parenting problems — Page 4 — Woman to Woman Mentoring

Because We’re Better Together

I’m so excited to be a part of The M.O.M Initiative’s First National Conference and I wanted to share all the details with you. I will be keynoting and presenting four workshops along with many gifted speakers, authors, moms, and grandmas! Following is all the information and please let me know if you’re attending.

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Need to know you’re NOT ALONE? Ready for a fun weekend GETAWAY with your GIRLFRIENDS? Need to be REFRESHED & REFUELED?

Join us at BETTER TOGETHER where 19 authors & speakers CONVERGE in ONE PLACE to minister to YOU with over 40 WORKSHOPS to meet you where you are!

BETTER TOGETHER is a conference by The M.O.M. Initiative, for women of ALL ages and in ALL stages of life!

SOMETIMES…we just need a weekend to laugh together, cry together, and discover you’re not alone in your journey. BETTER TOGETHER is a weekend to connect with women just like you….moms, wives, single moms, moms in blended families, divorced moms, moms of teens, moms of toddlers, grandmas, working moms, stay at home moms, mentors and ministry leaders.

With powerful keynotes from moms and ministry leaders just like you, and over 40 breakout sessions that are taught by experienced leaders and include a wide range of topics such as:

When Motherhood Should Come with a Training Manual
You Can’t Be 1/2 a Mom (for moms in blended families)
Walking Beside Your Child with Special Needs
The God Who Sees You
Bully Proof
Balancing Life and Ministry
Fight for Your Family
The Making of a Mom
Lord, Help My Marriage
Building a Top Notch Team
Reaching the Hard to Reach Child
Nothing Too Broken (Find hope & healing for even the deepest wounds)
Godly Girlfriends: The Sprinkles on the Cupcakes of Life
Praying for Your Prodigal
Lifegiving Hospitality ~ Start Simply but Simply Start (Hands on cooking class)

And MANY MORE BREAKOUTS that will meet you right where you are!

You’ll experience an amazing time of worship with The Journey Worship Band, you’ll learn, you’ll share, you’ll grow in Christ… and as a woman… and as a mother… and as a mentor… and as a ministry leader.

Expect to have fun, meet other moms, find hope and encouragement, and laugh…a lot!

Great worship with the live band
Lots of giveaways!
Late Night Bash with the M.O.M.s on Friday night!
Lots of opportunities to shop in the Exhibit Hall!
15 Minutes w/M.O.M. appointments where you can meet a M.O.M.
Lots of workshops (over 40) to help you in practical, personal & powerful ways
Panel Talk on Saturday with some of YOUR questions answered by the M.O.M. team!

Here are the details:

When: July 31st – August 2nd, 2014

Where: Trinity Baptist Church, Jacksonville, Florida

How Much: Only $49 ($39 for groups of 10 or more)

How: To register or find out more information, visit www.themominitiative.com and go to “Conferences”

Seating is limited so you will want to get your tickets now and invite your friends!

You’ll be empowered, encouraged, refreshed and refueled…ready to fulfill your God-given calling with the confidence of knowing you don’t have to take your mom journey alone.

Don’t miss THE Southeast’s MOM conference of the year, BETTER TOGETHER by The M.O.M. Initiative…

Because we are ALL better together!

So come, BRING A FRIEND and make it a CONFERENCE EVENT FOR THE WOMEN IN YOUR CHURCH or MINISTRY!

CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU THERE!

January 27, 2014

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Divine Appointments

If you read last Monday’s post, it was my poem “Time to Sit with You” where I challenged all of us to take time with Jesus, the Birthday Boy! Dave and I do try to practice what I preach and when we were married 21 years ago on December 19^th, we vowed to put Jesus at the center of our marriage. We also vowed that even though our anniversary would only be six days before Christmas, we would always make time to celebrate our relationship with each other and with Christ.

So even as our family expanded to eleven grandchildren, and we had an annual Birthday Party for Jesus, we’ve still taken two or three days to get away from the hustle and bustle of Christmas and focus on the blessings of our marriage and our faith. On these anniversary getaways, we spend time prayerfully focusing on our goals for the upcoming year. One year, we decided we wanted our house to look more like a grandparents’ house and we came home and started remodeling. In 2004, we decided we would like to own a writing cabin in the area where we went for our anniversary getaway—Idyllwild—and God gave us the perfect cabin.

Another year, our goal was moving from California to a place we both enjoyed. We ended up in Idaho.

There were tough years, like thirteen years ago when I started radiation for breast cancer the day before our anniversary. But right after the appointment, we headed off to Julian, California where we spent several beautiful anniversaries. The great thing about our anniversary is everywhere we go, it’s decorated beautifully for Christmas—just like our wedding reception on a boat that cruised around Newport Beach Harbor with our wedding guests.

This year, even though we had invited 24 people to dinner three days after our anniversary, we still packed up and got a way to a magical place—Ashley Inn in Cascade, ID. The pictures you see here are from this wonderful trip. We went there our first anniversary in Idaho and were so impressed with the beautiful Christmas decorations and hospitality. It’s a spectacular place to get away and enjoy each other and the season.

We talked over next year’s goals in a little coffee shop in McCall as I wrote them out on a napkin. We mainly talked about seeking God’s will for About His Work Ministries and how we could get Dave exercising in the winter.

Each year, when we take this time away together, God shows up in divine appointments. The last night, when I went down to the breakfast room to get some hot tea and the fresh baked cookies they put out at 8:00 pm, to my surprise two couples were sitting at a table enjoying the evening treat. They said, “Oh there’s the other one staying tonight,” and that’s when I learned there were just six of us in the entire huge hotel. As we chatted, I mentioned that I was a Christian author. They asked what I wrote, and I listed several of my books and then excused myself as hubby had the DVD on pause waiting for me to return with cookies.

The next morning, as we were enjoying a late breakfast graciously provided by the hotel, one of the couples came down for breakfast and the wife was carrying a Bible, just like mine. As I commented on her great reading material, she said she had been praying that God would let us meet again before we left. As we sat and chatted, she said she wanted Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, “I need that book now!” I just happened to have one in the car, and we cried and prayed for her daughter and knew that we would stay in contact. It was a divine appointment—the kind that happen so often when we let ourselves be still and not worry about the to-do lists waiting at home. We had that sweet time together with neither of us checking our watches, because we knew God had brought us together for such a time as this.

I pray that you too will stop during the next few days and just enjoy conversation and community with those that God brings into your life. Maybe it will be family you haven’t seen for a long time or those you see every day—or neighbors—or acquaintances—or strangers—who you know you’re supposed to stop and spend a moment with.

Maybe reading this post was one of those divine appoints. If so, I’m glad I got to spend it with you. Savor every day—especially the celebration of our Savior’s birth. If He had not come to earth and become flesh and blood, just like us, life would seem meaningless. But because of Jesus, we have hope to cope with whatever life brings us, as we await eternal life with Him.

I would love to hear about your divine appoints this Christmas. Please share a comment for others to be blessed.

Merry CHRISTmas, Janet

Breakfast room where we met the other couple

December 23, 2013

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A Veteran Mother and Mentor

Today is Veteran’s Day . . . a day we honor all the men and women who risk their lives for our freedom. My husband and son are both veterans and I’m so proud of both of them. As Christians, we know that there is also a spiritual battle taking place all around us . . . one that tries to keep us from the freedom that comes from knowing Christ as our personal Lord and Savior.

Our guest blogger today, Brenda Nixon, is a friend, fellow Leafwood Author, and veteran mom helping Amish children who want to escape the Amish life. Brenda’s story gives quite a different perspective to the romanticized Amish novels that are so popular today.

Late at night he crept down the steps and out the door of his farm house. He walked along the shadowy country road for two miles conflicted about his decision to leave. Wearing handmade, plain clothes, and with $50 tucked into his pocket, he tearfully made his stealth escape fearing being caught and stopped, yet dreading the painful consequences if he succeeded.

Eighteen-year-old Mosie, born into a New York Amish family, one of twelve children, turned from his life and culture because “there had to be more” yet he’d later say, “I never felt so wrong and so alone.”

Mosie walked it to his English (non-Amish) neighbor’s home and used their telephone to dial another Amish runaway. “Can you get me now?” he whispered. Then he sat and waited until a car made its way down the country lane and quietly inched into the driveway. With a sigh of relief, Mosie climbed in. His contact, David, brought him to Ohio where, one year later, our lives intersected.

My husband and I met Mosie when he tagged along with other “Ex-Men” – as my daughter affectionately called them. The group consisted of young, polite, hardworking men who’d all left the Amish life and were struggling to adapt to life “outside.”

We learned that Mosie had just received a letter from his Amish parents telling him he was not welcome back, “even for a wedding or a funeral.” He was, in essence, shunned or ostracized by his family now. A teenager with no family contact or support. My heart broke for him.

“If his parents don’t want him, we’ll take him,” I immediately said upon hearing about his rejection.

Within weeks of meeting Mosie – and after much prayer – we suggested to him that we become his English parents. “I’d like that,” he softly replied, his brown cow eyes cast downward.

Mosie moved in and lived with us for a year. During that time I “mothered” him the best I could; teaching him about personal hygiene, car insurance, dating, and other life lessons our teens take for granted. I mentored him in making new friends, tutored him in his GED studies, included him in our family vacation – his first time to see the ocean – paid for his dental care, eye exam, and other childhood necessities. I prayed for and with him, explained Bible verses, and gave him lots of “mom” hugs and verbal affirmation. The year he lived with us wasn’t easy; it was an emotional roller-coaster for everyone in our family.

After getting a job, car, and a place to permanently live, he moved out and onward. Today Mosie lives in North Carolina, is active in an Evangelical church, and has a job, home, and girlfriend. He’s happy. We recently visited him and he proudly introduced us to his new friends as “my English mom and dad.”

My husband smiles. “Now we’re seeing the end result.”

Mosie was my first. Since then God has entrusted me with Harvey, Josh, Levi, Noah, Sarah, Monroe, and more. Although mentoring each is different as is my level of involvement, God is showing me that I can “Mother” and mentor anywhere, anytime . . . I just need to be available, sensitive to His purpose, and ready to respond. Sometimes it’s as simple as including them for holiday dinners so they’d have a home away from home; others need physical basics like a birth certificate, Social Security number, job, housing, toiletries and English clothing. Many just need a “mom” hug.

Because my experiences being a “Mom” to the ex-Amish – as Marvin first called me – I’ve begun blogging about my learning curve at www.BrendaNixonOnAmish.blogspot.com . I’ve learned there are many different Amish Orders; not all are the same, and they avoid mingling the Orders. Not all offer Rumspringa, which is a stereotype. I’ve learned the Orders are referred to as “higher” or “lower” depending upon their rules and behavior. So far my experiences are with Swartzentrubers – the most insular, punitive, and legalistic sect – the lowest Order and Old Order Amish. And they’re nothing like those in romance fiction books.

For years I’ve earned my living as a parenting speaker and author. I’ve traveled around the country speaking at family and childcare conferences and have penned books but, never did I imagine God would morph me parenting adolescents from an American sub-culture which is highly misunderstood and often idealized. It keeps me on my knees, satisfies my soul, and makes me jump for joy.

Are you in a club, school, church, employed environment or a volunteer position? God has placed you there for a purpose. I encourage you to receive the priceless experiences of “mothering” and mentoring where you are. He may pick you to be a prayer partner for someone, to “mother” a homesick college student, teach a Sunday school class, start a Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group, visit and encourage new moms, lead a Bible study, or mentor a new believer in God’s word.

Brenda’s story can be found in Moments of Miracles and Grace (Leafwood Publishers) http://www.amazon.com/Miracles-Moments-Grace-Inspiring-Stories/dp/0891124047. Visit me at www.BrendaNixonOnAmish.blogspot.com, learn a bit, break stereotypes, and leave your comments. Perhaps you might even want to wrap your heart and arms around an ex-Amish.

November 11, 2013

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Mentoring Tips on Raising Godly Children By Crystal Bowman

In my book Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, I point out that every parent of a prodigal wishes we had done things differently and started praying for our children when they were young, before they became prodigals. In the following guest post, Crystal Bowman author of My Mama and Me—Rhyming Devotions for You and Your Child, shares mentoring tips on raising godly children.

No Greater Joy

One of my mom’s favorite Bible verses is 3 John 1:4 — I could have no greater joy than to hear that my children are following the truth.

Now that I am a mother and grandmother, that has become one of my favorite verses as well. My husband and I have raised three amazing children who are all walking with the Lord. As I mentor many young mothers through MOPS (Mother of Preschoolers), they want to know how we did it!

I believe you can be a wonderful, godly parent and still have children who walk away from the faith when they grow up. Many times it is only for a season, but for some, it is longer.

A Solid Foundation

The best thing we can do as parents is give our children a solid biblical foundation by teaching them about God from the time they are babies to the time they leave home. Since most of my books are for preschool children, I pray that the books I write will be a helpful resource for parents as they read and talk about spiritual things with their little ones. Reading with your children is one of the precious gifts of motherhood, and sharing your faith is the most important gift you can give your child.

Kid-friendly Devotions

Making time for bedtime Bible stories or mealtime devotions is a great way to teach children about God and encourage meaningful discussion. My newest book, My Mama and Me—Rhyming Devotions for You and Your Child features twenty-five devotions, each including a rhyming message that teaches children about God, a Scripture verse, a prayer, and an activity that reinforces the theme. The devotions are spiritually solid, yet fun and enjoyable for young children.

The Importance of Prayer

Many of the moms whom I mentor were not raised in Christian homes. They know it is important to pray for their children, but at times they feel inadequate. I remind them that God knows their hearts and they just need to talk to God like they talk to a friend. With that in mind, I wrote a prayer at the end of the book for mothers to pray over their children.

Just Released

My Mama and Me has just been released by Tyndale House Publishers. If you get a copy of the book, you will notice the book was written by two authors—Crystal Bowman and Teri McKinley. I am Crystal Bowman and Teri McKinley is my daughter. I have no greater joy!

Bio: Crystal Bowman is the author of over 80 books for children including The One Year Book of Devotions for Preschoolers, and My Grandma and Me—Rhyming Devotions for You and Your Grandchild. She is also a national speaker, a lyricist, and a regular contributor to Clubhouse Jr. Magazine.

www.crystalbowman.com

www.facebook.com/crystaljbowman

Crystal Bowman and Teri McKinley

August 26, 2013

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Mother’s Day: Happy or Hurting

“I hate Mother’s Day!” said my dear friend who is longing for a baby. “You know that women struggling with infertility don’t go to church on Mother’s Day.” Kris agrees, “I was that mom-in-waiting for 16 years; I stayed away from baby showers, church, and friends who would get pregnant. I didn’t stop praying, but it WAS the worse pain.” Lisa concurs, “I am guilty of having skipped church a few years before we adopted my son.”

In my book, Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? A Companion Guide for Couples on the Infertility Journey, my own daughter wrote about her painful Mother’s Day experience:

Dear God,

It’s almost Mother’s Day and I don’t know if I can handle seeing all those happy moms at church and brunch. I’m trying to focus on my mom and not think about how I’m missing out on being a mommy on yet another Mother’s Day. This year is especially hard since we’ve been trying to be parents for so long and so hard, only to be repeatedly disappointed. At the store looking for a card for my mom, I see the cute cards at the end of the aisle “To Mommy”…oh God, I wish I were someone’s mommy! I look away and continue focusing at the task ahead, getting my mom and mothers-in-law their cards.

Today’s the day, it’s Mother’s Day. I don’t think I can bear it. It’s just begun and already I want this day over. I pull myself out of bed and get ready for church. I’m not looking forward to the sermon about children being a blessing and honoring mothers. God, help me focus on my mom.

We met my parents at church and I put on my happy face, when inside I was crying watching all the mothers with big smiles dressed in pretty spring dresses and children running all around. This was a day of celebration and I just wanted to go back to bed. The pastor started the message with asking all the mothers to stand up. Hundreds of women stood and everyone applauded. I couldn’t take it any longer and sat slouched over in my seat quietly crying. Toby put his arm around me and my mom held my hand, but nothing took away the pain. I barely heard the rest of the message.

After brunch, I came home, collapsed on my bed, and cried myself to sleep where I remained the rest of the day. God, please don’t make me go through another Mother’s Day with this hole in my heart. I want to stand up in church with all those other mothers beaming from ear to ear and have everyone applaud me. God, please let me stand up next year.

Mother’s Day is especially hard for mommies-in-waiting, but for most of these women, every day is hard. With 1 in 6 couples experiencing infertility, you are, or know, a woman experiencing this heartache. Often we don’t know what to say to them, so we say nothing, or maybe unintentionally say something that makes them feel worse. Kris, who I mentioned in the opening paragraph, says, “We cannot ignore them [women longing for a child]. I know how hard it was for people to talk to me. But I would have loved it if they did.”

In Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby?, I offer tools to help you know the “Top Fifteen Things Not to Say or Do And To Say or Do to Someone Experiencing Infertility.” This list is also on the Infertility Support page on my website.

When I was writing the book, women often told me that the place they felt the loneliest was the church. That breaks my heart. Jesus said he came for the sick, and that includes heartsick. The church should be a safe place for the hurting, not a place where they feel shunned or outcast. How does your church comfort mommies-in-waiting on Mother’s Day and every day?

Mothers of Prodigals

Another group of women who will be hurting on Mother’s Day are the mothers of prodigals. They may not even know where there child is, or know all too well where they are and what they are doing that breaks a mother’s heart and the heart of God. These moms also need comforting, a hug, a reminder that this day is for them too and they are not forgotten or ignored.

I was that hurting mom and in Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter: Hope, Help & Encouragement for Hurting Parents, I tell the story of praying daily that my daughter would find her way back to God, and six years later, she did. This Mother’s Day weekend she and I will be sharing our story at a Mother/Daughter tea. I’ve had a vision of us doing this for many years and prayed expectantly that God would bring my dream to life, and He has.

And Kim who was that heartsick mommy-in-waiting on Mother’s Day is now blessed with a family, but when we speak to the women God brings to this Mother’s Day Tea, neither of us will ever forget what it felt like to be hurting on Mother’s Day. We will speak with caring and compassion a comforting message of hope in God’s plan and timing. We won’t ignore these women, we will love on them!

I hope that you will do the same for the mommies-in-waiting, the moms of prodigals, or the moms who have lost a daughter or a son who may need a shoulder to cry on . . . a prayer . . . an understanding hug. If you’ve been where they’re at, mentor them like only someone who has been in their shoes can. If you haven’t been in their shoes, just let them know you can’t possibly understand, but you’re there for them and God is too!

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”—1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)

NOTE: Besides not knowing what to say, many of us don’t know what to give a mommy-in-waiting or a mom of a prodigal, and so we usually give them nothing. The books I have written for these women are full of hope and encouragement from the voices of other women who have walked the same journey, as well as from God’s Love Letter. So for the month of May I’m running a sale on my website for Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? and Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter. Another helpful book might be Face-to-Face with Sarah, Rachel, and Hannah: Pleading with God. I will sign and personalize each book.

May 6, 2013

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40 Years of Love!

“I’m sorry, but you’ll never have children.” Those were the doctor’s words to me at a post-op visit after surgery for a ruptured ovarian cyst. “Your ovaries look like those of a 90 year-old woman.” I was a twenty year-old, newly engaged college student. My life was over. Or so I thought.

After three years of marriage, I was thrilled to hear another doctor congratulate me: “You’re pregnant!” My mother called it a miracle, but I just wanted to be like any normal woman who could get pregnant and have a baby.

The last week of pregnancy, when my baby was a week overdue, everyone kept calling to see if I was “still home.” I enjoyed every moment of those 9 months and one week, and even steeled myself through a natural, long delivery, but nothing could prepare me for what it would feel like to hold my baby girl—instant, unconditional love.

I was a mom at last! But I had no concept of the life-changing responsibility I was undertaking or the importance of my being an exemplary role model for her. After all, she was just an infant and I would have so many years to work out all the details of mothering.

Where did those years go? This week, February 26, my baby girl, Kimberly Michele, turns 40 and she is a mother herself of three precious children. I remember the day I turned 40 and it doesn’t seem that long ago.

Kim and I didn’t have the life journey I anticipated upon first looking into her dark brown eyes. When she was only 2 years-old, her dad and I divorced, and I would spend the next seventeen years as a single mom juggling motherhood and a career. To the outside world, I did a great job as I moved up the career ladder of success; but as I moved further into the world and father away from the Jesus I asked into my heart at eleven, I role modeled the world’s ways to Kim.

Kim loved our life and all that I was able to provide her, even though she often cried that she missed me, as I headed off on another business trip. But we had time, right? She was still young and eighteen years is a long time…. I’ll make up to her the time we’ve been apart.

But in a blink of an eye, she was sixteen and dating. Then within moments, she was nineteen and declaring she was going off to college to live with her boyfriend, and she didn’t care what I had to say about it. I had recently rededicated my life to the Lord and was now trying to tell her this lifestyle was wrong, but she wasn’t buying it.

I mistakenly thought that when I changed my life and returned to God, she would follow right behind me. Wrong! That’s when the Lord assured me that, yes, I had let the first nineteen years of her life slip by without including Him in the parenting, but it wasn’t over yet. And so I began praying—daily, biblically, expectantly, persistently, sacrificially, unceasingly, and thankfully—as I describe in the first seven chapters of my book Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter.

I’d like to say that she instantly changed her ways, but it would be another six years of daily praying before she returned to me and to the Lord.

The Lord graciously restored the years the locust had eaten. I had the opportunity to do what I should have done from the day she was born: mentor her in how to be a godly woman. Today, I am so proud of the woman she has become. We’re now speaking together as “Two About His Work,” and she’s giving her testimony in a few weeks at her MOPS group.

Even through the difficult years, my love for Kim never faltered. She knew I didn’t condone her behavior, but neither did I condemn her. Our relationship has endured and grown stronger in spite of divorce, single parenthood, a traveling mom, both our prodigal years, my remarriage and blending a new family, my breast cancer, her infertility, and all the trials and joys of life.

I thought I would feel terribly old the day she turned 40; but instead, I feel blessed with the 40 years God has given me to love my precious daughter, and I’m grateful that the work He has done in my life will carry on through the work He is doing in her life. She’s my legacy, and I have given her the most valuable of inheritances: belief in Jesus Christ. 40 years is nothing in light of spending eternity together.

Mentoring Words to Moms:

Are you the woman today you want your daughter to become? You’re the closest role model and mentor your daughter has.
It’s never too early to pray daily for your children. Pray for them before you have a problem.
Praying personalized Scripture—God’s Word back to Him—keeps you praying God’s will and not your own.
Enjoy every day of your children’s lives—they never get younger and neither to do you. Make each day count.

My daughter Kim and I speak together as Two About His Work.

February 25, 2013

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Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter is for Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Legal Guardians, Mentors, Friends of Prodigals

I have received many emails from parents, and recently a grandmother wrote me that she is raising three of her daughter’s children. I speak to these grandparents in the book, and I know there are many of you out there who find yourself raising your children’s children. I know you are using the book to pray for your daughter or son, but also be praying for your precious grandchildren exposed to the sins of their parents. How blessed these grandchildren are to have grandparents, who in their golden years, are providing love and shelter to the next generation. Here is a line from this precious grandmother who contacted me: “Please pray for my daughter because I want my child to be in heaven with me.”

The fear of not seeing my daughter, Kim, in heaven is what kept me on my knees diligently and persistently praying for her salvation. If you have a daughter or son who is keeping you on your knees—don’t give up. Remember he or she is not the enemy, Satan is, and the only proven way to fight Satan is with the Word of God—Scripture.

So learn to pray scripture for your child or grandchild or niece or nephew or friend… It is simply personalizing scriptures that speak to you. If any of you have prayed like this before, please share your experience. Praying God’s Word back to Him is what kept me praying God’s will and not my own for my daughter.

April 8, 2008

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Because We’re Better Together

Divine Appointments

A Veteran Mother and Mentor