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The Magnet Syndrome!

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My retired husband is constantly coming up to me asking, “What are you doing?” He said he can’t stay away—he’s drawn to me like a magnet.—Mariann

Dear God,

When we were first married, Dave literally followed me around the house wanting to do everything with me. He didn’t have any friends or interests beside his job, golf, and me. We quickly remedied that dilemma by finding him friends, serving at church, and starting guitar lessons—the guitar eventually fell by the wayside.

Now that he’s retired and home 24/7, I’m reliving those early years: it seems like every time I turn around, I’m running into him right behind me, or he’s occupying the same space I’m trying to claim. I can’t make a move without him showing up. I try having my “quiet time” outside, only to look up and see him coming out with his Bible ready to settle in across the table from me . . . which would be OK accept he doesn’t read quietly . . . he talks . . . .

I get up early and go for my walk, expecting him to be done in the kitchen when I return. To my chagrin, he doesn’t think about eating breakfast, until I do! If I get my vitamins out of the cupboard, he needs his. Bottles fall and pills fly as we reach around each other trying to grab ours off the shelf.

When I go into the bathroom to put on my makeup and dry my hair, he remembers he needs to shave. Since we only have one sink and mirror, that’s a big problem. Last night, I was trying to take a shower, and he had to go to the bathroom, even though he had just been in there flossing his teeth!

It’s like having a perpetual shadow! Lord, I need some space. Why does everything I do, trigger the exact same response in him? If I change my routine to accommodate him, he changes his routine to match mine—he’s like a magnet. Help! I love my husband, but I’m stumbling over him at every turn.

Crowded, Janet

Mentoring Moment

My friend Anita and I were walking together one morning and I was lamenting about what Dave and I now laughingly call the “Magnet Syndrome.” Anita said she and her husband, Gary, experience the same thing and then she shared the “breakfast dance” they often do in the mornings, just like Dave and me.

Anita also said she had been giving this phenomenon a lot of thought and concluded that the more time you spend together, the more you’re on the same “wave length.” You start thinking alike, your schedules are similar, and your body clocks become synchronized. You’re both hungry simultaneously and sometimes even need to use the bathroom at the same time!

Then she pointed out this is how God intended marriage: husbands and wives become as one. When we each went our separate ways during the day, we had to transition back to being “one” when we saw each other again at night. 24/7 togetherness reflects the oneness of Genesis 2:24—“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

Pondering Anita’s words, I realized how right she was. Instead of operating as two separate people in a marriage, 24/7 husbands and wives truly transition into one body—spiritually and physically. Exactly what we all agreed to in our marriage vows when the pastor said, “I present to you Mr. and Mrs. _____________, (fill in your names) united in marriage. What God has joined together, let no man separate.”

*This article contains excerpts from Janet Thompson’s  Dear God, He’s Home! A Woman’s Guide to Her Stay-at-Home Man

April 8, 2013
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40 Years of Love!

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“I’m sorry, but you’ll never have children.” Those were the doctor’s words to me at a post-op visit after surgery for a ruptured ovarian cyst. “Your ovaries look like those of a 90 year-old woman.” I was a twenty year-old, newly engaged college student. My life was over. Or so I thought.

After three years of marriage, I was thrilled to hear another doctor congratulate me: “You’re pregnant!” My mother called it a miracle, but I just wanted to be like any normal woman who could get pregnant and have a baby.

The last week of pregnancy, when my baby was a week overdue, everyone kept calling to see if I was “still home.” I enjoyed every moment of those 9 months and one week, and even steeled myself through a natural, long delivery, but nothing could prepare me for what it would feel like to hold my baby girl—instant, unconditional love.

I was a mom at last! But I had no concept of the life-changing responsibility I was undertaking or the importance of my being an exemplary role model for her. After all, she was just an infant and I would have so many years to work out all the details of mothering.

Where did those years go? This week, February 26, my baby girl, Kimberly Michele, turns 40 and she is a mother herself of three precious children. I remember the day I turned 40 and it doesn’t seem that long ago.

Kim and I didn’t have the life journey I anticipated upon first looking into her dark brown eyes. When she was only 2 years-old, her dad and I divorced, and I would spend the next seventeen years as a single mom juggling motherhood and a career. To the outside world, I did a great job as I moved up the career ladder of success; but as I moved further into the world and father away from the Jesus I asked into my heart at eleven, I role modeled the world’s ways to Kim.

Kim loved our life and all that I was able to provide her, even though she often cried that she missed me, as I headed off on another business trip. But we had time, right? She was still young and eighteen years is a long time…. I’ll make up to her the time we’ve been apart.

But in a blink of an eye, she was sixteen and dating. Then within moments, she was nineteen and declaring she was going off to college to live with her boyfriend, and she didn’t care what I had to say about it. I had recently rededicated my life to the Lord and was now trying to tell her this lifestyle was wrong, but she wasn’t buying it.

I mistakenly thought that when I changed my life and returned to God, she would follow right behind me. Wrong! That’s when the Lord assured me that, yes, I had let the first nineteen years of her life slip by without including Him in the parenting, but it wasn’t over yet. And so I began praying—daily, biblically, expectantly, persistently, sacrificially, unceasingly, and thankfully—as I describe in the first seven chapters of my book Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter.

I’d like to say that she instantly changed her ways, but it would be another six years of daily praying before she returned to me and to the Lord.

The Lord graciously restored the years the locust had eaten. I had the opportunity to do what I should have done from the day she was born: mentor her in how to be a godly woman. Today, I am so proud of the woman she has become. We’re now speaking together as “Two About His Work,” and she’s giving her testimony in a few weeks at her MOPS group.

Even through the difficult years, my love for Kim never faltered. She knew I didn’t condone her behavior, but neither did I condemn her. Our relationship has endured and grown stronger in spite of divorce, single parenthood, a traveling mom, both our prodigal years, my remarriage and blending a new family, my breast cancer, her infertility, and all the trials and joys of life.

I thought I would feel terribly old the day she turned 40; but instead, I feel blessed with the 40 years God has given me to love my precious daughter, and I’m grateful that the work He has done in my life will carry on through the work He is doing in her life. She’s my legacy, and I have given her the most valuable of inheritances: belief in Jesus Christ. 40 years is nothing in light of spending eternity together.

Mentoring Words to Moms:

  • Are you the woman today you want your daughter to become?  You’re the closest role model and mentor your daughter has.
  • It’s never too early to pray daily for your children. Pray for them before you have a problem.
  • Praying personalized Scripture—God’s Word back to Him—keeps you praying God’s will and not your own.
  • Enjoy every day of your children’s lives—they never get younger and neither to do you. Make each day count.

Janet-and-Kim

My daughter Kim and I speak together as Two About His Work.

February 25, 2013
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Thoughts on Applying 1 Thessalonians to Parenting By Janel Thompson

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My daughter-in-law, Janel Thompson, sent the family an email sharing what God revealed to her about parenting while studying the Book of 1 Thessalonians in the Bible. Read 1 Thessalonians yourself and then enjoy and reflect on what God might be telling you about your parenting or grandparenting. I would love to hear your comments. Janel writes:

I’ve been reading 1 Thessalonians with a different perspective. In the past, I’ve read it as Paul’s letter to the church. I’ve also read it as if I were part of the church Paul was writing to and how I could apply his words to my life. But this time, I read it with the eyes of a parent writing it to our kids, and it took on a whole new meaning. I don’t intend to change what Scripture says or make it say something it doesn’t, but I believe the Bible is living and active and God speaks to us in different ways at different times to teach us what we need at different seasons.
I want to share this with you because it was so fresh to me: encouraging, inspiring, and humbling. Oh my, I can truly say like Paul that I have not obtained any of these things, but I have a vision into what the future as a parent can be like.

Starting in 1 Thessalonians 1, it struck me that Paul wrote this letter to the church as both a “brother in Christ” and a parent. Parents all hope to be, “brothers in Christ” with our kids, but we’ve walked ahead of them in life and are called to lead and guide them to a personal relationship and walk with God. As Christians, I believe parenthood becomes our ministry and mission for the rest of our lives. The way we guide and influence our kids changes, but our call to love, encourage, guide, and care for them never goes away. They will move away, but like Paul, we’re never without an important role in their lives.

The following verses and thoughts came to mind as I read the first 3 chapters of 1 Thessalonians. I hope that you are encouraged and inspired as I was.
The parallel between Paul’s writing and parenting started with reading the end of 1:5 and the beginning of vs. 6, “We lived among you for your sake. You became imitators of us and of the Lord.” The word imitators made me think of how kids pick up many behaviors and attitudes from their parents. I find myself doing things my mom did and I see our kids mimic ways of coping and acting that my husband and I do. It’s scary that our kids imitate us! When I read this verse, I thought, God, please allow our kids to imitate only what will draw them closer to You. I know they’ll pick up many of our bad habits and attitudes, but by God’s grace may we also be able to model for them ways to live that please the Lord.
As my mind turned to our kids, I went back and read vs. 4, For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you.” I thought: We need to cement in our kids’ minds that they are loved and chosen by God! We love them, but God’s love is perfect; and when our kids feel let down and disappointed by us, they can know that God’s love is perfect.

Paul continues talking to the church about the things they watched Paul, and the others with him, go through. Paul lived with the people of the church for a time so they saw how he dealt with struggles, which provided a model for coping with their own struggles. Again, I saw the way this parallels parenthood. We can’t hide our struggles from our kids. Even though they may not know the details, they see how we react to stress. As our kids get older and mature, we should be open with them, because they’ll face “adult” decisions and struggles, and by talking to them about how we’re seeking God’s direction and wisdom processing through decisions, we can equip them to not be surprised by struggles they’ll face as adults.

Chapter 2:4 says Paul and the others were “men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel.” As parents, it’s empowering and humbling to think that we as a couple are approved by God and entrusted to parent our kids and guide them to Christ. In verses 7,8,11,12, Paul says they loved the church so much they enjoyed sharing their lives together. They were gentle as a mother caring for a young child and dealt with them as a father. They encouraged, comforted, and urged the people to live lives worthy of God who calls them.

Then I came to two different verses that I pray can be true about each of our kids.
“We also thank God continually because when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men, but as it actually is, the word of God, which is at work in you who believe” (1 Thess. 2:13). “For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when he comes? Is it not you? Indeed, you are our glory and joy” (1 Thess. 2:19-20).

Chapter 3 talks about a time when Paul was no longer with the church, but he still cared about their wellbeing and sent Timothy to “strengthen and encourage” them in their faith (vs. 2). This is similar to when our kids are no longer home all the time with us: in sports, school, Sunday school, and youth group. Even though we aren’t the only input in our kids’ lives, we still can influence who impacts them and expose them to other kids with a strong faith, so they can learn from others as well.

Paul expresses such intense feelings for the people he is writing to. “How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you?” (1Thess. 3:9). This is just the kind of thing we would want to say about our adult children. My husband and I went through a class at church that talked about having a “deparenting plan”. A plan as to how we will slowly help our kids become adults so they need less and less of our “parenting” and can rely more and more on their relationship with God to help them make wise decisions. This verse expresses how we will feel to see our kids as growing adults wise and walking with God.

Then I love the last verses in chapter 3 because as a mom, I never want to lose touch with our kids. I never want them to be out of touch with them. Paul had these same feelings for the church when he wrote. “Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith. Now may our God and Father himself and our Lord Jesus clear the way for us to come to you” (1 Thess. 3:10-11).

In closing, Paul’s prayer in verse 13 is a prayer I will pray for each one of our kids, “May he strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father when our Lord Jesus comes with all his holy ones.”

We are far from being perfect parents—we scream and lose our minds and screw up—but reading these verses gave me a vision for how it can be as parents of grown children, as well as prayers to pray for God’s grace and guidance.

December 2, 2011
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New Addition to the Family

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I am happy to announce that my once infertile and former prodigal daughter just had a beautiful baby girl on July 1. I went to Boise to visit and am now in Orlando at ICRS and back to Boise today for 10 days to enjoy her sweet family.

There is much interest in my future book Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? and possibly an infertility Bible study. If any of you would like to share your story of waiting on God to expand your family, I would love to receive it. Just write from your heart and you can send it to me as an email attachment. Don’t worry about grammar or writing perfectly. I will be editing it for you and using it where it fits into the book or Bible study.

I look forward to hearing from many of you. Also if you would like to receiving my monthly newsletter, just go to my website at http://www.womantowomanmentoring.com/ and sign up. It’s FREE.

July 16, 2008
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God-Incidences at Book Signings

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This past weekend I had my first book signings for Praying For Your Prodigal Daughter. What a blessing it was to be able to talk to parents who are searching for help…often so desperate. There were a few tears and lots of hugs as they shared their stories. Many commented that it was a devine appointment that brought them into the store.

I also had my previous book Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer on the book table and one woman came up to me and said her mother had just brought her my book from Boston, and here we both were in a bookstore together in Orange County California and this woman lived in San Diego!

We immediately hit it off talking both as breast cancer sisters and sisters in Christ. We exchanged contact information and you will see in this blog the picture of my new friend, Christine. We were in a mall at a Barnes & Noble not even living near each other, but God orchestrated our meeting. I love those “ah ha” moments with God, don’t you? I would love to hear some of the God-incidences you have had in your life. Write and share some with us.
About His Work,
Janet
February 12, 2008
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God-incidences at Book Signings

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This past weekend I had my first book signings for Praying For Your Prodigal Daughter. What a blessing it was to be able to talk to parents who are searching for help…often so desperate. There were a few tears and lots of hugs as they shared their stories. Many commented that it was a devine appointment that brought them into the store.

I also had my previous book Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer on the book table and one woman came up to me and said her mother had just brought her my book from Boston and here we both were in a bookstore together in Orange County California and this woman lived in San Diego! We immediately hit it off talking both as breast cancer sisters and sisters in Christ. We exchanged contact information and you will see in this blog the picture of my new friend Christine.

We were in a mall at a Barnes & Noble not even living near each other, but God orchestrated our meeting. I love those ah ha moments with God, don’t you? I would love to hear some of the God-incedences you have had in your life. Right and share some with us.

About His Work,

Janet

February 12, 2008
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