As I mentioned last week, my new book was due to the publisher on Monday and I had to stay focused on finishing it, which I did, so our Monday Morning Blog is again on Tuesday . . . but at least it’s in the morning this time. Kathy Collard Miller is a dear friend of mine, fellow author, and former mentor to me so I’m thrilled to have her share with you from her book, Pure-Hearted. Kathy is also generously offering a free book so make sure to leave a comment below by next Sunday, Oct. 21, to enter the drawing. We had a lot of fun last week with our comments and drawing and one blessed woman is enjoying her free book this week.
God willing, I’ll be back next Monday! Thank all of you who prayed for me during this writing marathon of Everyday Brave: Living Courageously as a Woman of Faith. It will release in September 2019.
God Is in Charge of His Glory—Not You!
by Kathy Collard Miller
I walked away from the coffee house berating myself. “Kathy! You must have said the wrong thing to her. See her response? How is God going to be glorified and her grow in Christ if you keep saying the wrong thing?”
I had been mentoring this new Christian for a month or two but felt like every time we met I said something wrong or something that could be misinterpreted. I just knew God wasn’t shining through me very clearly! When would I get it right? And the fact that my mentee was still struggling must mean I was doing it wrong.
[Tweet “The fact that my mentee was still struggling must mean I was doing it wrong!”]
Is My Mentee Talking About Me to Others?
Plus, I wasn’t quite sure if she was talking about me with others. I knew my desire was to help, but I felt tense thinking of other’s opinions about my ministry.
This scenario has occurred many times over the years of helping others in their spiritual walk, and over time, I’ve been able to counteract the lies with the truth: God is in charge of changes within others and He isn’t dependent upon me mentoring perfectly.
[Tweet “God is in charge of changes within others and He isn’t dependent upon me mentoring perfectly.”]
What the Apostle Paul Says
I’ve also been encouraged by the perspective of the Apostle Paul who wrote, But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me (I Corinthians 4:3-4).
Paul doesn’t jump into self-contempt like I do. He seeks God’s opinion. I think so many of us depend upon our self-evaluations rather than looking to God for his judgement of what happened with the person we are mentoring. We conclude we didn’t say the right things. But we don’t know what our mentee needed to hear. Maybe the very words we said—and are judging—were what she needed to hear.
[Tweet “Maybe the very words we said—and are judging—were what our mentee needed to hear.”]
I Apologized But It Wasn’t Needed
So many times, I’ve followed up on a conversation and apologized for what I said. Most of the time the person responds, “Really? I don’t remember.” Other times, she says, “No, I didn’t think anything bad at all.” I had been all upset, rehearsing what I said, but my friend wasn’t.
Paul continues, We are fools for Christ’s sake, but you are wise in Christ. We are weak, but you are strong. You are held in honor, but we in disrepute (vs. 10).
Evidently, Paul’s opponents in Corinth are saying those things about him, so he is responding sarcastically. He’s basically saying, “Of course, you’re right. You are wise but we are fools. You are strong, but we are weak. You are held in honor, but we are disreputable. Shame on us.” Wink. Wink.
The Apostle Paul Is Making Fun of Others
He is making light of their opinions of him because he doesn’t mind others seeing him in those ways. His motive is not to be seen well, but to cooperate with God’s plan. What a lesson for us. We don’t have to be bothered by what others say about us either.
[Tweet “We don’t have to be bothered by what others say about us.”]
If we’re afraid of appearing as fools when we speak of the Lord, we might want to examine our hearts. Maybe our self-contempt is because we fear looking foolish or silly or unintelligent or whatever we have vowed to never appear as or feel like. When we have the purified heart of sacrifice for God’s glory, we will be wisely sensitive to the needs of others, led by the Holy Spirit, because our focus isn’t distracted by our own self-protection.
I Don’t Want to Be Thought of As Stupid
I have recognized my distracted focus of not wanting to seem stupid or insensitive. Both prevent me from boldly obeying the Spirit’s leading. I’m afraid I’ll reveal my stupidity by saying something my mentee can dispute from Scripture or her own interpretation of truth. My old childhood nemesis—don’t make anyone feel bad because then I’m bad—hampers me from having the freedom to respond however the Holy Spirit is leading me.
Yet, what is the truth? Paul states the truth earlier in this first letter to the Corinthians, But we have the mind of Christ (2:16).
The Corinthian believers must really be struggling with their image. Paul confronts those issues in so many ways. He writes, For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God (1 Corinthians 2:2-5).
Paul seems to be saying, “I have known the fears of appearing weak and lacking wisdom just like you are experiencing. But my weaknesses mean you’ll rest in God’s power and not depend upon me being so wise.”
I Have a New Bold Sensitivity
To some degree, I’ve seen God newly empower my life with a bold sensitivity by being willing to sacrifice my own image or risk being misunderstood.
[Tweet “I’ve seen God newly empower my life with a bold sensitivity by being willing to sacrifice my own image.”]
I remember one time specifically when I berated myself after seemingly giving all the wrong responses to a friend about God and His workings. I felt defeated and wondered whether I had destroyed any possibility of her responding to God’s love. But then, God popped a great thought into my mind. “Well, if she grows as a Christian, it certainly won’t be because of my communication skills.”
I’m Not Responsible for My Mentee’s Growth
Then, the truth hit me. If her growth, or even conversion, isn’t because of me, who is the cause? And who will get the glory since I don’t deserve it? Jesus and his Spirit. If I had been brilliant and my friend suddenly exclaimed, “Oh, you’ve made it so clear. I do want to become a Christian,” it would have been easy to give myself credit rather than the work of the Holy Spirit. But He is the one who calls her to growth or salvation, it’s not about me at all. I’m just a weak and inadequate vessel.
Having pure motives for God’s glory doesn’t mean we won’t prepare as much as we can. It means we recognize God is completely in charge of His glory—not us.
[Tweet “Having pure motives for God’s glory doesn’t mean we won’t prepare as much as we can. It means we recognize God is completely in charge of His glory—not us.”]
What have you found helpful in resisting taking the growth of your mentee personally? Share in the comment section, and also enter to win a copy of Kathy’s book, Pure-Hearted.
If you received this blog by email, leave a comment here.
This guest blog is adapted from Pure-Hearted: The Blessings of Living Out God’s Glory.
Kathy is making a copy of Pure-Hearted available to the winner of a book drawing. Enter to win in the comment section below by Sunday, October 21, and the winner will be drawn and announced that afternoon. (US addresses only please.)
Pure-Hearted will help you bring more glory to God by purifying your motives. Author and speaker Jennifer Kennedy Dean writes in the Foreword: “You will find the secret to the communion for which your heart was formed.”
Kathy Collard Miller is an award-winning author of over 50 books that include Christian living topics, women’s Bible studies, and Bible commentaries. She is a speaker who has shared in 8 foreign countries and over 30 US states. Kathy and Larry have been married for 48 years and are the parents of two and grandparents of two. They live in Southern California and often write and speak together. Visit her at www.KathyCollardMiller.com. She would love to hear from you.
Order Pure-Hearted
www.facebook.com/KathyCollardMillerAuthor
I saw this saying recently, “You can lead a person to knowledge, but you can’t make them think.” I lead a high school youth group for girls. I can talk all I want, but they have to decide what they will do. I cannot choose for them; they have to make their own choices. I often second guess myself and think I should have said something different or explained it better after the fact, but I know if it was to be said at that time God would have lead me to say it. I have to trust that He will use me if I am willing to follow His lead. But that doesn’t mean it will be easy. 🙂
Well said Amanda. I think we can all think of things later we should’ve . . . would’ve said, but I like your perspective…If God wanted us to say it, He would have put the words in our mouth at the time. You’re right, mentees have to take ownership of opinions. Thanks for sharing.
Wow, such wisdom Amanda. And what a great thought to keep in mind as we help others. Thank you for sharing it and for entering your name into the drawing. God bless you and keep up the great work helping others, especially teens, for God’s glory!