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Ways to Survive a Husband’s Lay Off! By Mary Aucoin Kaarto

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I wrote my latest book Dear God, He’s Home: A Woman’s Guide to Her Stay-at Home Man! to help wives with husbands home for any reason—disability, illness, unemployment, retirement, reintegration from military deployment—whatever has caused hubby to be home 24/7.

Our guest on Monday Morning Blog is fellow author Mary Kaarto who wrote a book to help men and women who are out of work. Today’s article speaks to wives with laid off husbands. Mary and I share the same passion to help marriages thrive and survive during the transition of having a stay-at-home man!

 HELP for the LAID OFF

One day you’re out getting your nails done and arguing with Little Sally over which backpack to choose for the new school year, blissfully unaware of how blessed you are that this may be the biggest problem you have. Then your husband drags through the door with a look like you’ve never seen before.

You instinctively know something is wrong, because he heads straight to wherever he goes to hide—the bedroom, his home office, the backyard . . . . Ecclesiastes 3:7 reminds us there is a time to be silent and a time to speak. Only you know whether it’s best to leave him alone for a while – or immediately go find him to ask what is wrong.

For Better or Worse . . .

Most traditional marriage vows include “for better or worse, for richer or poorer” and layoffs provide a challenging – but phenomenal – opportunity for couples to live up to their vows. To grow closer to God and each as the wife supports her husband. Wives can, and should, consider helping their husbands through this gauntlet of pain that seems like it will never end.

Ways to Help a Laid Off Husband

We’re all familiar with the boring drills on airplanes before take-offs, when the airline’s employees remind us to put our oxygen masks on first before helping others, during an emergency. In a similar fashion, it’s important that wives don’t lose sight of their own needs during this time. We cannot take care of our husbands, if we don’t take care of ourselves as well.

  • If you’re not already active in a women’s Bible study class or small group, please consider joining one. We women are emotional creatures, genetically wired and created by God to talk ninety-miles-a-minute at any given time! Women NEED to express their thoughts and feelings pretty much all the time, but most husbands cannot handle hearing them at length, especially during a layoff. The poor guys need a break, so consider venting to your family and friends right now.
  • One of the highest priorities wives have is to pray for their husbands on a daily basis, in good times and bad. If possible, find a good devotional book for couples to share together each evening after supper and the kids are in bed. Having a regular quiet time together allows couples the security of a routine during a shaky time, and it gives them some semblance of normalcy and something to look forward to at the end of the day.
  • Years ago, there was a popular country & western song by Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings, which addressed the importance of “getting back to the basics of love.” Remember what’s most important in life: faith, family, and friends. It’s not about buying things you can’t afford with money you don’t really have so you can keep up with the Jones. Sadly, in today’s economic climate, the Jones may be headed to bankruptcy court.
  • When you have time, make an itemized list of your expenses – including upcoming costs for getting kids back to school, Christmas and birthdays – and see if you can reduce or eliminate them all together. Depending on the age of your children, they may be old enough to understand and learn to be happy with one special gift, rather than many, to open this year. I know, as a mother, this will be very hard to do, but your family’s survival depends on this.
  • Show your husband that you’re willing to cut back as much as possible without throwing a fit; it will help lift unnecessary burdens from his shoulders. I’d like to add that this layoff will not kill your family or your kids; it will bring you closer together and your kids will learn some very valuable lessons like … the value of a dollar, money doesn’t grow on trees, how to create and stick to a budget, etc.

All He Needs Is A Little Respect

Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances. – Proverbs 25:11

  • Many, if not most, men say the number one need from their wives is respect. By speaking highly of your husband – especially to him and in front of others (but within his earshot) – you help boost his self-esteem when he needs it most and remind him of your love. Men have fragile egos; don’t hurt them unnecessarily by belittling, especially when the world’s already beating them to a pulp.
  • Keeping the lines of communication open is important for both husbands and wives, but it’s common for men to shut down when they’re in pain. Pastoral counseling may prove helpful, whether receiving it together as a couple or on an individual basis. Going before God, our wisest Counselor and the best Comforter we could ever have, is always the best idea.
  • Physical affection and loving gestures, maintaining direct eye contact, giving your undivided attention whenever possible.
  • Continue with your family’s normal life rhythms.
  • Most husbands need sexual intimacy like women need to talk, so creating, and occasionally initiating, opportunities for making love may be a good idea. Pray about this, because your husband may be under such pressure that he’s unable to perform sexually and you don’t want him to perceive this as another “failure.”

Although I learned to thrive, and not just survive, during my own two layoffs, I did so as a single mother. From these difficult-but-doable life experiences, I learned that being laid off can be, and often is, one of the best things that can ever happen to someone.

It all depends on their response. Will they turn to, trust, and follow God, their Divine Employer – or will they continue to rely on their own human strength and wisdom? As one of my favorite pastors and authors, Dr. Charles Stanley, always says, “Trust and obey God, and leave all the consequences to Him.”

My web site, www.marykaarto.com, includes a “10 Ways to Support Your Husband During a Layoff” free handout, among other information.

My free devotionals blog is found at www.facebook.com/helpforthelaidoff.

HELP for the LAID OFF is available at bookstores, including Amazon and all online web sites.

About the Author

 Mary Kaarto2

Mary Aucoin Kaarto is a long-time follower of Jesus Christ, happily remarried after nearly 20 years as a contented Christian single, devoted mother, and “Nammi” to two precious grandkids. She is also the author of HELP for the LAID OFF, a Christ-centered book about trusting God during a layoff. In her former life, Mary covered the oil & gas and healthcare industries in addition to writing numerous freelance articles for the Houston Chronicle and other various publications.

September 9, 2013
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Special Blessings of Grandparenting a Special Needs Child by Kate Thomas

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Our guest today is Kate Thomas, author of Grandparenting a Child with Autism, who shares the blessings of being a grandparent and the special blessings of Grandparenting a special needs Grandchild.

Grandparenting

“Being a grandparent is the only experience in life that can’t be overrated.”

These were the words from a friend who is a grandparent like me. Maybe I wouldn’t go quite that far, but grand-parenting has been, and is, one of the greatest joys of my life.

God has blessed my husband and me with four wonderful grandchildren: two boys and two girls. I pray for each of them every day…throughout the day. Today was the first day of school for Luke, John Paul and Mary Esther. Last night, John Paul asked his dad to have a prayer with him for the new school year ahead. His daddy would have done this anyway before bedtime, but John Paul needed some extra prayer time.

All of us have special needs of one kind or another. But our Katie, the oldest grandchild, has a greater need than my other grandchildren. At the age of four, Katie was diagnosed with autism. It would be difficult to describe the blow this was to our family. She was such a bright and beautiful little girl, but the characteristics of autism were evident.

 One of the many special memories I recall of Katie’s childhood was at a worship service at our church. We were singing “O How I Love Jesus.” Katie sang along for a few seconds, and then, with four small fingers on my cheek, she began to turn my face toward her. I whispered more than once “Katie, you know this song. Sing with me.” The fourth time she turned my face toward her, I bent over to hear what was on her heart. She said, “I love Jesus, too!” It would be difficult to over rate that experience!

I often think what if I had never listened to her heart and heard those beautiful words. National Grandparents Day is coming September 8th. Let’s listen to our grandchildren’s hearts as well as their voices.  

_________________________

Grandparents day

 September 8, 2013 is National Grandparents Day. To read more about how grandparents can celebrate and pray for our grand children read the Monday Morning Blog Post: Celebrating National Grandparents Day.

About the Author

Grandparenting a Child with Autism

Kate Radford Thomas’ books include New Every Morning A Daily Touch of God’s Faithfulness, Grand-parenting A Child with Autism A Search for Help and Hope, and Mother Duck Knows the Way. Kate is the mother of two and the proud grandmother of four. Her oldest grandchild, Katie, has autism, and Kate has spent much time trying to help Katie reach her full potential. Kate is the founder of the Kentucky Christian Writers Conference, where she has served for 18 years. She also helped found a camp for children with autism. Along with writing, Kate continues to speak throughout Kentucky. Most of all, she loves her family, friends, and wonderful Lord!

HSLT_1667

September 2, 2013
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Mentor From Your Mess

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Kathy McDaniel and me

Kathy and Janet in Colorado

I saw the following post on the Facebook page of a dear long-time friend of the family. Kathy is a mom weathering through a difficult and long divorce. I asked to share her sage words of wisdom with my readers because she describes lived-out mentoring.

Kathy said absolutely and prays that her sharing will help many others!

God doesn’t allow us to go through difficult circumstances just to build our own character. As we experience His faithfulness in all situations, He wants us to share where our strength comes from with someone on a similar journey.

My passion is to help other women understand that mentoring is simply—Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness—my tagline for living the Christian life. Kathy gets that. I hope you do too!

Kathy’s Facebook Post with editorial review:

Reach Out and Touch Someone

I continue to hear more and more stories of women in the midst of divorce or separation, physical, verbal, and emotional abuse, and the victims of financial “money moving.” If you know someone going through this, please reach out to her. Let her know you care and that you’re there for her.

Pray consistently for her and her children! I can’t tell you how isolating it can be when your world is crashing down: you’re bruised and battle scarred, scared, and trying to be strong for your kids. It’s so easy to isolate because you have nothing left to give; but that’s when you need others to hold you up, pray for you, and bring you a Costco pizza so you remember to eat and feed your kids.

Don’t Let Anyone Walk Through Difficulty Alone

I never would have made it through without my family, friends, and church family, huddling around me and lifting me up in prayer. They wouldn’t let me isolate—even when I tried—and I am so blessed because of it. The numbers of women walking through this battle is staggering, and we need to make sure they don’t walk alone! And if you know a dad in this situation, reach out to him. The numbers aren’t as great, but the pain is just as deadly!

Honor Faithful Love

My heart aches when I see so many families torn apart by infidelity, abuse, porn, and arrogance. To those with a faithful spouse who keeps walking with you in the middle of life’s chaos, hold him/her close. Treasure them, pray for them!

Adopt a broken family into your hearts. Let their kids see a healthy marriage—they need to know it’s possible.

The First Step in Healing is Helping

For those who have walked the broken road and survived, share your story, wisdom, failures, hugs . . . as God leads you. Offer hope to those who can’t see past today! God allows us to go through trials because He has a greater purpose than we can see. One of those purposes is to comfort those who are on a similar journey. You understand what they are dealing with, when no one else can. You know how to pray for them. You know how to help them avoid things that you didn’t avoid. Guide them through the deep waters so that one day they can guide someone else.

Most importantly, point them to the ultimate Guide: Jesus Christ!

—————————————

Kathy is living out my paraphrase of Titus 2:3-5: Teach another woman what you’ve been taught so she can someday teach what you taught her . . .

Read more of Janet’s thoughts on mentoring.

August 19, 2013
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Good Morning, Lord!

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Photo: Feeling right at home with Dave Thompson!

Elk Ridge Bed and Breakfast in Keystone, South Dakota

My husband, Dave, and I have just returned from a two-week road trip to Colorado visiting grandkids, and to South Dakota where I spoke at LifeWay’s You Lead Women’s Ministry Training in Sioux Falls. After the training, we continued up to the Black Hills where hubby had booked us into the Elk Ridge Bed and Breakfast in Keystone for a little site seeing on our way home.

Motorcycles Everywhere!

(Overhead Warning Road Signs in South Dakota and Wyoming)

 

To our surprise, we discovered after arriving in South Dakota that our visit to the Black Hills coincided with the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally—as in Harleys everywhere! The population in the Black Hills triples during this rally with bikers coming in the week before and staying the week after. Dave and I in our Subaru Forester with a luggage compartment on top were sorely out of place as we toured Mount Rushmore, Crazy Horse, and the scenic drive through Custer Park with packs of motorcycles. The music in our ears was the roaring Harley engines and the food we learned to eat was Buffalo Burgers when buffalo was the only item on the menu!

Photo

PhotoPhoto

Dave eating a buffalo burger next to some Harley bikers from Switzerland!

South Dakota, Where God is First, and Reminders of the Lakota Warriors are Everywhere.

(On The Elk Ridge Bed and Breakfast website)

 

It’s amazing that Dave was able to get a reservation at the Elk Ridge Bed and Breakfast because all the hotels and campgrounds sell out during this annual Motorcycle Rally event. Other guests at the B&B had traveled on their motorcycles from Pennsylvania and Ohio, and when we checked out, our room went to another biker couple.

But God opened the door for us to be at this B&B at this time. The night we arrived, as I visited with our hosts, Leslie and Ron, I sensed immediately that they were Christians. As I often do . . . I just asked them if they were Christians, and they said absolutely!

Their strong faith was evident again the next morning at breakfast as the guests all gathered around the table and started getting to know each other. Leslie stood at the head of the table and quietly interjected “Shall we bless the food…” Without hesitation, she clasped her hands, bowed her head, and prayed: “Good morning, Lord! Thank you for this beautiful day and this beautiful place…” She went on to pray a protection over all of us who would be on the roads and asked a blessing for the food.

This was natural for Dave and me—we pray before every meal, everywhere. I don’t know where the other guests were spiritually, and I didn’t open my eyes to see who bowed with us in prayer, but there was respectful silence as Leslie prayed. When she said “Amen,” we started passing food around the table and went back to conversing.

After breakfast, I thanked Leslie for praying and asked if she prayed a blessing over breakfast every morning. She said yes, unless she can’t get her guests’ attention. On those mornings, she says “Well, Lord I tried, but let me pray for them.”

Elk Ridge was not featured as a “Christian B&B”…it is a lovely B&B operated by Christians who aren’t afraid to display their faith and love of the Lord and welcome each day with “Good morning, Lord.”

Questions to Think About . . .

If you owned a Bed and Breakfast or similar establishment, would you boldly pray a blessing over the food as Leslie did . . . even when you didn’t know, or you did know, the spiritual persuasion of your guests?

Do you pray over meals at your home when you know all your guests aren’t Christian? Why or why not?

Titus 1:16 says that some “people claim they know God, but they deny him by the way they live.” Leslie and Ron know God and acclaim Him by the way they live. Ah, if that could be said for everyone professing to be Christians, our world would be a different place today. Do you agree?

To find out more about Elk Ridge Bed and Breakfast.

More Pictures from Our Trip

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Only room to park motorcycles in Keystone and every city nearby.

Photo: Now that's impressive!!!

Even Pastor Greg Laurie joined the Motorcycle Rally. Here he is at Mt. Rushmore!

Photo: At Mt Rushmore.

August 12, 2013
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Celebrate National Grandparent’s Day with Prayer

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Grandparents day

Grandparents laughing with grandchildren 

Did you know there is actually a National Grandparents Day? This year it is on September 13. Have you been planning a celebration?  It certainly isn’t recognized like Mother’s Day for Father’s Day, but those of us who are grandparents know what a blessing it is to have grandchildren…and that’s celebration enough for me!

[Tweet “I LOVE being a grandparent. I like to say that God saved the last for best.”]

I LOVE being a grandparent. I like to say that God saved the last for best. My husband, Dave, and I have eleven grandchildren and we plan our schedule around spending time with each of them.

My friend Lillian Penner is the National Prayer Coordinator for the Christian Grandparenting Network and I invited Lillian to be a guest blogger today to talk to grandparents about how to celebrate National Grandparents Day by praying for our grandchildren. I pray for each of my eleven in my morning quiet time, and I can visibly see God at work in each of their lives. Enjoy Lillian’s post today–

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Christian Grandparenting Network is asking grandparents all over the world to unite in prayer for their grandchildren on Sunday, September 13, 2013. This date is the official United States National Grandparents Day designated by a Senate proclamation signed by President Jimmy Carter in 1978.

            Our grandchildren are living in a desperate moral and spiritual climate navigating in a world hostile to truth. Satan has launched an aggressive attack on our families, schools and our nation to desensitize our children to truth and righteousness. Perhaps at no other time in our history is a call to prayer more urgently required than it is today for our grandchildren.

[Tweet “Perhaps at no other time in our history is a call to prayer more urgently required than it is today for our grandchildren.”]

            The mission of Christian Grandparenting Network (CGN) is to promote effective grandparenting, which is intentional about assisting our children and grandchildren to know and follow Christ wholeheartedly. CGN is issuing a call to all grandparents to join with other grandparents in their churches, community and around the world to “Stand in the Gap” for an intentional day of prayer for the next generation.

[Tweet ” Will you stand in the GAP to join grandparents worldwide on Sunday September 13 to pray for the next generation that they may walk in the truth? “]

Will you stand in the GAP to join grandparents worldwide on Sunday September 13 to pray for the next generation that they may walk in the truth? Will you volunteer to plan an event with your friends or in your church?

To join the movement  go to our Facebook page, “Like” our fan page and under the “more” tab, you’ll find a link to my free e-book Reflecting on My Grandparenting Journey.

For additional information and resources go to www.gocgn.com or contact Lillian Penner [email protected].

August 5, 2013
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A Blessing and A Hearbreak

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agold-book

Last week, I was grumbling about filling out a long form for a local author’s group. I really don’t like forms and had procrastinated until the night before the due date. I decided to go to Amazon for ISBN numbers and descriptions, and there it was—I couldn’t believe it—Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer: A Companion Guide for Women on the Breast Cancer Journey was in the top 100 Best Sellers for breast cancer books —#28 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Diseases & Physical Ailments > Cancer > Breast Cancer!

I seldom look at my Amazon sales numbers, which change daily. If I let those numbers influence me, I might never write again. So I have no idea how long this book has been on Amazon’s bestseller list—every author’s dream—or how long it will stay there. Let me clarify that my book was not in the top 100 of all books on Amazon, but it was in the top 100 in its category. The number fluctuates from day to day, but it’s stayed in the top 100 for awhile.

In shock, I clicked on the link to the page displaying the top 100 books; and yes, there it was #28! A joyous “Yahoo!” quickly turned into a heartbreaking moan . . . this could only mean that more and more women are being diagnosed with breast cancer. In the span of a few moments, my feelings transgressed through shock, joy, gratefulness, praise, sadness, and finally humbleness that God would use me to comfort and encourage so many breast cancer sisters.

Reaching Out

Recently, I learned on Facebook that two author friends have breast cancer. One I have known for years, and the other I’ve only recently met on Facebook. I’ve left occasional comments and “likes” on their timelines, but I felt the Holy Spirit persistently nudging me to engage with these breast cancer sisters on a more personal level.

I knew what I was to do—I messaged each one and simply said: I’m a three-time breast cancer survivor and I’ve written a book that might bring you comfort. I’m praying for you and want you to know that I’m here for you if you have questions or just want to chat or cry. Immediately, both responded back thanking me and had so many questions that only someone who has been through this heartbreak could answer. One wrote: Thank you for reaching out to me. I’ve asked the Lord to bring me together with women who have experienced this and that can encourage me. You are one of them.

Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness

People all around us are praying that the Lord will bring someone experienced in what they’re going through. God has allowed me challenging experiences like having a prodigal, infertility, breast cancer, divorce, being a single parent, my father murdered, blending a family, and chronic back pain to name a few. In dealing with life’s hard times, I have two choices—as  do you—1) wallow in self-pity that spirals into depression and a victim personality, 2) trust God and turn hurts and pains over to Him and let Him use them to His glory.

It’s A Choice

I will rejoice that God has used my breast cancer to help me pen Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer to comfort, encourage, and walk beside other women who are dealing with this devastating disease. And I will rejoice that for now, it is an Amazon Best Seller because hopefully the publisher will keep it in print longer to bless other women. That has been a long-time prayer because publishers need to see books selling in order to keep investing in them.

I am humbled that God has gifted me with the ability and desire to share my life experiences with others to offer hope in God alone. It’s hard to believe He thinks I am worthy of such a calling, but as long as we are on this earth, there is going to be pain and suffering, and if He thinks I can help comfort the afflicted then I am blessed, even if it’s heartbreaking.

 

What experience do you think God is asking you to share with someone who is hurting right now?

 How can you reach out and let them know that God is there for them and so are you?

Breast cancer book

July 22, 2013
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Got Books?

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academic,books,leisure,libraries,research,shelves,volumes,information,knowledge,stacks

My former Pastor, Rick Warren, says that every leader is a reader. Pastor Rick is a voracious reader, and consequently, knowledgeable and well versed on a variety of topics. I understand and share Pastor Rick’s passion for reading as evidenced by visitors to our home: walls of bookshelves overflowing with books, and books and magazines bookmarked or dog-eared in every room. I never want to find myself without something to read, so I’m often reading many different books and articles in different rooms of the house, at the same time. I had to laugh when my 7 year-old granddaughter asked why I had a magazine rack in the bathroom! That seemed normal to me J.

Sharing a Love of Reading and Writing

This past Saturday, I enjoyed spending the day with others who share my love of books. I presented my authored books at the Pacific Northwest Church Librarians annual conference held in Nampa, Idaho. Many local authors were there with their books too, and we all enjoyed a keynote presentation from the delightful and prolific Lauraine Snelling, author of 70 books and still writing.

Lauraine asked if we could remember a librarian who had influenced us as a young reader. Since her audience was comprised of librarians and authors, all our hands shot up! Lauraine mentioned that when she was a child, the librarians at her local library and the bookmobile fostered her love of books.

Lauraine’s question prompted memories of my childhood and the bookmobile that parked in our neighborhood every other week. If you’re too young to remember bookmobiles, they were libraries on wheels. The closest thing I can compare them to is a very large, gutted out motor home with bookshelves full of books lining the walls. The local neighbors could check out and return books.

As a kid, I would ride my bike to the bookmobile and check out my limit of books—the library limit or the limit I could fit into the basket on my bike, whichever came first. When I was sixteen and could drive, I spent countless weekends at the library doing research for class projects. I would pack a lunch and spend the day. Just walking into the library gave me the same rush as walking into a bookstore does today. So many books, so little time, as I’ve always been a slow, but persistent, reader.

Fostering the Love for Books in the Next Generation

Today, I live in a tiny rural town—no bookmobiles, but we have a brand new library where my grandkids love to go when they come to visit. We check out their limit of books, DVDs, and backpacks full of fun activities—going to the library is actually right up there with going to the pool and the river—well maybe a close second. But I love it when one of them asks if we can go to the library!

Many of our eleven grandchildren have their own library card at their local libraries, and Grampa and I often choose books for birthday and Christmas gifts for the grandkids and their parents.

How Can Reading Change Your Life?

I did not set out to be a writer. I have degrees in Food Administration, Business Administration, and Christian Leadership, but not writing. I’ve always been in awe of those who could engage a reader by mastering the art of conveying and organizing thoughts, ideas, research, and words into a book. I never thought that would describe me someday. Then in 1997, without me seeing it coming, God asked me to put into writing how to start a mentoring ministry. Still I didn’t consider myself an author; I was just writing a manual for how to start, grow, and maintain a mentoring ministry. Then those who used Woman to Woman Mentoring How to Start, Grow, and Maintain a Mentoring Ministry to start their mentoring ministries wanted to know how to train, and offer mentor and mentee handbooks. More “resource” writing.

Next, it was my husband suggesting I write Bible studies for the mentors and mentees to study together and the Face-to-Face Bible Study series was born. Then, I had breast cancer and longed for a book not yet written. God prompted me that the purpose in my breast cancer was to write that book, and Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer was written out of my pain and desire to provide my breast-cancer sisters with the book I wished I had: a mentor, friend, record keeper, love letter from God, snippets of other women’s stories, and places to write my own story.

Now, here I am seventeen books later and working on the next book. Had I not been an avid reader, I couldn’t have started and lead the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry. I read every book I could get my hands on that dealt with mentoring—starting with the Bible. I could have never written Bible studies without reading the Bible, commentaries, and researching how to write Bible studies.

Reading may not prompt you to become a writer, but it will expand the horizons of your mind and your world. However, let me encourage you to be selective with what you read. Not all books are equal, and not all books are good for our minds. Many books, like many movies and television shows, are actually detrimental to our mental, emotional, and spiritual health. There’s power in the written word: for good or evil. Be selective in what you read. Remember: trash in, trash out.

I recommend selecting reading material from Christian bookstores and Christian book sites like christianbook.com. Of course, the best book to start with is the best seller of all time—the Bible.

I would love to hear what made you a lover of books and what books you’re reading now. Please leave a comment and let’s share with each other. I’m reading Congo Dawn by Jeanette Windle and really enjoying her knowledge of the Congo and the story line. Ok, now it’s you’re turn.

July 15, 2013
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“Organic” Mentoring. . . Say What?

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My 9 yr-old granddaughter and I are studying together Face-to-Face with Mary and Martha

My 9 yr-old granddaughter and I are studying together Face-to-Face with Mary and Martha

The first time I heard “organic” used in the same sentence with “mentoring” in the church, I was curious and cautious. I wondered: Say what? How’s that working for you? How many women in your church connect “organically” into a mentoring relationship and how does the word “organic” apply in the church?

[Tweet “How many women in your church connect “organically” into a mentoring relationship “]

Synonyms for “organic” in Roget’s Super Thesaurus are:  inherent, intrinsic, innate, native, natural—untouched by man. So using the term “organic” for mentoring implies that mentoring relationships will just happen naturally in the church with no outside help. Yet, when I do Woman to Woman Mentoring trainings on how to formally develop a mentoring ministry in your church and ask the audience how many see mentoring happening naturally in their churches—spiritually younger women asking spiritually older women to mentor them, or vice versa—they respond, negative.

What Does The Bible Say?

[Tweet ” the majority of women in churches do not naturally, or “organically,” live out Titus 2:3-5″]

Perhaps a few mentoring relationships do develop “organically,” but the majority of women in churches do not naturally, or “organically,” live out Titus 2:3-5, where we are instructed as Christian women to:

 Teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

I am sure that Paul, the author of the Book of Titus, expected that women would naturally follow his admonition, and maybe they did in that day, but today, by their own admission, most women don’t have the desire, energy, interest, or feel they have the time to apply these Scriptures “organically.” Common concerns are thinking that they don’t know enough to mentor and fear of rejection.

My passion is to help women understand the biblical mandate in Titus 2:3-5 to mentor each other and to cultivate a culture of mentoring in our churches. But this takes work—for the women’s ministry director and the women she shepherds. In today’s culture, our inherent, intrinsic, innate, natural,—organic if you will—bent is to take care of our own needs and those of our immediate families.

Organic Takes Effort

Organic certainly has a place in gardening, and my husband and I have striven to eat organically produced foods since my first diagnosis of breast cancer twelve years ago. But “man” touches organic gardens; they don’t just happen naturally or innately. Organic produce takes time, energy, and effort to grow and cultivate without chemicals, and hence, the higher price in the market. Organic gardens don’t sprout up and grow inherently or intrinsically—they need an overseer, someone who plants the seeds, waters, weeds, watches over them to make sure bugs and weather don’t destroy, harvests, nurtures, and cares for the garden.

[Tweet “Very few ministries take place organically in a church”]

And here’s my point: so do mentoring relationships and mentoring ministries. Very few ministries take place organically in a church—the music ministry doesn’t organically come together Sunday morning to lead worship without practice, leading, and direction. Children’s programs don’t just spring up organically on Sunday morning without preparation, planning, and supervision. The pastor doesn’t get up in the pulpit and preach whatever organically comes to his mind that morning—he has put in research, energy, effort, planning and study time to prepare his message. People don’t organically become Christians—our natural or native selves are sinful and we must intentionally be born-again.

Rather than using the buzzword “organic,” I propose we think intentional. Intentionally cultivate Titus 2:3-5 in your church, and nurture One generation will commend your works to another, they will tell of your might acts” Psalm 145:4. Help the women learn how to share intentionally their life experiences and God’s faithfulness and help connect and nurture them in mentoring relationships. I guarantee the women in your churches will be “organically” blessed when you have an intentional mentoring ministry—as expressed in this email I received recently from a mentee:

Hi Janet,

About 15 years ago, I attended a Woman to Woman mentoring coffee at Saddleback Church and was matched into a mentoring relationship with Ellie Swain. I just wanted you to know what a blessing that was. I moved to Arizona, and Ellie moved to Arkansas, but we visit each other and talk on the phone nearly every week to encourage each other in our walk with Jesus.

Janet, you made a difference in our lives. Thank you!

July 8, 2013
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Free Indeed!

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This week we’ll fire up the barbeques, grab the beach towels, and get ready for a day of celebration capped off with the best fireworks display we can locate in our area. The 4th of July is a day that businesses often close, workers get the day off, and families and friends gather for a time of good food and good fun. It’s a national holiday only celebrated in the United States of America—the home of the free!

For those who remember their history lesson, on July 4, 1776 the Declaration of Independence from English tyranny was adopted by the Continental Congress and the thirteen colonies that comprised America were now free to set up their own laws to govern the people and ensure the rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Freedom came at a high price—paid in blood—the blood of 8000 Americans who died in combat, another 17,000 who died from war-related diseases and thousands more wounded and maimed for life. Brave men who were willing to give their life so that you and I could be free to live our life the way we choose, within the restraints of the laws of man and God.

Those of us who know the Lord as our Savior also enjoy another type of freedom also paid for in blood—of only one man—Jesus Christ. I love how The Message translation describes in Colossians 1:20-23 our freedom as Christians:

You yourselves are a case study of what he does. At one time you all had your backs turned to God, thinking rebellious thoughts of him, giving him trouble every chance you got. But now, by giving himself completely at the Cross, actually dying for you, Christ brought you over to God’s side and put your lives together, whole and holy in his presence. You don’t walk away from a gift like that! You stay grounded and steady in that bond of trust, constantly tuned in to the Message, careful not to be distracted, or diverted. There is no other Message—just this one.

Then in 1 Peter 2:13-17, The Message, Peter tells us how to live as both free citizens and free Christians:

Make the Master proud of you by being good citizens. Respect the authorities, whatever their level; they are God’s emissaries for keeping order. It is God’s will that by doing good, you might cure the ignorance of the fools who think you’re a danger to society. Exercise your freedom by serving God, not by breaking the rules. Treat everyone you meet with dignity. Love your spiritual family. Revere God. Respect the government.

I don’t know about you, but with the recent decisions of the Supreme Court regarding marriage and a liberal president, I’m convicted by that last sentence: “Respect the government.” How can I respect a government that violates what I know to be true and right according to God and His Word? Their decisions and actions frustrate and anger me; and as a free citizen, I have the right to have those feelings and even express them publicly. There are countries today where criticizing the government—even in jest or in passing—can result in imprisonment and punishment.

This 4th of July, I will celebrate the freedoms we enjoy as citizens of the United States in gratitude and memory for those who laid down their life for that freedom. I will respect the law of the land, even when I don’t agree with it, but will exercise my freedom to vote for government officials who respect the laws of God.

The greater celebration, however, was Sunday morning at church when I took communion with my church family in remembrance of Christ who died to free me from the grip of sin and death. Now we’re talking freedom—free indeed!

 

July 1, 2013
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Character From An 8 Year-old’s Perspective

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First day of VBS

The above picture is of the grandkids and me heading off to our first day of Vacation Bible School at our church, located at the bottom of the hill we live on. The kids and I like to walk down to VBS every morning and trudge back up the hill after the hot lunch provided for all the VBS kids!

At the bottom of the hill, we have to cross a two-lane country road, which is the only access in and out of our area, so it’s busy in the morning. Where we live there are no stoplights or crosswalks, so the kids and I stand patiently waiting for our chance to cross the street. When there’s a clearing in the “traffic,” we hold hands and walk across the road to church. As a side note, we live in a rural area, so I use the term “traffic” very loosely!

Several mornings, the kids and I were surprised and elated that cars going both directions simultaneously stopped to let us walk across the road. They were literally stopping traffic for us. We waved a thank you, and in true country fashion, the drivers waved back with a nod of the head conveying: no problem . . . our pleasure . . . have a fun day. We probably looked like a protective mamma duck and her little ducklings trying to cross the road.

One morning as cars were stopped for us to cross the road, 8 year-old Brandon intuitively commented, “Grammie, you know those people who stop for us . . . they are people of character!” I was truly stunned to hear such wisdom coming from my precious little grandson, who gave his heart to Jesus at VBS. I told Brandon that he was exactly right; they truly were people of character. Then I mused that those kind motorists had no idea the impression they had just made on this little guy.

Brandon’s definition of a person of character seems to be someone who does the right thing: goes out of their way to help others, even if it’s inconvenient. A person who sees someone in need and stops to help, even if it makes him or her late, or others are irritated with their act of kindness. Someone who thinks of others needs before their own needs and are always looking for people to help or assist. It made me wonder how many people I influence every day by my actions and my deeds. Would I be considered a woman of character . . . all the time? Am I always looking out for someone, literally or figuratively, standing on the side of the road needing someone to stop and notice his or her dilemma?

In busy towns, I’ve seen so many motorists  who barely let someone cross in front of them in a crosswalk before rushing on through or making an impatient turn when pedestrians just clear the front of their car. These could be drivers headed to church or late for a small group meeting or rushing to do good, while not seeing the good they could do right in front of them.

It makes you think doesn’t it?

Speaking of people of character, my husband Dave’s story of being a father who follows The Father was featured on Father’s Day at The M.O.M Initiative. So proud of the godly husband, father, and grampa he is as the Spiritual Leader of our family. Now that’s a man of character!

June 24, 2013
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