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Jesus is Our First Love!

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I know I don’t have to remind you that this Wednesday is Valentine’s Day! A day we traditionally show that special someone how much they mean to us. It can also be a difficult time for someone who doesn’t have an object of their affection to dote on or to be the recipient of doting…but it doesn’t need to be a sad day for those who know Jesus as their First Love!

My First Prayer Garden

Almost thirty years ago, I realized that even though I was happily married after being single for 17 years, my love for my husband wasn’t to take priority over my First Love, Jesus Christ. The Scriptures are so clear about this. When we were first married, we vowed to each other that we would always put Jesus at the center of our marriage.

We love each other because he [God] loved us first. 1 John 4:19 NLT

I never wanted Jesus to say about us what He said about the church in Ephesus in Revelations 2:5 NLT “But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first!”

The NIV translation says, “ Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first.”

Just as our earthly relationships take time, energy, and nurturing, I knew my spiritual relationship with Jesus required the same attention and devotion or it could become stale and routine. So I decided to approach my devotional time with Jesus each day with the same attitude I would lavish on my earthly love, Dave. I set about finding a special place to spend time with my First Love and I called it my prayer garden.

At that time, we were living in sunny Southern California, so I could have my quiet time outside almost every day. I’ll share with you in a moment how I have this date with Jesus now in our home in Idaho.

Thinking of Jesus as the lover of my soul and the One I love above all others, gave me the idea of creating a romantic atmosphere for my daily “Quiet Time” with Jesus. It needed all the touches of a special date. First, it must be quiet and free of interruptions, so that meant outside. Since my backyard was all cement, I arranged colorful potted plants in a shaded alcove of the patio and hung a hummingbird feeder. Our house overlooked a small lake, so I had a beautiful view. I placed a chair for Jesus and a chair for me with a small table in the center for a romantic fragrant candle. I later added wind chimes, and my son-in-law made a waterfall. Walla, I had a Prayer Garden.

The importance of having the chair for Jesus was to remind me that even on the days when I was rushed and missed our date . . . Jesus was still out there waiting for me. Every time I looked out at that prayer garden, my heart ached because I had neglected my First Love for whatever was happening in my life that day.

My Date Bag is Always Packed

Then I packed a date bag with my Bible, a journal, devotional, highlighters, pens, Post-it notes, current Bible Study, and oh yes, a lighter for the candle. One trip back into the house for something I forgot could be a major distraction.

First thing every morning, I grabbed my cup of coffee, my date bag, a blanket or sweater if it was chilly, and headed out for my date with Jesus in our Prayer Garden. Here is a major key to intimate time with my First Love—I shut the door to ALL interruptions. In those days, we didn’t have cell phones, so I let the answering machine take care of any phone calls and the family knew when I was having my Jesus date, the Do Not Disturb sign was out.

Now I was ready to read God’s love letter to me in my Bible, pray, journal, and work on a current Bible study. Most importantly, I could take time to hear God’s still small voice saying how much He loved me and telling me the plans He had for me.

When our date was finished, I repacked my date bag and put it back in the same spot every time by the patio door so it was ready for tomorrow’s big date. If the weather wasn’t good, Jesus and I curled up together on the couch and I played soft instrumental worship music in the background.

Idaho Dates with Jesus

When we were looking for a new home in Idaho, two things on my priority list were a writing room with an “ah ha” view and a place to have my special Quite Times with my First Love. As we toured homes, I was always looking for both, along with a kitchen with a scenic view, I could see the fireplace, and easily chat with visiting friends and family. In other words, don’t wall me in while I’m cooking!

Praise God we found the perfect home for us. Now that we live in Idaho with its four seasons, my Quiet Time locations change with the season. When the weather is nice, I’m out in the deck swing, and when it’s snowing or cold, I have a Quiet Time chair next to the fireplace with a beautiful forest view from our many windows. I still have my Quiet Time bag packed and ready to go depending on where I’m having my date with Jesus. It’s my most favorite part of the day!

At the end of our date, I sit back close my eyes and linger in conversational prayer being sure to let my First Love talk to me. He always whispers words of love and endearment as He reveals His plans, visions, and goals for us. Often, there are answers to prayers and previous questions. Many times, we just share a sweet silence.

“Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.” Ps. 46:10 NLT

Like any wonderful date, I hate for it to end, but I know my First Love will be waiting eagerly for our special meeting tomorrow.

To keep romance exciting, it’s good to vary the activities on dates, so I constantly add freshness to my Quiet Time with variety. Each Christmas, I pick out a new devotional for the coming year. Sometimes, I select one with an area for journaling love letters to the Lord. I start my Quiet Time date by praying the armor of God from Ephesians 6:10-18 and would never think of going into my day without this spiritual protection. I alternate working on my small group Bible studies or one I am doing for fun. Some years, I read completely through the Bible, and other times, I leisurely enjoy the Scriptures.

 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Matt. 22:36-39

How about you? Tell me about your dates with Jesus.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Here is a poem I wrote about my California Prayer Garden. Enjoy!

OUR PRAYER GARDEN

You wanted to meet me early in the morning

            In a place that was special to just you and me.

My heart was willing, and I had such a yearning

            To talk and be in your presence daily.

I began to arise just after the sun came up,

            And  searched for a place where we could meet.

It had to be quiet where no one would interrupt,

            For the time that we shared would be so sweet.

I moved from room to room,

            As I tried to find the aura,

For you and me to just commune

            Every day at the same hour.

As we began to spend our time,

            I felt you nudging as I would pray:

“Our get-togethers need fresh air and sunshine.

            Let’s be amongst the beauty of the day.”

Of course, it was there all along.

            The table, the patio, the view—

I had all the makings for a Prayer Garden,

            But flowers were sadly very few.

A “green thumb” I have never been,

            But I knew this was the spot for us.

And it would not be a Prayer Garden,

            Without the ferns, oleanders and hibiscus.

A shopping trip to the nursery was fun,

            Even though I didn’t know what to buy.

Some flowers wanted shade and others liked sun,

            So I just bought what caught my eye.

Soon my garden was worthy of comment.

            The flower beds were colorful and in full blossom,

 And the array of potted plants carpeted the cement.

            The transformation was truly awesome.

One final touch called out to me,

            Wind chimes to catch Your breath in the breeze.

A hummingbird feeder for quiet company,

            In the place where we will meet when ‘er You please.

Jesus, I know now why you sought a garden

            When you went to pray alone that night.

Amongst Your creation God’s presence is sovereign,              

            You just know God’s plans will turn out right.  Janet Thompson 7/17/96

Please leave a comment here to this blog. I always reply and enjoy reading your thoughts.

 I apologize that the link to reply to last week’s blog wasn’t working, but it is now if you would like to leave a comment or haven’t read it yet Respect Your Weapons of Fasting and Prayer!

One more thing. Thinking about those who might be alone on Valentine’s Day, many people in our churches can feel marginalized. I wrote an article for Crosswalk.com that I hope you’ll share with the pastors and ministry leaders in your church. It’s a slideshow if you read it on a computer. 13 Ways to Recognize the Overlooked People in Your Church.

February 12, 2024
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Once I was Blind, But Now I See!

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This week, I’m doing something I occasionally do and that’s promote a movie with a message that everyone needs to see and hear. I’m talking about the movie The Blind in theaters this week. Dave and I went to see it on 9/29 and even though I knew most of the story of Duck Dynasty’s Phil and Kay Robertson, I really didn’t know how bad it was before Jesus came into their life.

Decades before “Duck Dynasty,” Phil and Kay Robertson suffered a stormy early period of ten years in their marriage marred by Phil’s alcohol abuse and infidelity. “The Blind” captures their story of struggle, redemption, and hope.

When we were finding our seats at the theater, I saw a young teenage couple and asked if they knew what the story was about. They smiled and said they did. I told them how happy I was to see them there and that this film was reaching the next generation. After the movie, Dave and I started talking to a couple sitting next to us and discovered we had the same conservative faith beliefs and burden to protect children in our state’s schools and libraries. We were blessed to make new like-minded friends.

Let me backtrack a bit. Dave and I enjoyed watching the Robertson family with their four married sons’ families and Phil’s brother Uncle Si in their Duck Dynasty reality show adventures. That sparked our interest in learning more about them since the whole family was obviously Christian and they weren’t afraid to talk about their faith, Jesus, and family.

After Duck Dynasty ended, many in the Robertson family branched out with other shows, podcasts, books, and ministries.

Dave and I have a remote connection to the Robertson family. Their third son Willie Robertson’s wife Korie is the daughter of John and Chrys Howard owners of the former Howard Publishing that published my first two books, Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer: A Companion Guide for Women on the Breast Cancer Journey and Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter: Hope, Help, & Encouragement for Hurting Parents. The Howards later sold their publishing company to Simon & Schuster, which still publishes those two books.

I never personally met Miss Kay [as she’s fondly called] or Phil Robertson, but they spoke several years ago in Nampa, Idaho and Dave and I attended. Phil is a bold evangelist and speaks freely about his life before Christ and the change accepting Jesus as his Savior made in his life, his marriage, and his family.

Recently, we heard Phil and Miss Kay interviewed by Kirk Cameron on his TBN program Takeaways. They said that their children felt the couple’s early tumultuous marriage years needed telling to share the miraculous transformation Jesus made in Phil’s life and Kay’s belief in him when he was haunted by the demons of alcohol, infidelity, and childhood memories. I don’t want to give away any spoilers because you need to see the movie, but to quote Phil, “You’ve got to come to the end of yourself to find the beginning of God.”

It’s one thing to read and even hear Phil and Miss Kay’s testimony, but to see it visually in this film is indescribable and inspirational. The portrayal of Kay and Phil is raw, open, and vulnerable. They hold nothing back of how bad things were and how good God is. In the Kirk Cameron interview, Phil revealed something I hadn’t heard before that he had learned of fathering a now 45-year-old daughter during his time of infidelity. She’s welcomed into the Robertson clan.

Their son, Willie Robertson, said in an interview with USA Today Network about The Blind, “It’s the early years of their marriage, so it’s gutting and raw. It’s definitely not ‘Duck Dynasty.'”

 “It tackles big issues – mental illness, depression, alcohol abuse,” Willie said.

Willie and his wife Korie Robertson produced the movie with their Tread Lively production company.

“Mom and dad have been very public about their early struggles, but seeing it up there on the screen really made it real for all of us,” Willie said. “It’s tough for them to open up that part of their life, but they’ve been willing to do it to try to reach others who are struggling. People see the family and ‘Duck Dynasty’ and think, ‘They have everything,’ but this story illustrates we had hard times like everyone else,” said Willie, who was 2 when his parents separated for a time.

“It’s powerful,” Willie said. “It’s a story of hope and redemption that shows you’re never too far gone to be saved.”

“In this movie, ‘The Blind,’ we let go of everything. We’re telling it,” Miss Kay says.

The 10-year span in The Blind depicts what Phil Robertson himself describes as his wild rebellious years of substance abuse and cheating before turning to God and building the clan’s Duck Commander duck-call manufacturing business into an empire in rural West Monroe.

Why would the Robertson’s be so open, vulnerable, and transparent about such a dark time in their life? Because they care more about saving lives than saving their reputation. Their testimony is one of redemption, love, and forgiveness. A wife who didn’t give up hope for her husband and a Jesus who can save even the most despicable wayward person. A testimony shared to bring others to Jesus.

It’s not about how bad you were, it’s about how good God is! He goes after the one that was lost even though 99 are saved. Which gives each of us hope for those we think will never change their life. If God could turn heathen Phil into an evangelist, he can and will save anyone who surrenders his or her life to Jesus Christ and seeks forgiveness for their sins.

“What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? 13 And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. Matt. 18:12-13

Why Share Our Testimony?

And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life. —1 John 5:11-12

But as for me, how good it is to be near God!  I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, And I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do. —Ps. 73:28 NLT

There’s no greater witness to God’s goodness than sharing what He’s done in your life. No one can question your testimony because it’s your personal experience. As we mature spiritually, we move beyond just remembering God’s goodness for our own benefit and start retelling our testimony to help others just like Phil and Kay have done.

We all have varied life testimonies in addition to our salvation testimony. Some of you have heard my “Feed my Sheep” testimony. If not, you can read a little here. I never tire of telling my story as History.

You may not think you have a testimony if you’ve been a Christian most of your life and life has gone smoothly. You can’t relate to Kay and Phil’s story or maybe even mine. God has been walking beside you guiding your life every step of the way. But that’s your testimony to others who worry about losing something by turning their lives over to God. You’re a living example of how good God really is!

Maybe you’re stumbling under the burden of a hidden past you’ve been too embarrassed to talk about and hope will never be revealed. Now may be the time to deal with those buried hurts and hang-ups. Like Phil and me, once they’re out in the open, Satan can’t use them against you anymore.

When I felt God leading me to write Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, I had to ask my daughter if she was okay with me revealing the prodigal time in her life before she accepted Christ as her Savior. I assured her that I would also be sharing how I was a prodigal raising a prodigal.

I write her response in the Acknowledgments: “My dearest Kim, you will always be my “baby. To share our story, to bare our souls, is no little thing. I admire and celebrate the beautiful, humble, and courageous Christian woman you have become. When I shared my vision for this book, you were on board and willing to let me expose our lives on these pages, all for the glory of God. That’s no small concession, since our life together has had many twists and turns—some we regret and others we celebrate. I thank God for making both our paths straight. We were lost and now we’re found. I love you baby.”

Kim told me, “Mom, if we can help one daughter and her parents, we need to share our story.” Kim also writes in the book what she was feeling and thinking during her prodigal years.

God redeems your story by surrounding you with people who need to hear your past so it doesn’t become their future. Like Phil and Kay’s testimony and Kim’s and mine, it’s the opportunity to give purpose to a crisis.

You might not make a movie, write a book, or tell your testimony from a stage, but God will bring people across your path and the Holy Spirit will prompt you to share. Every day, you encounter opportunities to share your testimony, and every time you tell it, you’ll remember how good God has been to you.

Revealing is the first step to healing!

Just like Phil’s spiraling down and my backsliding years, our testimony isn’t about how bad we were. Our message is the redemption and forgiveness available through our initial salvation or a rededication to Jesus Christ.

When people ask me how I made it through life’s difficulties, the best answer is, “I couldn’t have done it without God.” That’s your best answer too. It opens the door to share your story. By the way, your story doesn’t have to have a “happy ending” like the Robertson’s or mine for you to share it.

Your story becomes your testimony when the focus is on God, not on you. It’s not a time to tell someone else’s story. Stick to details that pertain to you and those willing to let you include them in your story.

When anyone tells me about an encounter with God, or a memorable circumstance in his or her life, I always ask if they’re writing it down because God is going to use it as a life-experience testimony. My ministry tagline is “Sharing Life Experiences and God’s Faithfulness.”

I’m reminded of the Apostle Paul [formerly Saul], a persecutor of Christians before he was struck blind by the Lord on the road to Damascus in Acts 9:1:1-18.

 So Ananias went and found Saul. He laid his hands on him and said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus, who appeared to you on the road, has sent me so that you might regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” Instantly something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he regained his sight. Then he got up and was baptized.

Later in Acts 22:1-16, Paul told his testimony of transformation from being an enemy and persecutor of Christians to an evangelist sharing the Gospel.

As I watched in The Blind, Phil Robertson’s retreat into the forest almost living like an animal during his darkest times, I was reminded of the story of King Nebuchadnezzar’s testimony of living like a wild animal until he also surrendered to God (Daniel 4:1-37).

At the closing of The Blind movie, they showed comments on the screen. One was what Miss Kay said to the former pastor of the West Monroe White’s Ferry Church of Christ who visited Phil in Junction City during his darkest hour, planting a seed that eventually sprouted. Kay said to the pastor, “If you can help save Phil, he will go on to help save thousands.” Which Phil certainly has done!

While many may know of Phil’s tenaciously outspoken faith now, they may not know the hard and twisting road he walked before surrendering to Jesus. The title “The Blind is a play on words and refers both to, “I was blind, but now I see” (John 9:25), and to a shelter that conceals duck hunters called “the blind.“

“I think maybe if these people watch the movie and see how I was, and then they look at me now and see how I operate, [it will give them hope],” Mr. Robertson said. “You got to remember all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God so I’m not the only person that has sinned. The way out is faith in Jesus Christ.”

“I would have never dreamed I would be out there preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ when I was back there getting drunk as a skunk,” he continued. “But when that happened and I was freed from it, [everything changed]. That’s why I’ve been saying ever since that happened and I came to Jesus [what God can do].”

“Our prayer is that people will see the movie and know there’s hope. It’s never too late to be saved.”

“Jesus—that one sacrifice—has made perfect, forever, those who come to Him. If you just think about it, His blood gives us the opportunity to move beyond our sinful self,” Mr. Robertson said. “What do you get when He shows up, when you come to Him by faith? Love, joy, peace, patience…. It’s well worth the effort to follow Jesus faithfully.”

Amen!

If you didn’t receive my September newsletter, here’s the link. I would encourage you to read it.

Some of the “Why Share Your Testimony” discussion above is from my book Forsaken God? Remembering the Goodness of God Our Culture Has Forgotten.

Please leave a comment here. I reply to all comments.

October 2, 2023
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What is the Biblical Truth Behind Gender Roles?—Part 2

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Last week, we looked at the lies being told and sold to our culture, but especially to our precious children. If you haven’t read Part 1 yet, here’s the link. I want to also add an update to that blog, What is the Biblical Truth Behind Gender Roles—Part 1.

As a recap, in the previous blog, I talked about the pushback Kirk Cameron was receiving at libraries when he requested to read his new children’s book As You Grow about the Fruit of the Spirit and how in Arkansas, trans protestors showed up to heckle him and those attending. What I didn’t know at the time of that writing was that the protestors also had to listen to a former transgender woman, Laura Perry Smalts, read aloud Brave Books’ Elephants Are Not Birds authored by Ashley St. Clair.

The title of the article, which I hope you’ll go to because it includes some amazing pictures and a video is “Former Transgender Person Reads Anti-Trans Book to 500, Including men in Drag: ‘I Want Kids to Hear the Truth!’”

A synopsis of Elephants Are Not Birds is the message “Most can see that there is a distinct difference between an elephant and a bird but in this story, we’ll see that even those lines are blurred when the lies of Culture the Vulture are accepted as truth by Kevin the Elephant.”

During the story hour, the crowd also heard Smalts’ testimony of how she used to find it difficult loving herself the way God created her, but faith had a huge effect on her journey. The presence of trans activists, men dressed in drag, actually drove home Smalts’ story to everyone in the room, especially the children.

Here’s the full comment about the event from Kirk Cameron.
“The small group of protesters, which included some grown men wearing silly makeup, dressed in skirts and heels, pretending to be women, listened to the reading of a kids’ book about God’s view of gender called, “Elephants Are Not Birds.” At the close of this sweet and funny story of a singing elephant named Kevin who was tricked by a vulture named “Culture” into thinking he might be a bird, the reader [Laura Smalts] then asked the 300 children, “Do you think elephants can be birds, even if they strap on silly wings and a beak?” In unison, and with great laughter, all 300 children confessed with gusto, “No!” I felt sad for the men in skirts. As it is written, “You have taught the little children to praise you perfectly. May their example shame and silence your enemies.” (Psalm 8:2).

Today, I want to explore four truths regarding genders and explore what God says in the Bible about His creation of humans and the plans He has for them. I hope you’ll ponder the Scriptures I’ve selected to support each of the four truths. First, let’s look at some of the misinformation spreading about the two genders and their roles in relationships.

What Do We Get Wrong About Biblical Gender Roles?

When I married my husband 30 years ago, I had recently rededicated my life to the Lord at a Harvest Crusade. I committed to God to live the rest of my life as a biblical Christian, wife, mother, and now grandmother. My daughter was not a Christian at the time and was appalled that her once independent successful businesswoman mom was now in her words, “Going to be a doormat.” She was skeptical of Dave, who actually is a gentle, kind, godly man, but she feared he was going to dominate me.

It wasn’t until she became a Christian several years later when she and her fiancé accepted Christ in a biblical marriage class that she had an awakening regarding the truth behind biblical gender roles

Many people and some churches have misconceptions about biblical gender roles. The attempt by culture to redefine genders has invaded every area of life. Wokeness discards and dismantles biblical and biological truths and tries to normalize lies. I’m not a biologist, but I do know what a man and woman are and I’m sure you do too.

Gender isn’t defined by how someone thinks, “identifies,” or chooses to act. God’s beautiful design for humanity is only two genders, which He calls male and female, or man and woman. You won’t find in the Bible “transgender,” “cisgenders,” “binaries,” “gender identity,” “drag queens,” “queer” “gay” or any of the manmade genders or pronoun reassignment allegories. God didn’t use those terms and we shouldn’t either.

Here’s the truth about what God says regarding the two biblical gender roles that should guide the thinking and actions of every Christian and pastor.

Truth #1 God Created Only Two Genders!

As substantiated by biology and the Bible, gender is determined at birth as male or female by observable genitalia. Yet, today we live in a world where gender identity has become a fluid concept and at last count, the delusional believe there are 81 genders and growing. That absurdity seems laughable and yet the woke culture is on a mission to not only spread that lie, but enforce it in laws attempting to erase the reality of God’s two genders: male and female.

At birth, God designed each human cell to contain 23 pairs of chromosomes. Twenty-two pairs look the same in both males and females. The 23rd pair, the sex chromosomes, differs between males and females. Females have two copies of the X chromosome while males have one X and one Y chromosome, thus determining their sex. That’s a scientific and biblical undeniable, unalterable fact!

Even infamous atheist scientist Richard Dawkins declares there are only two sexes as a matter of science: “That’s all there is to it.” Dawkins added that those who have tried to cancel JK Rowling for making the same point are “bullies”!

Once again, science agrees with Creation and confirms God is the Creator of two genders and only two!

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.” Jer. 1:5

One revealing article admitted we’re born male or female, but erroneously added you can then learn to be whatever gender you want. Mind and emotional control is at the center of this demonic lie causing confusion and even bodily mutilation in young children and people of all ages.

Confusion or ambiguity is not from God. For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. 1 Cor. 14:33

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Gen. 1:27 ESV

When God created mankind, he made them in the likeness of God. 2 He created them male and female and blessed them. And he named them “Mankind” when they were created. Gen. 5:1-2

Truth #2 Marriage Is Between a Man and a Woman

God designed men and women to unite as one in marriage with the capability of creating new life. They become helpmates, each spouse using the gifts God gave them.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper for him.” Gen. 2:18 

“Haven’t you read,” he [Jesus] replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?” Matt. 19:4-5

And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” Gen. 1:28 ESV

God gave women the blessing of carrying and giving birth to babies when that’s possible. Clearly only women can get pregnant and anyone who thinks otherwise is deceived or delusional.

11 Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. 12 For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God. 1 Cor. 11:11-12

Did not he who made me in the womb make them? Did not the same one form us both within our mothers? Job 31:15

The husband’s role is spiritual leader of the home protecting and loving his wife while wives acknowledge his leadership and both husband and wife submit to following Christ.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word. Eph. 5:21-26

7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Pet. 3:7

Truth #3 Sex is Between a Man and a Woman

God uniquely and deliberately created man and woman to fit perfectly together sexually. He clearly states that sex is between a heterosexual husband and wife. We must not be afraid to proclaim and live by this truth! Anything else is an abomination to the Lord.

For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. Rom. 1:26-27 ESV

 22 “‘Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable’”. Lev. 18:22

A woman must not wear men’s clothing, nor a man wear women’s clothing, for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this. Deut. 22:5

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality. 1 Cor. 6:9 ESV

10 The law is for people who are sexually immoral, or who practice homosexuality, or are slave traders,[c] liars, promise breakers, or who do anything else that contradicts the wholesome teaching 11 that comes from the glorious Good News entrusted to me by our blessed God. 1 Tim. 1:10-11 NLT

Truth #4 Parents Are a Male and a Female

Parents consist of a male father and a female mother, not two fathers nor two mothers, although there often are single parents for a variety of reasons. When there are two parents, Dad is the head of the family but both Mom and Dad work together as a team raising the family.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—so it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth. Eph. 6:1

She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. 28 Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: 29 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” Pr. 31:27-29 NLT

Sexual and Gender Distortion is from Satan, the Father of Lies!

You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. John 8:44

Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter! Is. 5:2

Often, we’ll hear that the Bible doesn’t speak to gender or sexual issues, but that’s lying misinformation straight from Satan. Christians must address the gender crisis today speaking the truth with clarity and authority from God’s perspective as stated in the Word of God, the Bible.

 Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them. Eph. 5:11

Silence in the face of Satan’s lies conveys condoning and apathy to the many who will face eternity separated from God in hell. We could make an eternal difference in their life by sharing God’s truth. I wish more pastors understood the mantel God gives them to speak out against evil. That’s not political; it’s biblical! People need to hear where their sin leads.

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 1 Cor. 6:9-10 ESV

4 Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin? 5 But because you are stubborn and refuse to turn from your sin, you are storing up terrible punishment for yourself. For a day of anger is coming, when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed. 6 He will judge everyone according to what they have done. 7 He will give eternal life to those who keep on doing good, seeking after the glory and honor and immortality that God offers. 8 But he will pour out his anger and wrath on those who live for themselves, who refuse to obey the truth and instead live lives of wickedness. 9 There will be trouble and calamity for everyone who keeps on doing what is evil—for the Jew first and also for the Gentile.[a] 10 But there will be glory and honor and peace from God for all who do good—for the Jew first and also for the Gentile. 11 For God does not show favoritism. Rom. 2:4-11 NLT

“We love to tell people that God loves them and has compassion on them. And of course, that is true. Yet we are reluctant to say they are sinners who are separated from God. We need to tell the truth. Our culture needs to hear the truth. Yes, it’s easier to blend into the background and avoid offending anyone. But do we want to offend God? If we don’t tell the whole truth, then we will.”—Pastor Greg Laurie

I’m happy to report that our Idaho Governor, Brad Little, just joined two other state governors in signing a bill barring transgender students from using any school facilities like bathrooms, locker rooms, or overnight field trip facilities not consistent with their biological gender, regardless of their “gender identity.” Many Idahoan Christians, churches, and advocates like the Values Advocacy Council made their voices heard in getting this bill passed and signed.

Biology and morality should always triumph over confused “identity.” You are the gender God made you to be!

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March 27, 2023
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What Our Culture Doesn’t Understand about Christ’s Love!

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My first career was as a Registered Dietitian. I went to college for four years at Cal Poly University and then another year of internship at the VA Hospital and UCLA in Santa Monica. I had grandiose visions of being the Florence Nightingale of dietetics! I would devote myself to helping people learn how to experience a healthy nutritional way of life. Maybe even save lives by teaching them how to eliminate foods contributing to their illnesses and replace them with foods that their body needed to heal and stay well. In my altruistic vision, they would be so grateful that I was part of their medical team working to restore their health and help them remain in good health.

Then I went out into the real world of hospital dietetics and my idealistic aspirations met resistance reality. Instead of welcoming my guidance in food restrictions and replacements that could possibly save their life, they would rather take a pill and hope for the best. How could I expect them to sacrifice their favorite foods they “loved,” almost more than life?! They were angry, disgruntled, or dismissed me for even thinking they would make lifestyle changes to give them a better quality of life.

When I tried to engage wives to help their husbands, they also resisted that I was asking them to remove foods he “loved”! I could see in her eyes as she shook her head that she wasn’t about to tackle changing her husband’s diet. It wasn’t worth the battle and often her way of showing love was to make all the foods he loved. I literally watched wives love their husbands to death rather than love them enough to learn how to nutritiously lengthen their lives by changing their diet.

I wasn’t trying to ruin these people’s lives; I was trying to save their lives. I didn’t hate them. I loved my fellow men and women enough to help them fight for their life, often as I watched the same patients return with the same health and diet-related issues.

Eventually, the rejection and frustration became more than I could envision for the rest of my life, and I changed careers. But once a Dietitian, always a Dietitian and I practice good eating habits for my family and myself. I try to get my husband to limit his intake of “junk food” and keep his weight down, not because I hate him, but because I love him!

I want my husband to be healthy and live a long life. There are certain foods I know will harm him. I want him putting into his God-given body foods that will build him up and not tear him down. I’m not always successful in convincing him, but I love him enough to keep trying.

This is exactly the same love that Christ shows to us! He doesn’t tell us to avoid sinful actions and thoughts that will harm us because he hates us; it’s because He loves us! He wants the best for us. God sent His only Son to die on the cross to give us an opportunity to turn from our sinful ways not to revel in them.

16 “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. 17 God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him. 18 “There is no judgment against anyone who believes in him. But anyone who does not believe in him has already been judged for not believing in God’s one and only Son. 19 And the judgment is based on this fact: God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. John 3:16-19 NLT

There’s a false argument that lovers of sin try to use against Christians: “God loves me just like I am.” That’s Satan’s lie. Jesus never said that. Jesus does love everyone, and He accepts us where He finds us, BUT he loves us so much, He doesn’t want to leave us how He found us . . . sinning. Like the woman at the well, He tells us to go and sin no more!

Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. Gal. 6:7-8 NLT

There was a man named Nicodemus, a Jewish religious leader who was a Pharisee. 2 After dark one evening, he came to speak with Jesus. “Rabbi,” he said, “we all know that God has sent you to teach us. Your miraculous signs are evidence that God is with you.” 3 Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, unless you are born again,[a] you cannot see the Kingdom of God.” John 3:1-3 NLT

Paul cautioned the church in Corinth:

18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. 1 Cor. 6:18-20 NLT

Paul didn’t hate the Corinthians or any of the churches when he told them that homosexuality and sexual immorality was an abomination to God and detrimental to their own bodies. Paul loved them and that’s why he was warning them to repent from their sins.

Peter told those who repented of their sins and asked God’s forgiveness that they would receive the Holy Spirit to help them live a life pleasing to God.

Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Acts 2:38

The World’s Futile Attempt to Redefine “Love”!

Today’s culture has tried to twist the truth into attacks on anyone who doesn’t go along with abortion, LGBQT, sexual immorality, transgenderism, or now the next level of perversion is brainwashing young children into believing God made them wrong and they can be whatever gender they choose.

Liberals or “progressives” try to bully us calling us haters or not good Christians when we don’t agree to their lifestyle choices, but it’s the exact opposite. It’s out of love and wanting people to experience eternity someday and God’s plan for their life while they’re here on earth that we refuse to agree with sin or be pressured into the world’s decadent mold.

Often, they try and use God’s Word against us, especially this verse: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31. What they don’t realize is Christians are experiencing the joy and peace of repenting from our sins and receiving the forgiving love of Jesus in our life and we want it for them too. That’s truly loving your neighbor.

Parents who love their children try to protect them from harm and now the culture is even attacking parents who will not acquiesce to the world’s perversion. Schools used to be a safe and trusted place, now every day we see videos of liberal school boards and teachers trying to confuse and indoctrinate young children with harmful evil beliefs and values.

Parents tell children “No” often as they’re growing up and sometimes the children resist and might even yell, “I hate you.” That’s hard to hear as a parent, but we know it’s a childish reaction when we’re stopping them from doing something harmful or sinful. They may later thank us for loving them enough to protect them from harm or evil.

Parents who are championing or tolerating their children’s waywardness are not helping them. That’s not love, especially when we know it will lead to heartache and maybe even a separation from God. Defending evil just because our children might be indulging in it is the furthest thing from love. As I wrote in Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, we love our children unconditionally, but it doesn’t mean we love everything they do or try to justify wrongful behavior, just because our child is doing it.

God doesn’t rewrite the 10 Commandments when His children break them. He doesn’t change His views on sexual immorality, even when a government wrongfully legalizes it. He doesn’t decide that He made a mistake creating a little girl or a little boy or that He shouldn’t have designed sex and marriage to be between a woman and a man.

No matter how distorted our culture becomes God always stays the same. The Bible is His timeless guide for life until He returns to rescue us because He loves us and wants everyone to be with Him in heaven.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Heb. 13:8

It’s God’s will and His ways that should guide our life and that we should relentlessly defend regardless of those who bully us, call us names, or try to intimidate us. Our response should always be that we didn’t make up how God wants us to live our lives, God did, and He wrote it all down in the Bible.

I was so impressed with the Philadelphia Flyers hockey defenseman Ivan Provorov, who stood firm by his Russian Orthodox faith, and declined to participate in a “gay pride” event where the players wore gay pride jerseys with gay flags wrapped around their hockey sticks. The media went crazy and bullied him, many saying he was “hiding behind his religion.” He wasn’t hiding; he was staying steadfastly true to his beliefs.

Philadelphia Flyers defenseman Ivan Provorov recently infuriated sports journalists when he refused to wear a rainbow jersey for warmups during “Pride Night,” citing his Russian Orthodox faith. “I respect everybody and I respect everybody’s choices. My choice is to stay true to myself and my religion.”

I wonder how many Christian players succumbed to pressure and chose culture over Christ.

We’ll all have to answer to God for our actions someday and there will be no excuses or any people we acquiesce to now present then to defend us.

Jesus said Christians should be glad when we’re tormented and called names for our beliefs because the world hated Him, and they’ll hate us for being His followers. In today’s world, we should wear it as a badge of honor.

Not agreeing with someone’s sin does not mean we hate them; we love them enough to want them to turn to Jesus and not the world. Those calling us “haters” are actually haters of Jesus.

16 You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. 17 This is my command: Love each other.

The World’s Hatred

18 “If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. 19 The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you. 20 . . . Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you. And if they had listened to me, they would listen to you. 21 They will do all this to you because of me, for they have rejected the one who sent me. 22 They would not be guilty if I had not come and spoken to them. But now they have no excuse for their sin. 23 Anyone who hates me also hates my Father. 24 If I hadn’t done such miraculous signs among them that no one else could do, they would not be guilty. But as it is, they have seen everything I did, yet they still hate me and my Father. 25 This fulfills what is written in their Scriptures[a]: ‘They hated me without cause.’ John 15:16-25

I often say that being an evangelist is a lot like being a Dietitian. God does have a sense of humor since He didn’t let me get away from sharing a message that isn’t always popular or appreciated. But now God is asking me to help people have a healthy spiritual life and relationship with Jesus that will lead to eternal life in heaven instead of eternal life in hell. That’s what love does, and that’s what I’ll do as long as I have breath. I hope many of you will join me. The eternal life of someone dear to you could depend on it!

12 Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. 13 Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world. 14 If you are insulted because you bear the name of Christ, you will be blessed, for the glorious Spirit of God rests upon you. 1 Peter 4:12-14 NLT

13 Now, who will want to harm you if you are eager to do good? 14 But even if you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it. So don’t worry or be afraid of their threats. 15 Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your hope as a believer, always be ready to explain it. 1 Peter 3:13-15 NLT

You’re going to find that there will be times when people will have no stomach for solid teaching, but will fill up on spiritual junk food—catchy opinions that tickle their fancy. They’ll turn their backs on truth and chase mirages. But you—keep your eye on what you’re doing; accept the hard times along with the good; keep the Message alive; do a thorough job as God’s servant. 2 Tim. 4:3-5 The Message

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January 23, 2023
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Our Forever Valentine: Jesus, Our First Love!

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Since my Monday Morning Blog is posting on Valentine’s Day, I thought it was only appropriate that we talk about love. Typically, we think about romantic love on this day, but there are so many different aspects to love.

Remember in grammar school sharing Valentine’s cards with classmates. You might’ve had a crush on one of them, but mostly you were trying to collect as many cards as you could that day. I’m not even sure kids still are allowed to share Valentines today but it’s a fun memory for many of us. It wasn’t about love, but more about friendship and camaraderie.

February is the month of valentines, but it’s also National Heart Health month, and a good time to reflect on your diet and exercise regime. At least, be sure if you’re eating chocolates today, it’s dark chocolate! At our house, we’re hoping the snow will start melting and there will be glimpses of spring and warmer weather.

When I think about true love, my mind always goes to Jesus. Yes, my husband and I make plans to do something special to celebrate our love on Valentine’s Day, but we both know that Jesus is our First Love. We wouldn’t have made it these twenty-nine years through the stresses and trials of a blended family and other devastating life issues if we hadn’t put Jesus at the center of our marriage, but most importantly, at the center of each of our lives. We don’t want to ever forget that Jesus Christ is our First Love!

In Revelations 2:2-4, Jesus admonishes the church in Ephesus that even though they were a dutiful church following all the religious rules and ceremonies, they had forgotten who they were serving and why they were even a church. They weren’t showing or exemplifying the love of Jesus.

 I [Jesus] know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3 You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.

4 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. 5 Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.

Removing the lampstand meant they would stop being an effective church. And if we’re not careful, the same thing could happen to us in our personal lives too! When we forget the love of Jesus that burned in our heart when we first gave our life to Him, Jesus says . . . no matter how many Bible studies we attend, how perfect our attendance is at church, or how much we volunteer and tithe. . . none of it matters if we’re motivated by duty and not love.

A pastor once asked the children how we know Jesus is alive today. Their answer was He lives in each of our hearts. That’s true love!

So whether you’re single or married, I want to share three important points about what love has to do with our witness for Jesus, especially as we look at the tumultuous times we live in today.

Christians Need to Love Each Other

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other. John 15:16-17

Jesus was talking to his disciples here and we are Jesus’s disciples now. God chose us to bear fruit and we can’t have a message of love if we don’t love each other. We can’t have dissention in the church or among church members. Sadly, Satan has used the current political and pandemic unrest to pit brothers and sisters in Christ against each other. In the Bible, there are no Democrats, Republicans, Progressives, Liberals, Conservatives, vaxxers or anti-vaxxer, maskers or anti-maskers.

There is only One timeless Word of God.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. John 1:1 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Heb. 13:8

There is also only one kind of Christian: “Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.” John 3:3

As born-again Bible-Believing Christians, we’re appointed to go out and bear testimony to the world together. We should unite as one front! Whatever allows us to share the Good News that Jesus saves, we’re for; whatever prohibits that freedom or tries to silence us, we’re against.

Whatever upholds the teachings of the Bible, we’re for; whatever prohibits or alters those teachings, we’re against.

We stand together for the sanctity of human life, marriage between a man and a woman, God creating us as men and women, and we’re not afraid to lovingly bear that fruit for Jesus.

Anything separating us on those issues isn’t from God!

Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart. 1 Peter 1:22

Christ Loves Us with a Never-Ending Love

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom. 8:38-39

Sadly, we see divided churches, families, friends . . . all proclaiming to be Christians yet separated by issues where there should be unity, and Satan wins because our witness is compromised. That’s a shame! There is a lost world that really needs to see the love of Christ displayed through a body of Christ that shows the love of Christ and agrees on what it means to be a Christian. But we know today that’s not the case. The good news is that nothing we do can ever separate us from the love of God for those who have truly accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.

I had a man on Facebook tell me once that he had been a Christian for 50 years, read the Bible numerous times, been to church, talked to pastors, attended Bible study groups, but now has decided Christianity is a farce, doesn’t work for him anymore, and told me I needed to know that Jesus is not returning. Two things came to mind: (a) You can leave Jesus, but He will never leave you. (b) You can be a Christian in name only, but never have experienced the saving grace of Jesus Christ, your First Love, which I wrote about in last week’s blog, A Society Crumbles That Doesn’t Recognize Sin. His words were so harsh I fear he was in the latter group.

I remember singing a song as a little girl, maybe you remember it too: “I have the love of Jesus love of Jesus down in my heart. Where? Down in my heart to stay.”

How Much Love Do You Have to Give?

“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him. John 3:16-18 The Message

Do You Love Jesus Enough to Share Him with Others Or Are You Keeping All the Love To Yourself?

Another woman on Facebook wrote this:

FB woman: There are many other religions who do not make Jesus/Satan part of their belief system. All destined to damnation? It’s a big world out there and much of it overcomes the negative.

Me: “Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

FB woman: Written by John a century later, an evangelist trying to convert the world to his new religion. PBS and History Channel do wonderful educational shows on the origins of the Bible. Check them out. I have read the Bible extensively Janet, I just haven’t drawn the same dark conclusions. And the shows I mentioned are created by scientists and historians with no agenda but discovery. I wouldn’t want to rest my eternity on what someone else says.

This woman was very confused, but I was able to talk with her a little and point out that John was actually with Jesus during His ministry, not a century later, and she was resting her eternity on what scientists and television said rather than letting God speak to her through the Bible. Maybe I made some headway. My heart breaks for those misled by the liberal progressive godless agenda with their many “belief systems,” and for Christians who have forgotten their First Love.

Love says we will take the time to share the truth, wherever and whenever we have the opportunity.

I often have to remind myself that Jesus died for the liberal mainstream media and the godless radical progressives. It’s my job to let them know the gospel in a loving way. It’s up to them to make the choice. I don’t try to convince them, because you can’t reason with someone blinded by evil.

If they’re not following God, they’re following Satan. Those are the only two roads; there is no middle path. But now they’re accountable for knowing there is another way and maybe someone else will share a little more love down the road. Who knows, they just might decide that heavy load of anger, bitterness, revenge, meanness, bullying, lies . . . whatever has turned their heart so hard . . . just isn’t worth carrying around anymore.

No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced,
    but disgrace comes to those who try to deceive others.

4 Show me the right path, O Lord;
    point out the road for me to follow.
5 Lead me by your truth and teach me,
    for you are the God who saves me.
    All day long I put my hope in you. Psalm 25:3-5 NLT

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Cor. 13:4-5

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You might also enjoy another blog How to Have a Date with Jesus!

February 14, 2022
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Don’t Just Go to Church, Be the Church

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We’ve just come through a period we never thought could happen in America: the government shut down churches. In the beginning of Covid, everyone was still trying to figure it all out. But soon it became obvious that the closures were indiscriminate as large box stores like COSTCO and Home Depot and liquor stores were still allowed to remain open. They were considered essential and churches were not. I wrote blogs during that period encouraging churches not to acquiesce, but sadly, many did. Some closed their doors for over a year and many went online giving the government a taste of success in ruling over churches.

Praise God, many bold and brave pastors recognized the tyranny and fought against it to keep meeting. Some at great peril but they understood the church needed to be together to pray, worship, fellowship, encourage each other, and be available to those who were fearful and wanted to know more about the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Even saying the church is family didn’t impact the draconian “rules” because families were being told not to meet together!

You’ve heard it said that freedoms lost or surrendered are usually never regained. But thankfully, most churches have reconvened meeting again in person, and even with the continuing new variants, churches are staying open. Unfortunately, many Christians have not returned because they’re out of the habit or routine or they’re still living in fear. And that’s the enemy’s plan!

The media would have you think that surveys are proving the Christian population is diminishing, but you know better than to believe everything you read and hear. We live in an era where liberals are intent on demoralizing, demeaning, and denouncing Christians and everything we stand for and believe. Marxism/Socialism/Communism is anti-religion. Their cowardly tactic is shame and bullying. Trying to use the power of words, name-calling, and cancel culture to threaten and intimidate us into backing down from our faith and God’s Word. But those who live for Christ alone won’t be fooled or shaken!

I hope you stand with me in not being daunted by the enemy. But instead using this tumultuous time as an opportunity to be a vocal voice for the power of Jesus Christ to overcome evil in our world and in our life! As the apostle Paul told his mentee Timothy: “So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. Rather, join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God.” 2 Timothy 1:8

Vine’s definition of ashamed is: “A strong feeling of shame preventing a person from doing something.” Is there something preventing you from doing what you know the Lord is asking of you to do?

If God wants us to do something and the Holy Spirit prompts us—regardless of how “politically incorrect” or unpopular it might be, we need to proudly declare the name of Jesus and follow the Great Commission He left for us to live out. We must unite together against the pressures of this world—no matter how many names they call us, laws they pass to quiet us, or how unpopular we become personally … our job as Christians is to speak and live the Gospel joyfully and fervently.

The True Christian World is Not Shrinking

Reality is that the true Christian population is not shrinking—Christians who would never back down in the face of adversity are actually increasing. What is shrinking is the gap between those who call themselves “Christian” hoping for a free ticket to heaven while following the world’s ways, and those who identify with Christ and are willing to follow Him wherever He leads, even if it means suffering for the Gospel, as Paul did.

Both Jesus and Paul were rivals to the accepted culture of their day and everything they did upset the social order. Why would we think it so strange when we encounter the same reaction and persecution?

Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. John 15:20

The pseudo-Christians are looking for a gospel they’ll never find: one that allows them to not make waves and keep their faith “private.” As that becomes more impossible, their faith becomes weaker and they fall away. Those “so called” Christians become lesser in number.

But to those who have the courage to be unpopular for Christ no matter what—their faith becomes stronger and their stance against the wrongs of this world becomes bolder. Yes, praise God, the true Christian population is increasing. Again, just like Paul tells Timothy, these Christians will:

 With the strength God gives you, be ready to suffer with me for the sake of the Good News. 9 For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time—to show us his grace through Christ Jesus. 10 And now he has made all of this plain to us by the appearing of Christ Jesus, our Savior. He broke the power of death and illuminated the way to life and immortality through the Good News.—2 Timothy 1:8-10

There’s Only One Kind of Christian

God shields every Christian who believes in living out the Bible—and only the Bible. A new term has caught my attention: “Bible-believing Christian.” I shake my head every time I hear it because there is no other kind of Christian. If you don’t believe the Bible is the inerrant Word of God, call yourself anything you want, but don’t call yourself a Christian because that’s blasphemy and heresy.

God ordains the steps of every Christian who has surrendered their life to Jesus and is born-again. We need to be using what He has given us in the time that we have here on Earth. God had a reason for saving us. So when we speak up for God, He gives our words power and He infuses us with courage. Holy God-fearing people love God and others and tell the truth about God to everyone, even when the audience is hostile.

Liberals and nonbelievers try to taunt us with the argument that Jesus loved everyone so Christians should love everyone’s sins. But they’re twisting the word “love” to mean what they want it to mean. To use “love” to justify sin is the exact opposite of what Jesus taught and why He went to the cross.

God loves His creations so much He sent His only Son Jesus to die for them to repent of their sins.

 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

It’s true that Jesus loved the world and that’s why He died for everyone to have freedom from sin—sins that God hates. Jesus didn’t go to the cross so we could keep on sinning, but so that we could live a life free from sin. That’s the true loving Gospel. Sharing the love of Christ and the Gospel with someone is the most loving thing you could do.

As Jesus said to the woman caught in adultery: “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” 12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:11-12

Sin is Sin Even When Our Family is Doing It

I know firsthand that one of the hardest things as a parent is to watch our children or grandchildren choose to sin. I wrote a book about Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter so I know the heartbreak of feeling like you can’t do anything to stop them. But you can love them and pray for them. The worst thing you can do is enable them by overlooking their sin, indulging their sin, or trying to convince yourself that their sin isn’t really that bad.

Remember, every murderer is someone’s child, but that doesn’t make murder OK. Every alcoholic is someone’s child, but alcoholism is wrong. Every thief has parents, but stealing is a sin. If your child is indulging in alternate lifestyles, having sex outside of marriage, or experimenting with “transgenderism” or homosexuality—it’s all sin. God doesn’t make any mistakes. He made girls as girls and boys as boys and he created girls to fall in love with boys, get married, and then enjoy sex as they come together as one.

The most loving thing you can do for your sinning child, or anyone, is to pray for him or her to seek Jesus, ask for forgiveness, change their sinful ways, and live a righteous life. It’s painful and it takes courage, but my daughter is so glad I never gave up praying for her and today that’s our testimony together.

Christianity is the Only All-Inclusive Faith

When the world says that Christians are “exclusive” that only shows their ignorance of Christianity, the most “inclusive” religion in the world. Jesus is available to everyone. He died for everyone, but sadly, not everyone will accept His loving free invitation to eternal life with Him.

Hell is real and when Jesus returns, those who do not believe in Him will experience that reality.

 I leave you with a scenario that depicts this tragedy:

A young boyfriend and girlfriend were in a tragic accident and died. They’re looking down on the scene:

Girl to boy: “I have to leave you now.”
Boy: “I want to go with you wherever you’re going.”
Girl: “I’m going to be with God, but you didn’t accept him so you can’t come with me.”

Boy: “Did you know this?”

Girl: “Yes …”

Boy: “Then why didn’t you tell me?”
Girl: “I was afraid I would lose you.”

Who are you so afraid of losing here on Earth that you’ll have to say goodbye to them forever in eternity? Don’t be ashamed or fearful to share the Gospel. Someone’s eternal life depends on it.

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6

“When God sees you, for those of us in Christ, he sees his Son, Jesus. And when we get a glimpse of how beautiful he is and how beautiful he becomes in us, we want to join him in beautifying this world!” [A quote from Saddleback Church newsletter “Three important things to believe about Jesus”]

If you don’t receive my monthly newsletter, here is a link to January’s edition and you can sign up on my website to receive it monthly. The opening article is: Are You Ready?

In case you didn’t read last week’s blog I encourage you to read it today as we watch the horrific war on our police officers! Police Officers Have Our Backs; Let’s Have Theirs!

If you received this blog by email, please leave a comment here.

The opening picture was created by Joshua Lutz, reppnforChrist.com. I saw it and knew immediately what the title of my blog should be. Originally, my title was Christianity Under Refining Fire! which also is a good one to describe the article don’t you think.

January 31, 2022
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In a Word: TRUST God!

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Monday Morning Blogs are back after my holiday sabbatical from writing. I hope you all had a blessed celebration of our Savior’s birth and are ready to start the New Year with God as your Shepherd and Guide! I’m refreshed and refueled, ready to face 2022 with God as my Savior, Provider, Healer, Protector, and so much more.

2022 is starting out with many of the same challenges and struggles carrying over from the past year with new ones on the horizon. But one thing we as Christians can always count on every year: Our God Reigns! He never changes and He is faithful to His faithful followers no matter the circumstances we find ourselves encountering.

Proverbs 3:5-6 is a familiar verse and one we must hold close to our hearts and live out, not just memorize!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Pr. 3:5-6 NLT

As Christians, we use freely the phrase “trust in the Lord,” but recently I was challenged to consider what does it really mean to solely trust God.

A familiar hymn we sing in church, Trust and Obey, says there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey. Who doesn’t want to be happy in Jesus?! It seems the only way to do that is to not only trust in Jesus, but to also obey His Word and His Ways. It’s two-fold!

My Trust and Obey Encounter for 2022

In the past few years, I’ve prayed for a word from God that He specifically wants to use in guiding my life in the upcoming year. A word I would pray every morning to direct my actions and thoughts throughout the day. I don’t take this “word” selection lightly. I pray about it and look for confirmations the Lord always provides. When I select one, I find it helpful to share my word with friends so they can encourage me to stay faithful to apply the chosen word in my life, and I do the same for them.

2018’s word was Calm, a real challenge for excitable me! 2019 was JOY. 2020 was Glorify. 2021 was Resilience, which a friend advised me not to choose because it’s kind of like praying for patience. Resilience could mean I would encounter many obstacles and hardships, which indeed was the case. But praying for resilience every morning helped me face all those difficulties knowing that God was right beside me to help me endure with grace and bounce back with determination.

Sometimes, I make my words into acrostics:
J-ubliation O-ngoing all Y-ear

C-all A-lways on the L-ord M-oment by moment

I’ve always toyed with choosing “Trust,” but it never seemed the right fit even though I had written it down as a potential yearly word several times. Yet there it was again this year as the New Year approached and I was wrestling with the Lord if trust truly was the word He wanted for me. I wasn’t settled in my spirit on it, and like resilience, I wondered what I would face that would call on my trust in the Lord. After all, don’t I already trust You Lord?

Then on New Year’s Day, we were invited over to some friend’s house for a lovely Italian turkey luncheon. As I talked with one of the guests, I glanced over her shoulder and there on a side table was a wooden plaque that caught my eye. I quietly walked over to it and snapped a picture because I knew the Lord was telling me that TRUST was my word for 2022.

Like most of you, I don’t know what’s going to happen in the coming year in our personal lives or the life of our country, but I do know that every morning, I will need to trust that God does know and like the old hymn Trust and Obey goes on to say . . .

Not a shadow can rise,
  Not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
  Not a doubt or a fear,
  Not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.

Not a burden we bear,
  Not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
  Not a grief or a loss,
  Not a frown or a cross,
But is blest if we trust and obey.

But we never can prove
  The delights of His love,
Until all on the altar we lay;
  For the favor He shows,
  And the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet
  We will sit at His feet,
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
  What He says we will do;
  Where He sends, we will go.
Never fear, only trust and obey.

source: https://www.lyricsondemand.com/miscellaneouslyrics/christianlyrics/trustandobeylyrics.html

I’m not saying anyone is more spiritual for having a “word” for the year, but I am saying that trust in God is the core foundation of our faith. Without trust in the Lord, we’re left with misplaced trust in ourselves and/or a failing world which shouts, “trust the science,” when a good portion of the world doesn’t trust God’s scientific creation of two genders, marriage is between a man and a woman, or birth starts at conception! How could we ever trust the fallible government instead our infallible God?!

 Even when his enemies closed in on him, David could still compose his own song about trusting God in Psalm 31. Here are a few verses and I would encourage you to read the entire Psalm . . .

O Lord, I have come to you for protection;
    don’t let me be disgraced.
    Save me, for you do what is right.
2 Turn your ear to listen to me;
    rescue me quickly.
Be my rock of protection,
    a fortress where I will be safe.
3 You are my rock and my fortress.
    For the honor of your name, lead me out of this danger.
4 Pull me from the trap my enemies set for me,
    for I find protection in you alone.5 I entrust my spirit into your hand.
    Rescue me, Lord, for you are a faithful God.

I hate those who worship worthless idols.
    I trust in the Lord.
7 I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love,
    for you have seen my troubles,
    and you care about the anguish of my soul.
8 You have not handed me over to my enemies
    but have set me in a safe place.

14 But I am trusting you, O Lord,
    saying, “You are my God!”
15 My future is in your hands.

Love the Lord, all you godly ones!
    For the Lord protects those who are loyal to him,
    but he harshly punishes the arrogant.
24 So be strong and courageous,
    all you who put your hope in the Lord!

Praying for each of you to have a blessed and joyful 2022 as you trust in the Lord even when you don’t understand what He’s doing. Someday, it will all be made clear to us, but for now, we trust and obey.


Those who listen to instruction will prosper; those who trust the Lord will be joyful. Pr. 16:20 NLT

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” Corrie ten Boom

PS If you did pick a word for 2022, please share with us in a comment!

If you received this blog by email, leave a comment here.

January 10, 2022
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How “God Winks” Can Help Us Through Difficult Times

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When I said in my last blog that I’d be taking a break for my husband’s knee replacement surgery, I didn’t expect to be MIA for six weeks. We heard stories of people having this surgery as outpatient or at best coming home the next day. I had no idea the journey that lay before us and we’re still venturing on, but God did. My husband continuously says he doesn’t know how anyone goes through this without God!

Praise God, He was our constant companion, even though I must admit I had a few meltdowns along the way!!!

For those of you who prayed for us, we’re grateful. Please keep praying! If you didn’t know about what we were going through, I’m sure you know someone having a difficult time right now and I encourage you to stop reading for a moment and pray for them. They’ll feel your prayers. They need your prayers.

Back to our story . . .

Dave got off to a rocky start when he had a bad reaction to the meds and anesthesia used during surgery. While he was in the hospital for five days, his oldest daughter Michelle and I were with him all day and evening. Michelle had flown out from Chicago to help us with his transition home.

Then to my shock, the doctors determined he wasn’t home ready and needed to go to a rehab facility where he would be placed in COVID quarantine. We could no longer see him! He had a negative COVID test right before they moved him, and we were all vaccinated, but those were “the rules.”

We walked with him as they wheeled him down the sidewalk to the rehab facility, but when the elevator doors shut, I was shut out of his life. Half of my heart ripped away!

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 2:7-9

I’d been his advocate in the hospital and now I was standing on the outside. I couldn’t stop crying. I’m crying now just remembering. I was one of those people you read about kept from their suffering loved ones. It’s reality to me now. It’s cruel.

I came home alone and Michelle flew home. Our family’s only visible communication with Dave, doctors, therapists, and nurses was FaceTime. Dave was there for eight days where he received physical, occupational, and recreational therapy and excellent care, but this was so beyond what we had anticipated.

I stared blankly when people asked, “Why?” Every time I heard that question, or about people who came home the next day, it only made me feel worse. Sad. Heartsick. Despondent.

There’s a lesson for us all. When someone is going through a traumatic experience, hearing how someone else sailed through it only impounds the hurt and trauma. All I wanted was a hug or a prayer. Compassion.

My worst nightmare became reality when 5’5” 122 lb. me, who had recently had surgery, would be bringing home by myself 6’4” 230 lb. hubby who could barely stand up and move by himself, even with a walker. He would have to stay in our basement “Man Cave.” It would be a long time before he could navigate stairs up to our living level.

And so the journey began even though I felt completely inadequate for what God was asking me to do on my own to successfully help this man I love so much recover well and safely. It seemed overwhelming. It was overwhelming.

But of course, I wasn’t completely alone. That’s when the God Winks started!

God Winks Don’t Miss Them!

Dave and I had prayed before his surgery and during his recovery that we would be a witness and light for God’s goodness to everyone we met, and that they would see Jesus in us, no matter what. Maybe that prayer set us on this trajectory because God wanted to use us for His glory. I can’t say I always represented Him well. My emotions at times overtook me when I couldn’t stop crying or heard myself having an unkind outburst, but there were also some amazing experiences where God’s glory shown through in spite of us.

God Wink #1

I thought daughter Michelle came to help after we got home, but it turned out God wanted to use her to support me while Dave was in the hospital and through the experience of sending him off to rehab. Michelle was my rock, a calm and steady voice, gentle pat on my back, and hug that guided me through the crisis and chaos. When I was too upset to eat, she located a smoothie shop nearby that’s now become my favorite!

We live 1 ½ hours from the hospital and rehab. So our daughter Kim, who lives closer, welcomed Michelle and me to stay as long as we needed, which meant my two granddaughters gave up their bedrooms and slept on the couch. No complaining. That’s what love does.

While I was away from home, neighbors Joni and Mike, who are also part of our Couples Bible Study Group, watered our plants and mowed our lawn. Mike takes our trash to the dump when he’s home. (We live in the rural mountains, no trash service.)

God Wink #2

One of the male nurses in the hospital stopped in Dave’s room, even though Dave wasn’t his patient that day, and said he had looked up my books on my website! He was a Christian too.

When Dave was in rehab, I brought some of his favorite juice to help him get more fluids since his BP kept dropping. The nurse that came to the door began comforting me about not being able to see him and I noticed the cross around her neck. Turns out, she’s a Christian also and Dave was her patient for the day. I knew he was in God’s hands.

She assured me that rehab was right where he needed to be. He wasn’t capable of coming home yet, but they would work to get him ready. Rehab was actually a God-Wink blessing.

God Wink #3

Several days before I brought Dave home, three men from church came over and helped prepare the Man Cave by taking off doors, moving furniture, making repairs, and taking Dave’s recliner downstairs.

God Wink #4

Leanna, a dear friend from our Couple’s Bible Study Group, got up early to leave at 6:30 am to drive down to Boise with me to pick up Dave from rehab. I don’t function well early morning, but with Leanna in the car and Jesus at the wheel, it was a beautiful morning even though it had been a rainstorm the day before.

God Wink #5

Dave’s second night home he had cramps in his calf and shooting pains down his leg. He was wreathing and crying in pain. Hot compresses helped but he couldn’t stand up. Leanna, who called me every day, had said call us no matter what time of night. So I did. She and her husband Bob and muscular son Ty came right over and the men got Dave up out of the chair and into bed. Ty gave me his number to text if I needed him in the middle of the night or next day.

God Wink #6

Friends Cynthia and Tom, who were dropping off food they had bought for us at COSTCO, were here when the doctor’s office called about Dave’s leg cramps and shooting pains. We needed to bring him to ER (1 ½ hours away) for an ultrasound to rule out blood clots. When we got off the phone, Tom said he would drive us and Cynthia said she would sit at our house and wait for UPS to drop off medication that needed a signature.

This was the Friday of Memorial Day Weekend, a heavily traveled day in our area and I had been up all night with Dave. This couple was having a family reunion at their home in a few days, but Cynthia said that taking time to help us was confirmation to her that God had the reunion under control! Praise God there were no blood clots.

God Wink #6

The following day, the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend, daughter Kim and hubby Toby came up to plant our garden, mow our lawn and do other things on my “to-do” list.

God Wink #7

Memorial Day, Barb from our Couple’s Group stopped by to ask where I needed help. She folded all my laundry and vacuumed my whole house! Amazing timing since around 4:30 pm I got a text from long-time friends from Arizona, Debbie and Jerry, that they were about an hour away and what did I need at the store?! I thought they were coming the next day, but thanks to Barb, my house was ready and I had food to feed them because Gene, another friend from church, had brought over a tray of her famous enchiladas the day before!

Debbie and Jerry had planned this trip to visit us before we knew Dave was having surgery and they said they would only still come if they could be of help. I said, “Oh yes! Please come. I need help!”

They were visiting angels as Jerry is an amazing “handyman” and Debbie just pitched in and saw the many things that needed doing while I was tending to Dave downstairs. Together they cut down on the thousands of steps I was taking up and down the stairs. Debbie went with me to Boise to grocery shop and go to a doctor’s appointment with me to take notes when my brain was exhausted.

I was sad to see them go, but we all were aware of God’s timing in bringing them to “visit” when I needed them most. I finally felt a little rested and ready to tackle Dave’s recovery on our own.

God Wink #8

Now for the over-the-top presence of the Lord showing His face in an act of kindness of two strangers, Scott and Donna May. Physical therapy recommended we get a recumbent bike for Dave. I put a request on our local community Facebook page and began getting messages about bikes for sale. One in particular looked perfect but it was pricey even used. Then there appeared a message from a gentleman who said he had one he could loan us that they only use in the winter and he could deliver it?!

I asked for a picture and it was the exact one I had considered buying. I messaged back thanking him for his generosity and he responded, “Christians help Christians!” I wondered how he knew I was a Christian, but I certainly told him he was an answer to prayer.

When Scott and Donna May brought the bike over the next day, I asked how he knew I was a Christian. Scott laughingly admitted he had looked at my profile and website to be sure I was someone he could trust to return the bike LOL!

Donna May said she refers to these serendipity experiences as “God Winks.” I assured them that God had definitely been winking at us.

And He still continues. Neighbors Bob and Theresa, also in our Couples Group, called and said they’d noticed our lawn getting pretty long again. Could they come over the next morning and mow and spray for mosquitoes. Bob also stops by and picks up our bags of trash to take to the dump.

A physical therapist we’ve been working with in town was concerned about Dave using our shower if we moved him upstairs and offered to come over to our house after work and check it out! He did a survey of our home while he was here to give us tips on moving Dave back upstairs, which we did several days later.

What’s the Take Away from Our God Winks?

1. Ask for Help!

Don’t try to go things on your own. Let people know where and when you need help! We also asked for prayer and I know our church was praying for us and for God to watch over us.

Many times people will just say, “Let us know when you need help.” But then we don’t because we don’t know what kind of help they’re prepared to give and we don’t want to be an imposition.

2. Receive Help

It’s a blessing for others to bless you! Let them. Yes, it’s humbling and maybe even embarrassing, but the Bible tells us that “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” Ecc. 4:9-10 NLT

3. Join or Form a Bible Study Group

Our Couples Bible Study Group have been through many things together and as one woman in church put it, “Your group is really tight.” We’re there for each other to celebrate the good times, help each other through the difficult times, pray and learn more together how God wants us to navigate the world through the wisdom in His Word.

4. Be Alert to Who Needs a God Wink

Because people are reticent to ask for help, or impose, let’s try and notice when and where someone needs help and then just do it. I’m sure there’s someone in your life who needs a “God Wink” right now!

Note: There are many issues in the world today that I want to write about, but I’ve been so consumed with our issues that I didn’t have the energy or brain-power to tackle them. For several nights after I returned home alone, I couldn’t even turn on the news to hear the world’s troubles because I was living through troubles in my own little world. It all seemed like more than I could process.

I told a friend that I’ll know when the Lord frees my mind to write again, and today was the first day I’ve actually sat down at the computer to write. I’m not sure how consistent, but I’ll try to be back on Mondays. We’ll find out this week when Dave will have his other knee done. Yes, we’re doing this again in the near future, but I know God’s winking at me right now and assuring me He’ll be right there seeing us through it.

All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. 2 Cor. 1:3-4 The Message

Photo by Saad Chaundhry @saadchdhry

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June 21, 2021
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Four Ways to Close the Communication Gap with Your Husband By Cindi McMenamin

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My dear author friend of twenty years, Cindi McMenamin, has a new book out 12 Ways to Experience More with Your Husband.  If you’re married, engaged, know someone married, or mentoring a married woman, you’re going to want to pick up this valuable book full of experience, suggestions, and tips. We all want a happy communicative marriage, but if you’ve been married for very long, you know that takes work and lots of prayer.

Four Ways to Close the Communication Gap with Your Husband by Cindi McMenamin

Four Ways to Close the Communication Gap with Your Husband

By Cindi McMenamin

As I’ve mentored women over the past two decades, I’ve seen one issue continue to plague wives, regardless of how long they’ve been married – a communication gap in their marriage that leads to emotional distance.

Can you relate? Have you heard, or said yourself, the following statements?

I don’t know how to talk to my husband without him becoming defensive.

I’ve tried everything, he just won’t talk to me.

No matter what I say it comes out wrong. Is it me or is it him?

Whether you’ve heard other women say that or you’ve said it yourself, that gap – which can leave a husband and wife feeling isolated from one another – is more serious than you may realize.

[Tweet “A lack of communication is now the No. 1 cause for divorce in America.”]

A lack of communication is now the No. 1 cause for divorce in America. Just a decade ago it was adultery, but today failing to communicate, communicating poorly, or just letting the emotional gap widen between a husband and wife can be most fatal to marriages.

[Tweet “Eliminating the communication gap is essential to experiencing more in your marriage.”]

Eliminating the communication gap is essential to experiencing more in your marriage. That is the primary reason I wrote my newest book, 12 Ways to Experience More with Your Husband. You and I can be experiencing more trust, more passion, and yes, more communication with our husbands when we understand what motivates them, as well as what wounds them.

For years, my husband (Hugh) and I struggled with this communication gap because of our many differences. He is an introvert. I am an extrovert. He came from a family that stuffed and stifled their feelings. I came from a family that verbally over-communicated their feelings. To this day, Hugh will readily admit he is not the communicator in our marriage. I am. But just because I’m a writer, speaker, and therefore a communicator by profession, does not necessarily mean I communicate well with him. In fact, because I know how to communicate in general I figured I had it made when I got married. I was so wrong.

Through the years (three decades of marriage, in fact), my husband and I have both had to figure out how to communicate well with each other.

We did that by developing an awareness of what was causing us to close off from one another. And get this. We weren’t even aware that we were reacting to one another out of unresolved issues in our lives.

Reacting Out of Our Pain

[Tweet “It’s human nature for couples to react to one another out of their pain.”]

A counselor friend of mine shared with me that it’s human nature for couples to react to one another out of their pain. Certain words or situations will trigger pain in us and we end up reacting defensively. It’s natural, then, to filter our life’s experiences through that grid of pain and sometimes end up seeing our spouse – rather than an unhealed issue in our lives – as the problem.

[Tweet “Identify and let God heal issues to close the communication gap with your spouse.”]

Here are some ways to identify and let God heal the issues so you can better communicate and close the gap with your husband:

  1. Realize the deeper core wound that is driving the problem or argument. When you and I first understand our own pain and insecurities and then develop a greater understanding of what causes our husbands’ pain, we can work to better communicate and reconnect. Instead of thinking my spouse is just an angry man, say “I had no idea that my husband struggled so much with feeling he was not succeeding in the relationship.” What we focus on grows. If we focus on what our husbands are doing wrong, that will grow. If we focus on the fact that he’s a good guy that will heighten our awareness to see that.

[Tweet “What we focus on grows. If we focus on what our husbands are doing wrong, that will grow. “]

  1. Resist the urge to be defensive, accusative, or angry at your husband’s words, actions, or responses. People who hurt, hurt people. When your husband lashes out or says something unkind, it’s possible he is feeling lashed out against. Be open and curious. Tell yourself, “My husband is a good man, he is loving and is maybe acting like a jerk right now, but what is going on inside of him?” Practice Ephesians 4:29 and make sure, even in the heat of the moment, that you don’t let “any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (NIV).

[Tweet “People who hurt, hurt people.”]

  1. Reject the lies that get you off course and create division between you and your spouse. Your husband’s wounds aren’t the only ones in the picture. We wives get triggered by a situation or by certain words and then we believe our lie: I am alone. I am devalued. I’m not appreciated. I’m not respected. We end up responding to our husbands because we believe a lie that doesn’t have anything to do with them.

[Tweet “Reject the lies that get you off course and create division between you and your spouse.”]

  1. Receive the truth of who you are in Christ. Once you receive the truth that you are not alone, you are valuable in Christ’s eyes, and you’re deeply loved by God, you can be more emotionally regulated and attuned to your husband. John 8:32 tells us “Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”

Instead of getting anxious, withdrawing from, or lecturing your husband when you feel hurt, you can remember the One who has redeemed your life and say, “I realize when you said this I felt devalued and started to shut down, but now I realize I am valued in Christ and I can choose to be connected and get close to you.”

Each of us has to feel emotionally safe in order to start moving toward the other person to close the gap. Our only safety is in our relationship with Jesus. When we understand who we are in His eyes and we feel safe in Him, we can feel safe with others, too. And then, we can start actively closing that communication gap.

Which of these steps do you find is the most challenging?

Leave your comment below and you’ll be entered to win a signed copy of Cindi’s newest book, 12 Ways to Experience More with Your Husband: More Trust. More Passion. More Communication. (U.S. mailing residents only please). Winners will be notified via email on February 12.

If you received this blog by email, please leave a comment here.

4 Ways to Better communication with your husband by Cindi McMenamin

Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker and author of 16 books who helps women strengthen their relationship with God and others. She has been married 30 years to Hugh, a pastor and introvert, who shared his insights in her newest book, 12 Ways to Experience More with Your Husband, upon which this blog is based. For more on her ministry and discounts on her resources to strengthen your soul, marriage, and parenting, see her website:www.StrengthForTheSoul.com.

February 5, 2018
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What’s Love Got to Do With It?

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February is the month of valentines, flowers, candy, and love. It’s also National Heart Health month, and at our house, we’re hoping we’ll begin to see the snow start melting and glimpses of spring around the corner.

As I thought about what to write this week, the Lord kept giving me the line from an old song “What’s love got to do with it?” If you read my January 30 blog post, Love Your Body: Revive Sexual Purity, I emphasize that God designed sex to be an expression of love in marriage between a man and a woman, His creations. So love has everything to do with sex!

I’ve also written an article for Crosswalk.com on the importance of asking God and your spouse for forgiveness for sexual encounters before you got married, even with each other. I hope everyone has, or will, take that important step. It could save a marriage.

When I think about love, my mind always goes to Jesus. Yes, my husband and I make plans to do something special to celebrate our love on Valentine’s Day, but we both know that Jesus is our first love. We wouldn’t have made it through the stresses and trials of a blended family if we hadn’t put Jesus at the center of our marriage; but most importantly, at the center of each of our lives. We don’t want to ever forget who is our First Love, Jesus Christ. (Rev. 2:4)

Recently at church, the pastor asked the children how we know Jesus is alive today. The answer: He lives in each believer’s heart. That’s true love!

So whether you’re single or married, I want to share three important points about what love has to do with our witness for Jesus, especially as we look at the tumultuous times we live in today.

Christians Need to Love Each Other

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other. John 15:16-17

Jesus was talking to his disciples in John 15:16-17, and we are Jesus’s disciples today. God chose us to bear fruit and we can’t share a message of love if we don’t love each other. We can’t have dissension in the church or among church members. Sadly, Satan has used the current political unrest to pit brothers and sisters in Christ against each other. In the Bible, there are no Democrats, Republicans, Progressives, Liberals, Conservatives . . . There is only One timeless Word of God (John 1:1, Heb. 13:8). There is also only one kind of Christian: “Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again” (John 3:3).

[Tweet “As born-again Bible-Believing Christians, we’re appointed to go out and bear testimony to the world together. “]

As born-again Bible-Believing Christians, we’re appointed to go out and bear testimony to the world together. We should unite as one in agreement on . . .

  • Whatever allows us to share the Good News that Jesus saves we’re for; whatever prohibits that freedom or tries to silence us, we’re against.
  • Whatever upholds the teachings of the Bible we’re for; whatever prohibits or alters those teachings, we’re against.
  • We stand together for the sanctity of human life, marriage between a man and a woman, God creating us as men and women, and we’re not afraid to lovingly bear that fruit for Jesus.

Anything separating us on those issues isn’t from God!

Christ Loves Us with a Never-Ending Love

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom. 8:38-39

[Tweet “There’s a lost world that needs to know the love of Christ displayed through a body of Christ that shows the love of Christ by agreeing on what it means to be a Christian.”]

Sadly, we only have to look at divided churches, families, friends . . . all proclaiming to be Christians separated by issues where they should be united, and Satan wins because that compromises our witness. That’s a shame! There’s a lost world that needs to know the love of Christ displayed through a body of Christ that shows the love of Christ by agreeing on what it means to be a Christian. Today that’s not the case. The good news is that nothing we do can ever separate us from the love of God for those who have truly accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.

I had a man on Facebook tell me he had been a Christian for 50 years, read the Bible numerous times, been to church, talked to pastors, been in Bible study groups, and now has decided Christianity is a farce, doesn’t work for him anymore, and he told me I needed to know that Jesus is not returning. Two things came to mind: (a) you can leave Jesus, but He will never leave you. (b) you can be a Christian in name only, but never have experienced the saving grace of Jesus Christ. His words were so harsh I fear he was in the latter group.

I remember singing a song as a little girl “I have the love of Jesus love of Jesus down in my heart. Where? Down in my heart to stay.”

How Much Love Do You Have to Give?

“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him. John 3:16-18 The Message

Do you Love Jesus Enough to Share Him with others or Are You Keeping All the Love To Yourself?

[Tweet “Do you Love Jesus Enough to Share Him with others or Are You Keeping All the Love To Yourself?”]

Another woman on Facebook wrote this:

FB woman: “There are many other religions who do not make Jesus/Satan part of their belief system. All destined to damnation? It’s a big world out there, and much of it overcomes the negative.”

Me: “Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

FB woman: “Written by John a century later, an evangelist trying to convert the world to his new religion. PBS and History Channel do wonderful educational shows on the origins of the Bible. Check them out. I have read the Bible extensively Janet, I just haven’t drawn the same dark conclusions. And the shows I mentioned are created by scientists and historians with no agenda but discovery. I wouldn’t want to rest my eternity on what someone else says.”

This woman was confused, but I was able to point out to her that John was actually with Jesus, not a century later, and she was resting her eternity on what scientists and television said rather than letting God speak to her through the Bible. Maybe I made some headway. My heart breaks for those misled by the liberal progressive godless agenda and the many “belief systems,” and the Christians who have forgotten their first love. Love says we will take the time to share the truth.

[Tweet “Love says we will take the time to share the truth. “]

During the election and since Donald Trump became POTUS, many have been mean, vicious, and vile on social media. I often have to remind myself that Jesus died for them too, and it’s my job to let them know that in a loving way. It’s up to them to make the choice. I don’t try to convince them, because you can’t reason with someone blinded by evil. If they’re not following God, they’re following Satan. Those are the only two roads; there is no middle path. But now they’re accountable for knowing there is another way and maybe someone else will share a little more love down the road. Who knows, they just might decide that heavy load of anger, bitterness, revenge, meanness, bullying, whatever that has turned their heart so hard, just isn’t worth carrying around anymore.

No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced,
    but disgrace comes to those who try to deceive others.

4 Show me the right path, O Lord;
    point out the road for me to follow.
5 Lead me by your truth and teach me,
    for you are the God who saves me.
    All day long I put my hope in you.

Psalm 25:3-5 NLT

What does love have to do with it?

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Cor. 13:6-7

Opening picture from crosscards.com

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February 13, 2017
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