife feminists” who support the right to life and the right to a woman not experiencing the emotional, physical, and spiritual ravages of abortion. Listen to Sidewalk Chronicles for ways to help these women save their baby’s life and their own lives.

Rachel’s Hope is located in San Diego, CA, but there’s also an international program Rachel’s Vineyard, and many others listed at Silent No More.

Patti J. Smith serves as Regional Coordinator for the Silent No More Awareness Campaign, leads Rachel’s Hope After-Abortion Healing Retreats, and recently developed a follow-up retreat, “The Healing Continues,” a contemplative/meditative one-day program to reflect on life after healing. She has shared her testimony at the San Francisco Walk for Life, speaks at a variety of venues in the San Diego area, and appears in the recently released documentary, Sidewalk Chronicles, She has also been a guest on Immaculate Heart, Cradle My Heart, and Blogtalk Radio as well as Radio Maria.

Patti is the author of Moments with God, and Redeemed, co-authored a Christian romance series, and is completing Volume 4 of her own Christian suspense series. Visit Patti’s blog.

September 21, 2015

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Kim Davis: A Modern-Day Paul

If you do not stand firm in your faith, then you will not stand at all. Isaiah 7:9 HCSB

You’ve probably been following the case of Kim Davis, the Rowan county clerk in Kentucky imprisoned in federal jail for refusing to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Kim worked in the county clerk offices for 26 years as deputy for her mother, county clerk for 40 years, and then the community elected Kim last November to that position after her mother’s retirement. However the most impressive statistic about Kim Davis is that as a Christian of only four years, she was willing to go to jail to honor God.

[Tweet “the most impressive statistic about Kim Davis is that as a Christian of only four years, she was willing to go to jail to honor God.”]

When Kim took the job as county clerk, like most of us, she never imagined a day when America, a country founded on Judeo/Christian values, would legalize a moral atrocity like same-sex marriage. Kim didn’t seek notoriety or attention and she’s not the first county clerk to object to granting marriage licenses to gays, but she is the first who was willing to put her Christian faith on the line. In her statement, she wrote that her refusal to issue marriage licenses to gays “Is not a light issue for me. It’s a Heaven or Hell decision.”

[Tweet “her refusal to issue marriage licenses to gays “Is not a light issue for me. It’s a Heaven or Hell decision.””]

She added: “I want to continue to perform my duties, but I also am requesting what our Founders envisioned — that conscience and religious freedom would be protected. That is all I am asking. I never sought to be in this position, and I would much rather not have been placed in this position.”

She also used her statement as an opportunity to give her testimony of becoming a Christian. Like the apostle Paul, and all of us, she had a past, but she’s forgiven and saved and telling others:
“In addition to my desire to serve the people of Rowan County, I owe my life to Jesus Christ who loves me and gave His life for me. Following the death of my godly mother-in-law over four years ago, I went to church to fulfill her dying wish. There I heard a message of grace and forgiveness and surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. I am not perfect. No one is. But I am forgiven and I love my Lord and must be obedient to Him and to the Word of God. I never imagined a day like this would come, where I would be asked to violate a central teaching of Scripture and of Jesus Himself regarding marriage.”

Three times in the book of Jeremiah, in response to the moral sins of the people, God also said, “I have never commanded such a horrible deed; it never even crossed my mind to command such a thing!” (Jer. 7:31, 19:5, 32:35 NLT). It never crossed most of our minds that our country would ever consider doing something so abominable and against the nature of how God created marriage and men and women.

Side Note

When people ask me: “Where in the Bible does Jesus condemn homosexuality?” I counter with “Where does He condone it?” The people of Jesus’ time knew the Old Testament and they were fully aware of what constituted moral sins and what goes against God’s ways. Something our culture has forgotten. Jesus didn’t explicitly say don’t have sex with your animal either, so does that mean it’s OK and marriage to your animal whom you “love” should be legalized? And if it was, would you expect Kim to grant those licenses too?

[Tweet “The LGBT advocates and supporters have no moral argument and they know it”]

The LGBT advocates and supporters have no moral argument and they know it. Dark chooses to stay in the dark. “The look on their faces testifies against them, and like Sodom, they flaunt their sin. They do not conceal it. Woe to them, for they have brought evil on themselves” (Isaiah 3:9).

Praise God, if you’re a believer, “He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light. ¹³For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son” (Col. 1:12:13).

[Tweet “What saddens me is the number of Christians and churches buying into the lie”]

What saddens me is the number of Christians and churches buying into the lie. Any Christian who supports gay marriage and doesn’t think it’s a sin, doesn’t know his or her Bible, cover to cover. I don’t care if they’re pastors, popes, priests, presidents, legislators, judges … they’re human, fallible, and wrong! “Your leaders mislead you, they confuse the direction of your paths” (Isaiah 3:12).

[Tweet ““Your leaders mislead you, they confuse the direction of your paths” (Isaiah 3:12)”]

They have stepped out of the light into the darkness. If you’re one of those people, I implore you to open up your Bible, start in Genesis and read all the way to Revelations. Don’t pick a verse here or there, read the whole Book of God and you will clearly know what God calls sin–immorality, idolatry, murder, lies, sexual perversion and lust, adultery and more …. It’s all in there along with what He thinks of those who support, encourage, and purposely engage in sin. You don’t want to be one of those people. Kim Davis, who has only been a Christian for four years, reminded us: “It’s a Heaven or Hell decision.”

[Tweet “There’s no right way to do the wrong or immoral thing!”]

I’ve had Christians ask me what I think Kim Davis should have done, and I answer, “Just what she did.” There’s no right way to do the wrong immoral thing no matter who tells you to do it or what immoral laws our government passes. If anything, they should grandfather her in and not expect her to abide by a “law” that changed long after she started working in the county clerk’s office. Granting gay marriage licenses isn’t the job she signed up for: compliance or quitting aren’t viable options. That sounds a lot like a dictatorship. Some have tried to use the verses about giving unto Caesar what is Caesar’s. Again, that tells me they don’t know their Bible. Those verses were talking about taxes. Don’t cheat on your taxes. But let’s look a little closer at the whole context of what Jesus said in Matthew 22:17-21 NLT:

¹⁷Now tell us what you think about this: Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?”

¹⁸But Jesus knew their evil motives. “You hypocrites!” he said. “Why are you trying to trap me? ¹⁹Here, show me the coin used for the tax.” When they handed him a Roman coin,^[a] ²⁰he asked, “Whose picture and title are stamped on it?”

²¹“Caesar’s,” they replied.

“Well, then,” he said, “give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, and give to God what belongs to God.”

What’s on the back of your coins?

thatyoumightknowhim.com

What Next?

Those who are honest and fair,
who refuse to profit by fraud,
who stay far away from bribes,
who refuse to listen to those who plot murder,
who shut their eyes to all enticement to do wrong—
these are the ones who will dwell on high.
The rocks of the mountains will be their fortress.
Food will be supplied to them,
and they will have water in abundance. Isaiah 33:15-16

As I write this post, Kim Davis was released from jail and we all wait for what will happen when she returns to work. Last Sunday, Kim Davis was still in jail when our pastor Brian Smith spoke on the book of Colossians. He emotionally prefaced that the Lord had him pacing in his office as he prepared this sermon, especially in light of current events. He read an introduction to us prior to the sermon. Before I share that introduction with his permission, let’s look at a few passages Paul wrote to the Colossians while he too was in prison for his faith. Remember that the Colossian believers were also bucking the Roman government who wanted everyone to recognize Caesar as Lord.

So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. ¹⁰Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy… Col. 1:9-11

Christ Is Supreme

¹⁵Christ is the visible image of the invisible God.
    He existed before anything was created and is supreme over all creation,^[a]
¹⁶for through him God created everything
    in the heavenly realms and on earth.
He made the things we can see
    and the things we can’t see—
such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities in the unseen world.
    Everything was created through him and for him.
¹⁷He existed before anything else,
    and he holds all creation together.
¹⁸Christ is also the head of the church,
    which is his body.
He is the beginning,
    supreme over all who rise from the dead.^[b]
    So he is first in everything. Col. 1:15-18

²³But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News. The Good News has been preached all over the world, and I, Paul, have been appointed as God’s servant to proclaim it. Col. 1:23

Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers^[a] of this world, rather than from Christ.” Col. 2:8

Pastor Brian Smith’s Opening to Sermon on Colossians:

There are voices in our world who tell us that we are to follow their authority. People who claim to know what is best for nations and individuals are hard at work to mold everyone into their image. This is not new: Rome had a plethora of gods and idols, and above all was the emperor. The people of his kingdom were to declare, “Caesar is Lord!”

China has a similar attitude, but there the government, communism, is to be recognized as the supreme ruler. To disagree is to be in jeopardy of the charge of “upsetting the social order.” Any activists can expect severe persecution or prison.

Our country is evidently following a similar secular, materialistic agenda: Federal laws are pre-eminent, government is the provider of goods for life, and to think differently brings the charge, “You are upsetting the social order!”

Christians are made to look like they missed the bus—“This is the 21^st century. Get in step with the advancements of this society and culture. Life is changing and the experts are to be followed, you dummies!”

[Tweet “Christians are confident that God’s ways have not changed”]

However, we as Christians are confident that God’s ways have not changed. He is the ultimate expert; He is Creator and Sustainer of the universe and of our lives. To contradict Him is to invite disaster, personally and universally. We’re already seeing these effects.

Our spiritual education is important; learning God’s ways is a priority and following the One who holds eternity has greater consequences than trying to have peace and security apart from God. So we need to tune into God.

He is not oblivious to your needs and circumstances. He will meet you where you are, but each of us must turn to face Him, acknowledge Him, respond to what He reveals, and obey.

Janet’s Challenge to You

Christians put an expressly Christian movie, War Room, in the #1 ranking in the box office over Labor Day weekend. Surely, we can put a Conservative, Bible-Believing-Following, Christian in the Oval Office! Let’s do it…are you with me?

Woe to those who call evil good
and good evil,
who substitute darkness for light
and light for darkness,
who substitute bitter for sweet
and sweet for bitter. Isaiah 5:20 HCSB

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September 14, 2015

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Love Your Body—Weight Loss Is NOT the Goal!

“I will read your posts on Loving Your Body. I have seen them before, but as you know, I wanted a fix but didn’t want to do the work.” Debbie Dittrich

If you’re on Facebook, you’ve probably noticed the same phenomenon I have, and maybe you’ve been part of this scenario. A peep suddenly posts a picture looking fabulous after losing a great deal of weight. Everyone congratulates her and “oohs and ahhhs” at how wonderful she looks as she joyously grins with achieved success.

Then as suddenly as the pictures appeared, months go by with no pictures, and then you see a picture and your heart sinks … at least my Dietitian’s heart sinks … she has gained all the weight back, and maybe more! Or some, like Oprah, we actually watch on television go up and down in weight over the years as she tried different diets.

What happened? Why wouldn’t they want to maintain their amazing loss? Why wouldn’t they want to stay thin and healthy? Why wouldn’t they want to enjoy wearing all those beautiful new clothes they bought?

I’ve discovered the answer is always the same—a weight loss regime they couldn’t possibly maintain for life. Fast and noticeable weight loss was the immediate goal, without a long-term goal and plan to keep the weight off.

[Tweet “”Weight loss without a realistic lifetime eating plan is doomed to failure!”]

Maybe they lost the weight by eliminating certain food groups, extremely low daily calories, shakes, drinks, shots, pills, surgery, ready-prepared boxed or frozen meals, eating the exact same thing daily …. Anxious for a quick fix, they did something drastic to get results with no long-term maintenance plan. They couldn’t go a lifetime on that regime. Once the weight goal was reached, or they ran out of money for the costly shots or products, they slowly, maybe quickly, went back to their old eating habits, which they hadn’t learned to modify or change.

Weight loss without a realistic lifetime eating plan is doomed to failure!

“While I know that I must eat properly I do not think that means eating the same thing for 17 years!” Debbie Dittrich

[Tweet “God made our body to operate best on the food He created in the quantities that maintain our body He created in optimal health.”]

God made our body to operate best on the food He created in the quantities that maintain our body in optimal health. When we try to circumvent His plan for good nutrition by eliminating a food group or going on a crash diet … we’re going to crash too. It’s not how God made us to subsist.

I recently saw a friend who had lost weight and I commented how great she looked. She said her goal was to be thin for her high school reunion. Her main concern now was keeping the weight off for the next two months until the reunion. And with those words, I knew that once the reunion was over—the goal of being thin for the reunion—she would feel the freedom to go right back to her old eating patterns and soon the lost weight would return. Unconsciously, she was acknowledging that what she was doing to lose the weight was going to be difficult to maintain for two months, not a lifetime. I mentioned that the first time I met her she was on a diet, and her comment was like those of so many, “I’m always on a diet.”

Maintenance is the Goal, Not Weight Loss

“This time it’s different,” my goal is to keep this and maintain this throughout my life. Before I’ve had more of a view of ‘Get to the goal, have the goal.’ Now I really looked at it as this is my life, and until I’m dead basically, I am going to keep this this way, instead of like, ‘Oh I lost 50 pounds and now I can do whatever I want.'” Kirstie Alley on the Today show January 6, 2015, after losing 50 pounds.

Kirstie Alley has publicly gone up and down with her weight. When she’s a Jenny Craig spokesperson, she does great, and when she quits the “program,” she gains it back. The above quote looks like she finally realized that weight loss was not the goal, she needed to eat the way she ate to lose the 50 pounds for the rest of her life to not gain it back. I don’t know if she was successful in sticking to the right goal.

[Tweet “people who lose weight gradually and steadily—about 1 to 2 pounds per week—are more successful at keeping the weight off.”]

Even though our human nature makes us want to see quick results, people who lose weight gradually and steadily—about 1 to 2 pounds per week—are more successful at keeping the weight off. Healthy weight loss isn’t a “diet,” “program,” or “gimmick.” It’s an ongoing lifestyle that includes long-term, doable changes in daily eating and exercise habits.

Once you’ve achieved a desirable weight, by relying on healthful eating and physical activity, you are more likely to be successful at keeping the weight off over the long term.

Losing weight is not easy, and it takes commitment.

The problem with all the fads, diets, programs, regimes …they’re meant for immediate gratification of quickly experiencing drastic change because that’s our world today. Slow and steady doesn’t’ give us the satisfaction we need. That’s why quick-fix “miracle” ads attract so many:

The 10-day Weight-Loss Program
How to Reach Your Desired Weight in a Month While Eating All You Want
Lose up to 10 pounds in a week

Or one I recently saw: “Secret Method to Getting Slim Fast.” I’ve been drinking this miracle drink for about 3 weeks now. My friends won’t stop asking how I became so thin in such a short amount of time. I’ve become half the size I once was!”

Here’s the Weight-Loss Secret Revealed—There’s NO Secret Miracle Way to Get Slim Fast and Keep it Off!

Everyone acknowledges, and few try to defy, how God created gravity—stepping off a cliff = downward plunge. But many have spent thousands of dollars trying to defy the way God created our bodies: calories in minus calories expended = our weight. There’s no big secret and no way to secretly, miraculously change it. But millions of people buy into a lie that it’s possible for them.

The Way God Created Our Bodies

Energy (calories) IN and energy OUT = maintained weight

The Only Goal that Equals Maintained Weight is a Life-Heart Change Goal

I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Philippians 4:12-13

Identify:
1. Why you want to lose weight?

Why you eat?
When you eat?
What are you eating now that’s contributing to your weight?

Then set realistic goals that are maintainable and healthy:

One to two pound loss a week
Exercise, 30 to 60 minutes most days that you can and will do
Learn how to choose and prepare healthy food. Understand what constitutes a balanced diet.
Reduce portion sizes and eat three meals a day.
Track what you’re eating.

[Tweet “A healthy diet means eating a selection from all the five food groups “]

A healthy diet means eating a selection from all the five food groups in portion sizes that will help lose or maintain weight without sacrificing health.

I love the colorful Choose Plate website because it gives great information on how to determine your caloric requirement, what’s in each food group, portion sizes and so much more for the whole family. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention also has an amazing website to learn what “healthy” really looks and tastes like.

[Tweet “To be successful at long-term weight loss, we must adopt a new lifestyle,”]

To be successful at long-term weight loss, we must adopt a new lifestyle, just like when we became Christians and we put off the old way of life and put on the new. The new healthy you will make changes to adopt and embrace healthy eating habits, be more physically active, and learn how to change eating behaviors and habits.

Next month in our Love Your Body blog, the last Monday of the month, I’ll share a testimony from my friend and fellow author/speaker Debbie Dittrich who I quoted in this post. Debbie has lost a great deal of weight and shares with us the spiritual battle that kept her chained to bad eating habits for thirty years. She’s working at breaking those chains, and as they fall off, so does her weight.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians 5:17

Are you ready to make a dietary commitment to your health to love your body like God loves your body?

Can you see why having a weight loss goal isn’t successful without a long-range maintenance goal?

If you received this by email, comment here.

August 31, 2015

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Would Anyone Know You’re a Christian?

Grampa Dave giving grandson, Brandon, a golf lesson!

“Darn it!” my husband Dave muttered after hitting his golf ball into the woods.

He was playing golf in a scramble game with a group of men he’d never met before.

“Is that all you have to say?” asked one of the men.

“Yes, that’s it,” said hubby.

Later in the game, Dave made a birdie putt that earned his team a 3^rd place finish. The team captain was elated, “Somebody buy that man a beer!”

Hubby, “Thanks, I don’t drink, but a Diet Coke would be great.”

A man in the group, “Are you LDS?”

Hubby, “No, I go to the Community Church.”

When my husband relayed these conversations to me, God put several thoughts on my mind:

My husband’s actions were a great witness on the golf course.
But why did they assume that because he didn’t swear or drink that he was LDS? Why didn’t they ask if he was a Christian?

[Tweet “why did they assume that because he didn’t swear or drink that he was LDS?”]

Actions Speak Louder Than Our Words, or in this Case, Lack of Words

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18

I’ve heard many Christians justify their actions and words by saying they can reach more people for Christ if they “fit in,” but you’ll never find that practice supported in the Bible. Instead, the Bible instructs us to put off the old way of life and put on the new. It also tells us that we’ll be in the world, but we’re not to conform or “fit in” to the world.

¹⁸They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. ¹⁹Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.

²⁰That, however, is not the way of life you learned ²¹when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. ²²You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; ²³to be made new in the attitude of your minds; ²⁴and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

²⁵Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.

Ephesians 4:18-25

In last week’s blog post, How to Mentor in a World Forsaking God, I mentioned that corrupt tax collectors, Zacchaeus and Matthew, each invited Jesus to their home and He went. Many people like to use these two scenarios to justify their own actions in participating in worldly activities. It’s true, Jesus did receive criticism for hanging out with sinners, but He had a mission and a purpose. He didn’t go to their homes to party with them and participate in their sins and corruption … he wasn’t going to cheat people out of their money like these two men or celebrate and condone their deception with a drink and a toast.

Zacchaeus and Matthew had invited friends to their houses and Jesus had a readymade audience. He went there to tell them about the Gospel and how they could turn from their wicked ways and sins, ask for forgiveness, and become new men in Christ. He went into their world to tell them about His world–to make them His followers, not to follow them! A caveat many people miss.

[Tweet “Jesus went into their world to tell them about His world–to make them His followers, not to follow them! “]

Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. ²A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy. ³He wanted to see who Jesus was, but because he was short he could not see over the crowd. ⁴So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way.

⁵When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” ⁶So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly.

⁷All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner.”

⁸But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.”

⁹Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. ¹⁰For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.” Luke 19:1-10

As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector’s booth. “Follow me,” he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.

¹⁰While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. ¹¹When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”

¹²On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. ¹³But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Matthew 9:9-13

The Great Commission, Matthew 28:16-20, commands us to go to those who don’t know Christ, but our mission is to share Jesus with them, not hide our faith.

Daily Walk Devotional, August 4, 2015, Suggests an Enlightening Exercise:

Think back over the last seven days and count the number of people you have talked to: family members, coworkers, classmates, friends, neighbors, service people, store clerks [golfers or other sports participants]. Don’t forget those you communicated with by phone or e-mail, or over the back fence.

Now subtract the number of those who are already Christians. How many are left—5, 10, 20, or more? That represents the number of opportunities you have each week to offer hope, encouragement, and a word of witness to a lost world.

We Should Never “Fit In,” There Should be Something Different About Us!

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“Set yourself apart. You weren’t made to fit in. You were born to stand out!” Jim Caviezel

Jim Caviezel is the actor who portrayed Jesus in Passion of the Christ. As I was writing this blog post, the Lord got my attention on Facebook with a picture of Jim in an article that talked about his Pro-life commitment and adopting two Chinese children with brain tumors. But as I read further, I came across a video of Pastor Dave Cooper interviewing Jim at Rock Church in San Diego. As I listened to the interview, Jim said exactly what I had already written here in this blog! In the heading above, I had used the same words he uses in saying that Christians should never “fit in.” I would encourage you to watch the entire powerful interview. Here are several quotes from Jim Caviezel, a follower of Jesus:

“We all have a choice. Freedom exits not to do what you like, but to do what you ought.”

“God doesn’t send anyone to hell; they choose hell.”

[Tweet “Many Christians want to be a little bit pagan to fit in.”]

“Many Christians want to be a little bit pagan to fit in. They don’t want to be Holy”.

“You have to take Jesus with you in your life every day. He’s part of you. People need to see God in you. They’ll want what you have.”

“When you live in holiness, when you really try to stop sinning, you become braver. You become more courageous, you become a man of your word. You become a man of conviction that you’re not willing to sell out and you’re really a true knight in shining armour.” [From another related article]

How Do We Take Jesus with Us?

When others are laughing at dirty jokes, we don’t laugh and change the subject.
When others are cussing or taking the name of the Lord in vain, we don’t. We might respectfully say, “Hey, that’s my Father [or God or Jesus] you’re talking about there. Is He yours too?”
When others are getting drunk, we don’t. We sip on a nonalcoholic beverage.
When offered a drink, and we don’t drink, we say, “No thank you. I don’t drink, but I’d love a glass of water.”
When someone asks us to do something we know isn’t right, i.e. take drugs, watch a movie full of sex and bad language, cheat, hang out with the wrong crowd … we refuse and try to get them to not do it also.
When others accept something we don’t accept—abortion, gay marriage, couples living together—we don’t go along with the conversation, which insinuates we agree with them. We kindly let them know we’re not in agreement and why.

Silence conveys confirmation.

We don’t give in on the little things or the big things.

¹²Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, with integrity and godly sincerity. We have done so, relying not on worldly wisdom but on God’s grace. 2 Corinthians 1:12

Why Did They Ask My Husband If He Was LDS?

The short answer to that might be because we live in a heavily populated Mormon area. But the long answer is that many Christians have let the world influence them instead of them influencing the world. Christians don’t stand out from the crowd anymore. They should, but they don’t.

Christians differ with Mormons on theology, but the one thing you can’t differ with is that you don’t see Mormons drinking, swearing, or telling dirty jokes, and they make their family a priority. Maybe you’ve see some who differ from this, but I live amongst them and I haven’t seen it yet. They are kind and generous, and I don’t think they would ever be mistaken for being “worldly” or trying to “fit in.”

So what’s wrong with Christians? We know the Truth. We know that Jesus is the son of God, He went to the cross to save us from our sins, and Jesus is the ONLY way to eternal life with Him. It’s a personal decision no one can make for us, and no amount of works or being good will save us. But familiarity can lead to complacency. We’re bombarded by tolerance to sin today, even the legalization of sin by our government.

Christians can become desensitized to sin around us and in our own spiritual life.

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Desensitization: a process by which a patient with allergies receives injections containing an increasing amount of the substance to which that patient is allergic. As a result, the body in time becomes accustomed to the foreign substance and is no longer irritated by it.

Because Christians rely so heavily on grace, it’s easy to become complacent and tolerant of sin in the world and in our own life, despite the apostle Paul’s warning in Romans 6:1-2: “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?

We’ve seen in the world, and even in some Christians lives and churches, sins once considered unthinkable are first tolerated, then condoned, and ultimately openly endorsed. Instead of the Christian faith influencing the world to turn from their sins and wicked ways, many Christians have let the world influence them to accept and condone some sins.

For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. 1 John 2:16

Those men on the golf course knew from my husband’s actions and words that he was a man of faith and they respected him. He can still play the game of golf and be in the “world,” without compromising his beliefs, faith, or conservative standards. And guess what, they still want to play golf with him; he still “fits in” the golf world even though he doesn’t swear or drink with them and they now know he’s a Christian. What a mission field he has.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ²Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

³For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. Romans 12:1-3

What ways do you see Christians trying to “fit in” with the world?

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August 24, 2015

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How to Mentor in a World Forsaking God

See note at end of blog for Thelma Wells comment about this picture*

You might want to grab a cup of coffee or tea before you start reading because today’s post is a little longer than usual. Once I start talking about mentoring …it’s hard to stop.

Since Adam and Eve, every generation has lived in a fallen world, but I think you would agree that our culture is falling away from God faster than any time in history. What one generation did in moderation, the next generation does in excess.

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Just as the apostle Paul saw the need for mentors in his day, as he wrote to the young pastor Titus, we desperately need mentors today. And yet, many who should be stepping up to mentor and teach the next generation are falling away just as quickly as our world is falling away from God. Do you see the same correlation that I do?

Such a sad, but true reality … and because spiritually older men and women are not reaching out teaching and training the next generations, young people are left to figure things out on their own while listening to the liberal barrage of worldly advice derailing them from every direction—media, schools, friends, the community…. They’re not hearing the truths of God; they’re bombarded with the lies of Satan. And yet, God set in place a way to prevent this. Yes, we could have avoided much of the evil happening in the world today if Christians and the church had been willing to invest in mentoring the next generation.

[Tweet “we could have avoided much of the evil happening in the world today if Christians and the church had been willing to invest in mentoring the next generation.”]

Praise God there are still many Sunday school teachers sharing the Gospel with the precious little ones who manage to find their way to church. And many churches have a youth ministry, but then as young people mature and start making their own decisions, the church often backs away when needed the most.

[Tweet ” The church often backs away when needed the most”]

Instead of helping young people confront the difficult issues they’re dealing with today, the church becomes shy and reserved about discussing real world issues. Instead of ensuring these young people have mature Christians involved in their lives, like Paul was to Titus and Timothy and Elizabeth was to Mary, the church pulls away and so do the young people. Abandoned when they need guidance and counsel the most! Here is just one example of what our young people and parents are dealing with today:

The witness of God on the human heart will be silenced by a culture that approves of what we naturally know is wicked and damaging. To isolate just one issue, as transgender identity spreads and is accepted, little boys and girls who years ago would have received sound counsel to inhabit their God-given bodies will instead be encouraged to undergo drastic surgery. They will experience profound confusion as a result and will be –by some estimates—twenty times more likely to commit suicide than their peers. This is just one illustration of the baleful effects of the forces that now bully our body politic into conformity to anti-wisdom and anti-truth.” Owen Strachan “What the Future Holds” Tabletalk August 2015

What Can We Do?

[Tweet ““Wisdom is the capacity to see things from God’s perspective and to respond to them according to scriptural principles.””]

So how do we everyday ordinary Christian women make a difference in today’s confused and fallen world? We speak, teach, and train the Truth straight from the Bible. In “In Touch” devotional, Dr. Charles Stanley defines wisdom: “Wisdom is the capacity to see things from God’s perspective and to respond to them according to scriptural principles.” We need to help spiritually younger women learn spiritual wisdom from the Bible to help them navigate the moral decline of our country.

For example, there are Christians and even pastors and churches today who say that Jesus never spoke against homosexuality, but no matter how many credentials these pastors and churches have behind their names, they’re only revealing how unwise and unfamiliar they are with the entire Bible. They forget that Jesus and God are One and God clearly delineates throughout the Bible the roles of men and women in marriage and sexual relationships, and that marriage is an earthly replication of Christ with His church. All you have to do is go to a concordance or Biblegateway.com to see verses like:

I delight greatly in the Lord;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. Isaiah 61:10

As a young man marries a young woman,
so will your Builder marry you;
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
so will your God rejoice over you. Isaiah 62:5

From the beginning to the end of the Bible, you clearly see God’s plan for marriage between a man and a woman and the delineation and roles of each gender. The people of Jesus’ day knew the Old Testament teaching about sin, they didn’t need it spelled out for them by Jesus. Jesus didn’t specifically say don’t snort cocaine, don’t engage in sex trafficking, don’t murder unborn babies and sell their body parts either, so does that make them all ok? Of course not! The people of Jesus’ day knew it was a sin to degrade their bodies, engage in sexual immorality, or murder and these are still sins today. So we need to help the next generation understand how to apply the entire Bible to living a moral upright and righteous life instead of trying to use the Bible to justify a sinful immoral unrighteous life.

How Does Titus 2 Apply Today?

The verses in Titus 2:1-8 describe God’s plan for mentoring men and women and those verses are just as applicable today as they were when Paul wrote them. I’ve said many times that these verses are the job description for every Christian man and woman. I like the J.B. Phillips translation for this discussion. Let’s look at each verse starting with the men. And by the way, I want you to think of “older” and younger in terms of “spiritually older” and “spiritually younger.” Remember this is the apostle Paul telling young pastor Titus how mentoring works:

Now you must tell them the sort of character which should spring from sound teaching. The old [older] men should be temperate, serious, wise—spiritually healthy through their faith and love and patience.

So Paul tells Titus to provide sound teaching to the spiritually older men so they will be spiritually mature, wise, patient, and full of love as they lead their homes and teach the younger men (verses 6-8). Then likewise, these same things apply to the women along with areas specific to women:

Similarly, the old [older] women should be reverent in their behaviour, should not make unfounded complaints and should not be over-fond of wine.

Synonyms for reverent are worshipful, respectful, and humble. Many translations refer to unfounded complaints as not gossiping and slandering others. And interestingly Paul warns women against drinking and some translations even use the word addicted to wine. I’ve written many times on why drinking is a bad role model and Paul thought so too.

They should be examples of the good life,

This doesn’t mean the good life in terms of material possessions and a pain-free life, but the amazing joy and peace we experience as followers of Jesus and receive God’s goodness.

Those verses describe mentors who are positive godly role models—not telling, but showing mentees how to live as Christian women. I inserted “older” because you don’t have to be old in chronological years to mentor … just spiritually older than the person God asks you to mentor.

so that the younger women may learn to love their husbands and their children, to be sensible and chaste, home-lovers, kind-hearted and willing to adapt themselves to their husbands

The result of spiritual mentoring is mentees learning how to be loving wives and mothers who aren’t persuaded or influenced by the world’s ways. I love the way this translation describes keeping house as home-lovers who have kind and gentle hearts toward their husbands. How many marriages might have been saved if young wives had a mentor!

—a good advertisement for the Christian faith.

The NIV reads, “so that no one will malign the world of God.” When we live the way God wants us to live, we’re a walking Christian testimony. But people today are maligning the Word of God and trying to trash the Bible. But we can help women be a shining example of all the Bible stands for by how we live our personal lives, raise our families, and help others find the peace that only God can provide in a world quickly turning its back on God. We can make a difference one woman at a time.

And here are Paul’s final words in this passage to the young men:

The young men, too, you should urge to take life seriously, letting your own life stand as a pattern of good living. In all your teaching show the strictest regard for truth, and show that you appreciate the seriousness of the matters you are dealing with. Your speech should be unaffected and logical, so that your opponent may feel ashamed at finding nothing in which to pick holes.

Does this sound overwhelming to you? It shouldn’t, because this is how God wants every Christian to live for Him, and we’re just sharing that life with another woman: Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness—my tagline. Someone helped us learn how to live as mature Christians and now God wants us to pass on what we learned to a confused and vulnerable generation. The God of the Bible is still the God of the 21^st Century.

A Survey of Women’s Ministry Directors

Dr. Gail Hayes daughter Gabrielle was 10 yrs old when her mom brought her to an Advanced Writer's and Speakers Conference and other Christian authors mentored her. Today Gabrielle is 17 and just signed a two book contract!

Dr. Gail Hayes’ daughter Gabrielle was 10 yrs old when her mom brought her to an Advanced Writer’s and Speakers Conference and Christian authors mentored her. Today Gabrielle is 17 and just signed a two book contract!

God gave me a call into ministry and a passion for spiritual mentoring. He has imprinted on my heart the urgency of every Christian passing God’s truths on to the next generation so they will embrace His ways for themselves. Not telling them what we believe, but helping spiritually younger men and women have a personal relationship with Jesus. Then we take the next step nurturing them to develop the knowledge, wisdom, and conviction to live for Christ, even in a world quickly turning to the ways of Satan.

[Tweet “This means we need to care about the next generation more than we care about ourselves.”]

This means we need to care about the next generation more than we care about ourselves. Our hearts need to break for confused young women who don’t value their worth and virtue as they look for sexual thrills, escape reality through drugs and alcohol, become dissatisfied with their appearance, or even their gender. We need to reach them quickly with the message that they are daughters of the King before they let the world make them slaves of Satan.

I did a survey recently on Facebook asking how many in Women’s Ministry would invite, welcome, or allow young women starting around age 15 to their events. Here’s a sampling of replies. I would encourage you to prayerfully read them all and see what God says to you about your personal role in mentoring and what your church is doing to mentor the next generation:

Yes, it is a way to mentor them. I think it’s fine if they’re come with their mother, aunt or someone else who is older.
No better place for her to be than with godly role models and those with a genuine walk with Christ.
We are their example!
I think it depends on subject matter. We’ve put age limits on women’s retreats because we’re trying to make a safe place for women to share personally about difficulties that may be too intimate to come out in casual conversation at coffee after a Sunday service. These deeply private issues are not likely to be shared within a group that has younger girls in attendance. (And probably shouldn’t be)
It would depend on the occasion. Special events, yes! An overnight retreat where confidentialities are shared…not.
Specific events, yes, but not across the board. I do think that we (the organized church) have placed too much emphasis on “youth group” being kids. They really are young adults and if we trained up our children biblically, there doesn’t seem to be a time for running around with peers and treating college life as if it’s a kids club, i.e., “college kids.” I’m more open to bringing those young women along right from their pre-adulthood … more so than I used to be.
I agree. There was a time that 14/15 was seen as grown and people of that age were treated as such.
If the topic/focus is intimacy in marriage, I think 15 and up is the perfect age for girls to acclimate into women’s events. They are being inundated and influenced by the most godless culture like no other time in history. There’s something powerful about women of like faith gathering together to worship and bask in His presence. Our girls need to be in that environment as much as possible. Feeling free and safe to share and be vulnerable are best and most appropriate in smaller group settings.
For retreat … 14 and up with a pre-interview required with each girl 18 and under. In other words, I would suggest that the mother or adult woman could not simply register them. This approach works well at our Christian school, placing responsibility for success on the student, rather than the student being enrolled by their parent(s). What is the purpose of the retreat? Will the young teens hinder the purpose? OR … make sure that your adult women attendees understand that when they register, they are agreeing to be part of the mentoring team at the retreat … training for both young and old. This means 24/7… when they lie down, when they wake up, and when they walk by the way….
I agree that the youth groups can cause what I can only describe as a ‘segregated’ body. One way to get the younger women 13-16 involved is in areas of service, such as a funeral dinners, VBS, nursery helpers etc. this way they will make a connection with the women who are involved in serving in women’s ministry and true relationships are formed then they have women to look at as examples. They then have an adult they can trust and to go to when they need advice or help.
I spoke at a retreat where teens 15 and older were invited. It changed the way the women 20 and older interacted with each other – everyone was more careful. Moms with daughters present didn’t open up. I know the difference because I’d spoken at this retreat previously. Laughter, tears, and authentic sharing were subdued. However, when I spoke at a daylong conference and 15 year olds were included, it was great.
I think every woman should be a woman’s minister and 14 and 15 year olds should be invited. Our girls are so vulnerable these days that we should be training them as their maturity allows.
Great question! I love taking my daughter to the retreats I help with (she 1st attended at age 7)…sometimes if I know the speakers story is a bit too much for her, she just comes to help set up, but she’s still involved. This year (she’s now 10) she is the co-decorator for ReNEWed Life Women’s Event! I would love to see teens attend our events as well…simply living out Titus 2!!
General events, like women’s Bible classes, conferences etc. are an awesome way to start the process of developing interest and thus passion for God’s Word and ministry for teen girls. I’m not certain however it’s best to include them in small group mentoring with adult women. Many women have expressed their discomfort with being authentic and sharing adult issues and needs with children in the group. Retreats can be a good place for teens if there are appropriately centered issues for their age group. I believe however this needs to be an individual decision by the retreat leaders for an event because there are some adults who would consider a teen, a child, and be uncomfortable to share her space, time and personal story with one or more there.
I would let them at twelve years old.
I’ve done retreats where there were girls in jr high through 80. I loved it! I lead the small group discussions for the tweens and teens. In the general session talks, the girls mostly sit together. At times, I speak directly to the women and then to the teens. Lots of giggles and learning.
Tried to offer both wide range of 14-90 age, and also stage/ age specific events.
..NO QUESTION! With young women (this means girls) facing more “in your face” issues than ever before, I would definitely open it up to them. I work in schools and girls are HUNGRY and looking for reasons to remain pure. They are searching for boundaries and hoping that women will lead them. Handle your business and God’s business Girl!
It is what the Bible teaches us to do….”older women teach the younger women.” Sadly, in many cases that is not what is happening to our world today…. Young women are not being taught the values of godly living but instead Silly Women are leading them right on into worldly thinking while promoting things that will cause them much sorrows and unhappiness.
Without a doubt. Even if you are addressing issues that married women face. The girls today are savvy and if not, this bold world warrants that they be aware. Women’s events are fine for the Titus 2 connection of older teaching younger women, but the more intimate setting of home and hospitality really shouts interest, trust, and caring. We can all take part in mentoring someone to love Jesus more and more, and then they will quite naturally love and befriend the least to the greatest as opportunities arise because Jesus-living becomes their nature, not their second nature.
If breakout sessions are part of the event, you want the discussions to be age appropriate. Depending upon the intimacy of breakout topics, separate groups for the teens might be appropriate. Women who need help with abuse or other issues might be reluctant to speak if young women were present. An event encourages and promotes safety and privacy that difficult revealing and conversations will go no further than the event.
Yes, I highly recommend that ladies bring their daughters, granddaughters, and neighbors ages 12-13 and up to our monthly Sister 2 Sister events. We offer worship, meal, speaker who covers everyday issues backed by biblical truth, and we have table talk time. I encourage ladies to bring their daughters to our overnight retreats. We still have some moms who use the retreats as respite from daily life and they choose not to bring their girls. Others do bring girls, mostly 15 years and up.
Yes!! We are commanded in Scripture to teach!
Our experience…The best thing… at age 15 she can see into her future by listening to choices and consequences of others. Everyone else at the event loved the youth factor …for their wisdom and fresh perspective. It is breathtaking to watch God work through all of the women of age. My heart too, feels that God is creating a movement to LIFT women to flow THROUGH the generations, and as a result? We will IMPACT our families, businesses, and entire cultures- straight from the HEART of the home. (aka: a woman’s heart).
I would like to add, in our case, we had a very deep filled, release of fear in our class- and subjects of abuse, murder etc. All of the women were set free- including the younger generation … no one felt like they needed to hold back. However, MAYBE it depends on the type of group you have.
You could add to that: “How many of you are careful to invite OLD women who feel very left out?
We need every generation in our groups. Only then do we have the body life Paul speaks of in Corinthians. We need their wisdom!

I didn’t edit these, and as you can see the majority of these women’s ministry leaders championed including the younger generation. These young women today face worldly choices and temptations at very young ages, and we need to reach them BEFORE they make unhealthy choices that they will live with for the rest of their lives. And for those women who have already made some regrettable choices, we need to introduce them to our gracious, loving, and forgiving heavenly Father.

Mary (mother of Jesus) was probably only 15ish when the angel Gabrielle told her to go to her relative Elizabeth (John the Baptist’s mother) who was in her 80’s, and what a beautiful mentoring story. I wrote about that mentoring relationship in Face-to-Face with Elizabeth and Mary. Surely, this is still God’s will for one generation to teach and train the next!

My 9 yr-old granddaughter and I are studying together Face-to-Face with Mary and Martha

Special Offer

If you’re starting a fall women’s Bible study, I’m offering a face-to-face chat on Google Hangout with every group that orders their Face-to-Face Bible studies from our website for the remainder of August and September. Order your studies, and I’ll contact you about when we can chat.

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*Thelma Wells Facebook Note about Opening Picture

The God of the Universe has called me to speak to the nations about His mercy, grace, love and glory and has freed my daughter Vikki and her daughter Marsaille to travel with me to the Women of Faith Conferences throughout America to spread His good news. I give thanks to God in the name of Jesus for this blessing. Marsaille is 10 years old and God has called her to proclaim His name in song, poetry, dance, acting and worship. She is mentored by the best, her mother and other family members, The Women of Faith speakers and performers and gets to learn from Sadie of Duck Dynasty and entertainers like Building 429, and watch the dynamic Sandi Patty. Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!
Dedicate your children to God, lead them to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ because you do not know what doors will be opened for them by God!
A grateful Grandmother, Thelma Wells, Core Speaker for Women of Faith

August 17, 2015

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When Is Being “Responsible” Not Righteous?

Recently, as I’ve been taking a vocal stand against immorality and championing morality, I’ve experienced some pushback and been called names like “legalistic,” “righteous,” and “self-righteous.” I’ve also read many arguments justifying unrighteous behavior as being “responsible.”

So the Holy Spirit started stirring thoughts in my heart about why being righteous is a good thing, actually a gift from God, but responsibly doing an unrighteous act is a wrong thing. There’s no right way to “responsibly” do the wrong thing…I’m just sayin’ it doesn’t compute.

Let’s Look at Righteous Versus Self-Righteous

⁷But in fact, it is best for you that I go away, because if I don’t, the Advocate won’t come. If I do go away, then I will send him to you. ⁸And when he comes, he will convict the world of its sin, and of God’s righteousness, and of the coming judgment. ⁹The world’s sin is that it refuses to believe in me. ¹⁰Righteousness is available because I go to the Father, and you will see me no more. ¹¹Judgment will come because the ruler of this world has already been judged. John 16:7 NLT

[Tweet “No one is able to earn a righteous standing in God’s sight, so in His grace and mercy God gave us righteousness as a gift through Jesus Christ.”]

No one is able to earn a righteous standing in God’s sight, so in His grace and mercy God gave us righteousness as a gift through Jesus Christ. Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin (Romans 3:20).

For if, by the trespass of the one man [Adam], death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ. Romans 5:17

So when someone calls me “righteous” when I’m speaking against sin or unrighteous behavior, I say, “Thank you! As a Christian, with the help of the Holy Spirit, I strive to follow in the righteous footsteps of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. So you’ve just confirmed I’m making progress. And BTW isn’t it interesting that the root word of righteous is right.”

If they call me self-righteous or legalistic, I correct them: “No, because I’m speaking from God’s Word and not my words or feelings, I’m God-righteous. Do you have a problem with God’s righteousness? No one can be righteous on his or her own, we’re all unrighteous sinners, but we’re made righteous through our relationship with Jesus Christ. Would you like to know more about how to live in righteous peace? The fruit of that righteousness will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever (Isaiah 32:17).” And

¹⁰For,

“Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep their tongue from evil
and their lips from deceitful speech.
¹¹They must turn from evil and do good;
they must seek peace and pursue it.
¹²For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their prayer,
but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil. 1 Peter 3:10-12

What’s Wrong with Being Responsible?

[Tweet “Responsible is usually a good thing, but it can also justify bad or sinful behavior”]

Responsible is usually a good thing, but it can also justify bad or sinful behavior. Let me give you examples:

Scenario One

A young girl goes to Planned Parenthood to get birth control pills because she wants to have “responsible” sex with her boyfriend. An oxymoron: Having sex with her boyfriend is irresponsible, but she’s justifying her immoral behavior by “responsibly” getting birth control pills! Naught. The responsible and righteous thing to do would be to tell her irresponsible boyfriend that she’s not having sex until she’s married, and if he’s not OK with that, she’ll find a boyfriend who responsibly respects her. That would be responsible. Instead of teaching young people to be righteous and moral, our culture is teaching them how to be “responsible” sinners!

Scenario Two

In my book, Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, I tell the story of how my daughter left for college to live with her boyfriend. But while she was still in high school, she told me she wanted to go live with him at his parent’s house because that would be the “responsible thing to do to determine if they were compatible.” I was able to talk her out of doing such an irresponsible thing, but I couldn’t talk her out of living with her boyfriend in college … but I did pray her out of that relationship … and eventually prayed her into wanting to live a responsible righteous life as a follower of Jesus. Praise God!

Scenario Three

A pregnant woman goes to Planned Parenthood to get an abortion as the “responsible thing to do considering her circumstances.” Our culture tells her that instead of doing the righteous thing and giving her child life and then perhaps finding a good home for the baby, she should “responsibly” kill it.

Then there’s the ensuing aborted baby “tissue” and baby parts, so our culture says the responsible thing to do is to sell them for research. So abortionists have become “responsible” barbarians.

Scenario Four

The topic of drinking always brings up the word responsible. And you know what? Everyone has a different definition of what “responsible drinking” looks like. Some will say only wine, others only beer. Some will say one drink … maybe two. Others say it’s OK to drive after one or two drinks, while others say it’s only responsible to drink at home, even though it’s in front of your kids. So really everyone makes up their own definition of “responsible drinking” to justify the way they want to drink.

There’s always the argument that you can reach the world better if you fit in more with them. Jesus definitely went to Zacchaeus’ and Matthew’s house, but His sole purpose was to help them and their friends change their ways and become His followers … not to responsibly join in their sinful behavior.

Scenario Five

There’s the argument that letting gays get married will make them more responsible about not transmitting AIDS and other diseases characteristic of homosexuality. Really? Legalizing a practice that goes against everything God created man and woman to be and defiling His design for marriage, is simply, “responsible” sinning.

Holy and Set Apart

In God’s Best for Your Life, a Bible study I wrote for First Place 4 Health, I discuss that as Christians, the Bible clearly instructs us to live holy, righteous, and set apart lives: in the world but not of the world. The world today isn’t going to like us because our Christian lives convict them and make us look “holier than them.” Hmmm … maybe that’s because through Christ we are sanctified. What’s wrong with living holy lives as God calls us to live? Why would we be offended or try to fit in more with culture than with God’s kingdom here on earth?

¹⁶For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. ¹⁷For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed—a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.” Romans 1:16-17

We’re responsible as Christians to live righteous, holy lives as best we can, and not try to find loopholes in the Bible to “responsibly” justify our unrighteousness. So sex outside of marriage, homosexuality, abortion, abusing our bodies with drugs and alcohol, and any immoral behavior isn’t responsible or righteous.

[Tweet “If we prayerfully make righteous choices, they’ll be responsible choices!”]

If we prayerfully make righteous choices, they’ll be responsible choices!

Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil; ¹⁷for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. ¹⁸For he who serves Christ in these things is acceptable to God and approved by men. Romans 14:16-18 NKJ

If you received this post by email, please leave a comment here. I would love to hear your thoughts.

August 10, 2015

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How to Reach Out to a Young Mom

Today’s guest post is by Arlene Pellicane, author of 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom. As I read Arlene’s post today, I thought back about the young mother who just moved into our community and is trying so hard to make friends. I invited her to bring her three kids over to play with my grandkids this week and they had several fun play dates, including time at the pool. Then at church this morning I told another young mom who also lives in our “mountain community” about our new neighbor. I suggested I get these two moms together to meet for coffee and she was all for it. Then I read, the following post and realized I’d been doing exactly what Arlene is talking about here … and I, of course, am not a young mom … I’m a Grammie who God can use to encourage and mentor younger moms.

I’m also honored that some of my own story is in Arlene’s new book and she’s offering a free copy to one of you. So just leave a comment on the blog to enter the drawing. Be sure you check the box to receive email responses to the blog or include your email address so I can let you know if you’re the winner.

Guest Post by Arlene Pellicane

Whether you are an introvert, extrovert, or a mix in-between like me, everyone needs to be in some kind of community. I know many women who left the workforce to become a mom, only to find the days eerily lonely. Motherhood can be a lonely profession. When you meet a new mom, take a moment to ask a few questions. You might be the bridge between that lonely mom and another woman who may share common interests.

[Tweet “Motherhood can be a lonely profession. “]

You Can Be the Difference

Recently I was at a birthday party for one of my child’s classmates. A nicely dressed woman came my way and said, “I don’t know if you remember me, but I met you years ago at the library. You told me about a mom’s group. I wanted to let you know I joined and it made a huge difference to me and I wanted to thank you.”

After she told the story, I did remember striking up that conversation during a “mommy and me” reading time. She was a new mom looking for support and I pointed her to a local group for moms. She acted on the suggestion and gained a solid group of new friends as a result.

You could be the difference for a lonely woman around you. Look around in your circles. Is there a mom who could use a friend? Are there two people in your life who you could connect because they have common interests or common stages of life?

[Tweet “You don’t have to set up an elaborate meal at your home to show someone hospitality. “]

Don’t be afraid to invite a young mom to coffee. She’ll be honored at the invitation. You don’t have to set up an elaborate meal at your home to show someone hospitality. Just spend less than $10 at a coffeehouse and one hour of your time. That could make a huge difference in the heart of a struggling mom.

Hug a Friend in Real Life

[Tweet “But if we’re not careful, we can think social media serves all our needs for community. Yet nothing replaces a hug from a friend.”]

The advent of social media allows you to look at photos of friends and family members in faraway places. But if we’re not careful, we can think social media serves all our needs for community. Yet nothing replaces a hug from a friend. Hugging a friend or laughing out loud with someone is a natural way to fight stress and anxiety. Social media can meet a need in our lives for connection to a degree, but it can’t replace physically meeting other moms who understand your life. In my book, 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom, my friend, Laura Petherbridge, the Smart Step-Mom, gives this advice:

One of the most encouraging things I can say to a step mom who’s feeling like a failure or a total disappointment as a stepmom, is God created us for community. He created us for community with people in similar circumstances. I cannot encourage a stepmom enough to get into some type of a group or event with other stepmoms who understand her pain and loss. At the stepmom retreats I lead, the number one thing moms tell me is I finally feel like I am not alone anymore. I finally feel like I am not the wicked stepmother. Now I have one or two sisters who get it. When they are up, they can help me and vice versa. It’s not commiserating; it’s not about bashing the biological mom or stepkids. It’s getting with a strong group of stepmoms who want their marriage to be strong and thriving and encouraging each other. There is nothing I have discovered that takes the place of that.

Laura’s counsel about being in community with like-minded moms rings true, whether you’re a stepmom or not. And when reaching out to moms, remember the advice of Dale Carnegie, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

By the way, you may be a young mom yourself who can reach out to a mom who is the same age, but who has younger children.

What’s something you have done to reach out to a mom? What worked? What didn’t?

Giveaway book: 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom. Just leave a comment on the blog to enter the drawing. Be sure to include your email address or check the box to receive email notices from the blog so you’ll know if you are a winner.

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom and 31 Days to a Happy Husband. She is also the co-author of Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World (with Gary Chapman). She has been a featured guest on the Today Show, Fox & Friends, Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, The 700 Club, and Turning Point with Dr. David Jeremiah.

Arlene lives in the San Diego area with her husband James and their three children.

To learn more and for free family resources such as a monthly Happy Home podcast, visit www.ArlenePellicane.com

You’ll also enjoy this short video created by Arlene Pellicane and her sweet children.https://youtu.be/SV2ewzM1THE

August 3, 2015

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Archives for 2015

Burnout or Balance? By DiAnn Mills

Twelve Ways to Fight Burnout!

[Tweet “Find joy in your #Christian #ministry”]

Add Balance with Prayer and Study of God’s Word

Helping with the Bad Days

Helping to Enjoy the Good Days

Overeating is a Spiritual Battle

Food Is Not the Enemy

PRISONERS OF “CHOICE”

by PATTI SMITH

Sharing Their Abortion Stories

Abortion Often Leads to Destructive/Abusive Behavior

The Lies of the Abortion Industry Revealed

Side Note

What Next?

Pastor Brian Smith’s Opening to Sermon on Colossians:

Janet’s Challenge to You

Maintenance is the Goal, Not Weight Loss

Here’s the Weight-Loss Secret Revealed—There’s NO Secret Miracle Way to Get Slim Fast and Keep it Off!

The Only Goal that Equals Maintained Weight is a Life-Heart Change Goal

Actions Speak Louder Than Our Words, or in this Case, Lack of Words

Daily Walk Devotional, August 4, 2015, Suggests an Enlightening Exercise:

We Should Never “Fit In,” There Should be Something Different About Us!

How Do We Take Jesus with Us?

Why Did They Ask My Husband If He Was LDS?

What Can We Do?

How Does Titus 2 Apply Today?

A Survey of Women’s Ministry Directors

Special Offer

*Thelma Wells Facebook Note about Opening Picture

Let’s Look at Righteous Versus Self-Righteous

What’s Wrong with Being Responsible?

Holy and Set Apart

Guest Post by Arlene Pellicane

You Can Be the Difference

Hug a Friend in Real Life

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