Home Archives for Forgiveness

After The Party for the Returning Prodigal . . .

3

Last month, Alycia Neighbours wrote a guest post, Never Stop Praying for Your Prodigal. In that article, Alycia shares her prodigal daughter testimony that touched many of my, and her, blog followers.

 
I opened that blog explaining that in my book, Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter: Hope, Help & Encouragement for Hurting Parents, Alycia’s mom, Chris Adams. shares the story of praying for her prodigal daughter. While I was writing the last chapter of the book, Alycia reunited with her family and I was able to include an excerpt from Chris’ journal of their reunion.

 
I asked Alycia if she would share what it was like when she returned after being gone for eight years, and how her twin-sister Amanda, felt about her return. Today Alycia and Amanda share with you the emotional rollercoaster of welcoming home a prodigal. As I read Alycia’s article, it confirmed everything I wrote in Section Five of Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, “Welcoming Home Your Prodigal Daughter.” Remember, that everything in the book, as well as Alycia’s suggestions, also apply to a prodigal son.

Alycia Neighbours prodigal home cartoon.= website

The prodigal has returned. Hugs, parties, and fatted calf are over—and now everyone sits back wondering, what next?

Not Everyone is Celebrating

In the parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-31, Jesus tells the story of the brother who wasn’t happy watching all the celebration over the return of the “black sheep.” After all, he had been there all along, probably comforting his family, picking up the missing brother’s slack, and being the good reliable son.

I can’t tell you much of what happened after that Scripture story, but I can tell you that when I returned home as a prodigal, it wasn’t all parties and celebrations. It was hard for all of us. Major trust had been broken that needed restoring. There were hurt feelings that needed soothing. Anger needed releasing; forgiveness was going to be a long road.

I had changed. I was different. I was humbled.

[Tweet “Not everyone is happy when the prodigal returns”]

I wasn’t trusted. I had set off a grenade in my family and things weren’t going to just fall back into a normal pace—despite my desperate desire to be back in my family.

My twin sister was thrilled I was found, after she had made many dead-end searches; but at the same time, she was furious that I was home

“It was trust. I didn’t trust that she wouldn’t run again, and then I am left with my parents destroyed AGAIN. She had run all her life. She had lied. What made this time so different? I couldn’t trust her, no matter how normal she seemed to be. I was the one always there for my parents. I did most everything right. Why were they so willing to accept her back? I was angry at her actions and her trying to prove she was a different person. She was missing for eight years, but she had been running long before that. I don’t know the pivotal point that made us closer again; but sometimes we fight (because we are sisters) and that anger and fear comes back.” – Amanda Dugger, my twin sister

Amanda and Alycia small

Amanda and Alycia

Restoration Takes Time

I couldn’t tell you the pivotal moment either. It just happened over a span of about seven years. It took years of being true to my word. The only time I ran was from my abusive husband; but this time, I ran to my family. I didn’t do everything right; there are many things I wish I could have had the foresight to see so I didn’t trip up again.

Many times since returning, I have had the urge to run again, but in a different direction. Now I run to my family and to God. Those I trust, believe in, and love.

[Tweet “Re-entry of a prodigal takes time.”]
There is a plot twist though. When my parents adopted Amanda and me, we had an older sister who remained with our biological family. I tracked her down, along with the rest of my biological family. I ended up hurting her too because I was hurting and needed to lash out at someone, and she was in my path at that moment. Presently, all relationships have been restored, but we will likely always be working at strengthening and learning to fully trust.

Twins and older sister

What I Want You To Take Away From My Story:

• Trust and restoration is possible, but it will take time. Be patient and honest with your feelings. Communication heals hurt. Your prodigal will want to prove herself/himself, but she/he is hurting too.
• Establish acceptable boundaries from the moment your prodigal comes home. Let her/him know what behavior is expected and not permitted.
• Expect the restoration process to be time consuming and emotionally consuming. Prayer is the only way to combat unexpected feelings that arise.
• Siblings and other family members affected by the prodigal should be encouraged to reunite on their own timetable. We all arrive at trust when it feels right and we feel God’s nudge.
• Just like the prodigal in Scripture who came groveling to his father, your prodigal is probably humbled, ashamed, and emotionally distraught over her/his actions. Show compassion because just like your heart is broken, hers/his is too. At first, be gentle even when you don’t feel like it. Later, you can discuss the tougher subjects. Just love your prodigal.
• Triggers that caused them to run in the first place may make your prodigal feel the need to run again. Try right away to identify these triggers, respect that they are an integral part of your prodigal’s psyche, and work as a team to acknowledge, validate, and work through the triggers so she/he can feel secure that she/he has truly found her/his way back home.

[Tweet “Show your returning prodigal unconditional love”]

__________________________

Thank you again Alycia for your openness and willingness to share your story to help other parents and prodigals. You can read more of Alycia’s story in Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter.

June 23, 2014
Return to top of page

Love Song Couples Getaway–Trip Two

0
Anna and Jason Huff Jerome

 

“We met so many great couples, created a closer bond with two couples – adding to several from last year. For us… It’s renewing, rejuvenating, rewarding, re-energizing in all levels. We love these trips.”—Rachelle Souza, after attending several Love Song Couples Getaways

If you follow me through my newsletters, Facebook, and blogs, you know that my husband Dave and I went on our first Love Song Couples Getaway last year in Maui. You might enjoy reading the blog I wrote about what led us to go on this amazing trip and the blessing it was to us as a Christian couple. I also wrote blog posts describing “The Wonders of Prayerful Handholding” describing how our holding hands to pray while on the trip led to making new friends, “God We Need Friends,” many of which we’ve kept in contact with even though they live in different states!

Trip Two–2014

The last night of the Maui getaway 2013, they announced the Bahamas as an addition to their 2014 trips. Dave was out of his seat signing us up, and we’ve been budgeting and saving all year.

Well, we just returned from yet another amazing Love Song Couples Getaway encounter with each other and with God in the Bahamas! Again, we made new friends from all over the USA, even met couples from Idaho, and renewed friendships from last year.

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, was our keynote speaker, and if you ever get a chance to hear him in person, he’s an awesome communicator  . . . and funny. His messages were biblical and practical. He shared with us how his early years of marriage were not as blissful as he had anticipated and how their differences almost split them apart until he learned three key questions:
1. Honey, what can I do to help you?

2. How can I make your life easier?

3. How could I be a better husband (wife)?

When Dr. and Mrs. Chapman learned how to serve each other, their marriage soared. We had the pleasure of also meeting the delightful Mrs. Chapman, who accompanied her husband on the trip.

Dr. Chapman talked about the 5 Love Languages, but he also told us about the 5 Apology Languages, Dealing Effectively with Our Failures, Learning to Forgive, and The Grace of Anger. Every topic was applicable to your marriage or any relationship.

Me with Dr. Gary Chapman

Magnificent Worship

Mac Powell of Third Day, Brandon Heath, and John Micah led our worship time and performed concerts that had us on our feet singing and pleading for more, while they also shared parts of their lives with us. They sang to us on the beaches of Paradise Island as the sun rose over the ocean, during a Blue Lagoon beach outing, under the stars during sunset, in a restaurant after a sunset catamaran cruise, and in the ballrooms of the Atlantis Hotel. Their powerful messages, voices, and instruments flooded the heavenlies above Paradise Island in the Bahamas.

Brandon HeathMorning Worship with Brandon Heath

Just Kids Again

The Atlantis has the most elaborate array of water slides and adventures in the world. Hubby Dave and I relaxed on the Lazy River floats; and yes, we ventured onto a double tube scary slide that switch backed quickly through a dark tunnel and spit us out under a shark tank! Once was enough for that one!

Hubby and me on the ferry to a beach day at the Blue Lagoon

We renewed our friendships with Calvin and Lisa from Ohio, Karen and Jim from North Carolina, and Ron and Janelle from Illinois—couples we met last year in Maui—and had a great time meeting and making new friends from all over. The Atlantis is such a huge property, if we encountered a couple more than once, we knew it was a divine appointment. We’ll keep in touch with many of the couples we met.

Lisa and Calvin

Ron and Janelle from Illinois

Return to Maui…

Last year in Maui, we made some dear Southern California friends who opted to go back to Maui this year. We’ve been seeing pictures all week on Facebook from that Hawaiian paradise where they also enjoyed Gary Chapman, along with Pastor Greg Laurie, Bart Miller of Mercy Me, Matt Hammitt of Sanctus Real, and Leeland. Here they are having fun and fellowship in Maui . . .

Photo: Davis isn't too old to ride on the handle bars! But it does take the rest of us to hold him up there!

What’s My Message?

Yes, we had great fun and relaxation, but both years our vacation with The Love Song Couples Getaway has also been a time of refreshment for our own ministry and marriage, as well as an opportunity to share a little glimpse of heaven with other believing couples.

If you’re married, I would encourage you to getaway to a couple’s retreat that fits your budget and schedule…well you might have to stretch both…but your marriage is the earthly replica of Christ’s relationship with the church. Dave and I are now on a fixed income and we sacrificed to make an investment in our marriage and spiritual walk to go on these trips. The sacrifice was nothing in comparison with the blessings we received.

If you’re single, find a spiritual retreat or conference to getaway from the franticness of life and spend time with fellow believers and the Lord. Is your church having a retreat or conference or is one coming to your town? Go!

Pastor Jim Wright of Mountain Church Medford, Oregon, was another speaker at our Bahamas and Maui Getaways, and he challenged us to ask ourselves:

 “Do you live with a sense of divine destiny?”

Next to his following comment, I wrote the word Mentoring:

“Learn from the experience of others. You don’t have to learn everything the hard way. Only God can give victory! Choose to remind each other that we are totally dependent on Jesus to live life to its fullest, not just exist.”

Go for it! Live life to the fullest in Christ and help others learn to do the same.

“The trip may end, but the friendships we made with you all continues! That’s the biggest blessing of these trips!” —Vanessa Garcia speaking of friendships we all made on our first Love Song Couples Getaway to Maui

If you missed last Monday’s Love Your Body blog, I wrote about how to eat healthy while on vacation. Next Monday, I’ll share more Love Song Couples Getaway pictures of beach baptisms and the story of my granddaughter’s baptism.

June 2, 2014
Return to top of page

Never Stop Praying for Your Prodigal!

23

Many of you have read my book Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter: Hope, Help & Encouragement for Hurting Parents, in which praying mother, Chris Adams, shares the story of praying for her prodigal daughter Alycia. While I was writing the last chapter of the book, Alycia reunited with her family and I was able to include an excerpt from Chris’ journal of their reunion. God’s timing was, as always, perfect. I wrote in the final chapter:

Chris Adams shared and wrote about her story in this book when she had no idea if her prodigal daughter was dead or alive. But just today—this very day—as I conclude this final chapter—there’s another chapter in her story of God’s amazing grace. .

Today, Alycia boldly shares her testimony with you, my blog followers. I’m so proud to introduce to you returning prodigal, Alicia Neighbors!

Prodigal drawing

I Ran From My Family and God

I started running away from my family and God when I was in my early teens. I ran because I sought acceptance, approval and an excitement I didn’t believe I had within my home. I ran because I wanted to be my own boss of my destiny and thought I could find my purpose on my own with no help from my earthly family or from a God I couldn’t see or hear.

My answer to any inward or outward conflict was flight.

My parents made the difficult decision to place me in a group home. I thought they just didn’t want me around, and for a while, played the game of the rules that were set up. Then the urge came from nowhere to run again. It wasn’t a suggestion of my mind, but a desire of my heart. Just to prove in this controlled environment that I didn’t need anyone and could once again design my life with no help from anyone else.

I Ran Into an Abusive Relationship

Years later, I found myself in a marriage full of domestic abuse that would not allow me to run. Oh, I tried to run a few times, but he made sure that I regretted it and even threatened my life if I tried it again. Before the marriage, I had a son by another man. After a few beatings from my husband and seeing his anger directed towards my son, I signed away my parental rights to my son’s natural father and took my husband’s suggestion to disappear from everyone.

For eight years, there was no contact with anyone. Often during those times, I had a strong pull to contact my parents, but I wasn’t allowed a phone or alone time away from the house. I was trapped and I began to pray that somehow a way would be made. No easy option presented itself, so I realized I was going to have to make something happen. I emailed my aunt and asked her if restoration was even possible. She encouraged me that my parents loved me deeply and I needed to heal what was broken.

A Praying Mother’s Prayers

In my mother’s prayer journal, she had written:

“After not seeing our daughter Alycia for over 8 years, and hot hearing from her in 3-4 years, I was compelled for the last couple of months to pray that God would just let us know if Alycia was alive. During the last month, Amanda, [her twin sister] unknowing of my prayers, was also searching once again for her on the Internet. She finally came across her name on an email on petfinders.com. It was a response thanking someone for returning her missing dog.

Amanda emailed me the string of emails with this information. That continued to stir my heart and prayers for Alycia. “Sleuth” Amanda, began trying to find the lady who had found the dog, and when she did, she discovered it had taken place a couple of years ago. But as Amanda continued to search, she came across a “last known” address. On Wednesday, November 1, Amanda drove to the address and knocked on the door. No one answered so she left a note saying, “If Alycia lives here, please call and just give us a phone number so we could let her know if someone in our family died.”

I stole my husband’s cell phone while he was sleeping and called my mom. We exchanged some pictures online of her one-year-old granddaughter she had not met and made plans to meet. At this same time, my twin sister had felt the pull to track me down and found the house I had just moved from. We missed each other by about two weeks. My husband was not pleased about my sneaking, but I cracked the door open and even he knew that to prevent me from going wasn’t going to end it. He did send me to the reunion meeting with a broken nose and two black eyes, but I made contact finally.

I Ran Back Into The Welcoming Arms of God and My Parents

Alycia and parentsAlicia and her parents Chris and Pat Adams

The restoration of the prodigal child and parent relationship can take time because of the trust issues formed during flight mode and absences; but it’s not beyond our God’s ability to heal. I would imagine if we sat down with a calendar, every time I felt a “pull” to go home was also the same time that my parents and others were in intense prayer for me.

In my mother’s journal about the experience, she said this

“Alycia knew nothing about my prayers or Amanda’s searching, which is why this had to be the work of the Holy Spirit nudging each of us toward one another.”

Now many years later, my parents and I have a good relationship. My marriage to the abusive man ended through widowhood, and I’m now married to a wonderful man and gained four bonus sons in addition to my three girls. My faith and love in my Heavenly Father has been restored as I allowed Him to finally bless me the way He had always wanted to. I allow His will to dictate my life and no longer feel the need to make my own way. His plan and purpose is so much better.

I have stopped running because everything I ran to—love, acceptance, family, and purpose—had been there all along. It just took my prayers and the prayers of my parents and many others to help me see this.

What do I want you to take away from all this?

1.)   Never stop praying or give up hope on your prodigal. It may be weeks, months or years, but your prayers are essential for your prodigal to feel the “pull” home.

2.)   If you still have limited contact with your prodigal, don’t let them see your bitterness or anger at their actions. Mimic God’s love and acceptance. You can verbalize you don’t like what they are doing, but you will always love them.

3.)   Your prodigal may have found themselves in a situation that does not allow them to come home or make contact. Form large prayer groups to fully cover your prodigal. More prayers, more “pull.”

 

Thank you Alycia! Her last three points, I also cover in Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter: Hope, Help & Encouragement for Hurting Parents, along with the promise that God will always give you all a testimony to share.There are discussion questions at the end of each chapter for family and support groups. My husband and I hold a support group for parents and grandparents of prodigals to give them a safe place to unite in praying for their prodigals. If you have a prodigal, please consider forming such a group.

I have support on my website to help you get started. By the way, the principles in this book apply to both daughters and sons.

Never stop praying.—1 Thessalonians 5:17

 

proddaughterbookcoverjpg1

 

 

 

May 19, 2014
Return to top of page

Remember Your First Love

0

 

I don’t have to tell you that Saturday is Valentine’s Day. You may have special plans with your sweetheart to celebrate this day devoted to “love.” Hubby and I are going to the only “tablecloth” restaurant in our little town, so we knew we had to have reservations early. I’ve mailed Valentine cards to grandkids, and have the perfect card ready to sign for my sweet husband.

Romantic love is God’s plan. He wanted us to be madly in love with our spouse and never forget the passion, and maybe even infatuation, that drew us together.

“Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.
Rejoice in the wife of your youth.” —Proverbs 5:18

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her. —Ephesians 5:25

These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands. —Titus 2:4

It might seem strange to us that young women would need training in how to love their husbands, as it says in Titus 2:4. We think that comes naturally, and it usually does . . . at first. But what happens to love after years of being together and going through life’s challenges? Many of us say the circumstances of life draw us closer to each other, but other couples struggle to love each other as they did at first.

Loving Jesus As You Did at First

Just like earthly love can mellow and grow lukewarm, so can our love for Christ. That’s exactly what happened to the church at Laodicea, much to the Lord’s chagrin:

But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!

—Revelation 3:16

Some of you might be shaking your head in denial right now: “No, that could never happen to me!” Well think back to what you were like when you first became a Christian. Remember your zeal and passion to tell everyone about this newfound relationship with Christ. Was everyone excited to hear about it, or did you start to get push back from people and decide that maybe you would just keep your relationship with Christ private and to yourself?

Then life got busy and your Bible started collecting dust. Oh, you still dutifully go to church on Sunday, joined a small group, tithe, and have a bumper sticker from your church on your car. But do people know that you are deliriously, head-over-heals, madly in love with Jesus? Does your spouse even know that?

Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you? —1 Corinthians 7:16

Could it be that you still love Jesus, but maybe not like you did at first. Jesus has His place in your life, but if you’re honest, you’d have to say Jesus doesn’t hold 1st priority in your activities, finances, energy, time…maybe even in your heart. This happened to the church at Ephesus and it can happen so easily to us today too.

The Church at Ephesus Forgot Their First Love

In Acts 2:42-47, we see the devotion of the first believers at the church in Ephesus:

All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper) and to prayer. A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity— all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved.

Paul commended the next generation of believers in Ephesus for the depth of their love for Christ:

So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.—Ephesians 3:17-19 (NIV)

But in Revelation 2:2-4, this same church became a dutiful church lacking in love:

I know all the things you do. I have seen your hard work and your patient endurance. I know you don’t tolerate evil people. You have examined the claims of those who say they are apostles but are not. You have discovered they are liars. You have patiently suffered for me without quitting. But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first!

How did the Church at Ephesus go from devotion to brotherly love for Christ, to the 2nd generation, rooted and grounded in Christ’s love, to the 3rd generation forgetting their first love?

It seems that the second generation got so caught up with how to do church, that they forgot why we have church—because we LOVE Jesus! They didn’t pass down the love of Christ to their children and grandchildren.

Do our children and grandchildren know why we’re taking them to church and Sunday school? Do they know that we are Christians because we love Jesus more than anything in the world? Do we role model our love for Christ to the next generation?

Remember Your First Love

The letter to the Church at Ephesus has the answers to reclaiming Jesus as our first love:

  • Remember: “Look how far you have fallen!” (v. 5)
  • Repent: “Turn back to me” (v. 5)
  • Refocus: “and do the works you did at first.” (v. 5)

Or else . . .

  • Removal: “If you don’t repent, I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches. Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches. To everyone who is victorious I will give fruit from the tree of life in the paradise of God.” (v. 7)

Removing the lampstand meant they would no longer be an effective church . . . or effective Christian witness. . . or effective role model to the next generation. And my friends, if Jesus slips from first place in our life, we too will stop being effective Christians.

God wants us to maintain the passion and excitement we had when we first fell in love with His Son, Jesus Christ. Have you been around a new believer lately? They have a radiance and glow . . . just like a new bride. New believers are on fire for the Lord. There’s a contagious joy and exuberance about them. Others want to know the source of their happiness.

Only when we place Jesus first in our life and heart—and keep Him there—can we love others with a genuine Christ-like love. His love fuels us to be better spouses, parents, friends . . . Christians.

If you would like more specifics on how to reclaim Jesus as your First love, I wrote about this in my blog last year, Who’s Your First Love?

Have a Happy Jesus is “My First Love” Day!

*Unless otherwise noted, all Scriptures are from the New Living Translation

 

February 10, 2014
Return to top of page

Balancing Grace and Truth

5

Reposting this, since my feed did not go out on December 30th. 

Recently on my Facebook timeline, there was a discussion about grace and truth. I made the statement that I was glad that the public debate about the GQ interview with Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty, and A&E’s subsequent suspension of him, was prompting the moral majority of Christians to speak out about their beliefs. Speak out they did, with a united voice heard around the world. People opposing, instead of tolerating, sin.

I also said Christians have erred on the side of grace resulting in sin not only being tolerated, but legalized. We know the commandment “Thou shalt not kill,” but abortion is legal and called a “woman’s choice.” The Bible clearly states that homosexuality is a sin and marriage is between a man and a woman, but homosexual marriage is becoming legal and called a lifestyle choice. Sin has always been a choice, that’s why God sent His Son to earth to offer us grace…not grace to keep on sinning . . . but grace to choose to turn from our wicked ways, seek forgiveness, and accept eternal life with Christ. An undeserved second chance to live a righteous life— the balance of grace and truth.

Truth or Grace

  • “You’re late!” A greeting to the last arriving meeting members. Truth but no Grace.
  • “Where are you going to live?” A response to a Christian who announces she’s going to live with her boyfriend. Grace but no Truth.
  • “That dress looks terrible on you.” Truth but no Grace.
  • “It’s alright. No problem.” A reply to a friend backing out on an important commitment. Grace but no Truth.
  • “You are going to hell if you keep up that behavior!” Truth but no Grace.
  • “Ok, I understand…” Said to the friend you babysat for numerous times, but when you ask to do a trade, she’s too busy. Grace but no Truth.
  • “Congratulations!” A gay couple tells you they are getting married. Grace but no Truth

Balancing Grace and Truth

Ephesians 4:15 says for us to “tell the truth in love.” What does that really mean, and most importantly, how do we do it? Not Grace or Truth or Grace versus Truth, but Grace and Truth. Yes, they can occur simultaneously, but it takes work. Displaying both grace and truth is a delicate balance, and often, we err towards one side or the other.

When faced with a sinful situation, many Christians fear sounding judgmental so their response is full of grace, but evades the truth. This can appear to condone the sinful behavior. Or, we’re so shocked or appalled at the sin we know God hates, that we slam the person with biblical truth. Very few are receptive to a condemning approach.

I tend to err on the side of wanting the truth told, but not knowing how to present it in a grace-filled manner. How do we not condemn, but not condone? How can we tell the truth, but still extend grace?

Follow Jesus’ Example

Randy Alcorn wrote an excellent book on this topic, The Grace and Truth Paradox: Responding with Christ-like Balance. Randy points out that the early church drew thousands to Jesus by copying the only model they had at the time…Jesus himself. Today, we often ask ourselves, “What would Jesus do?” Those people knew what Jesus would do. We could arrive at a number of adjectives describing the character of Christ that would let us know what He would do today, but Randy suggests all reduce to two character qualities…yes only two!

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God…The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth” John 1:1,14.

Jesus was full of both grace and truth all the time. Not grace one time and truth another time, Everything He did and everything He said embodied both character qualities. Notice that grace comes first in the verse because it was a new concept to the early Christians. They knew about the truth of the law from the Old Testament, but the grace of forgiveness that Jesus brought was brand new to them. 

Even in Jesus’ days, with his example to emulate, some like the Pharisees still chose to rely only on truth, and we know them as legalists. Jesus pointed out that the law could only reveal sin, but the grace of Jesus Christ could remove it.

We want others to know Jesus by what they see in our life, but then we have to ask ourselves what do they see in us? Are we full of grace and truth? Does it seem like a paradox sometimes? It shouldn’t. Randy points out that grace without truth, or truth without grace, are like a bird without one wing.

He Told Me Everything I’ve Ever Done!

In John 4:7-26, Jesus encountered the “woman at the well” who was living in sin. Jesus didn’t hesitate to point out to her the truth of her sin, yet he offered her a way out by grace. He didn’t run from the truth because it would embarrass her or put her on the spot. He simply stated the truth, but assured her He was The Way to grace. And what was the result of Jesus confronting her with grace and truth? The woman left her sinful life and became one of the first women evangelists (John 4:28-30).

No Bait and Switch

Communicating with grace and truth is not telling someone something flattering, then zinging them with truth. That bait and switch approach is never effective. They feel manipulated and tricked. Have you ever had that happen to you where you wonder: Did they just compliment or chastise me? Telling the truth should never cause confusion. It needs to be clear and concise.

Grace doesn’t mean sugarcoating, That’s not what Jesus would do. The passage in John 4:7-26 is a pattern for displaying grace and truth like Jesus. Notice Jesus didn’t first compliment the woman, then slam her with the truth. He first asked her a question, “Will you give me a drink?” which was a display of grace since Jews didn’t talk to Samaritans. The remainder of the passage is an example of Jesus telling the truth with grace. He confronted her with the truth of her sin and offered her the grace of forgiveness and eternal life.

What About You?

Check yourself with Randy Alcorn’s “Two Point Checklist” to help determine if you are a grace and truth Christian.

1.  Are nonbelievers uncomfortable around you?

It could be you are erring on the side of legalistic truth. People were drawn to Christ, who was both grace and truth, but ran from the Pharisees who had only the ‘truth.’

2.  Do all nonbelievers like you?

A red flag that you are erring on the side of grace. The true spirit of grace is that you love enough to tell the biblical truth and share the Gospel.

 Truth without grace:            Destroys          Crushes

    Grace without truth:             Deceives          Cowardly

Grace and Truth together:    Draws              Christ

God’s truths are guardrails in life to prevent us from going over the cliff into the sinful abyss, not tools for beating us over the head. A means of rescue, not a weapon. Truth can release someone from bondage or rescue him or her from certain death. When we choose to bypass truth and go straight to grace, it’s no longer grace. Offering someone grace without the truth—the guardrail that protects and sets us free to know the true grace of Jesus—is sending them over the cliff in a loving way.

A quote from Randy’s book:  “Truth without grace breeds a self-righteous legalism that poisons the church and pushes the world away from Christ. Grace without truth breeds moral indifference and keeps people from seeing their need for Christ. Attempts to “soften” the gospel by minimizing truth keep people from Jesus. Attempts to “toughen” the gospel by minimizing grace keep people from Jesus. It’s not enough for us to offer grace or truth. We must offer both.”

This is something most of us will spend a lifetime trying to achieve and only Jesus was perfect at it, but the Holy Spirit will help us if we ask. Tricia McCary Rhodes writes in Taking Up Your Cross about Jesus’ grace versus the truth of our inadequacy, “To be humble is to live always with poignant awareness of God’s extravagant grace poured out in exchange for our complete inadequacy.” And isn’t that the TRUTH!

“If we get it wrong about Jesus, it doesn’t matter what else we get right.” —Randy Alcorn

Phil Robertson

January 7, 2014
Return to top of page

Forgiveness. . . . Forgiveness. . . .

2

Rick Warren on Twitter: “Someone on the internet sold Matthew an unregistered gun. I pray he seeks God’s forgiveness. I forgive him.

MATTHEW 6:15″

Like us, many of you were saddened and shocked to learn of the loss of Pastor Rick Warren’s 27-year old son, Matthew, who took his own life after suffering for years with depression and mental illness.

Pastor Rick is like extended family to my husband Dave and me. Dave and I attended Saddleback Church for over 23 years, and twenty years ago, we met each other in a small group. We’ve watched Saddleback church grow from meeting in a high school gym, to the mega church the world knows today.

Pastor Rick will always be “our pastor.” Even though we have since moved to another state and are members of a church in our community . . . . we’re still all in the family of God. And so it is that Dave and I mourn and grieve with Pastor Rick and Kay and our extended Saddleback family.

The Grieving Process Can Lead To or Away from God

Matthew took his own life with a purchased gun, but someone took my father’s life with his own gun. He was a California Highway Patrolman killed in the line of duty while trying to help the very man who killed him. My father had chosen a career protecting his community. He died two weeks before his 37th birthday doing exactly what he had signed on to do.

My mother shook her fist at God and said no just God would ever allow this to happen. I watched my mother’s bitterness and anger cause her to deteriorate emotionally, physically, spiritually, relationally . . . resulting in a difficult childhood for my sister and me. Praise God, two years after my father’s death, I was invited to a church youth camp where I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

But when I became an adult, mom and I were estranged for 15 years. Then one of Pastor Rick’s sermons went straight to my heart when he said, “You’ll never experience true love if there’s someone in your life you haven’t forgiven.” I had been a single mom for 17 years and realized that if I didn’t forgive my mom, I would probably never have a happy marriage relationship. I did forgive her and within months, met my wonderful godly husband Dave.

Misconceptions Stop Us from Forgiving

In my Bible study, Face-to-Face with Euodia and Syntyche: From Conflict to Community, I discuss the myths about forgiveness and the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation:

FORGIVENESS is not allowing anyone else to control your emotional life except GOD!

FORGIVENESS is VERTICAL between God and you.

RECONCILIATION is HORIZONTAL between you and the other person

If you’re struggling with forgiveness or difficult relationships, studying Face-to-Face with Euodia and Syntyche will help you discover biblical ways of resolving conflict. Here are several of the myths that prevent us from granting unconditional forgiveness:

FORGIVENESS MYTHS I LEARNED FROM PASTOR RICK

MYTH #1:  Forgiveness must be quick like God’s forgiveness.


TRUTH: Forgiveness is a process.

MYTH #2:  If I forgive, that means that the offense was “ok.”

TRUTH: Forgiveness does not make sin into good. Sin is never “ok.”

MYTH #3:  I cannot forgive until I can forget, just like God does.

TRUTH: We are not God. When God forgives, He doesn’t need to learn anything. We do!

MYTH #4:  If I forgive, I have to reconcile with the person.

TRUTH: You do not have to be reconciled to forgive, but you do have to be able to forgive in order to reconcile.

“Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges” (Colossians 3:13 TLB).

Who do you need to forgive so you can be free from the chains of bitterness and anger? You can do it! Listen to Matthew West’s song “Forgiveness” ,which starts out…

It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don’t deserve

It’s the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have to say the word…

Forgiveness
Forgiveness

April 15, 2013
Return to top of page
« Previous Page
Return to top of page · Copyright © 2025 Crown Laid Down Designs All Rights Reserved · Our Privacy Policy