Last week, I posted this comment on Facebook on a smiley face background,
I did it!! Walked into Walmart w/o a mask. Only person who said anything was a woman w/o a mask too who said “Nice to see your face!”
After a year of wearing masks, I must admit, I did feel a bit emboldened as I went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription.
Even as you read my Facebook post, some of you might have thought, “You go girl!” While others are thinking, “You’re endangering fellow shoppers.”
As a side note, the county I was in had lifted the mask mandate weeks ago but private and corporate stores like Walmart and COSTCO still had their signs up requiring masks. I’ve also had COVID and the vaccine (another controversial topic) so I wasn’t a threat to anyone. I was just smiling and breathing freely as we’ve been doing at our church for months. It was invigorating, a flashback to “normal.”
I honestly wasn’t prepared for the tremendous response this post would receive. I should’ve been ready for it though since masks have become the latest source of division and disagreement among Americans, including Christians.
We just experienced a divisive election with controversial consequences and there’s no end of things to disagree about with COVID. Anyone spending time on social media knows that people say things to each other they probably would never say face-to-face.
So I braced myself as I saw the comments on this post flooding across the screen and even speculated if I should delete it. But then, something so inspiring happened. A dear friend who has suffered severely from Covid posted her perspective and with love and tears, we both kindly shared our experiences and perspectives while maintaining and confirming our sweet friendship and vowing to continue praying for each other.
Relieved that we made it through as two Christians who care about each other and appreciate the other’s opinion, I noticed that another friend who read our discourse wrote this comment . . . “I appreciate your ability to discuss this hot topic with respect and civility and both of your points of view are valid.”
Wow! To everyone reading the comment trail on my post, my friend and I had unknowingly been an example of how to present our opposing sides amicably because we cared about each other. Shouldn’t that be how all Christians communicate when they disagree?
The answer of course is yes, but do we? Why don’t we always remain civil even when we don’t know the other person we’re communicating or disagreeing with? Can’t we still be amicable and show respect? What a witness that would be to a watching world!
My daughter is very good at presenting an opposing position, often using humor. I’ve never seen her attack another person for their beliefs, even when she vehemently disagrees with them. She’s actually much more tactful than I am and I applaud her because that’s a gift.
If It’s In Your Heart, It’s Probably Going to Come Out of Your Mouth!
Jesus warns, “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt. 12:34). So whatever you say is residing in your heart. Even when we try to take back a comment or claim we really didn’t mean it . . . Jesus says we did mean it. It was in our heart all along. We can apologize for saying it, but we can’t take it back.
It’s especially important that the body of Christ learn how to disagree without being disagreeable. God wants Christians to be of one accord in all our relationships, both personal and spiritual. He gave us numerous guidelines in the Bible because He knew that as humans filled with pride, ego, differences, and opinions, we’re going to disagree.
That’s also the beauty of unique personalities. Often seeing things through someone else’s view gives us a new perspective. But what the world needs to see from us as believers is that we live in peace with one another, whatever it takes to achieve it. A house divided cannot stand, and with all the division in our world today, the church must stand together firm in the belief that our God reigns and His Word determines how we navigate our relationships.
I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Ps. 119:11
Five Ways to Disagree Amicably!
1. State your opinion, but don’t force it on the other person.
Friendships should be a safe place to disagree. If you have a variety of friends, you’re going to have a variety of differing opinions. You can learn from each other.
In our couples small group, we get into some heavy exchanges of opinions, but we always know at the end of group we’ll pray, have dessert and coffee together, and leave as friends. After one evening of especially heated discussion, one person prayed that they were grateful we respected each other enough that we could express our thoughts openly, but still maintain our friendships.
We’re still brothers and sisters in Christ, even though we don’t agree about everything.
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Ps. 19:14
2. Don’t devalue the other person.
Don’t attack their character. Remain humble.
Use “I” statements; avoid “You” attacks. State the benefits of your position rather than the hazards or negatives of their beliefs.
No name-calling allowed.
I think we would all agree, say it to my face, not behind my back. If we’re not willing to confront someone, then we shouldn’t say it at all.
Respect must be extended for it to be received.
Respect everyone, and love the family of believers. 1 Peter 2:17 NLT
3. Consider your motives.
We get into disagreements because we want the other person to acknowledge we’re right. Sometimes we care more about being right than “our truth” helping the other person.
When one of my granddaughters was in third grade, she was sharing Jesus with two classmates of a different faith and they ended up in a disagreement. I asked my granddaughter whether her motivation was compassion for her friends’ salvation or wanting to be right.
If it was their salvation, she should share about why she loves Jesus and He loves her. If she just wanted to be right, she probably focused more on how wrong their faith was and that made them mad. She agreed she would be far more effective showing them Jesus’s love than trying to win an argument.
People will know the love of Jesus through the love we show them.
Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. Rom. 13:8
4. Establish that your relationship is more important than the disagreement.
When you see a conversation turning into a disagreement, stop! Establish between the two of you that your relationship means more to you both than the issue at hand. If you both agree that continuing on would be harmful, then change the subject.
No disagreement is worth losing a friend, acquaintance, or a family member.
Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. 2 Tim. 2:23
5. Let it go and pray!
Often a disagreement drags on because one of us won’t give up, or we take the bait to engage instead of letting it pass.
We want the other person to come around to our way of thinking because we’re sure our way is the only correct way and we have a great argument to support it. Tempers and voices rise or dash across the screen, usually with extra !!! We say things we wish we hadn’t. Relationships fall apart.
It takes discipline to let the other person have the last word and then let the issue go.
Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. Psalm 141:3
Dear Lord, Satan is trying with all his might to divide your house and your people. We pray Lord with all our might that we would not let that happen. We would remember that a house divided cannot stand. Help us to be the peacemaker in our communication with relationships, friendships, and families, without bending or compromising on the Truth. And Lord, if it must be that there are those who choose to no longer be our friends or in a relationship with us, guard us against a bitter heart. In Jesus name, we pray. Amen
“Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.” 1 Cor. 3:11
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PS There won’t be a Monday Morning Blog for the next 2 weeks but hope to be back April 12th.
You might enjoy reading my article 5 Refreshing Ways to Welcome Renewal Beyond Easter. Happy Resurrection Easter to everyone!
This is awesome! I’m going to print it out so I can remember how to engage in conversations without being attacked or lose my joy. Many conversations, especially with loved ones, have become very ‘vanilla’ due to opposing opinions in so many areas.
Repenting has been a daily thing for me…sometimes several times a day for my responses or mumblings to others, especially over this mask thing. It’s hard to understand the science when people walk outside in the beautiful sun and wear a mask (or two). Then to put one on when they walk by you. I sometimes wonder if they know the message they are sending.
Your blog today, Janet, truly struck a cord with me, I don’t know if others struggle with ‘agreeing to disagree’ so I thought I’d forward it to several friends. Sure appreciate what you share.
Blessings,
Kathy
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Kathy, it surely is hard to disagree without being disagreeable. We’re a country and a church that’s forgotten how to engage in healthy debate and discussion. Standing by our faith “nonnegotiables” and the Truth but learning how to make them appealing, not agitating! I always appreciate your comments and encouragement.
It was very useful as in our church small conflicts flur up with young girls, this would be very useful to maintain the peace in their hearts and serenity in the church n in the ministry they are involved in. Praise God.