mentee — Page 5 — Woman to Woman Mentoring

The “Call” That Changed My Life

Site of Peter’s Primacy Church at Tabgha, near Capernum – the area of Seven Springs

When you saw the title of this blog, you probably thought I received a life-changing phone call, but I’m not talking about that kind of a call. I’m talking about “The Call” from the Lord. Yes, that “Call.”

[Tweet “” I had told God I would work anywhere except in women’s ministry.”]

Twenty years ago, April 25, 1995, I was at a Women in Ministry Conference in Portland, OR trying to figure out how God was going to use me when I finished seminary. I had told Him I would work anywhere except in women’s ministry. Why? Because when I was a divorced, single, working mom, I felt unwelcome in women’s church activities. There were definite clicks and I wasn’t part of the “in group.” As the manager of an insurance team, I had watched some women’s ruthless ways in business, cattiness, nonprofessional, and whining and I didn’t want any part of it. Surely, the Lord knew that and would use me in the business world.

The second night of the conference, I was sitting at a round table, sipping coffee and listening to piano music while awaiting the evening’s speaker, Jill Briscoe. Suddenly, without warning, I heard the words “Feed my sheep.” I looked around the table to see who was talking about sheep, but everyone was engaged in their own conversations. So I said, “What sheep? Where? And what would I feed them if I found them?” Again, I heard, “Feed my sheep.”

[Tweet “Suddenly, without warning, I heard the words “Feed my sheep.””]

I Agreed to Feed His Sheep! Now What?

As I realized it was the Lord talking, I said, “Ok.”

That night, I called my husband and excitedly told him about my encounter with the Lord. Dave calmly said, “Well honey, let’s pray for the Holy Spirit to reveal to you what this means.” So we prayed.

God answered the next morning when the speaker told us she was going to teach from John 21:15-17 where Jesus is telling Peter if you love me, “Feed my sheep.” I looked at the handout to see what her topic was and she was going to talk on “Shepherding Women in Your Church.” I let out an audible, “Oh, no!” This can’t be possible; surely God has the wrong woman.

[Tweet “God began to reveal that the sheep were women and the feeding was mentoring“]

When I arrived home, God began to reveal that the sheep were women and the feeding was mentoring, and I’ve been feeding His sheep now for twenty years. First, I started the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry at Saddleback Church, which continues blessing women in churches around the world. Then God asked me, a non-writer at the time, to write a resource to help churches start their own mentoring ministries. Next, He sent me on the road to share the Titus 2:3-5 message and glued me to my computer writing books about “Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness.”

Celebrating 20 Years in Ministry

Circle Drive Baptist Church, Colorado Springs, CO April 25, 2015

On April 25, 2015, in commemoration of my 20-year anniversary of feeding His sheep, God had me speak at Circle Drive Baptist Church in Colorado Springs on the topic they chose, “Reigniting the Titus 2 Woman.” The next day, I trained in Parachute, CO at Grace Bible Churches Woman to Woman Mentoring ministry first Kickoff Night. I hadn’t taught at a Kickoff Night training in many years, but it was such a sweet way to reminisce and be back in the heart of where it all began—watching women walk side-by-side with Christ at the center of their relationship.

Kickoff Night @ Grace Baptist Church, Parachute, CO

Do I think God planned for me to have those mentoring speaking engagements on the exact 20-year anniversary of hearing “Feed my sheep”? Absolutely! That was all God. No coincidence, no serendipity—100% God celebrating with me the amazing ministry that can take place when we simply say “Ok” to His call.

[Tweet “God celebrating with me the amazing ministry that can take place when we simply say “Ok” to His call.”]

How is God Calling You?

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.—Romans 8:28

God calls all of us. Every Christian has a purpose and a call. But the key to knowing your call is to listen…have ears that hear God when He speaks whether it’s through reading your Bible, hearing a sermon, listening to worship music…. He’s talking all the time, but we have to listen.

[Tweet “God calls all of us. Every Christian has a purpose and a call.”]

When we hear His Call, we have a choice, “Yes Lord I hear ou and I will do what ou ask, and go where ou lead.” Or “Not now Lord, I’m too busy … too tired … too unsure of myself … just not ready to make such a commitment.”

[Tweet “We’re living in times where every committed Christian needs to know God’s purpose for our life and follow the “Call””]

Where has God been calling you? What has He asked you to do? We’re living in times where every committed Christian needs to know God’s purpose for our life and follow the “Call” that will not only change our life, but the lives of others, the culture, the world.

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.—Proverbs 19:21

If you receive this blog by email leave a comment here.

I would love to hear your mentoring story to share in my next book. If you’ve been a mentor or mentee, please contact me.

May 4, 2015

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What’s Your Story?

As many of you know, I’ve been writing the past three months on a new book which will be out March, 2016, How Good is God? I Can’t Remember … Creating a Culture of Memories. I hope you’ve enjoyed all the guests who have enriched this blog with posts on many varied topics. I’m blessed to have so many talented and gifted author friends and I know you enjoy hearing from them.

I was surprised when several people asked me if I thought this would be my last book? I wasn’t sure why they would ask that except for the fact that we were under great spiritual attack and duress while I wrote on a topic that the enemy hates–remembering God in a culture that is quickly forgetting God.

But that would never stop me from writing and speaking for the Lord, until the day He decides to take me home. My ministry is About His Work Ministries and I plan on being about His work until my last breath. So it might not surprise you that I’m gearing up for the next book. I gave you a glimpse into it several months ago when I asked for stories, but I switched plans when the How Good is God? book had such a short deadline. So now I’m back to the mentoring book and I need your stories.

Do You Have a Mentoring Story?

[Tweet “Do You Have a Mentoring Story?”]

If you follow me, you know that my passion is mentoring—Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s faithfulness. Since I wrote Woman to Woman Mentoring: How to Start, Grow, and Maintain a Mentoring Ministry in 1997, God has been starting mentoring ministries in churches all over the world, and mentors and mentees (M&M’s) have been experiencing the blessings of mentoring.

Over the years, many ministry leaders have sent me stories about starting the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry, and many M&M’s have sent me their stories too; but I also know there are many untold stories that would bless my readers. Will you help me write this book?

I Need Your Help

The working title is Mentoring for All Seasons: Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness. Here’s what I could use:

What would you want to read about in a mentoring book about the seasons of a woman’s life?
What would encourage you to be a mentor or mentee?
If you’ve been in a mentoring relationship—either as a mentor or mentee or both—would you tell me your story? Even if it didn’t go like you planned.

If you would like to share your story, please leave a comment and how to contact you. Or go to the contact page on this website and leave me a message with your email address and I’ll give you more details.

[Tweet “If you would like to share your story in my new book …”]

Generation to Generation

My 9-year-old granddaughter Katelyn asked if she could have one of my books for Easter, which made my heart swell with joy. I decided she was not too young for us to do a Bible study together, so I gave her Face-to-Face with Mary and Martha: Sisters in Christ.

[Tweet “An important aspect of remembering God, is helping the next generation know God.”]

An important aspect of remembering God, is helping the next generation know God. It’s our job description as Christian men and women!

Together we can reach, encourage, and teach what we’ve been taught to the next generation.

Your job is to speak out on the things that make for solid doctrine. Guide older men into lives of temperance, dignity, and wisdom, into healthy faith, love, and endurance. Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior. Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives.

Titus 2:1-6. The Message

April 13, 2015

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Women Need Each Other

Today’s guest post is by my good friend and fellow The MOM Initiative mentor mom, Lori Wildenberg. Lori is talking about several of my favorite topics: women helping each other, friendships of women, Woman to Woman Mentoring, parenting, and the relationship between Mary and Elizabeth, which I wrote about in Face-to-Face with Elizabeth and Mary: Generation to Generation. Lori is giving away a copy of one of her new books if you leave a comment on this post. I know you’re going to want to read them both and I endorsed Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love. Enjoy!

Women Need Each Other (Plus a Give-Away)

by Lori Wildenberg

My friend Kathy has greatly impacted me over the years. Kathy and I met in high school. She got married a few years before I did and had her first child about five years before I had mine. When I had parenting questions, her bigger perspective was so helpful. Yet she wasn’t so far ahead of me that she lacked empathy for my parenting concerns.

She would say to me, “Oh, just think of it. Three is still pretty little,” when I would lament over my child’s lack of potty-progress.

I have always been able to count on Kathy for sound advice.

She is generous with her wisdom. (I eat it up.)

She is a good listener. (I feel heard.)

She embraces confidentiality. (I feel safe.)

She speaks with honesty and love. ( I trust her.)

And I know she prays for me. (I am grateful.)

Gone are the days of neighborhood coffee parties and regular extended-family gatherings (at least for many of us). But women are still wired to need each other.

[Tweet “Women are wired to need each other.”]

Mary, after learning she was pregnant with Jesus, went to see her older cousin Elizabeth. Mary needed support and wisdom. Elizabeth provided both.

At that time Mary got ready and hurried to a town in the hill country of Judea, where she entered Zechariah’s home and greeted Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit.In a loud voice she exclaimed: “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear^.But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!” (Luke 1:39- 45).

We desire to learn from and to lean on one another.

[Tweet “We desire to learn from and to lean on one another.”]

Recently I spoke to a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group. In my talk, I encouraged the women to be the mom God designed them to be.

[Tweet “Find a mentor. A peer with perspective. Or a seasoned sister.”]

One of the ways this can be done is to find a mentor; maybe a peer with perspective like my friend Kathy or possibly a more seasoned mentor like Mary’s relative, Elizabeth. It’s a biblical concept to have or to be a Titus woman (Titus 2:3-4). I guess that is why mentoring never goes out of style!

[Tweet “Avoid having the mentoring time look more like a gripe session”]

As a final thought, to avoid having the mentoring time look more like a gripe session, use a tool to steer your conversation. Of course my co-authored books, Raising Little Kids with Big Love or Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love are not the only resources out there. But I do believe they are good ones because each book has a companion study guide.

If you are a mom, I encourage you to find a Titus woman or to be one for someone else. It is a blessing for both.

[Tweet “Find a Titus woman or to be one for someone else.”]

I still count on my friend, Kathy for her sage advice. She’s now a grandmom. I’m not there yet, but when I am, I know who I’m “gonna call.”

So… women, who can you support and encourage? Whom would you like to have support and encourage you?

Love Your Body with a Pure Mind

Love Your Body Like God Loves It

In our Love Your Body series the last Monday of the month, I’ve been focusing on ways to eat healthy and exercise regularly. But today I want to talk about a part of the body we haven’t discussed, our mind. Yes, our mind is a part of our body and our mind determines what we put into our body, as well as what we do with our body.

[Tweet “Our mind is a part of our body, and our mind determines what we put into our body as well as what we do with our body.”]

A Pure Mind is a Healthy Mind

[Tweet “We can’t have a healthy body, without having a healthy mind.”]

We can’t have a healthy body, without having a healthy mind. That’s why Paul warned that when we become Christians: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2

If you have a healthy pure mind, you’ll be able to test for yourself what God wants you eating, thinking, watching, reading, and doing. But…

Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:5-6

If you will, “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things” (Colossians 3:2), you’ll never have to worry about dealing with a sick or impure mind.

Satan Wants You to Have a Sick Mind

In the past few weeks, there’s been lots of discussion about the book and movie Fifty Shades of Grey–whether or not it’s OK for Christians to read the book and see the movie. Looking at the Scriptures above, it’s hard for me to imagine that this would even be a conversation. The answers are so clear in the Bible.

You can eat organic, omit sugar, limit your red meat, get your daily quota of fruits and veggies, drink lots of water, and exercise every day, but you will never have a healthy body if you feed your mind with trash and smut.

[Tweet “You will never have a healthy body if you feed your mind with trash and smut.”]

[Tweet “Satan has worked hard at luring men into pornography and now he’s working on the women.”]

Satan has worked hard at luring men into pornography and now he’s working on the women. Sadly, Satan is having as much success with women as he did with the men. Movies and books like Fifty Shades of Grey are what the world today is calling entertainment. Don’t be deceived by the world, and don’t give the devil a foothold in your mind.

[Tweet “Don’t be deceived by the world, and don’t give the devil a foothold in your mind.”]

For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. 1 John 2:16

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, and greed, which is idolatry. Colossians 3:5

What’s A Christian to Do?

I know I’m probably singing to the choir here, so what’s a Christian woman to do who agrees with everything I’m saying? Well Titus 2 1-6 in the The Message spells out clearly our job as Christian women and men. We have to speak out and help our fellow sisters in Christ who are being lured into Satan’s trap:

[Tweet “Titus 2 1-6 in the The Message spells out clearly what our job is as Christian women and men.”]

Your job is to speak out on the things that make for solid doctrine. Guide older men into lives of temperance, dignity, and wisdom, into healthy faith, love, and endurance. Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior. Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives.

If you are addicted to other “mommy porn” type books, and you think no one will know what you’re reading on your Kindle or tablet, just remember that God is with you always and He knows what’s going into your mind. It’s breaking God’s heart and Satan is laughing. Yes, Satan is laughing because he has you just where he wants you—he’s infiltrated your mind.

Confess your problem to someone and find a mentor to help you renew, refresh, and reboot your mind.

Satan is Working Hard and Fast

This is not the only movie and book out there that shouldn’t be polluting our minds, and I wrote about that in the blog post Oh Be Careful Little Eyes What You See.

Which Mother and Wife Won’t See 50 Shades of Grey?

I’m sure you figured out that I won’t, but two other women who don’t want their mind filled with “the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes” by seeing the film of the erotic novel are:

Actress Melanie Griffith, the mother of Dakota Johnson who plays the sexually brutalized young virgin in the movie. Mother Griffith said, “I would be very uncomfortable with it.”

Amelia Warner, the wife of Jamie Dornan who plays the sexually perverted lead actor, doesn’t want to watch her husband in the risqué sex scenes with another woman and won’t see the movie.

I totally understand why this mother and wife would not see this movie. What I don’t understand is why so many other mothers, wives, daughters, girlfriends, and future wives want to watch it as voyeurs. Can you?

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

February 23, 2015

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How To Survive Feeling Overwhelmed

It’s only the third week of the New Year, but maybe you’re like me and feeling a little overwhelmed with all you let go during the holidays. Some of you may still have your Christmas decorations up–we have our outside lights up still because I love them so much, and we’re still eating off of our snowman Christmas dishes. Those things don’t bother me, but a looming book deadline and preparing for speaking at a retreat in Nebraska at the end of this month, along with family and ministry obligations, now that can give me a few over-the-edge moments. So I was delighted when Dianne Barker offered to give us all a few tips on surviving what she calls, “Overwhelm City.”

Also, if you’re receiving this blog via email and would like to leave a comment on the website blog, just click here and it will take you to the online blog post. Then scroll down to the bottom of the post and you’ll see a silver circle on the right that says “leave a comment”. Click on the circle and a comment box will appear for you to write your comment.

If you’re reading this blog at the website, scroll down to the bottom of the post, click on the silver circle on the right that says “leave a comment” and the comment box will appear.

Dianne and I would both like to hear how you survive Overwhelm City.

Survival Kit for Overwhelm City

By Dianne Barker

Yikes! Where am I? Did I misread the map? Overlook the road sign? Experience total GPS failure?

Oh, now I recognize the neighborhood. I’ve spent time here before—Overwhelm City—the home of over-commitment and complicated circumstances.

The only fix for over-commitment is saying “no.” A hard choice—but a choice.

[Tweet “The only fix for over-commitment is saying “no.””]

There’s no easy fix for beyond-our-control, complicated circumstances: crumbling marriages, prodigal children, career adjustments, financial difficulties, relationship issues, care-giving responsibilities, health concerns, assorted calamities, grief, terrorism, and fear. . . just to name a few.

[Tweet “I’ve begun to feel at home in Overwhelm City among the desperate who are crying”]

I’ve begun to feel at home in Overwhelm City among the desperate who are crying,

“Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck…the flood sweeps over me” (Psalm 69:1-2 ESV).

Although my husband and I have been caring for people we love during our forty-nine year marriage—several relatives and even a few friends who were close as family—I wasn’t prepared for an extended stay in Overwhelm City.

After leaving a successful journalism career to be a stay-at-home mom, I continued writing. My 1986 book Twice Pardoned was a number-one national Christian best-seller. The ink had barely dried when God led me from my public life as an author and speaker to a secluded life—caring for our parents as their health declined. I spent the next fifteen years in Overwhelm City, struggling to keep my head above water.

Doing the “gottas”

Routine housework wasn’t at the bottom of the list…it didn’t make the list. I did the gottas: wash dishes, make beds, clean bathrooms. My priorities were driving our parents to medical appointments, grocery shopping, cooking, and doing laundry for our three families. One week I made three trips to the coin laundry, due to plumbing problems at home, and washed a total thirty-two loads. Attending school functions involving our children and attending church completed my schedule.

Unexpected Ministry

Gradually, God eliminated every non-essential activity, shrinking my life to basics. My “shrunken life,” though limited in scope, was still significant. That season provided an opportunity to return to our parents some of the loving devotion they had showered on us. It was a fruitful time of growing closer to the Lord, immersing in His Word, and learning to depend on Him for every step and breath.

During this time, He gave me an unexpected ministry—mentoring young women He sent to my door seeking marriage and parenting advice. I shared principles the Lord was teaching me and promises I’d memorized from Scripture. As the women continued coming, I created a makeshift memorization booklet, which I later published: Walking in Victory—a Two-Year Scripture Memorization Plan. Fruit in the desert!

An Amazing Gift

During that complicated period, the Lord also gave me an amazing gift:

Peace that I was where He wanted me.
Purpose, doing what He designed.
Promise that someday He would expand my life again.

God always keeps His promises, and He never wastes an experience. He’s begun expanding my life. Besides providing opportunities to speak and publish, He surprised me with a weekly program on the Christian radio station WHCB, Bristol, Tennessee.

[Tweet “A life submersed in Christ is a better term for my “shrunken life.””]

A life submersed in Christ is a better term for my “shrunken life.” When my journey detours to Overwhelm City, I can be sure He has a purpose.

[Tweet “Survival kit for Overwhelm City”]

Survival Kit for Overwhelm City

If this fresh New Year finds you at the outskirts of Overwhelm City, a few tools from my Survival Kit will help you make the most of the experience and sweeten the stay.

Simplify life. Eliminate non-essentials. “He has told you. O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Micah 6:8).
Draw near to Jesus. He said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
Accept that you are here by God’s design. “But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold” (Job 23:10).
Believe God has a purpose. We don’t have to see it to believe it. If nothing else, He’s developing endurance. “For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised” (Hebrews 10:36).
Keep a teachable heart. Ask: Lord, what do you want me to learn? “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you” (Psalm 32:8).
Encourage yourself with truth. “Ah, Lord God! It is you who have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you” (Jeremiah 32:17).
Rejoice. If I rejoice today, I rejoice in these circumstances. “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances…” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

[Tweet “Overwhelm City is a sweet community of broken people.”]

Overwhelm City is a sweet community of broken people. Didn’t I just see you moving in next door? Come on over. I can’t wait to hear your story!

Dianne Barker is a conference speaker, freelance journalist, radio host, and author. This post is adapted from I Don’t Chase the Garbage Truck Down the Street in My Bathrobe Anymore! Organizing for the Maximum Life, which won the Christian Authors Network Golden Scrolls 2014 third-place award for non-fiction book of the year (available at LifeWay Christian Stores, www.crossbooks.com, www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, www.diannebarker.com.)

January 19, 2015

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Effective Mentors Ask Questions

Kathy Collard Miller and her husband Larry Miller are the authors of a book I recently endorsed, Never Be The Same. I asked the Millers if they would share with you how some of the principles they discuss in their book could be applied to mentoring. I was delighted when I saw that they chose the topic of asking questions because that is the same advice and training I give to mentors. Instead of lecturing or trying to get the mentee to see things our way, questions can help the mentee arrive at her own conclusions. In my Bible study, Face-to-Face with Naomi and Ruth: Together for the Journey, Session Three, Day Four is on “Asking Questions.” This method works well for parents too.

Effective Mentors Ask Questions

by Kathy Collard Miller and Larry Miller

One of the many goals of mentoring is helping our mentee identify her motive for the choices she makes. All of us react, respond, and choose based on our desires and wants, or what we think will prevent emotional or physical pain. Helping our mentee to recognize motives is a challenge.

[Tweet “Be an effective mentor by asking questions.”]

We are lay-counselors, and as we help people make wise and godly choices, we’ve noticed that long-range change occurs with a heart transformation, not just mental assent. We have also been counseled and mentored, and appreciated the counselor or mentor who asked questions that helped us identify our motives and what we hoped to gain.

[Tweet “Mentees can choose a heart transformation.”]

Why We Wrote Never Ever Be the Same

[Tweet “Why We Wrote Never Ever Be the Same http://amzn.to/1ITmLfy @KathyCMiller”]

We wrote Never Ever Be the Same, to help people discover why they make the choices they do. Rather than encourage them to grit their teeth and vow to be better, we want them to have a deep spiritual change where they trust in God—not self-effort.

Asking Questions More than Giving Advice

[Tweet “Tweet: Ask questions rather than offer advice.”]

Asking questions rather than giving advice helps your mentee to get in touch with her motivations. If you only give advice, your mentee could depend upon you for her power rather than having a heart for God. It can be difficult to think of the questions to ask.

[Tweet “It’s difficult to think of questions to ask as we mentor.”]

Although we don’t provide a list of questions in our book, we do give examples of how we use questions with those we mentor.

Questions to Use While Mentoring

[Tweet “Here are some questions to use for mentoring. “]

Here are some questions we ask. These aren’t in any order, but use according to what the mentee is telling you. Then ask more questions based upon the mentee’s answers or response:

What did the other person’s reaction seem to say about you?
What if you didn’t keep doing that? What do you fear would happen?
What is God inviting you into through allowing these circumstances?
What would you like to say to that person who hurt you?
Why do you believe that’s true when other people have told you it’s not?
What were you hoping or longing for?
What do you feel is lacking in your life?
What does that choice provide for you?
What were you saying about yourself during the time that hurtful thing happened?
How does your behavior leave out God in your life?
How does that behavior protect you from some kind of harm or pain?
Everything is a choice. Why are you choosing that destructive behavior: to gain something or protect yourself from something?
What does your choice say about who God is?
What does your behavior or choice indicate is your belief about God, life, or other people?

Learning to use these questions may take time. Asking them may not bring instant change to your mentee. But the Holy Spirit can use the mentee’s new sense of self-awareness to reveal wrongly motivated thinking and choices. That kind of heart transformation will have long-range benefits.

Share a question that you have found useful in mentoring that the Holy Spirit used to bring a heart change in your mentee.

Leaving any comment here will include you in the drawing for a free copy of Never Ever Be the Same: A New You Starts Today by Kathy Collard Miller and Larry Miller.

Kathy Collard Miller is the author of 50 books and an international speaker. Kathy and her husband, Larry, have been married 44 years and he is a retired police lieutenant who speaks and writes. Larry and Kathy often speak together. They live in Southern California, and have two grown children and one grandson. Visit them at www.LarryAndKathy.com and www.KathyCollardMiller.com.

Never Ever Be the Same: A New You Starts Today (Leafwood Publishers) offers Christians hope that they can change their destructive patterns of behavior through identifying their sinful self-protective strategies and then being empowered to trust God instead. Their book includes biblical principles, insightful stories, and helpful instruction. It also provides discussion questions for individuals or groups.

Never Ever Be the Same is available at your local Christian bookstore and in both print and digital versions. Even though you may find Never Ever Be the Same can only be pre-ordered on some online bookstores, if you pre-order, your cost may be less when they mail it to you.

Amazon

Christianbook.com

Barnes and Noble

January 12, 2015

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A Mentor is a Coach

Three peasant women-by-Camille Pissarro

Another word for mentor is “coach.” I have enjoyed the opportunity to coach ministry team leaders and also coach writers through the editing and publishing process. Today’s guest blog is by Heather Gillis, another client of writing coach, Judith Couchman. This is the third in a series of blogs on the value of accepting the call to be a mentor and the blessings of having someone mentor you. If you haven’t read the first two blogs, Judith’s is The Call That Changed my Life written from the perspective of the mentor, and the second blog post was last week, A Mentee Shares Her Story by Erica Wiggenhorn. Today we hear from another of Judith Couchman’s coaching clients.

Heather Gillis Shares the Value of Having a Coach

I decided to write a book.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into prior to starting this process. I am a nurse by trade, but my passion is writing. I journaled as a teenager and young adult, but never thought I would write a book and get it published. I didn’t know there were so many variables that go into the publishing process. There is the platform, the social media, the followers, the likes on Facebook, the editing, the branding, the website . . . the list goes on and on. None of which I knew anything about.

As I jumped feet first into the self-publishing world, I started to encounter other writers who graciously gave me tips and led me to others who could help. I had just poured my heart and soul into my book, but had no idea what to do next. Even though it was nice to meet fellow writers who shared their tips, it wasn’t enough. I started to have doubts. I didn’t have the experience. I needed help and advice of what to do next. I realized there was more than just writing a book; I needed guidance.

[Tweet “I realized there was more than just writing a book; I needed guidance.”]

I Needed a Coach More Than I Realized!

The day I met my writing coach, I did not realize how much I needed a writing coach. Fellow writers were telling me that they used a writing coach to help them in the beginnings of their careers, and I was about to send the final changes of my book to the editor. I needed someone to hold my hand. When I started coaching sessions with my writing coach, Judith Couchman, I knew I was going down the right path.

[Tweet “She challenged and pushed me when I needed direction and focus”]

After speaking with her, I wished that I had met her before I started the publishing process. I wish I had known more of the invaluable information she was teaching me. It was apparent after meeting her, that God had orchestrated us to meet, because without her, I would not be where I am today. She guided me, led me, and taught me things that I could have never learned on my own—things I never realized about myself. She challenged and pushed me when I needed direction and focus. She was able to see the whole picture of my vision and help me connect the pieces to turn my vision into reality. It was so nice to have someone to advise me and let me know what wouldn’t work or tell me great job! She was the missing link to bridge the gap between what to do next and how to do it.

[Tweet “Having a writing coach is so invaluable that it’s worth every penny.”]

Having a writing coach is so invaluable that it’s worth every penny. Having someone you can trust guide you down the right path and help turn your vision into reality is priceless. Working with a writing coach has turned my book into a ministry and made my vision have purpose, something I could have never done on my own.

Heather Gillis works part-time as a registered nurse anesthetist, and is a full-time wife and mother of two children. She is author of “Waiting for Heaven: Finding Beauty in the Pain and the Struggle.” Heather is founder of Bowen’s Hope, a ministry that helps kidney disease kids and their families at the Phoenix Children’s Hospital. Learn more about Heather, her book and ministry by visiting www.bowenshope.com or contact her at [email protected].

November 3, 2014

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A Mentee Shares Her Story by Erica Wiggenhorn

Last week’s guest post was written by Judith Couchman who shared how she overcame misgivings to call Erica Wiggenhorn to see if she would like to be mentored in writing. It was a hard phone call for Judith to make but she wrote about how this was The Call That Changed My Life. If you haven’t read that post yet, be sure to read it before you read today’s guest post by her mentee, Erica Wiggenhorn. Judith and Erica confirm what I teach about mentoring: It’s always a two-way blessing.

Receiving the Call by Erica Wiggenhorn

Picture by Camille Pissarro

Life felt overwhelming. Two steps forward, three steps back. It wasn’t the most difficult time of my life, tragedy and blackness had already shoved my face into the dirt and sent me reeling. Rising back up, I had pressed on in my journey. Digging into God’s Word and participating regularly in Bible study had lifted me to my feet and steadied my steps.

Deadness and dryness marked my current season, sapping my strength. Incredibly busy, yet empty. Even Bible study seemed meaningless and inapplicable to my present circumstances. I cried out to the Lord, “Does it grieve your heart that no one wants to study your Word just to get to know You? Why isn’t there a study that focuses on Who You Are and not what you can do for me?”

[Tweet “Does it grieve your heart that no one wants to study your Word just to get to know You?”]

The Lord nudged my heart and whispered in my Spirit: “You write one. Write a study about Who I Am.”

“Um, that wasn’t the question, Lord! I can’t write a study, I barely have time to brush my teeth!”

“Write it,” He persisted.

“How? Where would I even begin?”

“Ezekiel. Study the prophet.”

“Ezekiel?” I don’t know if I’ve ever even read through that whole book of the Bible before!”

After several months of resisting, the emptiness in my soul was excruciating, and with no lift in my circumstances in sight, I sat down and opened my study Bible. The introduction jumped off the page at me, “The Israelites worshipped God for what they thought He could give them, not for Who He Was.” The hair on the back of my neck stood up. This was exactly what I had been expressing to the Lord for so many months: I just want to know Who You Are!

“Ok, Lord! I’ll do it!” Now what? The task seemed daunting. I began to study, scribbling notes in a composition book and digging through commentaries. While life still felt overwhelming, the discoveries about God during my studies energized me. However, I still had absolutely no idea how to form all of this information into a study or even if I was ever meant to share what I was discovering.

The Next Steps

On a particularly difficult morning, I had dropped my children off at preschool in my socially acceptable pajamas, aka old, ratty sweats, and drove home in my mini-van. My phone rang and I answered it. My friend Kim boldly announced, “Every day during my quiet time, the Lord keeps laying you on my heart. Is there something going on with you?”

The floodgates poured open. I told her about my emptiness, my feelings of being completely overwhelmed with the daily tasks of life, and this new crazy endeavor of studying the Book of Ezekiel and attempting to write a Bible study. I didn’t know Kim well and what she said next shocked me, “Well, I am supposed to go on a writer’s retreat tomorrow. There are only 12 spots and one of the ladies hurt her back and can’t come. I think you’re supposed to be there.”

The next morning with my composition book full of scribbles, I headed up the mountain, completely unsure of what to expect. If anything, it felt wonderful to step away from daily life. It was there I met Judy Couchman. She spent the next three days inspiring us to pursue the call of writing. She encouraged me, looked me in the eye and said, “God has called you to this and I know you can do it!” I knew I had to finish this study, somehow or another.

A Relationship Was Born

The following year, I returned to that same retreat with my study completed. I placed a copy in Judy’s hands and her eyes lit up. She rejoiced that I had fulfilled the call that the Lord had placed in my heart and done the work. She prayed over the study and over me.

A few weeks after coming home and wondering what the Lord had next for me in the way of writing, my phone rang. It was Judy. I could sense a slight quake in her voice, which was so unlike the professional, accomplished woman I had met at the retreats. What she said next made my heart skip a beat, “I believe God is calling me to mentor you. Would you like a writing coach?” She didn’t even need to finish her question before I blurted out, “YES!”

Two studies later, I’m still writing. Without the accountability and nudging, I wouldn’t be where I am. Mentoring kept me moving forward when the journey seemed impossible. Judy’s words on the other end of the phone kept me focused on the calling and avoiding the distractions.

[Tweet ” Mentoring kept me moving forward when the journey seemed impossible.”]

Sometimes we just need an arm around us or a shoulder to cry on. Other times we need someone to look us in the eye and say, “I know you can do it!” Most of the time, we need a reminder of that gentle whisper God spoke into our soul to muster up the courage to continue to obey Him. This is the work of a mentor.

Has God given you a story to tell? Who can you invite to come alongside you to do the work? Guiding that call is the delight of a mentor.

[Tweet “Has God given you a story to tell?”]

Author/Mentee Erica Wiggenhorn

Erica Wiggenhorn is the founder of Every Life Ministries, encouraging women to live significantly through the study and application of God’s Word. She is the author of Ezekiel: Every Life Positioned for Purpose and Moses: Every Life Proof of God’s Promises. For more information about Erica and her ministry, visit www. EricaWiggenhorn.com.

October 27, 2014

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The Call That Changed My Life by Judith Couchman

I’m delighted to introduce to you a fellow author, Judith Couchman, who shares her experience in mentoring other authors. Mentoring takes place in every area of our lives when one person who is a little ahead of the other in some life experience is willing to share and encourage someone else going through something similar: Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness.

Judith’s Story

Coaching by Camille-Pissarro

If ever I felt stupid initiating a phone call, this was it. As I listened to my cell phone ringing into cyberspace, each pulse mocked me with a repeated warning: You can’t do this. You can’t do this. You can’t do this. I readily agreed with each ring’s caution: it mimicked the fear pounding in my chest. But before I could hang up, Erica answered.

If ever a woman contrasted with me, Erica was the one. Married with two young grade schoolers, she managed her husband’s left-brain medical practice and helped lead the women’s ministry at a church. A lifetime single and ardent writer, I joked that God created me so right-brained, I probably perpetually leaned to the right without recognizing it. I lived as a precarious Pisa Tower in bodily form. I also back pedaled from group attachments and their draining effect on my time and energy. But more and more, I thought about Erica. So much so, I wondered if God was calling.

After some questioning and procrastination, I couldn’t deny the Spirit’s persistent nudging. I finally originated the fatal phone call, the ringing that changed my life.

I’d met Erica at a small writer’s retreat, so we chatted with a vague familiarity. Then I posed the persistent question in my head: “Do you need a writing mentor?”

Without hesitation, she answered yes before I could apologize for asking and hang up.

And that was that. I instantly morphed into a writing coach.

From Dread to Delight

If ever a resistant mentor existed, it was me. Consumed by my own publishing and speaking life, I didn’t gravitate toward guiding writers in close-up relationships. I eschewed the recurring time commitment, the detailed assessments, and the embedded fears accompanying new writers. At the same time, I’d taught at many writers’ events—from expansive conferences to intimate retreats—and doubted the results. How many participants actually returned home and wrote? In my experience, not many.

As the Holy Spirit pressed me about Erica, I wondered if personal mentoring would yield more effective outcomes. In other words, would one-to-one mentoring produce people who actually wrote? Would they actively pursue God’s call to write and publish?

[Tweet “Would one-to-one mentoring produce people who actually wrote?”]

Answering these questions meant following the gentle compulsion to call Erica.

Not much time passed before my dread transformed into delight. Through the recommendations of people I trust, I began coaching a handful of writers. Like Erica, new clients fascinated, taught, befriended, and stretched me beyond expectation. And yes, the chance someone will write and publish dramatically increases when a seasoned writer draws in close. This cheers me. This feels like making a difference for God’s kingdom. Like preparing the next generation to impact the world, too.

The Deeper Questions

As I’ve coached writers, mostly those getting started and some changing direction, it’s grown into satisfying, sacred work. However, the scope doesn’t encompass just my clients. It’s also included God challenging and changing me. Usually, He asks me poignant questions. For example:

I grew so busy pursuing my own call, I ignored the necessity of bringing along those behind me. This proved a serious oversight because Scripture called me to mentor, both expressly and by example. Instead, I acted selfish and protective. I didn’t give to others. Would I stop this self-centeredness? Early in the coaching process, I confessed this sin to the Lord and repented.

[Tweet “I grew so busy pursuing my own call, I ignored the necessity of bringing along those behind me”]

With so many changes in the Christian publishing industry, I’m unsure about my future as a published author and speaker. Despite my uncertainties, God challenges me to feed into the writing and speaking ministries of others. Is it possible my outreach could extinguish while theirs flames? Am I willing to still invest in them?

Can I not feel competitive or jealous of writers twenty or more years younger than me? Can I coach them with an open, encouraging spirit? Can I applaud if they exceed my accomplishments?

Can I mentor through difficult personal times in my life? Can I focus on clients and not myself, not expecting anything from them during these troubles?

Answering these questions constitutes an ongoing journey. But as I gradually say yes to each one, shedding self-concerns, I gain freedom, joy, and wonder. I celebrate my clients and their progress. I feel closer to God’s heart. Honestly, sometimes I hardly recognize my coaching self. Except I still don’t like making phone calls.

Judith Couchman is an author, speaker, and writing coach with more than forty traditionally published books, Bible studies, and compilations. She’s also contributed to Bible projects. Learn more about Judith and her work at www.judithcouchman.com. Or contact her at [email protected].

October 20, 2014

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Mentoring Teens in a Puppet Ministry by Karen Whiting

Today’s guest post is by a fellow AWSA author, Karen Whiting. The ideas Karen gives here for mentoring the next generation in the puppet ministry could be applied to any ministry. Our church has a puppet ministry, and just as Karen describes below, the youth are being trained early to participate in the ministry and the seasoned puppeteers are training them.

The Puppet Team

My high school daughter started a puppet ministry for teens with my husband and me as the advisers. Over time, it also became a mentoring ministry where the experienced members and adults trained new recruits. A few activities developed leadership qualities:

1. We held a week training camp each summer. We divided the campers into three or four small groups or pairs and they rotated through four areas each day. In one, the less experienced team members showed videos and led a devotional they had enjoyed during the year. In another, the next level of puppeteers taught how to use props. The third group of the most proficient puppeteers taught the new members how to hold and move the puppets. The last group met with a few of the artistic members and myself to make a puppet or some props. Each group of leaders felt important and started at a comfortable level to mentor newcomers. They also looked forward to moving up to the next level and that inspired them to work hard during the year.

2. We held quarterly meetings to plan shows. We had the most experienced members lead the meetings. They brainstormed ideas and listened to songs and read skits they might want to use. The other adults and I added thoughts to encourage some of the ideas put forth or to point out the challenges they might face. They also discussed parts and worked to give puppeteers roles that would develop their skill and reward members who had worked hard. This kept the experienced ones from hogging parts and helped them continue to train less experienced members.

3. We competed at Christian puppet festivals. To help everything go smoothly practices included how to set up the puppets and props backstage for easy access in the order needed. The teen leaders chose a few prop masters and stage directors to take charge behind the scenes. After the competition we read the judges comments and celebrated the outcome. Within a year or two we generally won gold medals and sometimes took the people’s choice award.

4. We chose spiritually mature teens to lead devotions before each practice. The leaders sometimes led the devotions. This helped keep unity and a focus on serving God.

5. We held a lock-in at least once a year. We enjoyed icebreakers and games, and spent some of the time practicing a show. It gave us time to bond and just be ourselves.

Puppet Training

The adults always made themselves available for anyone who wanted counseling or advise. We also met before practice with the teen leaders to provide feedback, encourage them, and listen to their ideas. It amazed us to watch how the teens matured and developed leadership qualities and a heart for the members.

Now I write for tweens and teens and hopefully the books help them develop skills, confidence, and leadership qualities.

Bio: Karen Whiting is the author of eighteen books, including Nature Girl: A Guide for Caring for God’s Creation. She’s a former television host and served as the adult director of the teen puppet ministry for thirteen years. Currently she helps with Officer’s Christian Fellowship (OCF) for the midshipmen at the US Naval Academy.

October 13, 2014

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[Tweet “Suddenly, without warning, I heard the words “Feed my sheep.””]

I Agreed to Feed His Sheep! Now What?

Celebrating 20 Years in Ministry

How is God Calling You?

Do You Have a Mentoring Story?

I Need Your Help

Generation to Generation

Women Need Each Other (Plus a Give-Away)

by Lori Wildenberg

Leave a Comment for a Chance to Win a Free Book

A Pure Mind is a Healthy Mind

Satan Wants You to Have a Sick Mind

What’s A Christian to Do?

Satan is Working Hard and Fast

Which Mother and Wife Won’t See 50 Shades of Grey?

Survival Kit for Overwhelm City

By Dianne Barker

Doing the “gottas”

Unexpected Ministry

An Amazing Gift

Survival Kit for Overwhelm City

Effective Mentors Ask Questions

by Kathy Collard Miller and Larry Miller

Why We Wrote Never Ever Be the Same

Asking Questions More than Giving Advice

Questions to Use While Mentoring

Heather Gillis Shares the Value of Having a Coach

I Needed a Coach More Than I Realized!

Receiving the Call by Erica Wiggenhorn

The Next Steps

A Relationship Was Born

Judith’s Story

From Dread to Delight

The Deeper Questions

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