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Hug An Infertile Couple This Week

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Dear-God-Why-Cant-I-Have-a-Baby11-200x300

You may not have April 20-26 marked on your calendar as National Infertility Awareness Week, but 1 in 6 couples check their calendar frequently to see if they’re pregnant or how long it’s been since they filed adoption papers or when will the infertility tests be back . . .

An Ignored Group

With millions of couples experiencing infertility, a large percentage of the population feel shunned. Yet, you probably know someone dealing with infertility in your neighborhood, your church, your family, your friends, your co-workers . . .Maybe it’s you struggling to become a mommy or experiencing secondary infertility and know what it’s like to feel invisible in a group.

Many of the “mommies-in-waiting” sharing their stories in my book, Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? A Companion Guide for Couples on the Infertility Journey expressed the sorrowful complaint that they felt ignored by friends and family, even in the church–especially in the church.

Often we ignore the infertile couple because we don’t know what to say to them. Or the infertile couple doesn’t talk about their painful situation because people say hurtful things.

People Say The Darnedest Things!

Your loved ones will say all the wrong things. All of us who have gone through infertility agree on this point.—Laurie, A Mommy-in-Waiting

Dear God,

People keep asking when we’re going to start having children, as if I’m making a conscious decision not to! I try shrugging it off with an answer that we probably will “someday.” Inside, I’m dying. Why are people so insensitive and why do they feel it’s ok to ask something so personal? Everyone seems to think they’re a doctor and they know the answer to my infertility. Then the advice . . . the number one thing everyone seems to say is, “Oh, you just need to relax.” Or “You’re young; you’ve got plenty of time.” UGH!!! Help, God, they’re killing me!

Wounded by Words, Kim

Kim is my precious daughter whose struggle with the heartache of infertility was often intensified by well-meaning—yet wounding—words. Many infertile couples’ stories mention how thoughtless and hurtful people’s comments and advice can be. Debbie wrote, “I’ve experienced people in the church say some of the worst things ever to me with every good intention. Probably one of the most insensitive and painful is, ‘Maybe God never meant for you to have children.’”

You can be sure thoughtless, hurtful comments aren’t from God, who instructs: “Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim” (Proverbs 15:4 MSG).

10 Things Not To Say or Do To Someone Experiencing Infertility

I believe in the front of every church directory there should be a list of things that you shouldn’t say to people during times of grief, just like emergency preparedness in the front of the phone book.—Debbie, A Mommy-in-Waiting

Most people don’t mean to be hurtful: they innately want to say and do the right thing. They offer a cliché or something that minimizes your situation or feels patronizing because they’re uncomfortable being around someone suffering. Here are ten helpful tips from Mommies-In-Waiting:

DON’T…                                                                               DO…

1. Talk about people you know with infertility.                    1. Let me talk about mine and listen

2. Tell me God is in control, or has a plan.                            2. Show me God’s love.

3. Tell me to pray harder.                                                      3. Pray for and with me.

4. Pity or patronize me.                                                          4. Show compassion.

5. Avoid me. It makes me feel rejected, different.                5. Keep normal contact with me.

6. Tell others, unless you have asked permission.                 6. Honor my privacy.

7. Offer unsolicited advice or suggestions.                            7. Support my choices.

8. Resent how my infertility affects you.                               8. Remember, this is about me.

9. Ask personal questions or give advice.                              9. Curtail curiosity.

10. Assume it’s a “female” problem.                                     10. Respect it’s personal.

Suggested Responses for the Infertile Couple

We will speak the truth in love.—Ephesians 4:15 (NLT)

Following are frequent unwelcome comments and suggested responses. Non-satirical humor often defrays uncomfortable situations. Your goal isn’t to offend or embarrass the person. The responses shouldn’t be said sarcastically, defensively, or angrily. Use this as an opportunity to be a good witness:

1. “When are you two going to start a family?”

Response: What makes you think we’re not trying?

2. “You just need to relax, take it easy, rest more, or take a vacation.”

Response: Then I might have two problems—no baby and no job!

3. “You aren’t getting any younger!”

Response: Are you fishing for an invitation to my next birthday party?

4. “You’re young, you have plenty of time.”

Response: Time is the one thing we have too much of now.

5. “You should take________”—they name some food, herb, or drug.

Response: I’ll check with my doctor about that.

6. “You should try_______”—they suggest some sexual position.

Response: You mean we’re supposed to have sex?

7. “We need grandchildren.”

Response: We need to be parents first.

8. “There must be some hidden sin in your life.”

Response: Jesus forgave my sins when I became a Christian.

9. “You aren’t praying hard enough.”

Response: Are you offering to pray for us?

10. “If God wanted you to have children, you would.”

Response: Ouch! That hurts.

Remember: Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose (Proverbs 18:21 MSG).

*Some excerpts from Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? A Companion Guide for Couples on the Infertility Journey

Kim's family 2014Daughter Kim’s family today! Thank you Lord for these 3 precious blessings

April 21, 2014
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Share the Good News of Easter

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Cowboy Easter Breakfast

Traditionally, Christmas and Easter are the two occasions when people who don’t normally attend church will put on their best clothes and go to church. Or maybe a neighbor or family member has invited them to attend and they feel obligated. Whatever the reason, it’s always a good thing when people hear about the birth, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. For some, this might be the year the gospel message resonates in their hearts and minds—they stop resisting the call to become a follower of Jesus.

Invite Someone to Church on Easter

We don’t know when or where conversions will take place so that’s why we need to continue offering everyone an opportunity to receive Christ’s invitation. Maybe your heart has become hardened by the rejection of numerous invitations to attend church with you—don’t let that happen. Don’t give up. You never know when God has planned for them to say, “Yes”!

Plan an Outreach Event

How about having an outreach Easter breakfast, or picnic or brunch or street BBQ in your neighborhood! During conversations, be open with why you celebrate Easter and what it means to you. Be prepared to answer questions.

Our church hosts a Cowboy Easter Breakfast down by the river behind our church. People in the community attend from every walk-of-life and every faith. It’s a great time of eating breakfast and drinking coffee around the campfires and there’s always a gospel message and testimonies.

Two years ago, when we had only lived here a year, I was asked to be the Cowboy Breakfast speaker. I felt humbled, hesitant, and excited. I said I would have to pray and know that God really wanted me to do this.

The awesome thing about living the Christian life is that when we pray, God answers—maybe through reading the Bible, or a sermon, or song, or even movies or TV. This time He used the big screen. We were at our kids’ church, The Pursuit in Meridian, worshipping and singing when they put Acts 20:24 on the screen:

 But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God. Acts 20:24 (NLT)

Since my writing and speaking ministry is About His Work Ministries, I knew this was a message from the Lord assuring me that my work was to tell the Gospel story and the Good News that JESUS IS ALIVE! I also knew that there would be many unbelievers at the breakfast and God was giving me an opportunity to be a bold evangelist.

Let Your Children Participate

Encourage your children and grandchildren to invited unchurched friends to go to Sunday School with them on Easter and to come to your outreach event.

When I spoke at the Cowboy Breakfast, my then 6-year-old granddaughter Katelyn shared the microphone with me to recite John 3:16. I was so proud of her! Just this week she told me, “Grammie, I want to share John 3:16 at the Cowboy Breakfast again.” Could we be grooming the next family evangelist? Grammie-Katelyn-Cowboy-642x250

God blessed Katelyn and me with a boldness that morning to share the Gospel. Here’s what one attendee remarked:

I wanted to let you know how much I appreciated your message at the Cowboy Breakfast. It was clearly presented and probably the best explanation that I have heard so that people are not confused about making a commitment to Christ. So often people are afraid to say what is needed because they are concerned about offending their audience. It was import that you were clear on what sin is and how to make a personal commitment. I also received feedback from members of our Vineyard Home Study Group that were pleased that the truth could be so clearly spoken.Thanks again for the time and effort that you put into preparation for those who needed to hear this message.

Share Your Testimony

Last year at the Cowboy Breakfast, my husband Dave shared his testimony of turning from a self-motivated man to a man solely motivated by Christ. IMG_4102

Who needs to hear this Easter what Christ has done for you and can do for them?

Cowboy Easter Sunday Mornin’—Rod Nichols

On an Easter Sunday mornin’
‘fore the sun has yet to rise,
the roundup crew will gather ’round
to await the newborn sky.

It’s a cowboy sunrise service
neath the purple, gray and gold,
in remem’brance of a story,
that’s the greatest ever told.

Someone may say a word or two
in a simple, cowboy prayer.
Another hand may lead a hymn
for the boys still kneelin’ there.

Then the sun will climb toward heaven
from below the eastern range,
like the Lord’s ascent in glory
as it lights the darkened  plain.

When the service, then, has ended,
and the day has been reborn,
each man will know the gift of life,
on an Easter Sunday morn.

April 14, 2014
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How to Share the Easter Message with Your Children & Grandchildren

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 Kathy Howard Easter 1969

Kathy Howard with her father and brother, Easter 1969

In preparation for Easter, I’m sharing this post written by my dear friend and fellow author, Kathy Howard. She has some great ideas and projects for helping our families remember the real reason for Easter, beyond the Easter baskets and brunch…

Easter Memories

Rich memories of childhood Easters keep popping up in my mind. I can still feel the cold metal of the folding chair as I sat with my family in the church parking lot waiting for the first rays of the sun to make their appearance. And with the sun, the somber notes of “low in the grave He lay…” became the joyous thunder of “up from the grave He arose (He arose), with a mighty triumph o’er His foes.” After prayer and singing, everyone escaped the chilly air and enjoyed pancakes and sausage in the church fellowship hall.

Recently, I’ve been thinking about the impact Easter had on me as a child. I also have wonderful memories of Christmas, but Easter took root in my soul from an early age. Even then, I must have sensed the eternal significance of Christ’s death and resurrection. As parents and grandparents, we have a great opportunity – and God-given responsibility – to make sure our children understand the great truth and power of Easter.

5 Ways to Celebrate a Meaningful Easter

Below are five easy, but memorable, ways to help your children understand the Easter story. Make sure you check out the links for details and more information:

1.     Make a Set of Resurrection Eggs – This is a fun way to “concretely” share the Easter story with your kids. You can purchase a ready-made set, but putting them together with your kids is part of the fun. Here are the instructions for making your own Resurrection Eggs.

Resurrection Eggs

2.     Watch a Movie Together – One great way to start a conversation with your children about the Easter is by watching a movie that portrays the Easter story or illustrates its truths. Several great ones are available. Just choose one that is age-appropriate for the kids in your life. Here are a few suggestions:

3.     Attend a Good Friday Service or Event – Many churches have services on Good Friday to help us remember Christ’s sacrifice on our behalf. This is a great opportunity to talk about Jesus’ death and what it accomplished for us. Cochrane, the small town where we lived in Canada, had a “Cross Walk.” Members from all areas of the community met downtown and prayerfully followed the cross as a volunteer carried it through the streets.

 
4.     Make Resurrection Cookies – Use this tasty object lesson to teach your kids about the empty tomb. Make them on Saturday night and enjoy them first thing Sunday. Here’s the recipe and how-to’s for Resurrection Cookies.

 
5.     Experience the Easter Sunrise – Like the women who went to the tomb, be up and ready to greet the first light of Sunday morning. You can do this at an official sunrise service or in your own backyard. Friday was somber. Sunday is a celebration! (And don’t forget the pancake breakfast!)

I’d love to hear about your childhood Easter memories! Also, please share ways you celebrate Easter with your kids and grandkids.

April 7, 2014
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Generation Gaps Not in God’s Plan

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Kim and me Mother's Day Tea

Sharing the podium with my daughter Kim as “Two About His Work”

Do you remember when you were the next generation full of hope and ideas and ready to leave your mark on the world? I do. I also remember feeling misunderstood and unappreciated when sharing thoughts and ideas with older adults. Yet 36 times in the New Living Translation of the Bible, the Lord uses the term “generation to generation.” Many more verses instruct us to pour into those who are coming up behind us in the church and in our homes. It was God’s plan for the continuation of His church throughout the generations.

A Privilege Not a Burden

Sharing with the next generation some of what God and life has taught us is truly an honor and a privilege. The blessings multiply when the next generation is teachable and eager to learn.

Throughout the Bible, God instructs one generation of believers to teach and train the next generation [see verses at the end of this blog]. Praise God, over the centuries believers have followed this mandate. Think of it: if they hadn’t, you and I would not be Christians today! We are benefactors of the sacrifices of believers who have gone before us. Over the years, followers of God and His Son, Jesus Christ, have felt compelled to assure that the next generation:

  • has access to the Bible and understands its contents
  • knows how to communicate with God through the Holy Spirit and prayer
  • receives guidance in leading a godly life

What Is Our Generation Doing?

The question our generation must ask is: What is God calling believers—you and me—to do today? How can we invest our lives in the next generation, as Elizabeth (mother of John the Baptist) did with Mary (mother of Jesus)? Each of us must answer that question in a very personal and real way. If you are:

  • A mother, you are influencing the next generation through your children.
  • A Grandmother, your grandchildren.
  • An employer, your employees.
  • A ministry worker, the benefactors of your ministry.
  • A pastor, your congregation.
  • A school teacher, your students.
  • A Sunday school teacher, the children in your classrooms every Sunday.
  • A mentor, your mentee.

Why Do We Have Generation Gaps?

There should never be a generation gap in the church—that was not God’s plan. God commanded that one generation was to pass down His truths to the next generation. In churches today, the gap between generations is often so wide that the only thing passed between the two is mistrust and misunderstanding—all in the name of Jesus.

I believe it’s often the older generation who perpetuate the gap by wanting everything to stay the same—same music, same way of doing things, same church service, same church activities . . . . Many churches relegate the young people to their own groups, and their input—whether in music or talents or ideas—is not welcome in the main sanctuary. Then they wonder why the youth are leaving the church in droves.

Church Is Not About Us

Our job as Christians is not to insist that everything goes our way. The purpose of church is not simply to spiritually feed the congregation; we’re to pass on what we learn to others. The Great Commission tells us to go out and tell the world about Jesus, and that includes the next generation.

If we want to stay relevant in the lives of the next generation, we need to learn how to embrace their style of worship . . . their way of communicating . . . their world. If we want to have an impact in their lives—to help guide them in the ways of righteousness—we need to speak their language, care about the things they care about, and reach out to them in love with a desire to understand what’s important to them.

My Call to “Feed My Sheep”

When I rededicated my life to the Lord in the summer of 1992, it marked a turning point in my life. I moved from thinking of how I could further myself in this world, to how could I further God’s kingdom. When I asked myself the question of what God was calling me to do, He clearly answered. I was to take a huge risk of leaving a well-paying career to go into full-time ministry. Not just any ministry—but a Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry that would teach and train the next generations of believers. The rest is history, as my grandmother used to say.

What Are You Doing to Bridge the Generation Gap?

Many churches today are mentoring, embracing, and equipping the next generation—the future of the church. If you attend or serve in one of those churches, I’d love for you to share specifics of how you are fulfilling Psalm 145:4 NLT—

“Let each generation tell its children of your mighty acts; let them proclaim your power.”

Here are some verses that reveal the significance of one generation passing down God’s truths to the next generation:

Elizabeth and Mary coverElizabeth and Mary coverSome excerpts of this article are from Face to Face with Elizabeth and Mary: Generation to Generation.

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March 17, 2014
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Elizabeth and Mary: Generation to Generation

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older and younger women together You’ve probably read the story many times of Mary’s visit from the angel Gabriel in Luke 1:26-45. It’s an amazing revelation to a young teenage girl that she is to become the mother of the Messiah. But there is another parallel story told in these verses—the story of the relationship between Mary and Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist who would be the forerunner of Jesus. The passage in Luke actually sets the scene by pointing out that Elizabeth was six month’s pregnant. Two women with miracle pregnancies–one very old and one very young.

The Birth of Jesus Foretold

 In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee,  to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.” Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”  “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?” The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. For no word from God will ever fail.” “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.—Luke 1:26-34

Mary Visits Elizabeth

At that time Mary got ready and hurried to a town in the hill country of Judea, where she entered Zechariah’s home and greeted Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. In a loud voice she exclaimed: “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? 44 As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy.Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!”—Luke 1:39-45

Elizabeth Makes Time for Mary

Gabriel gave Mary a shocking message from the Lord, However, Mary also received the second part of the message that her elderly relative Elizabeth was in a similar circumstance, and that Mary would find comfort and reassurance in spending time with her. Gabriel’s mention of Elizabeth compelled Mary to go to her immediately, no matter what the inconvenience, time, energy, or sacrifice. Mary did not stop to count the cost, consider the hardships of the travel, analyze if that was really what the Lord meant, or worry about how it would affect her schedule, or wonder if Elizabeth was too old to relate to her. Mary also didn’t send a message to Elizabeth that Elizabeth should come visit her—after all, she was carrying the Messiah. No, Luke 1:39 says, “Mary got ready and hurried” to Elizabeth’s house. Young Mary seemed to know that she needed Elizabeth, and Elizabeth might need her. From Elizabeth’s response at Mary’s arrival, it doesn’t seem like Elizabeth worried or fretted that the house was a mess, or she was out of coffee and cookies, or that she looked a sight and her husband, Zechariah, really wasn’t himself these days since he could not speak after doubting God. She didn’t tell Mary that there were a million things to do to get ready for her own new baby, so this probably wasn’t a good time for Mary’s visit. She wasn’t repulsed that her unwed, pregnant, teenage relative was on her doorstep. Instead, she joyfully welcomed Mary and they had a blessed reunion!

How Does the Story of Mary and Elizabeth Apply to Us?

Today, our lives are so busy we sometimes feel we don’t have time to invest in true friendships and relationships. We fill our days with work, soccer games, church activities, house cleaning, shopping, errands—you know the routine. All good, necessary things. Yet how much of our day do we also fill with TV viewing, Internet browsing, and shopping for things we really don’t need that cause us to work more to acquire and maintain? Mentors and mentees often complain that the hardest part of their relationship is finding time in their busy lives to meet, even though they know it would benefit them both. Others report that when they surrender their schedule to the Lord, He seems to give them more time and energy in their day to accomplish all the things he knows are important. Just like Elizabeth and Mary, God will work miracles in our relationship, if we just give Him the time. I would love to hear about your “Elizabeth and Mary” experiences. Please share in the comments so others can be blessed.

Spend time with someone 20 years older and you’ll leave wiser

Spend time with someone 20 years younger and you’ll leave energized!

Sections of this post were excerpts from Face-to-Face with Elizabeth and Mary: Generation to Generation. This study has questions to do on your own, with someone else, or as a group. It would make a great gift to give to yourself and a friend to do together and learn more about this beautiful relationship.

Elizabeth and Mary cover

 

December 9, 2013
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Acquiring Overshadows Thanksgiving

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Women On Shopping Sale Stock Images - 21849044

To me, Thanksgiving ushers in an end-of-year season of thanking God for our many blessings, celebrating our biggest blessing—the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ—and setting purposeful goals for the next year.

I pondered and prayed about our local Christian radio station playing Christmas music all day October 31. Were they countering Halloween or getting a head start on the Christmas shopping frenzy? Most of my FB friends chose the first explanation, and I agreed.

The Black Friday frenzy is once again creeping into Thanksgiving

Now we have the infringement of Thanksgiving Day with some stores preempting “Black Friday” by opening on Thanksgiving Thursday! Two years ago when this trend started, they opened at 9 PM or midnight, but this year many stores are pushing the envelope and opening as early as  Thanksgiving morning!

The separation between Black-Friday and Thanksgiving is blurring.

The shift to earlier hours started in 2010 and has accelerated since then, said Kathy Grannis, spokeswoman for the National Retail Federation, which is based in Washington, D.C. Last year’s Thanksgiving shopping event was the biggest yet: More than 35 million people hit the stores and shopped online, up from 29 million in 2011, according to an NRF survey conducted by BIGinsight.–Sue Doefler. The Republic

Sadly, millions of people plan a quick “Thank you God for this meal,” which they’re gulping down to be the first in line for the “can’t miss, one-time-only, one-hour-only bargains.” Seriously? These stores run sales all year round and even more at every holiday. And financial analysts show that many of those stores opening on Thanksgiving are under performers and want us to help them get back into the black. Or their trying to make up for six less shopping days between Thanksgiving and Christmas this year . . . like we’re not all going to get our Christmas shopping done if we don’t start on Thanksgiving. Again, I ask, “Seriously?”

When I mentioned at our Thanksgiving dinner two years ago that I found it sad when a grandma at the table was going home to catch a nap because she had to go to work later at Wal-Mart, there were questions as to what I saw wrong with this new “tradition.” Here were my answers:

  1. Instead of focusing an entire day on thanking God for providing all we need and already have (something we should do every day) there’s a frenzied rush to acquire more than we need.
  2. Store workers no longer enjoy an entire holiday off. While shoppers are trampling each other for the “only-while-supply-lasts deals,” store employees have had to skip dessert to get back to work.
  3. It’s definitely not God enticing crazed consumers to go shopping on a day set aside to thank Him for life and provision. So if it isn’t God . . . who else would it be whispering in ears, “Did God really say you shouldn’t go shopping on Thanksgiving? He just doesn’t want you to get that great deal.” Hmmm seems like a conversation something like that took place in the Garden of Eden.
  4. How long will it be before after-Christmas sales start Christmas afternoon? If shoppers really support the opening of stores on Thanksgiving . . . it’s only a matter of time.

God Says . . .

In Exodus 16:4, the Lord said to Moses regarding the food He was providing for the Israelites, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions.” Later in Scripture, we learn that those who gathered and horded more than they needed lost everything.

In Matthew 6:24-26 God warns and assures us: “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?—

And in 1 Corinthians 10:14 “So, my dear friends, flee from the worship of idols.”

Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving to You All

Enjoy what the Lord has given you this Thanksgiving, be generous with your time, pray for wisdom and discernment in your acquisitions, and above all, share with everyone you meet the greatest “deal” of all time—eternal life through believing in Jesus Christ, the Son of God.

I would love to hear from you regarding what your family is doing to avoid the commercialization of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Please leave a comment below and share ideas with others.

 

November 25, 2013
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A Veteran Mother and Mentor

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Today is Veteran’s Day . . . a day we honor all the men and women who risk their lives for our freedom. My husband and son are both veterans and I’m so proud of both of them. As Christians, we know that there is also a spiritual battle taking place all around us . . . one that tries to keep us from the freedom that comes from knowing Christ as our personal Lord and Savior.

Our guest blogger today, Brenda Nixon, is a friend, fellow Leafwood Author, and veteran mom helping Amish children who want to escape the Amish life. Brenda’s story gives quite a different perspective to the romanticized Amish novels that are so popular today. 

Brenda, hubby, and Mosie

Late at night he crept down the steps and out the door of his farm house. He walked along the shadowy country road for two miles conflicted about his decision to leave. Wearing handmade, plain clothes, and with $50 tucked into his pocket, he tearfully made his stealth escape fearing being caught and stopped, yet dreading the painful consequences if he succeeded.

Eighteen-year-old Mosie, born into a New York Amish family, one of twelve children, turned from his life and culture because “there had to be more” yet he’d later say, “I never felt so wrong and so alone.”

Mosie walked it to his English (non-Amish) neighbor’s home and used their telephone to dial another Amish runaway. “Can you get me now?” he whispered. Then he sat and waited until a car made its way down the country lane and quietly inched into the driveway. With a sigh of relief, Mosie climbed in. His contact, David, brought him to Ohio where, one year later, our lives intersected.

My husband and I met Mosie when he tagged along with other “Ex-Men” – as my daughter affectionately called them.  The group consisted of young, polite, hardworking men who’d all left the Amish life and were struggling to adapt to life “outside.”

We learned that Mosie had just received a letter from his Amish parents telling him he was not welcome back, “even for a wedding or a funeral.” He was, in essence, shunned or ostracized by his family now. A teenager with no family contact or support. My heart broke for him.

“If his parents don’t want him, we’ll take him,” I immediately said upon hearing about his rejection.

Within weeks of meeting Mosie – and after much prayer – we suggested to him that we become his English parents. “I’d like that,” he softly replied, his brown cow eyes cast downward.

Mosie moved in and lived with us for a year. During that time I “mothered” him the best I could; teaching him about personal hygiene, car insurance, dating, and other life lessons our teens take for granted. I mentored him in making new friends, tutored him in his GED studies, included him in our family vacation – his first time to see the ocean – paid for his dental care, eye exam, and other childhood necessities. I prayed for and with him, explained Bible verses, and gave him lots of “mom” hugs and verbal affirmation. The year he lived with us wasn’t easy; it was an emotional roller-coaster for everyone in our family.

After getting a job, car, and a place to permanently live, he moved out and onward. Today Mosie lives in North Carolina, is active in an Evangelical church, and has a job, home, and girlfriend. He’s happy. We recently visited him and he proudly introduced us to his new friends as “my English mom and dad.”

My husband smiles. “Now we’re seeing the end result.”

Mosie was my first. Since then God has entrusted me with Harvey, Josh, Levi, Noah, Sarah, Monroe, and more.  Although mentoring each is different as is my level of involvement, God is showing me that I can “Mother” and mentor anywhere, anytime . . . I just need to be available, sensitive to His purpose, and ready to respond. Sometimes it’s as simple as including them for holiday dinners so they’d have a home away from home; others need physical basics like a birth certificate, Social Security number, job, housing, toiletries and English clothing. Many just need a “mom” hug.

Because my experiences being a “Mom” to the ex-Amish – as Marvin first called me – I’ve begun blogging about my learning curve at www.BrendaNixonOnAmish.blogspot.com . I’ve learned there are many different Amish Orders; not all are the same, and they avoid mingling the Orders. Not all offer Rumspringa, which is a stereotype. I’ve learned the Orders are referred to as “higher” or “lower” depending upon their rules and behavior. So far my experiences are with Swartzentrubers – the most insular, punitive, and legalistic sect – the lowest Order and Old Order Amish. And they’re nothing like those in romance fiction books.

For years I’ve earned my living as a parenting speaker and author. I’ve traveled around the country speaking at family and childcare conferences and have penned books but, never did I imagine God would morph me parenting adolescents from an American sub-culture which is highly misunderstood and often idealized. It keeps me on my knees, satisfies my soul, and makes me jump for joy.

Are you in a club, school, church, employed environment or a volunteer position? God has placed you there for a purpose. I encourage you to receive the priceless experiences of “mothering” and mentoring where you are. He may pick you to be a prayer partner for someone, to “mother” a homesick college student, teach a Sunday school class, start a Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group, visit and encourage new moms, lead a Bible study, or mentor a new believer in God’s word.

Brenda’s story can be found in Moments of Miracles and Grace (Leafwood Publishers) http://www.amazon.com/Miracles-Moments-Grace-Inspiring-Stories/dp/0891124047. Visit me at www.BrendaNixonOnAmish.blogspot.com, learn a bit, break stereotypes, and leave your comments. Perhaps you might even want to wrap your heart and arms around an ex-Amish.

 

Brenda, Mom to the ex-Amish

November 11, 2013
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Communicating More But Saying Less

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Everyone looking down at a techie device

Does this conversation on a recent television sitcom between a mother and daughter regarding the son/brother who is away at college, resonate with you like it did with me?

Mom: I wrote him this big long email and he sent me a text! By the way, don’t send a text in response to an email. That’s just rude! He said, ‘Going to class gtg’. What does gtg mean?

Daughter: It means . . . ya know . . . Got to go.

Mom: What is ‘brb’?

Daughter: Be right back.

Mom: And then here’s the biggest insult, ‘love u’. Just ‘u’, not the whole word! I gave birth to ‘u’, don’t I deserve the ‘y’ and the o’? Then he sent me this little yellow smiley face. What’s that?

Daughter: A little emoji art for you.

Mom: I want to emoji art back. Show me how. Maybe he’ll respond to me then!

Are you laughing as hard as I did? I was watching this program with my adult daughter with whom I’ve had similar conversations. Here’s how the evolution of communication has spiraled with this daughter and with her brothers and sisters and their spouses! Anything similar happen in your family?

  • The phone: We had frequent conversations on old fashioned, landline phones.
  • Cell phones: Then came cell phones and we all went on the family plan and talked often.
  • Email: Free on the computer! No long distance charges or using cell minutes, so we wrote long emails regularly to each other. Even though I did miss hearing their voices, I loved receiving their newsy emails.
  • Facebook: I first got on Facebook to see what my daughter and grandkids were doing, since she stopped sending pictures by email and was only posting them on her timeline. Then, I started communicating with my readers more via Facebook, but my daughter started posting less.
  • Pinterest: “Mom you have to get on Pinterest,” so I did. Again, it was a great networking tool with my readers, but I seldom see my daughter on it anymore.
  • Smart Phones: All the kids got smart cell phones with virtual keyboards, which are a pain to type on, and if you try the speaker…who knows what embarrassing words you might be sending because the print is small and you can’t see the screen in the sunlight. But I got one anyway . . . . Even though they could receive email on their phones, the kids still didn’t respond to emails.
  • Texting: Then the kids did an intervention with my husband and me insisting that we add texting to our phone plan because that’s how they wanted to communicate with us. So we did, but again typing on phone keyboards is difficult—words are limited, and we have a limited texting plan. But they do respond better to texting, except our “conversations” now go something like this:

Wen wil u b here?

dnt no

How r u

Fine smiley face  or sometimes just smiley face

Meeting Them Where They’re At

I’ve seen some funny Facebook posts about moms and grandmas trying to text or use the speaker and the crazy things they end up “saying.” I haven’t mastered many of the imojis, and didn’t even know that’s what they’re called until I heard it on the above TV program. It took me forever to figure out how to make a heart, and I still haven’t mastered the wink, nor do I understand most other “imojis.”

However, I’ve learned: if I want to stay in communication with my kids and grandkids, I must learn to adjust, adapt, and appreciate new ways of communicating with a good attitude. It’s useless to continue sending emails that seldom get a reply. If texting is the way to get a response, then I’ll text until the next communication craze.

Some parents and grandparents throw up their hands in frustration over these communication trends and refuse to adapt. Then, they’ll complain about never hearing from their kids or grankids. We’re the losers if we stay stuck in techie avoidance, because technology is going to keep moving on whether we do or not.

Everyone’s Looking Down, Be Sure You’re Looking Up

If you observe most people today—families in homes, shoppers in the mall, diners at a restaurant or a coffeehouse—they’re looking down at their most prized possession, a cell phone. Yes, they also use tablets and Ipads, but a phone fits in a pocket or purse, and many simply hold it in their hand. Today’s generation seems desperate to stay in touch and be available, even if words are brief and few.

We can encourage our family and friends to have the Bible “AP” on their phone, and look down at that occasionally. YouVersion is a great resource and offers the Bible in all translations and yearlong reading plans. For years, I prayed that my daughter would want to read the Bible, and then her church challenged her to read the Bible via YouVersion on her smart phone. That worked for her because she checked her phone every morning, and she read the entire Bible in a year and 3 weeks. Now she gets YouVersion morning devotionals on her phone.

Remember what Satan tries to use for bad, God can always use for good.

Putting It All In Perspective

This is a great comparison of the Bible vs. the cell phone:

Ever wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone? What if . . .

We carried it around in our purses or pockets?

We flipped through it several times a day?

We turned back to go get it if we forgot it?

We used it to receive messages from the text?

We treated it like we couldn’t live without it?

We gave it to kids as gifts?

We used it when we traveled?

We used it in case of emergency?

Unlike our cell phone, we don’t have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill!

 

BTW, I still use email, allot, so email me or visit me on Facebook or leave a comment. I love to hear from you.

Be right back       THX

September 30, 2013
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Mentoring Tips on Raising Godly Children By Crystal Bowman

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In my book Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter, I point out that every parent of a prodigal wishes we had done things differently and started praying for our children when they were young, before they became prodigals. In the following guest post, Crystal Bowman author of My Mama and Me—Rhyming Devotions for You and Your Child, shares mentoring tips on raising godly children.

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No Greater Joy

One of my mom’s favorite Bible verses is 3 John 1:4 — I could have no greater joy than to hear that my children are following the truth.

Now that I am a mother and grandmother, that has become one of my favorite verses as well. My husband and I have raised three amazing children who are all walking with the Lord. As I mentor many young mothers through MOPS (Mother of Preschoolers), they want to know how we did it!

I believe you can be a wonderful, godly parent and still have children who walk away from the faith when they grow up. Many times it is only for a season, but for some, it is longer.

A Solid Foundation

The best thing we can do as parents is give our children a solid biblical foundation by teaching them about God from the time they are babies to the time they leave home. Since most of my books are for preschool children, I pray that the books I write will be a helpful resource for parents as they read and talk about spiritual things with their little ones. Reading with your children is one of the precious gifts of motherhood, and sharing your faith is the most important gift you can give your child.

Kid-friendly Devotions

Making time for bedtime Bible stories or mealtime devotions is a great way to teach children about God and encourage meaningful discussion. My newest book, My Mama and Me—Rhyming Devotions for You and Your Child features twenty-five devotions, each including a rhyming message that teaches children about God, a Scripture verse, a prayer, and an activity that reinforces the theme. The devotions are spiritually solid, yet fun and enjoyable for young children.

The Importance of Prayer

Many of the moms whom I mentor were not raised in Christian homes. They know it is important to pray for their children, but at times they feel inadequate. I remind them that God knows their hearts and they just need to talk to God like they talk to a friend. With that in mind, I wrote a prayer at the end of the book for mothers to pray over their children.

Just Released

My Mama and Me has just been released by Tyndale House Publishers. If you get a copy of the book, you will notice the book was written by two authors—Crystal Bowman and Teri McKinley. I am Crystal Bowman and Teri McKinley is my daughter. I have no greater joy!

Bio: Crystal Bowman is the author of over 80 books for children including The One Year Book of Devotions for Preschoolers, and My Grandma and Me—Rhyming Devotions for You and Your Grandchild. She is also a national speaker, a lyricist, and a regular contributor to Clubhouse Jr. Magazine.

www.crystalbowman.com

www.facebook.com/crystaljbowman

 Crystal Bowman and Teri McKinley

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August 26, 2013
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Mentor From Your Mess

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Kathy McDaniel and me

Kathy and Janet in Colorado

I saw the following post on the Facebook page of a dear long-time friend of the family. Kathy is a mom weathering through a difficult and long divorce. I asked to share her sage words of wisdom with my readers because she describes lived-out mentoring.

Kathy said absolutely and prays that her sharing will help many others!

God doesn’t allow us to go through difficult circumstances just to build our own character. As we experience His faithfulness in all situations, He wants us to share where our strength comes from with someone on a similar journey.

My passion is to help other women understand that mentoring is simply—Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness—my tagline for living the Christian life. Kathy gets that. I hope you do too!

Kathy’s Facebook Post with editorial review:

Reach Out and Touch Someone

I continue to hear more and more stories of women in the midst of divorce or separation, physical, verbal, and emotional abuse, and the victims of financial “money moving.” If you know someone going through this, please reach out to her. Let her know you care and that you’re there for her.

Pray consistently for her and her children! I can’t tell you how isolating it can be when your world is crashing down: you’re bruised and battle scarred, scared, and trying to be strong for your kids. It’s so easy to isolate because you have nothing left to give; but that’s when you need others to hold you up, pray for you, and bring you a Costco pizza so you remember to eat and feed your kids.

Don’t Let Anyone Walk Through Difficulty Alone

I never would have made it through without my family, friends, and church family, huddling around me and lifting me up in prayer. They wouldn’t let me isolate—even when I tried—and I am so blessed because of it. The numbers of women walking through this battle is staggering, and we need to make sure they don’t walk alone! And if you know a dad in this situation, reach out to him. The numbers aren’t as great, but the pain is just as deadly!

Honor Faithful Love

My heart aches when I see so many families torn apart by infidelity, abuse, porn, and arrogance. To those with a faithful spouse who keeps walking with you in the middle of life’s chaos, hold him/her close. Treasure them, pray for them!

Adopt a broken family into your hearts. Let their kids see a healthy marriage—they need to know it’s possible.

The First Step in Healing is Helping

For those who have walked the broken road and survived, share your story, wisdom, failures, hugs . . . as God leads you. Offer hope to those who can’t see past today! God allows us to go through trials because He has a greater purpose than we can see. One of those purposes is to comfort those who are on a similar journey. You understand what they are dealing with, when no one else can. You know how to pray for them. You know how to help them avoid things that you didn’t avoid. Guide them through the deep waters so that one day they can guide someone else.

Most importantly, point them to the ultimate Guide: Jesus Christ!

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Kathy is living out my paraphrase of Titus 2:3-5: Teach another woman what you’ve been taught so she can someday teach what you taught her . . .

Read more of Janet’s thoughts on mentoring.

August 19, 2013
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