When We Get What We Pray For, Why Are We Sad Sometimes?

I’m back at my desk after six weeks in Southern California. If you’ve been following my blogs, newsletter articles, or Facebook posts, you may know that my husband Dave and I went to California to sell my writing cabin which we still owned. We’ve lived in Idaho for over eight years and it was getting harder to find the time to make an annual trip down to the cabin. Selling the cabin has always been a part of our retirement plan, so we felt God was telling us that now was the time to let it go.

As we prepared the cabin to put on the market, we prayed that it would sell while we were there before winter. Our Christian realtor prayed that the spirit of the Lord that had prevailed in this sweet little cabin for fifteen years, while I wrote numerous books from my desk in the living room with an amazing view, would continue with the new owners.

In a recent blog, What Are You Holding Onto That God Wants You to Let Go?, I talked about how the Lord led me in making the tough decisions of what to do with all our “stuff” as we cleaned, decluttered, staged, and decided what would fit in our car for the drive back to Idaho.

Then almost miraculously our prayers were answered. The cabin sold the last week we were there at our asking price to a Christian mother/daughter realtor team.

So why was I so sad?

[Tweet “How Can We Possibly be Brave During Grief?”]

When a friend suggested that I was grieving, it all made sense and it reminded me of the blog I wrote How Can We Possibly be Brave During Grief?

Maybe you’re grieving today, or you know someone who is, and this blog with excerpts from Everyday Brave will help. Each day gets a little bit easier for me, but I still tear up when I realize I’ll never write another article or book in that sweet cabin where I communed with God and described our time together: “It’s like I have a direct line to God!”

I know I can have that anywhere because He is everywhere, but it’s just not the same.

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How Can We Possibly be Brave During Grief?

“Mom, they sentenced me to ten years in prison.”

In Everyday Brave, Loretta Eidson tells the story of how a phone call from her son plunged her down the deep dark hole of depression. Loretta grieved for a prodigal: the death of the vision and dreams she had for a son who took a wrong turn in life. She aptly describes both the emotional pit of grief and the only way to dig out of it: bravely calling on God and others for help.

[Tweet “Grief is an emotional pit and the only way to dig out of it: bravely call on God and others for help.”]

Most of us have a plan for our life—we may feel certain we’re headed in the right direction. We had it all figured out. Everything’s under control. Then suddenly one day, we find ourselves living out a completely different scenario. Sometimes it’s better than we expected; but if not, we grieve. We grieve the loss of a job, a relationship, loved ones, animals, possessions, dreams, from past choices—the list goes on. Loss leaves a void in our heart. It hurts and we’re miserable.

I understand. I’ve experienced grief too. When I was ten, my thirty-six-year-old highway patrolman father was murdered with his own gun in the line of duty. At thirteen, I had to wear a body cast for aggressive debilitating scoliosis and miss two years of school. I’ve experienced a failed marriage. I’m a three-time breast cancer survivor. My daughter was a teenage prodigal. A difficult relationship with my mother, who disowned my sister and me. Moving away from family and friends. Medical issues. Relatives and close friends dying. Yet still, I can say, “Praise God!” He was with me through it all and I know he will always be there for me in the future.

[Tweet “God uses difficult circumstances in my life to give me a sensitivity and compassion for grieving and hurting women so I can better minister to them”]

God uses difficult circumstances in my life to give me a sensitivity and compassion for grieving and hurting women so I can better minister to them. And He will do the same for you. Someday He will use your heartache to help someone else going through a similar loss.

Death seems final—and sadly, it is if the one we’ve lost is not a believer. We mourn the opportunities when we wish we’d been braver to share Jesus with them. Even if we know the person is a believer and we will see him or her in heaven someday, it takes courage only God can provide to get out of bed each morning and face the loss and loneliness.

[Tweet “There is no easy or quick way to grieve, no timetable for how long grief will last. Grieving is a process.”]

There is no easy or quick way to grieve, no timetable for how long grief will last.

Grieving is a process.

Raw wounds may never completely heal, but when we seek God’s help, we can bravely face our tomorrows. One day at a time.

[Tweet “Dealing with grief bravely doesn’t mean keeping a stiff upper lip and hiding or denying your pain.”]

Dealing with grief bravely doesn’t mean keeping a stiff upper lip and hiding or denying your pain. It does mean being honest with others and yourself, and having the courage to admit you’re hurting and might need outside assistance, which can take many forms: counseling, medical, pastoral, family, friends . . . time.

As hard as we might try to prevent hardships and grief, we never know what tomorrow, or even the next hour, will bring. Many difficult trials happen to us or to our loved ones whether we’re ready or not. That can seem unnerving, but then God’s Word reminds us that as believers He has a plan for all of our lives, even when it seems obscure at the moment and we cry “Why Lord, why?” through our tears.

Grieving is a lonely time.

There’s little anyone can say to console us; no one can relieve or remove our pain. The Bible tells us that Jesus understands. He was “a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief” (Isa. 53:3 nlt). We can pour out all our pain, even pain that touches our deepest soul, to Jesus. Only he has the salve that can eventually heal our wounds, though there will always be a scar that fades with time but never disappears completely.

In the Bible, Naomi, Ruth’s mother-in-law, and Rizpah, Saul’s concubine who watched both her sons murdered and their bodies left for the vultures, suffered a mother’s anguish of outliving their children. Can you imagine their heartache and pain? Their suffering and devastation?

Maybe you’ve experienced that kind of grief and you know exactly how they felt. I’m so sorry. Still, no matter the twists and turns, the tragedies, the heartaches and pain, we sense God’s loving presence helping us brave through the unwanted circumstances, just as Naomi bravely mentored new believer Ruth and Rizpah courageously advocated for her sons’ eventual burial. They found purpose in their pain.

[Tweet “I’ve always found journaling my feelings, prayer requests, and praises helps me work through difficult seasons.”]

I’ve always found journaling my feelings, prayer requests, and praises helps me work through difficult seasons. That’s why there’s a Prayer and Praise Journal in Everyday Brave. Sometimes a journal can be a trusted confidant that just listens and doesn’t give advice. Always, it’s God assuring us that one day He will turn our mourning into dancing. Until then, the psalmist reminds us: “My eyes are dim with grief. I call to you, Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to you” (Ps. 88:9—emphasis added).

Grief is difficult to talk about, but it usually helps to talk. What has helped you during times of grief?

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If you don’t have your copy of Everyday Brave, it’s available on Amazon or signed by me at my website. It would make a great Christmas gift for every woman on your list who might need to realize she’s braver than she knows! Let’s get our brave on for Christ this Christmas and everyday!