prodigals — Woman to Woman Mentoring

What Our Culture Doesn’t Understand about Christ’s Love!

My first career was as a Registered Dietitian. I went to college for four years at Cal Poly University and then another year of internship at the VA Hospital and UCLA in Santa Monica. I had grandiose visions of being the Florence Nightingale of dietetics! I would devote myself to helping people learn how to experience a healthy nutritional way of life. Maybe even save lives by teaching them how to eliminate foods contributing to their illnesses and replace them with foods that their body needed to heal and stay well. In my altruistic vision, they would be so grateful that I was part of their medical team working to restore their health and help them remain in good health.

Then I went out into the real world of hospital dietetics and my idealistic aspirations met resistance reality. Instead of welcoming my guidance in food restrictions and replacements that could possibly save their life, they would rather take a pill and hope for the best. How could I expect them to sacrifice their favorite foods they “loved,” almost more than life?! They were angry, disgruntled, or dismissed me for even thinking they would make lifestyle changes to give them a better quality of life.

When I tried to engage wives to help their husbands, they also resisted that I was asking them to remove foods he “loved”! I could see in her eyes as she shook her head that she wasn’t about to tackle changing her husband’s diet. It wasn’t worth the battle and often her way of showing love was to make all the foods he loved. I literally watched wives love their husbands to death rather than love them enough to learn how to nutritiously lengthen their lives by changing their diet.

I wasn’t trying to ruin these people’s lives; I was trying to save their lives. I didn’t hate them. I loved my fellow men and women enough to help them fight for their life, often as I watched the same patients return with the same health and diet-related issues.

Eventually, the rejection and frustration became more than I could envision for the rest of my life, and I changed careers. But once a Dietitian, always a Dietitian and I practice good eating habits for my family and myself. I try to get my husband to limit his intake of “junk food” and keep his weight down, not because I hate him, but because I love him!

I want my husband to be healthy and live a long life. There are certain foods I know will harm him. I want him putting into his God-given body foods that will build him up and not tear him down. I’m not always successful in convincing him, but I love him enough to keep trying.

This is exactly the same love that Christ shows to us! He doesn’t tell us to avoid sinful actions and thoughts that will harm us because he hates us; it’s because He loves us! He wants the best for us. God sent His only Son to die on the cross to give us an opportunity to turn from our sinful ways not to revel in them.

¹⁶“For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him. ¹⁸“There is no judgment against anyone who believes in him. But anyone who does not believe in him has already been judged for not believing in God’s one and only Son. ¹⁹And the judgment is based on this fact: God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. John 3:16-19 NLT

There’s a false argument that lovers of sin try to use against Christians: “God loves me just like I am.” That’s Satan’s lie. Jesus never said that. Jesus does love everyone, and He accepts us where He finds us, BUT he loves us so much, He doesn’t want to leave us how He found us . . . sinning. Like the woman at the well, He tells us to go and sin no more!

Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. Gal. 6:7-8 NLT

There was a man named Nicodemus, a Jewish religious leader who was a Pharisee. ²After dark one evening, he came to speak with Jesus. “Rabbi,” he said, “we all know that God has sent you to teach us. Your miraculous signs are evidence that God is with you.” ³Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, unless you are born again,^[a] you cannot see the Kingdom of God.” John 3:1-3 NLT

Paul cautioned the church in Corinth:

¹⁸Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. ¹⁹Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, ²⁰for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. 1 Cor. 6:18-20 NLT

Paul didn’t hate the Corinthians or any of the churches when he told them that homosexuality and sexual immorality was an abomination to God and detrimental to their own bodies. Paul loved them and that’s why he was warning them to repent from their sins.

Peter told those who repented of their sins and asked God’s forgiveness that they would receive the Holy Spirit to help them live a life pleasing to God.

Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Acts 2:38

The World’s Futile Attempt to Redefine “Love”!

Today’s culture has tried to twist the truth into attacks on anyone who doesn’t go along with abortion, LGBQT, sexual immorality, transgenderism, or now the next level of perversion is brainwashing young children into believing God made them wrong and they can be whatever gender they choose.

Liberals or “progressives” try to bully us calling us haters or not good Christians when we don’t agree to their lifestyle choices, but it’s the exact opposite. It’s out of love and wanting people to experience eternity someday and God’s plan for their life while they’re here on earth that we refuse to agree with sin or be pressured into the world’s decadent mold.

Often, they try and use God’s Word against us, especially this verse: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31. What they don’t realize is Christians are experiencing the joy and peace of repenting from our sins and receiving the forgiving love of Jesus in our life and we want it for them too. That’s truly loving your neighbor.

Parents who love their children try to protect them from harm and now the culture is even attacking parents who will not acquiesce to the world’s perversion. Schools used to be a safe and trusted place, now every day we see videos of liberal school boards and teachers trying to confuse and indoctrinate young children with harmful evil beliefs and values.

Parents tell children “No” often as they’re growing up and sometimes the children resist and might even yell, “I hate you.” That’s hard to hear as a parent, but we know it’s a childish reaction when we’re stopping them from doing something harmful or sinful. They may later thank us for loving them enough to protect them from harm or evil.

Parents who are championing or tolerating their children’s waywardness are not helping them. That’s not love, especially when we know it will lead to heartache and maybe even a separation from God. Defending evil just because our children might be indulging in it is the furthest thing from love. As I wrote in Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, we love our children unconditionally, but it doesn’t mean we love everything they do or try to justify wrongful behavior, just because our child is doing it.

God doesn’t rewrite the 10 Commandments when His children break them. He doesn’t change His views on sexual immorality, even when a government wrongfully legalizes it. He doesn’t decide that He made a mistake creating a little girl or a little boy or that He shouldn’t have designed sex and marriage to be between a woman and a man.

No matter how distorted our culture becomes God always stays the same. The Bible is His timeless guide for life until He returns to rescue us because He loves us and wants everyone to be with Him in heaven.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Heb. 13:8

It’s God’s will and His ways that should guide our life and that we should relentlessly defend regardless of those who bully us, call us names, or try to intimidate us. Our response should always be that we didn’t make up how God wants us to live our lives, God did, and He wrote it all down in the Bible.

I was so impressed with the Philadelphia Flyers hockey defenseman Ivan Provorov, who stood firm by his Russian Orthodox faith, and declined to participate in a “gay pride” event where the players wore gay pride jerseys with gay flags wrapped around their hockey sticks. The media went crazy and bullied him, many saying he was “hiding behind his religion.” He wasn’t hiding; he was staying steadfastly true to his beliefs.

Philadelphia Flyers defenseman Ivan Provorov recently infuriated sports journalists when he refused to wear a rainbow jersey for warmups during “Pride Night,” citing his Russian Orthodox faith. “I respect everybody and I respect everybody’s choices. My choice is to stay true to myself and my religion.”

I wonder how many Christian players succumbed to pressure and chose culture over Christ.

We’ll all have to answer to God for our actions someday and there will be no excuses or any people we acquiesce to now present then to defend us.

Jesus said Christians should be glad when we’re tormented and called names for our beliefs because the world hated Him, and they’ll hate us for being His followers. In today’s world, we should wear it as a badge of honor.

Not agreeing with someone’s sin does not mean we hate them; we love them enough to want them to turn to Jesus and not the world. Those calling us “haters” are actually haters of Jesus.

¹⁶You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. ¹⁷This is my command: Love each other.

The World’s Hatred

¹⁸“If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. ¹⁹The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you. ²⁰. . . Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you. And if they had listened to me, they would listen to you. ²¹They will do all this to you because of me, for they have rejected the one who sent me. ²²They would not be guilty if I had not come and spoken to them. But now they have no excuse for their sin. ²³Anyone who hates me also hates my Father. ²⁴If I hadn’t done such miraculous signs among them that no one else could do, they would not be guilty. But as it is, they have seen everything I did, yet they still hate me and my Father. ²⁵This fulfills what is written in their Scriptures^[^a^]: ‘They hated me without cause.’ John 15:16-25

I often say that being an evangelist is a lot like being a Dietitian. God does have a sense of humor since He didn’t let me get away from sharing a message that isn’t always popular or appreciated. But now God is asking me to help people have a healthy spiritual life and relationship with Jesus that will lead to eternal life in heaven instead of eternal life in hell. That’s what love does, and that’s what I’ll do as long as I have breath. I hope many of you will join me. The eternal life of someone dear to you could depend on it!

¹²Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. ¹³Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world. ¹⁴If you are insulted because you bear the name of Christ, you will be blessed, for the glorious Spirit of God rests upon you. 1 Peter 4:12-14 NLT

¹³Now, who will want to harm you if you are eager to do good? ¹⁴But even if you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it. So don’t worry or be afraid of their threats. ¹⁵Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your hope as a believer, always be ready to explain it. 1 Peter 3:13-15 NLT

You’re going to find that there will be times when people will have no stomach for solid teaching, but will fill up on spiritual junk food—catchy opinions that tickle their fancy. They’ll turn their backs on truth and chase mirages. But you—keep your eye on what you’re doing; accept the hard times along with the good; keep the Message alive; do a thorough job as God’s servant. 2 Tim. 4:3-5 The Message

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January 23, 2023

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When Did Bible-Believing Christians Start Being Labeled “Right Wing”?

The title of my September AHW Ministries newsletter’s opening article is “Lord, Bring Our Prodigals Home!” I wrote that article because of the recent interest and activity around a book I wrote almost fifteen years ago as a memoir of being a prodigal mom raising a prodigal daughter, Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter: Hope, Help & Encouragement for Hurting Parents. My daughter Kim shares her journey during that time too and each chapter also includes the story of other moms with a prodigal daughter and some of those daughters share their story.

The key to praying for my prodigal I discovered was praying and personalizing Scripture. Praying God’s Word back to Him for my daughter. Instead of just praying my will, I prayed for His will in her life. The back of the book has a section 40 Days of Praying Scripture for Your Daughter and this can also be applied to prodigal sons or grandchildren.

In the past few months, the Lord has brought Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter to my attention in a variety of ways. One of the contributing mothers in the book sent me a praise for her daughter’s return to the Lord and to her family after 10 years of praying. A few days later, another mother emailed me that she had just read the book and it was helping her in communicating with her daughter. Sales on the book have suddenly increased noticeably. A couple who has a podcast, “It’s Not How You Start But How You Finish,” contacted me for an interview on the book, which you can listen to here.

Again, I hope you’ll read the full article in my AHW Ministries newsletter of what God is doing with this book and listen to the podcast because I don’t want to repeat it all here for those of you who already read my newsletter. If you don’t receive my newsletter, you can sign up on my website or let me know and we’ll sign you up.

But here’s what I do want to talk about in this blog. Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter has been out since January 2008, so I hadn’t looked for a long time at the comments on Amazon. I’m not an author that is always checking my reviews because I’m usually on to writing the next book or article, but with all the activity lately, I decided to take a look. God wanted me to see a comment which was right on top.

At first, I chuckled, but then I was sad for the mother. It was the best “worst” review I’d ever had.

The reviewer returned the book, gave me only 1 star, and headed her comment “This book is for the deeply and devoted right wing Christians.” This was startling since it was my first time being referred to as a “right-wing” Christian. I’m always clear that I’m a Bible-believing Christian and in today’s culture that can set you apart because anyone can say they’re a Christian, but fewer and fewer people are connecting Christianity with the Bible and that’s a real travesty.

Here’s the first paragraph of the reader’s comment. I would encourage you to go to the page on Amazon if you want to read the remainder because it makes it even clearer why she thought my book was only for the deeply devout Christian and yet I ask: how can you be a Christian and not be devout?

“I have no judgment for the author or the tone of this book. For Christians who are devoted to God and extreme in their beliefs, this book is for them. My own struggles with my prodigal daughter led me to buy the book with hope to help guide me through my pain. However, the book is not so much about daughters coming home to their family as it is daughters coming home to Jesus. Over and over again, the dilemma was about the prodigal daughter coming back to Jesus and religion.”

I was elated that she got my point in the book that the answer to any prodigal’s life-changing return is first their return to Jesus! But I was deflated that she rejected this truth as too “right wing.” She added the term “religion,” but I talk about a relationship with Jesus NOT a religion.

My Thoughts on Being Called Right-Wing Christians

I don’t receive or acknowledge “right wing” as an acceptable term for Christians. I find it offensive to make it sound like we’re eccentric or on the edge to be extremely in love with Jesus and the inerrant Word of God, the Bible!

I don’t accept “Cultural Christian” or “Progressive Christian” as a description for any Christian because you’re either with the culture or with Christ. There’s no in between. The Bible is clear that we will have to be in the world while we’re alive, but we must not become of the world. Christ came to change the culture and turn people away from sin, not embrace sin as acceptable because it makes them feel good.

Christ came to make us holy NOT happy! What so many don’t understand is that when you let go of the secular culture and grab the hand of Jesus, you will be happy for eternity.

¹⁴I have given them your word. And the world hates them because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world. ¹⁵I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. ¹⁶They do not belong to this world any more than I do. ¹⁷Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth. John 17:14-17 NLT

I had a Facebook “conversation” where someone told me God did not create her or the climate. So I asked well then who did? She said that I needed to study biology instead of the Bible, which she referred to as “fantasy.” I said, well one thing the Bible and biology both agree on is that we’re all going to die and I know where I’m going to spend eternity. Do you know where you’re going when you die? The conversation ended.

The Bible tells us this world is but a bleep in the big picture of our life. Attempting to be a Christian who thinks that Jesus died on the Cross so that we could keep on sinning because He loves us so much or that the Bible doesn’t apply to today’s world is left-wing, wrong-wing, believing Satan-infused-demonic wing progressive lies and rationalizations.

Every Christian must make the decision to remain Christ-like and be a Bible-Believer no matter what names they call you. In fact, if someone isn’t calling you a name in today’s culture, you might not be wearing Jesus on your sleeve, and I’m not talking about a t-shirt.

Christians are not left wing or right wing, we’re under Jesus’s wing!

He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Ps. 91:4 NLT

In Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, my daughter, Kim, came to the realization that being a Christian cannot be inherited or passed down through your family. Living in a Christian family doesn’t make you a Christian. It educates you and certainly wraps you in Christian love, but choosing Christ as your Lord and Savior is an individual decision only you can make.

Kim wrote about an experience she had in the Bible-based premarital course Dave and I gave her and Toby as an engagement gift, which they didn’t appreciate, but that is where they were both saved!

“Pastor Pete made it clear we couldn’t get to heaven on our parents’ faith—something I had been counting on—it had to be our own personal decision and relationships with Christ. That really got us thinking. I know that because we committed our lives to Christ, God has blessed our marriage.”

You’re either Holy Spirit-filled, or you’re not. I think God is putting the pressure on currently for the true Bible-believing Christians to step forward. The words I wrote in Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, still ring true today because they were based on the premise that Jesus is the Only way, a truth that never changes.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God. Phil. 1:9-11

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

Note: Dave and I saw the movie SuperSpreader about worship leader Sean Feucht’s journey in starting the ministry Let Us Worship during a time when Covid was closing churches and not allowing people to sing in church. A powerful movie only in theaters until 10/6 so I hope you’ll find out where it’s playing in your area. Sean lives out Isaiah 6:8

Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?”

I said, “Here I am. Send me.” (NLT)

My book Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter is also available on my website signed and personalized.

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I apologize if you receive an email of this blog twice, but we’re having problems with MailChimp our delivery mechanism and it didn’t send out the blog to the majority of our mailing list the day it posted so we’re reposting it again.

October 3, 2022

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God Is Up to Something Big!

I’m back! For those of you who follow my Monday Morning Blog, I announced at the beginning of March that I would be taking a brief sabbatical while my hubby had his second knee replacement surgery. I know some of you have been praying for us and we’re so grateful for all the prayers and the help we received from family, our church family, and friends.

It’s a difficult surgery, as any of you who’ve experienced it knows; you practically need to learn to walk again with a new prosthetic knee. I’m happy to report that Dave’s doing well, progressing with physical therapy, and diligently doing his exercises and recumbent bike riding at home.

So much has been taking place in the world, it’s been hard for me not to chime in, but I’ve been in a season of caregiving for hubby and praying for our country’s leaders who are being led by the devil and not by the Lord!!

Your Testimony is Your Best Witness

On April 24, I celebrated a milestone moment in my own testimony. I want to share a bit of it with you here to confirm what God can and will do for anyone who truly surrenders his or her life to God.

In the summer of 1992, I rededicated my life to the Lord at a Harvest Crusade led by Pastor Greg Laurie at the then Anaheim Stadium, in Anaheim California. I’d been a Christian since I was eleven but backslid horribly in my thirties and early forties as a single parent for seventeen years. At that life-altering crusade, Pastor Laurie asked, “Are you ready to die tonight?”

I knew I wasn’t and when he gave the invitation for those who wanted to give their life to Christ or rededicate their life I joined hundreds down on the stadium field. I told the Lord, “This prodigal is returning to you completely. I surrender all of my life to you Lord. No turning back!” I had no idea how seriously the Lord would take my words, or what would be ahead of me, but I was ready to follow Jesus with my entire life, heart, and soul.

On December 19,1992, just a few months after the Harvest Crusade, I married my godly husband Dave, who I had just broken up with prior to the Crusade; but I heard the Lord say to me that night, “You asked for a godly man and I gave him to you, now rededicate yourself to him too!”

When we’d only been married a year and I still had a fulltime career, I started attending Fuller Theological Seminary obtaining a Masters of Arts in Christian Leadership, with an emphasis on equipping the laity. Within three years after I rededicated my life to Christ, I left my business career and started the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry, which is still a vibrant biblically based ministry in many churches today and new churches are continually starting the ministry with the resources I wrote twenty-five years ago!

Five years after the Harvest Crusade, I began a writing ministry and speaking ministry, “About His Work Ministries. I had NEVER written a book before, but God has since used me to write twenty-one books and Bible studies for His glory!

So when I heard that Greg Laurie was bringing Harvest Crusade to Boise, fairly near where we now live in Idaho, that was exciting. The first attempt at the Boise Crusade was in 2020 but it was canceled because of Covid. Now in April 2022 Pastor Greg and Harvest Crusade was coming to Boise!

As I reminisced about my first Harvest Crusade in 1992, I realized that Dave and I would be celebrating our thirtieth anniversary this December so the 2022 Harvest Crusade in Boise would also be my 30-year anniversary of rededicating my life to Jesus. I knew I had to attend. Dave wasn’t up to it yet, but our church was taking a bus since we’re about 1 ½ hours from the Crusade, so I took the bus and met my daughter and son-in-law there.

I wasn’t disappointed. I was encouraged and inspired yet again! When Greg came to the point in the program that touched my heart 30 years ago where he invited people who wanted to make Jesus their Lord and Savior, people were up out of their seats and flooding the auditorium floor. There were so many people coming down the second night, the fire marshal had them stop coming but they stood in the aisles. Here are the glorious responses from that weekend. Praise God revival is happening in Boise and I got to see it firsthand.

God is Springing Up Revival Throughout Our Country!

On the Thursday and Friday nights prior to the Saturday and Sunday Boise Crusade, Flashpoint Live held an event at the Mabee Center in Tulsa Oklahoma. If you’re not familiar with Flashpoint on the Victory channel on Tuesday and Thursday nights, here’s a link to check it out. Dave and I watch this program to get a Christian perspective on today’s news and to give us hope when it feels like our country is hopeless.

But the point I want to make is that Flashpoint experienced the same overflow of attendance of 10,000 people and 1650 responding to make a first-time decision or recommitment for a Christ-centered life. Again, just like in Boise, the stands started emptying as people poured down to the floor, which became so full some had to remain standing in the aisles.

Two seemingly unrelated events and yet so related in sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ!

People are hungry for something to provide peace and purpose in their life as we watch the world crumble all around us. Only Jesus has that power! Only Jesus has the answers! Not the government flailing in the dark as they become more and more the minions of the Devil. Their evil deeds are unveiled daily, but never fear. God sees it all and will react at the perfect time.

Our job is to continue sharing the light of the Gospel by telling whoever will listen what God has done in our own life. You don’t have to be an evangelist like Greg Laurie or Mario Murillo or Franklin Graham. You just need to live boldly and bravely for Christ in all your actions, deeds, and words.

Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Matt. 9:37

I love this quote from Mario Murillo in his blog To Save Freedom: “You are constantly hearing the religious empty suits telling you to stay out of the political arena. But if we lose freedom, you will rue the day that you ever listened to their fake morality. You are not a “Christian Nationalist.” You are a sincere Christian who opposes evil, no matter what camouflage it wears or how it rebrands itself.”

So when was the last time you shared your testimony, or what God is doing in your life now, with someone who needs encouragement and hope? Maybe you need to remember it for your own encouragement! Let’s join God in taking revival to the nation!

Billy Graham said in his book Till Armageddon, “The will of God will never take us where the grace of God cannot sustain us!”

Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for those who are gracious and compassionate and righteous. Psalm 112:4

You can read more of my story of being a prodigal raising a prodigal in my book Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter: Hope, Help & Encouragement for Hurting Parents.

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May 2, 2022

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5 Ways to Disagree and Still be Friends

While playing a card game with my grandchildren and their mommy, mommy suddenly “went out” on the first hand before any of us had a chance to play our cards. I was sitting across from my young granddaughter, who was next in line to play. As realization set in that the game was over, her face went from shock to anger as she erupted into a meltdown throwing her cards across the table, leaping out of her seat, and tearfully yelling she would never play with us again!

We tried to contain our smiles knowing she was upset for the moment, but would recover and return to the fun. I hope that as she matures, she will learn how to lose gracefully.

Sadly, during this presidential election cycle, just like 2016, we’ve witnessed adult meltdowns among friends and relatives who find it difficult, even impossible, to maturely disagree politically and still remain friends. Many tell stories of family members disowning them. Political disagreements turned personal.

Tragically, we watch with horror young people and adults displaying violent meltdowns in the streets of many of our cities with looting, burning, destruction, assaults, vileness, and even murder, without any local control! This seems to be the 2020 way for many liberals to express their political views.

I’ve had many “unsubscribes” to this Monday Morning Blog when I say we all should vote for a political platform and not a person. Even though they’ve followed me for years, I am no longer their friend because we disagree on a presidential candidate.

Political disagreements are not the only cause of divisiveness. I have family members who keep their distance because I’m a Christian. You probably do too.

COVID has introduced a sundry of issues for “friends” to disagree over. I wrote a blog recently Don’t Let COVID Divide the Church! We’re On the Same Team. In this article, I also discuss the reasons not to waste your time getting entangled in social media disagreements. I have seldom seen anyone with an opposing view leave a comment, “I see your point.” Typically, they just want to prove their point!

We all have a right to our beliefs but it shouldn’t end our relationship, our friendship, or our family ties.

Five Ways to Disagree and Still Maintain the Friendship

1. State your opinion but don’t force it on the other person.

Friendships should be a safe place to disagree. If you have a variety of friends, you’re going to have a variety of differing opinions. You can learn from each other.

In our couples small group, we get into some heavy exchanges of opinions, but we always know at the end of group we’ll pray, have dessert and coffee together, and leave as friends. After one evening of especially heated discussion, one person prayed that they were grateful we respected each other enough that we could express our thoughts openly, but still maintain our friendships.

We’re still friends in Christ, even though we disagree on some spiritual and perhaps political issues.

Let all who are spiritually mature agree on these things. If you disagree on some point, I believe God will make it plain to you. Phil. 3:15 NLT

2. Don’t devalue the other person.

Use “I” statements; avoid “You” attacks. Ask why they believe the way they do. State the benefits of your position rather than the hazards of their beliefs. No name-calling allowed.

Don’t attack their character. Remain humble.

Respect must be given to be reciprocally received.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor. James 4:10 NLT

3. Consider your motives

We get into disagreements because we want the other person to acknowledge we’re right. Sometimes we care more about being right, than “our truth” helping the other person.

My granddaughter was trying to share Jesus with two friends of a different faith, and they ended up in a disagreement. I asked my granddaughter whether her motivation was compassion for her friend’s salvation or wanting to be right.

If it was their salvation, she should speak with passion about how much she loved Jesus and He loves her. If she just wanted to be right, she probably focused more on how wrong their faith was and that made them mad. She agreed she would be far more effective showing them Jesus’s love than trying to win an argument.

Our friends and family will know the love of our Jesus through the love we show them.

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” John 13:34-35 NLT

4. Establish that your friendship is more important than the disagreement.

No disagreement is worth losing a friendship or a family member relationship.

Nothing is that important.

When you see a conversation turning into a disagreement, stop and establish between the two of you that your friendship or relationship means more to you both than the issue at hand.

If you both agree that continuing with the conversation would jeopardize your relationship, then change the subject.

Heather and I have been friends for years, and I love what she says about our friendship: “I have been aware of your position on politics as long as I’ve been your friend, and it hasn’t mattered. If you were not aware of mine, perhaps it is because I am much more interested in building and maintaining friendships than in debating politics.”

In my book, Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, I share a time when my daughter and I differed on several major issues, but we still loved each other. We didn’t talk about them every time we were together, but we did talk about things we agreed on. We loved each other unconditionally because our mother/daughter relationship was more important than our differences.

Over the years, we’ve disagreed on other topics and we’ve practiced the same respect for each other. Love is more important than our disagreements.

A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17

5. Let it go and pray!

Often a disagreement drags on because one of us won’t give up or we take the bait to start a disagreement instead of letting it pass.

We want the other person to come around to our way of thinking because we’re sure our way is the only right way and we have a great argument to support it. Tempers and voices rise. We say things we wish we hadn’t. Friendships and relationships fall apart.

It takes discipline to let the other person have the last word and then let the issue go.

Recently, I was at dinner with a group of Christians and I assumed we all had the same political views. We had been friends at church for years but had never discussed politics. Suddenly, one of the women asked what I thought of “Trump.” When I expressed favor, she started to say “Even though . . . .”

I could see where this conversation was going. I had arguments for what I knew she was going to say, but instead I decided to kindly reply, “I don’t think this is the time to get into a political discussion” and changed the subject.

Because we had never discussed politics before, I didn’t know she was liberal while I’m a conservative. But I knew we had been, and would continue to be, friends.

Unfriendly people care only about themselves; they lash out at common sense. Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions. Pr. 18:1-2 NLT

Lord, Satan is trying with all his might to divide your house and your people. We pray Lord with all our might that we would not let that happen. We would remember that a house divided cannot stand. Help us to be the peacemaker in our relationships, friendships, and families, without bending or compromising on the Truth. And Lord, if it must be that there are those who choose to no longer be our friends or in a relationship with us, guard us against a bitter heart and remind us to pray for a softening of their heart also. In Jesus name, we pray. Amen.

Note: This is an adaption and update of an article I wrote for Crosswalk after Donald Trump won the 2016 election. Not much has changed this year except it’s escalated to violence in the streets not just for a few days, but for months. I pray not only friendships but also our country survives the 2020 election.

September 7, 2020

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Do You Need a Pardon?

Pardons were in the news last week as President Trump pardoned and commuted sentences of several prisoners. Speaking at a graduation ceremony for Hope for Prisoners, President Trump said that he “loves” finding those treated unfairly by the criminal justice system and offering them pardons.

The discussion of pardons started me thinking about how God has pardoned every Christian. Since Romans 3:23 reminds us that, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Christians are the recipients of unmerited grace and mercy.

In my Bible Study Face-to-Face with Euodia and Syntyche: From Conflict to Community, I describe it this way:

Justice is getting what you deserve.
Mercy is not getting everything you deserve.
Grace is getting what you don’t deserve.

Mercy is showing more love and kindness to a person than he or she expects or deserves. Undeserved pardon! Grace is undeserved forgiveness.

It’s so easy to look at the transgressions of others and say they deserved the punishment rendered, and often they do. But what about Christians who had their debt pardoned and paid for by Jesus who unjustly endured the brutal cross for us? He took the punishment that we deserved. That’s mercy! That’s grace!

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, ²in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh^[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. ⁴But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, ⁵made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:1-5

All we had to do for a pardon was confess our sins to Jesus, ask for forgiveness, and repent! Our dark sins became white as snow. Erased! The Bible says that God has forgiven and forgotten and will never bring them up to us again.

“Come now, let us settle the matter,”
says the Lord.
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool. Isaiah 1:18

Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away. Acts 3:19 (NLT)

¹⁵And the Holy Spirit also testifies that this is so. For he says,

¹⁶“This is the new covenant I will make
with my people on that day,^[^a^] says the Lord:
I will put my laws in their hearts,
and I will write them on their minds.”^[^b^]

¹⁷Then he says,

“I will never again remember
their sins and lawless deeds.” Hebrews 10:15-17 (NLT)

What a gift! How did we deserve such a pardon? We didn’t! Yet, how often do we take our pardon for granted. Almost like we did deserve it. How often do we remember the price and penalty that Jesus paid for our release from the punishment due us? I would suggest, not often enough.

We may not have been in a cold, dark, prison cell, but we were in a cold, dark spiritual hellhole. Satan had us shackled to him in sin and shame. Then Jesus entered into our life and set us free. But Satan never gives up. He’s always trying to lure us back. We can never forget the cost of our pardon.

“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:24

Sin Has Consequences

Just like with all pardoned prisoners, there will always be consequences of our sins that we will have to bear ourselves and assume the responsibility. God told the Israelites who refused to follow His lead, “You will bear the consequences of your sin . . .” (Numbers 14:34 HCSB)

As Christians, we must ask for Jesus’ help and strength to make restitution for our sinful behavior when possible. If we broke the civic law, or God’s law, we’ll pay the penalty. The scars will be with us, and possibly with others, for life. Often our actions negatively affected someone else. That’s on us. Jesus forgives us when we repent of our sins, but we may need to forgive others or seek their forgiveness and they might not grant it. The hurt is too deep. The debt too high.

But President Trump also told the crowd of 29 graduates from Hope for Prisoners, “the best part of your life is just beginning.” “Today we declare that you are made by God for a great and noble purpose. You are valued members of our American family and we are determined to help you succeed,” the president said.

And that’s what the Lord says to us too:

Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. Micah 7:18

My Second Pardon

In Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, I share my testimony of accepting Jesus into my life at eleven, but as an adult I backslid into a sinful life for seventeen years while raising my daughter. I was a prodigal raising a prodigal. I can’t change those years, but when I rededicated my life back to Christ, He gave me another pardon I did not deserve. Praise God, He is the God of endless pardons. I was a changed person—a new creation in Christ.

Like President Trump told the released prisoners, God did have a great and noble purpose for my life as He used me to start the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry and write and speak for Him.

But there were consequences to my wayward years. I had to ask my daughter for forgiveness, and while she didn’t understand what that meant at the time, she does now. I prayed and begged God daily to open her eyes to the life she could have with Christ. After six years of a mother’s prayers, she accepted Christ as her Savior.

No matter what you’ve done in your past, or are currently doing, Jesus waits eagerly to mercifully forgive you and restore your life for a great and noble purpose. All you need to do is ask Him for a pardon.

Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. Isaiah 55:7

________________________

God has put on my heart that my next writing project will focus on the loneliness epidemic in our culture. If you have a story of seasons of loneliness, or you’ve helped someone through their loneliness, I would love to hear your story. Please contact me or email at [email protected].

February 24, 2020

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When We Get What We Pray For, Why Are We Sad Sometimes?

I’m back at my desk after six weeks in Southern California. If you’ve been following my blogs, newsletter articles, or Facebook posts, you may know that my husband Dave and I went to California to sell my writing cabin which we still owned. We’ve lived in Idaho for over eight years and it was getting harder to find the time to make an annual trip down to the cabin. Selling the cabin has always been a part of our retirement plan, so we felt God was telling us that now was the time to let it go.

As we prepared the cabin to put on the market, we prayed that it would sell while we were there before winter. Our Christian realtor prayed that the spirit of the Lord that had prevailed in this sweet little cabin for fifteen years, while I wrote numerous books from my desk in the living room with an amazing view, would continue with the new owners.

In a recent blog, What Are You Holding Onto That God Wants You to Let Go?, I talked about how the Lord led me in making the tough decisions of what to do with all our “stuff” as we cleaned, decluttered, staged, and decided what would fit in our car for the drive back to Idaho.

Then almost miraculously our prayers were answered. The cabin sold the last week we were there at our asking price to a Christian mother/daughter realtor team.

So why was I so sad?

[Tweet “How Can We Possibly be Brave During Grief?”]

When a friend suggested that I was grieving, it all made sense and it reminded me of the blog I wrote How Can We Possibly be Brave During Grief?

Maybe you’re grieving today, or you know someone who is, and this blog with excerpts from Everyday Brave will help. Each day gets a little bit easier for me, but I still tear up when I realize I’ll never write another article or book in that sweet cabin where I communed with God and described our time together: “It’s like I have a direct line to God!”

I know I can have that anywhere because He is everywhere, but it’s just not the same.

_____________________________

How Can We Possibly be Brave During Grief?

“Mom, they sentenced me to ten years in prison.”

In Everyday Brave, Loretta Eidson tells the story of how a phone call from her son plunged her down the deep dark hole of depression. Loretta grieved for a prodigal: the death of the vision and dreams she had for a son who took a wrong turn in life. She aptly describes both the emotional pit of grief and the only way to dig out of it: bravely calling on God and others for help.

[Tweet “Grief is an emotional pit and the only way to dig out of it: bravely call on God and others for help.”]

Most of us have a plan for our life—we may feel certain we’re headed in the right direction. We had it all figured out. Everything’s under control. Then suddenly one day, we find ourselves living out a completely different scenario. Sometimes it’s better than we expected; but if not, we grieve. We grieve the loss of a job, a relationship, loved ones, animals, possessions, dreams, from past choices—the list goes on. Loss leaves a void in our heart. It hurts and we’re miserable.

I understand. I’ve experienced grief too. When I was ten, my thirty-six-year-old highway patrolman father was murdered with his own gun in the line of duty. At thirteen, I had to wear a body cast for aggressive debilitating scoliosis and miss two years of school. I’ve experienced a failed marriage. I’m a three-time breast cancer survivor. My daughter was a teenage prodigal. A difficult relationship with my mother, who disowned my sister and me. Moving away from family and friends. Medical issues. Relatives and close friends dying. Yet still, I can say, “Praise God!” He was with me through it all and I know he will always be there for me in the future.

[Tweet “God uses difficult circumstances in my life to give me a sensitivity and compassion for grieving and hurting women so I can better minister to them”]

God uses difficult circumstances in my life to give me a sensitivity and compassion for grieving and hurting women so I can better minister to them. And He will do the same for you. Someday He will use your heartache to help someone else going through a similar loss.

Death seems final—and sadly, it is if the one we’ve lost is not a believer. We mourn the opportunities when we wish we’d been braver to share Jesus with them. Even if we know the person is a believer and we will see him or her in heaven someday, it takes courage only God can provide to get out of bed each morning and face the loss and loneliness.

[Tweet “There is no easy or quick way to grieve, no timetable for how long grief will last. Grieving is a process.”]

There is no easy or quick way to grieve, no timetable for how long grief will last.

Grieving is a process.

Raw wounds may never completely heal, but when we seek God’s help, we can bravely face our tomorrows. One day at a time.

[Tweet “Dealing with grief bravely doesn’t mean keeping a stiff upper lip and hiding or denying your pain.”]

Dealing with grief bravely doesn’t mean keeping a stiff upper lip and hiding or denying your pain. It does mean being honest with others and yourself, and having the courage to admit you’re hurting and might need outside assistance, which can take many forms: counseling, medical, pastoral, family, friends . . . time.

As hard as we might try to prevent hardships and grief, we never know what tomorrow, or even the next hour, will bring. Many difficult trials happen to us or to our loved ones whether we’re ready or not. That can seem unnerving, but then God’s Word reminds us that as believers He has a plan for all of our lives, even when it seems obscure at the moment and we cry “Why Lord, why?” through our tears.

Grieving is a lonely time.

There’s little anyone can say to console us; no one can relieve or remove our pain. The Bible tells us that Jesus understands. He was “a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief” (Isa. 53:3 nlt). We can pour out all our pain, even pain that touches our deepest soul, to Jesus. Only he has the salve that can eventually heal our wounds, though there will always be a scar that fades with time but never disappears completely.

In the Bible, Naomi, Ruth’s mother-in-law, and Rizpah, Saul’s concubine who watched both her sons murdered and their bodies left for the vultures, suffered a mother’s anguish of outliving their children. Can you imagine their heartache and pain? Their suffering and devastation?

Maybe you’ve experienced that kind of grief and you know exactly how they felt. I’m so sorry. Still, no matter the twists and turns, the tragedies, the heartaches and pain, we sense God’s loving presence helping us brave through the unwanted circumstances, just as Naomi bravely mentored new believer Ruth and Rizpah courageously advocated for her sons’ eventual burial. They found purpose in their pain.

[Tweet “I’ve always found journaling my feelings, prayer requests, and praises helps me work through difficult seasons.”]

I’ve always found journaling my feelings, prayer requests, and praises helps me work through difficult seasons. That’s why there’s a Prayer and Praise Journal in Everyday Brave. Sometimes a journal can be a trusted confidant that just listens and doesn’t give advice. Always, it’s God assuring us that one day He will turn our mourning into dancing. Until then, the psalmist reminds us: “My eyes are dim with grief. I call to you, Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to you” (Ps. 88:9—emphasis added).

Grief is difficult to talk about, but it usually helps to talk. What has helped you during times of grief?

If you received this blog by email, please leave a comment here.

If you don’t have your copy of Everyday Brave, it’s available on Amazon or signed by me at my website. It would make a great Christmas gift for every woman on your list who might need to realize she’s braver than she knows! Let’s get our brave on for Christ this Christmas and everyday!

November 18, 2019

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How a Beauty Pageant Launched a Destiny by Catherine Zoller

Today’s guest post is written by a dear friend who puts books of the Bible to rhyme for children. Her books are beautifully illustrated and loved by all children. Enjoy her post on Esther and her own personal testimony.

How a Beauty Pageant Launched a Destiny

by Catherine Zoller

People either love beauty pageants or hate them. But one of the oldest beauty pageants in history turned a participant into a queen.

Like many of you, I’m sure, I’ve come to love the small ten chapter book of Esther. Not only because it’s a beautiful story of a young woman who dared to risk her life by trusting the living God, but also because it speaks so powerfully of identity and destiny.

Esther, or Hadassah, as she was known before being taken into King Ahasuerus’ harem, was a young Jewish orphan girl. Think about those four words for a moment. Don’t let your eyes and thoughts glide over them without being struck by what they reveal. Young. Jewish. Orphan. Girl. It was a societal four strikes. In a caste system (and it was, of sorts) she would have been on the lowest rung.

Her cousin, Mordecai, had been taken captive from Jerusalem into exile in Babylon under the ruler ship of King Nebuchadnezzar (Esther 2:5-6). Mordecai was raising young Hadassah. Somehow after the death of both of her parents, she found herself in her relative’s care. As the story unfolds, we are relieved to see how devoted he was to her well-being.

However, they were living as outsiders in a foreign land. They were Jewish, and about to face severe persecution to the point of planned annihilation. Hadassah was an orphan in a patriarchal society. And she was a girl.

And yet God, as only He can, gave Hadassah a change of identity. Within a year of being one of the chosen women to potentially replace the rebellious Queen Vashti, Esther would find herself winning the favor of the king and being crowned the Queen of Persia and Media. Without any intermediary steps in between, she went from a position of lowest to highest. It’s remarkable, really! And a lesson we can take to heart of the kind of transformation the Lord wants to do in each of us.

From Rebel to Writer

[Tweet “Thankfully, God is in the business of changing identities and leading us into our destiny”]

Thankfully, God is in the business of changing identities and leading us into our destiny. But rarely does it come without His transformational power on grand display.

I was raised in what appeared to be an ideal situation. Within an intact marriage; with two brothers, and a financially successful father. And yet, like every family since the one in Eden, we had our share of dysfunction. At some point, I began to believe a lie. A lie that seemed to scream at me from the lips of almost every adult in my life. And the lie was this: It’s not okay to be me.

I wasn’t quiet and studious like my older brother. Nor was I docile and winsome like my younger brother. Rather, I was the challenging, wildly curious, hyperactive, rule-questioning, exasperating middle child. I was a horrible student from the moment I entered Kindergarten until I managed to graduate from high school. “Trouble” was my constant companion and we got along just fine.

Because I felt marginalized both at home and in the classroom, a flicker of fury was quietly being fanned into an inferno of rage and rebellion.

The summer I turned fifteen, my parents severed their parental rights and had me placed in a state run home for juvenile delinquents. I felt the sting of rejection and the slap of abandonment in the deepest part of my being. I became even angrier and more rebellious. At one point, I was put on six months’ probation with a potential 8-year prison sentence hanging over my head like a guillotine waiting to be released. (You can read the full story here.)

My identity was clearly defined in my mind and everyone else’s, and all who knew me could see I was racing headlong down a path of destruction.

But God.

I don’t have time in this short blog to tell you how God scooped me up from the miry pit and set my feet on the narrow path. But He did. And in the process, He began to change my identity. Not as swiftly as He did Esther’s, mind you, but every bit as effectively.

I married, had three children, and buried my oldest son three weeks before his 22^nd birthday. I was active in our church, attended two Bible studies, and began to put the books of the Bible to rhyme. The Rhyme and Reason Series was born in 2009 and is now eight titles strong. I’ve been an inspirational speaker, sharing strength, hope, and the redemptive power of Jesus for longer than I can remember.

You Are a Destiny Imparter

[Tweet “Like Esther, like you and me, every child has a God-given destiny and identity.”]

Like Esther, like you and me, every child has a God-given destiny and identity. Our job as parents, grandparents, mentors and human beings, is to help guide those God has placed within our families and spheres of influence. When we impart that knowledge to them in their early lives, and reinforce it all along the way, we empower them to seek and discover God’s purpose and plan for their lives.

[Tweet “Our job as parents, grandparents, mentors and human beings, is to help guide those God has placed within our families and spheres of influence.”]

Tools to Inspire

If you have a child in your life between the ages of two and twelve whose identity and destiny you are trying to help shape, consider reading the book of Esther to them in rhyme. And then take advantage of the free coloring pages, word games, and activity sheet that correspond to the book and help reinforce the story.

Use these tools as a natural springboard for conversations about how the child sees themselves. If what they say doesn’t line up with who you know them to be and who God declares they are, begin to gently shift their thinking with words of truth and encouragement.

I leave you with the words of my favorite rhyme mister, Dr. Seuss. “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”

If you feel so inclined, please share with me and others the practical ways God is using you to make things better for the people in your lives as you help steer them into their identity and destiny.

Leave a comment below to enter a drawing to receive an autographed copy of Esther.

If you received this blog by email, leave a comment here.

With a delicious blend of engaging humor and biblical truth, writer, author and inspirational speaker Catherine Zoller more than lives up to her pledge to, “Make ‘em laugh, make ‘em cry, make ‘em think, and change their lives!”

Catherine’s life experiences, along with her wit and candid, invigorating style, resonates deeply with her audiences.

At the age of fifteen, she fell in love with the truth found in the Scriptures and experienced its life-changing power. Since that time, Catherine’s singular passion is for divine influence to move hearts toward reverent obedience to God and His Word.

She firmly believes in getting the truth into children’s lives at a young age. To that end, she has put several of the books of the Bible to rhyme. “The Rhyme and Reason Series” began in 2009 and is currently seven titles strong.

Catherine and her husband Jay have been married a very long time and have three grown children, the oldest of whom is with the Lord.

March 12, 2018

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Are You The Woman Today You Want Your Daughter to Become?

If you’ve followed me for awhile, you know I’ve been writing, editing, and proofing a new book, Mentoring for All Seasons: Sharing Life Experiences and God’s Faithfulness. Last week, I turned in my final proof edit to the publishers, Leafwood Publisher, as I anticipate it’s September 12, 2017 release. Then I learned the exciting news that this book is now on Amazon ready for preorders! You can order now, and as soon as it’s in stock at Amazon, you’ll receive your pre-release copies. The more preorders, the more they bring in stock. Will you help me get this book into the hands of mentors and mentees, those wanting to know how to be a mentor or mentee, and Women’s Ministry Directors to guide women in all seasons of their life.

This book will guide and equip women from tweens to twilight seasons in how to biblically mentor or be a mentee! I think it’s the first book of it’s kind written for both M&M’S! One endorser has already said every Women’s Ministry Director needs this book in her library. As the summer goes on, I’ll share more tidbits about this book for all women. So drum roll please . . . I’m unveiling the cover!

The Mothering Season

[Tweet “When I speak to woman about mentoring, I tell them that their first mentoring responsibility is to their daughters if they have daughters or nieces. “]

When I speak to women about mentoring, I tell them that their first mentoring responsibility is to their daughters if they have daughters or nieces. They’re the role model for these young girls and they’re mentoring to them what it looks like to be a woman today: either a woman of the world or a woman of the Word. And then, I ask the question: Are you the woman today you want your daughters to become because they’re watching you, and as much as they don’t want to be like you, they will probably become just like you at sometime in their life.

In Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, I share how during my backsliding years, my daughter wanted to be just like me. I realized some of the poor choices she was making were a reflection of the poor choices she was watching me make.

That was a huge revelation to me that I needed to make some changes in my life. When I did rededicate my life to the Lord and start living a godly life, she didn’t want any part of it. She liked the way we were living more by the world’s standards than by God’s ways. And that’s the story I talk about in Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter. I went down on my knees and prayed Scripture for her daily for six years; all the time showing and role modeling for her the blessings of being a rededicated woman of faith.

[Tweet “I went down on my knees and prayed Scripture for my daughter daily role modeling a woman of faith.”]

I’m happy to say our story took a happy turn and Kim did eventually give her heart to Jesus, and she has done a much better job than I did raising her three children in a Christian household. She’s mentored them in character qualities that her two daughters and son are obviously noticing. For a school project, 3^rd grader Sienna was to write why her mom should be in People Magazine. I must admit, I was troubled by this teacher’s choice of a magazine that 3^rd graders had no business knowing about or writing an article for, so I was relieved when Sienna said she had no idea what People Magazine was, anyway!

[Tweet “Would your children see these character qualities in you?”]

But what did impress me were the character qualities Sienna wrote that she saw in her mom. My daughter is a fitness instructor with a fabulous figure, she’s gorgeous, dresses stylishly, and always looks beautiful. So when Sienna decided to write about why her mom should be on the cover of People Magazine, she easily could have talked about these superficial, outward qualities, but at eight-years old this is what she wrote, exactly how she wrote it, no edits from Grammie:

My mom should be on the cover of the People magazine. My mom’s name is Kim Mancini. My mom is medium height, has brown hair, and her eyes are brown. There are so many reasons why my mom should be on the cover of the People Magazine.

One of the amazing things about my mom is that she is trustworthy. My mom trusts me all the time. My mom does not lie. My mom is trustworthy with my whole family. Now you know why my mom is trustworthy.

My mom is the most honest person in the world. She is honest with me. She once said, “Do not be scared that’s not real.” My mom is honest with my grandparents. There is no doubt, my mom should be on the People Magazine because she is so honest.

My mom is so helpful. My mom helps me when I am hurt. My mom helps me with my homework. She helps me get ready for school. My mom should win an award for being the best mom ever. My mom is the best mom in the world.

By Sienna

“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

Sienna’s mom, is trustworthy, honest, and helpful. Later she wished she had included hardworking. Isn’t that what every mom wants all her children, not just her daughters, to say about her?! Good job Kim.

What would your kids write why you should be on the cover of People Magazine?

The Mancini family. Sienna is next to her brother

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June 5, 2017

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Remember Not Every Woman is “Happy” on Mother’s Day

motherbouquet

My daughter Kim and I were just on the phone making Mother’s Day plans. As we chatted about what we would do to celebrate her being the mother of my three darling grandchildren, and me being Kim’s mom . . . my mind wandered back to a Mother’s Day twelve years ago that wasn’t so happy for Kim.

In Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? A Companion Guide for Couples on the Infertility Journey, Kim shares a painful and heartbreaking Mother’s Day:

Dear God,

It’s almost Mother’s Day and I don’t know if I can handle seeing all those happy moms at church and brunch. I’m trying to focus on my mom and not think about how I’m missing out on being a mommy on yet another Mother’s Day. This year is especially hard since we’ve been trying to be parents for so long and so hard, only to be repeatedly disappointed. At the store looking for a card for my mom, I see the cute cards at the end of the aisle “To Mommy”…oh God, I wish I were someone’s mommy! I look away and continue focusing at the task ahead, getting my mom and mothers-in-law their cards.

Today’s the day, it’s Mother’s Day. I don’t think I can bear it. It’s just begun and already I want this day over. I pull myself out of bed and get ready for church. I’m not looking forward to the sermon about children being a blessing and honoring mothers. God, help me focus on my mom.

We met my parents at church and I put on my happy face, when inside I was crying watching all the mothers with big smiles dressed in pretty spring dresses and children running all around. This was a day of celebration and I just wanted to go back to bed. The pastor started the message with asking all the mothers to stand up. Hundreds of women stood and everyone applauded. I couldn’t take it any longer and sat slouched over in my seat quietly crying. Toby put his arm around me and my mom held my hand, but nothing took away the pain. I barely heard the rest of the message.

After brunch, I came home, collapsed on my bed, and cried myself to sleep where I remained the rest of the day. God, please don’t make me go through another Mother’s Day with this hole in my heart. I want to stand up in church with all those other mothers beaming from ear to ear and have everyone applaud me. God, please let me stand up next year.

Some of you identify with Kim’s cry out to God.

“I hate Mother’s Day!” admitted a dear friend longing for a baby. “You know that women struggling with infertility don’t go to church on Mother’s Day.” Kris agrees, “I was that mom-in-waiting for sixteen years. I stayed away from baby showers, church, and pregnant friends. I didn’t stop praying, but it was the worse pain.”

Lisa concurs, “I am guilty of having skipped church on Mother’s Day a few years before we adopted my son.”

[Tweet “1 in 6 Women Experience Infertility”]

Someone You Know is Struggling with Infertility

Mother’s Day is especially hard for mommies-in-waiting, but for most of these women, every day is hard. With 1 in 6 couples experiencing infertility, you are, or know, a woman experiencing this heartache. Often we don’t know what to say to them, so we say nothing, or maybe unintentionally say something that makes them feel worse. Kris says, “We cannot ignore them [women longing for a child]. I know how hard it was for people to talk to me. But I would have loved it if they did.”

[Tweet “We cannot ignore them [women longing for a child]. I know how hard it was for people to talk to me. But I would have loved it if they did.””]

Avoidance only adds to these hurting women’s feelings of isolation and loneliness. When you don’t know what to say or do these suggestions might help: “Top Fifteen Things Not to Say or Do and to Say or Do to Someone Experiencing Infertility.”

[Tweet “It breaks my heart to hear that many women say the one place they feel the loneliest is in the church.”]

It breaks my heart to hear that many women say the one place they feel the loneliest is in the church. Doesn’t that break your heart too? Jesus said he came for the sick, and that includes heartsick. The church should be a safe place for the hurting, not a place where they feel shunned or like outcasts.

How does your church comfort mommies-in-waiting on Mother’s Day … and every day?

Mothers of Prodigals

[Tweet “Mothers of prodigals are another group of women who dread Mother’s Day. “]

Mothers of prodigals are another group of women who dread Mother’s Day. They may not know where their child is, or know all too well where he or she is, and that breaks a mother’s heart and the heart of God. These moms need comforting, a hug, and assurance that this day is for them too.

Mothers Who Have Lost a Child

A mother who has lost a child, lives with that grief every day, but Mother’s Day is a painful reminder of the precious child they lost. I can’t imagine that pain, but I watched the sadness in my Granny Reed’s eyes that was always there over the murder of my father, her beloved son, a week before his 37th birthday. She had six other living children who she loved dearly, but there was always pain for the one she lost.

Women Who Have Lost Their Mother

[Tweet “There’s a void and ache that never goes away when your mom is no longer living on Mother’s Day “]

Mother’s Day is about celebrating your mom, but there’s a void and ache that never goes away when your mom is no longer living, and Mother’s Day becomes a sad reminder of all the years you celebrated her on Mother’s Day. It can also be a joyous time of remembering, but still there’s no one to buy a card for, give a hug to, and a special gift for the years she devoted to raising you. Even after you become a mom yourself and your children are celebrating you, there’s a generational celebration as you are still somebody’s little girl, just all grown up.

I hope that you will not ignore but love on the mommies-in-waiting, the moms of prodigals, or the moms who have lost a child or their own mom, who may need a shoulder to cry on . . . a prayer . . . an understanding hug this Mother’s Day.

[Tweet “If you’ve been where they’re at, mentor them like only someone who has been in their shoes can. “]

If you’ve been where they’re at, mentor them like only someone who has been in their shoes can. If you haven’t been in their shoes, let them know you can’t possibly understand, but you’re there for them and God is too!

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”—1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)

Lindsey Bell shared another helpful blog post on my website 6 Thing Not to Say to Someone Who is Hurting (And What to Say Instead)

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Dear God, Why Can't I Have a Baby cover proddaughterbookcoverjpg1-661x1024

May 2, 2016

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When Is Being “Responsible” Not Righteous?

Recently, as I’ve been taking a vocal stand against immorality and championing morality, I’ve experienced some pushback and been called names like “legalistic,” “righteous,” and “self-righteous.” I’ve also read many arguments justifying unrighteous behavior as being “responsible.”

So the Holy Spirit started stirring thoughts in my heart about why being righteous is a good thing, actually a gift from God, but responsibly doing an unrighteous act is a wrong thing. There’s no right way to “responsibly” do the wrong thing…I’m just sayin’ it doesn’t compute.

Let’s Look at Righteous Versus Self-Righteous

⁷But in fact, it is best for you that I go away, because if I don’t, the Advocate won’t come. If I do go away, then I will send him to you. ⁸And when he comes, he will convict the world of its sin, and of God’s righteousness, and of the coming judgment. ⁹The world’s sin is that it refuses to believe in me. ¹⁰Righteousness is available because I go to the Father, and you will see me no more. ¹¹Judgment will come because the ruler of this world has already been judged. John 16:7 NLT

[Tweet “No one is able to earn a righteous standing in God’s sight, so in His grace and mercy God gave us righteousness as a gift through Jesus Christ.”]

No one is able to earn a righteous standing in God’s sight, so in His grace and mercy God gave us righteousness as a gift through Jesus Christ. Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin (Romans 3:20).

For if, by the trespass of the one man [Adam], death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ. Romans 5:17

So when someone calls me “righteous” when I’m speaking against sin or unrighteous behavior, I say, “Thank you! As a Christian, with the help of the Holy Spirit, I strive to follow in the righteous footsteps of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. So you’ve just confirmed I’m making progress. And BTW isn’t it interesting that the root word of righteous is right.”

If they call me self-righteous or legalistic, I correct them: “No, because I’m speaking from God’s Word and not my words or feelings, I’m God-righteous. Do you have a problem with God’s righteousness? No one can be righteous on his or her own, we’re all unrighteous sinners, but we’re made righteous through our relationship with Jesus Christ. Would you like to know more about how to live in righteous peace? The fruit of that righteousness will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever (Isaiah 32:17).” And

¹⁰For,

“Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep their tongue from evil
and their lips from deceitful speech.
¹¹They must turn from evil and do good;
they must seek peace and pursue it.
¹²For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their prayer,
but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil. 1 Peter 3:10-12

What’s Wrong with Being Responsible?

[Tweet “Responsible is usually a good thing, but it can also justify bad or sinful behavior”]

Responsible is usually a good thing, but it can also justify bad or sinful behavior. Let me give you examples:

Scenario One

A young girl goes to Planned Parenthood to get birth control pills because she wants to have “responsible” sex with her boyfriend. An oxymoron: Having sex with her boyfriend is irresponsible, but she’s justifying her immoral behavior by “responsibly” getting birth control pills! Naught. The responsible and righteous thing to do would be to tell her irresponsible boyfriend that she’s not having sex until she’s married, and if he’s not OK with that, she’ll find a boyfriend who responsibly respects her. That would be responsible. Instead of teaching young people to be righteous and moral, our culture is teaching them how to be “responsible” sinners!

Scenario Two

In my book, Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, I tell the story of how my daughter left for college to live with her boyfriend. But while she was still in high school, she told me she wanted to go live with him at his parent’s house because that would be the “responsible thing to do to determine if they were compatible.” I was able to talk her out of doing such an irresponsible thing, but I couldn’t talk her out of living with her boyfriend in college … but I did pray her out of that relationship … and eventually prayed her into wanting to live a responsible righteous life as a follower of Jesus. Praise God!

Scenario Three

A pregnant woman goes to Planned Parenthood to get an abortion as the “responsible thing to do considering her circumstances.” Our culture tells her that instead of doing the righteous thing and giving her child life and then perhaps finding a good home for the baby, she should “responsibly” kill it.

Then there’s the ensuing aborted baby “tissue” and baby parts, so our culture says the responsible thing to do is to sell them for research. So abortionists have become “responsible” barbarians.

Scenario Four

The topic of drinking always brings up the word responsible. And you know what? Everyone has a different definition of what “responsible drinking” looks like. Some will say only wine, others only beer. Some will say one drink … maybe two. Others say it’s OK to drive after one or two drinks, while others say it’s only responsible to drink at home, even though it’s in front of your kids. So really everyone makes up their own definition of “responsible drinking” to justify the way they want to drink.

There’s always the argument that you can reach the world better if you fit in more with them. Jesus definitely went to Zacchaeus’ and Matthew’s house, but His sole purpose was to help them and their friends change their ways and become His followers … not to responsibly join in their sinful behavior.

Scenario Five

There’s the argument that letting gays get married will make them more responsible about not transmitting AIDS and other diseases characteristic of homosexuality. Really? Legalizing a practice that goes against everything God created man and woman to be and defiling His design for marriage, is simply, “responsible” sinning.

Holy and Set Apart

In God’s Best for Your Life, a Bible study I wrote for First Place 4 Health, I discuss that as Christians, the Bible clearly instructs us to live holy, righteous, and set apart lives: in the world but not of the world. The world today isn’t going to like us because our Christian lives convict them and make us look “holier than them.” Hmmm … maybe that’s because through Christ we are sanctified. What’s wrong with living holy lives as God calls us to live? Why would we be offended or try to fit in more with culture than with God’s kingdom here on earth?

¹⁶For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. ¹⁷For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed—a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.” Romans 1:16-17

We’re responsible as Christians to live righteous, holy lives as best we can, and not try to find loopholes in the Bible to “responsibly” justify our unrighteousness. So sex outside of marriage, homosexuality, abortion, abusing our bodies with drugs and alcohol, and any immoral behavior isn’t responsible or righteous.

[Tweet “If we prayerfully make righteous choices, they’ll be responsible choices!”]

If we prayerfully make righteous choices, they’ll be responsible choices!

Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil; ¹⁷for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. ¹⁸For he who serves Christ in these things is acceptable to God and approved by men. Romans 14:16-18 NKJ

If you received this post by email, please leave a comment here. I would love to hear your thoughts.

August 10, 2015

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The World’s Futile Attempt to Redefine “Love”!

My Thoughts on Being Called Right-Wing Christians

Your Testimony is Your Best Witness

God is Springing Up Revival Throughout Our Country!

Five Ways to Disagree and Still Maintain the Friendship

Sin Has Consequences

My Second Pardon

How a Beauty Pageant Launched a Destiny

by Catherine Zoller

From Rebel to Writer

You Are a Destiny Imparter

Tools to Inspire

The Mothering Season

Some of you identify with Kim’s cry out to God.

[Tweet “1 in 6 Women Experience Infertility”]

Someone You Know is Struggling with Infertility

Mothers of Prodigals

Mothers Who Have Lost a Child

Women Who Have Lost Their Mother

Let’s Look at Righteous Versus Self-Righteous

What’s Wrong with Being Responsible?

Holy and Set Apart

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