Home Archives for Janet Thompson

A Blessing and A Hearbreak

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agold-book

Last week, I was grumbling about filling out a long form for a local author’s group. I really don’t like forms and had procrastinated until the night before the due date. I decided to go to Amazon for ISBN numbers and descriptions, and there it was—I couldn’t believe it—Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer: A Companion Guide for Women on the Breast Cancer Journey was in the top 100 Best Sellers for breast cancer books —#28 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Diseases & Physical Ailments > Cancer > Breast Cancer!

I seldom look at my Amazon sales numbers, which change daily. If I let those numbers influence me, I might never write again. So I have no idea how long this book has been on Amazon’s bestseller list—every author’s dream—or how long it will stay there. Let me clarify that my book was not in the top 100 of all books on Amazon, but it was in the top 100 in its category. The number fluctuates from day to day, but it’s stayed in the top 100 for awhile.

In shock, I clicked on the link to the page displaying the top 100 books; and yes, there it was #28! A joyous “Yahoo!” quickly turned into a heartbreaking moan . . . this could only mean that more and more women are being diagnosed with breast cancer. In the span of a few moments, my feelings transgressed through shock, joy, gratefulness, praise, sadness, and finally humbleness that God would use me to comfort and encourage so many breast cancer sisters.

Reaching Out

Recently, I learned on Facebook that two author friends have breast cancer. One I have known for years, and the other I’ve only recently met on Facebook. I’ve left occasional comments and “likes” on their timelines, but I felt the Holy Spirit persistently nudging me to engage with these breast cancer sisters on a more personal level.

I knew what I was to do—I messaged each one and simply said: I’m a three-time breast cancer survivor and I’ve written a book that might bring you comfort. I’m praying for you and want you to know that I’m here for you if you have questions or just want to chat or cry. Immediately, both responded back thanking me and had so many questions that only someone who has been through this heartbreak could answer. One wrote: Thank you for reaching out to me. I’ve asked the Lord to bring me together with women who have experienced this and that can encourage me. You are one of them.

Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness

People all around us are praying that the Lord will bring someone experienced in what they’re going through. God has allowed me challenging experiences like having a prodigal, infertility, breast cancer, divorce, being a single parent, my father murdered, blending a family, and chronic back pain to name a few. In dealing with life’s hard times, I have two choices—as  do you—1) wallow in self-pity that spirals into depression and a victim personality, 2) trust God and turn hurts and pains over to Him and let Him use them to His glory.

It’s A Choice

I will rejoice that God has used my breast cancer to help me pen Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer to comfort, encourage, and walk beside other women who are dealing with this devastating disease. And I will rejoice that for now, it is an Amazon Best Seller because hopefully the publisher will keep it in print longer to bless other women. That has been a long-time prayer because publishers need to see books selling in order to keep investing in them.

I am humbled that God has gifted me with the ability and desire to share my life experiences with others to offer hope in God alone. It’s hard to believe He thinks I am worthy of such a calling, but as long as we are on this earth, there is going to be pain and suffering, and if He thinks I can help comfort the afflicted then I am blessed, even if it’s heartbreaking.

 

What experience do you think God is asking you to share with someone who is hurting right now?

 How can you reach out and let them know that God is there for them and so are you?

Breast cancer book

July 22, 2013
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Got Books?

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academic,books,leisure,libraries,research,shelves,volumes,information,knowledge,stacks

My former Pastor, Rick Warren, says that every leader is a reader. Pastor Rick is a voracious reader, and consequently, knowledgeable and well versed on a variety of topics. I understand and share Pastor Rick’s passion for reading as evidenced by visitors to our home: walls of bookshelves overflowing with books, and books and magazines bookmarked or dog-eared in every room. I never want to find myself without something to read, so I’m often reading many different books and articles in different rooms of the house, at the same time. I had to laugh when my 7 year-old granddaughter asked why I had a magazine rack in the bathroom! That seemed normal to me J.

Sharing a Love of Reading and Writing

This past Saturday, I enjoyed spending the day with others who share my love of books. I presented my authored books at the Pacific Northwest Church Librarians annual conference held in Nampa, Idaho. Many local authors were there with their books too, and we all enjoyed a keynote presentation from the delightful and prolific Lauraine Snelling, author of 70 books and still writing.

Lauraine asked if we could remember a librarian who had influenced us as a young reader. Since her audience was comprised of librarians and authors, all our hands shot up! Lauraine mentioned that when she was a child, the librarians at her local library and the bookmobile fostered her love of books.

Lauraine’s question prompted memories of my childhood and the bookmobile that parked in our neighborhood every other week. If you’re too young to remember bookmobiles, they were libraries on wheels. The closest thing I can compare them to is a very large, gutted out motor home with bookshelves full of books lining the walls. The local neighbors could check out and return books.

As a kid, I would ride my bike to the bookmobile and check out my limit of books—the library limit or the limit I could fit into the basket on my bike, whichever came first. When I was sixteen and could drive, I spent countless weekends at the library doing research for class projects. I would pack a lunch and spend the day. Just walking into the library gave me the same rush as walking into a bookstore does today. So many books, so little time, as I’ve always been a slow, but persistent, reader.

Fostering the Love for Books in the Next Generation

Today, I live in a tiny rural town—no bookmobiles, but we have a brand new library where my grandkids love to go when they come to visit. We check out their limit of books, DVDs, and backpacks full of fun activities—going to the library is actually right up there with going to the pool and the river—well maybe a close second. But I love it when one of them asks if we can go to the library!

Many of our eleven grandchildren have their own library card at their local libraries, and Grampa and I often choose books for birthday and Christmas gifts for the grandkids and their parents.

How Can Reading Change Your Life?

I did not set out to be a writer. I have degrees in Food Administration, Business Administration, and Christian Leadership, but not writing. I’ve always been in awe of those who could engage a reader by mastering the art of conveying and organizing thoughts, ideas, research, and words into a book. I never thought that would describe me someday. Then in 1997, without me seeing it coming, God asked me to put into writing how to start a mentoring ministry. Still I didn’t consider myself an author; I was just writing a manual for how to start, grow, and maintain a mentoring ministry. Then those who used Woman to Woman Mentoring How to Start, Grow, and Maintain a Mentoring Ministry to start their mentoring ministries wanted to know how to train, and offer mentor and mentee handbooks. More “resource” writing.

Next, it was my husband suggesting I write Bible studies for the mentors and mentees to study together and the Face-to-Face Bible Study series was born. Then, I had breast cancer and longed for a book not yet written. God prompted me that the purpose in my breast cancer was to write that book, and Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer was written out of my pain and desire to provide my breast-cancer sisters with the book I wished I had: a mentor, friend, record keeper, love letter from God, snippets of other women’s stories, and places to write my own story.

Now, here I am seventeen books later and working on the next book. Had I not been an avid reader, I couldn’t have started and lead the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry. I read every book I could get my hands on that dealt with mentoring—starting with the Bible. I could have never written Bible studies without reading the Bible, commentaries, and researching how to write Bible studies.

Reading may not prompt you to become a writer, but it will expand the horizons of your mind and your world. However, let me encourage you to be selective with what you read. Not all books are equal, and not all books are good for our minds. Many books, like many movies and television shows, are actually detrimental to our mental, emotional, and spiritual health. There’s power in the written word: for good or evil. Be selective in what you read. Remember: trash in, trash out.

I recommend selecting reading material from Christian bookstores and Christian book sites like christianbook.com. Of course, the best book to start with is the best seller of all time—the Bible.

I would love to hear what made you a lover of books and what books you’re reading now. Please leave a comment and let’s share with each other. I’m reading Congo Dawn by Jeanette Windle and really enjoying her knowledge of the Congo and the story line. Ok, now it’s you’re turn.

July 15, 2013
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“Organic” Mentoring. . . Say What?

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My 9 yr-old granddaughter and I are studying together Face-to-Face with Mary and Martha

My 9 yr-old granddaughter and I are studying together Face-to-Face with Mary and Martha

The first time I heard “organic” used in the same sentence with “mentoring” in the church, I was curious and cautious. I wondered: Say what? How’s that working for you? How many women in your church connect “organically” into a mentoring relationship and how does the word “organic” apply in the church?

[Tweet “How many women in your church connect “organically” into a mentoring relationship “]

Synonyms for “organic” in Roget’s Super Thesaurus are:  inherent, intrinsic, innate, native, natural—untouched by man. So using the term “organic” for mentoring implies that mentoring relationships will just happen naturally in the church with no outside help. Yet, when I do Woman to Woman Mentoring trainings on how to formally develop a mentoring ministry in your church and ask the audience how many see mentoring happening naturally in their churches—spiritually younger women asking spiritually older women to mentor them, or vice versa—they respond, negative.

What Does The Bible Say?

[Tweet ” the majority of women in churches do not naturally, or “organically,” live out Titus 2:3-5″]

Perhaps a few mentoring relationships do develop “organically,” but the majority of women in churches do not naturally, or “organically,” live out Titus 2:3-5, where we are instructed as Christian women to:

 Teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

I am sure that Paul, the author of the Book of Titus, expected that women would naturally follow his admonition, and maybe they did in that day, but today, by their own admission, most women don’t have the desire, energy, interest, or feel they have the time to apply these Scriptures “organically.” Common concerns are thinking that they don’t know enough to mentor and fear of rejection.

My passion is to help women understand the biblical mandate in Titus 2:3-5 to mentor each other and to cultivate a culture of mentoring in our churches. But this takes work—for the women’s ministry director and the women she shepherds. In today’s culture, our inherent, intrinsic, innate, natural,—organic if you will—bent is to take care of our own needs and those of our immediate families.

Organic Takes Effort

Organic certainly has a place in gardening, and my husband and I have striven to eat organically produced foods since my first diagnosis of breast cancer twelve years ago. But “man” touches organic gardens; they don’t just happen naturally or innately. Organic produce takes time, energy, and effort to grow and cultivate without chemicals, and hence, the higher price in the market. Organic gardens don’t sprout up and grow inherently or intrinsically—they need an overseer, someone who plants the seeds, waters, weeds, watches over them to make sure bugs and weather don’t destroy, harvests, nurtures, and cares for the garden.

[Tweet “Very few ministries take place organically in a church”]

And here’s my point: so do mentoring relationships and mentoring ministries. Very few ministries take place organically in a church—the music ministry doesn’t organically come together Sunday morning to lead worship without practice, leading, and direction. Children’s programs don’t just spring up organically on Sunday morning without preparation, planning, and supervision. The pastor doesn’t get up in the pulpit and preach whatever organically comes to his mind that morning—he has put in research, energy, effort, planning and study time to prepare his message. People don’t organically become Christians—our natural or native selves are sinful and we must intentionally be born-again.

Rather than using the buzzword “organic,” I propose we think intentional. Intentionally cultivate Titus 2:3-5 in your church, and nurture One generation will commend your works to another, they will tell of your might acts” Psalm 145:4. Help the women learn how to share intentionally their life experiences and God’s faithfulness and help connect and nurture them in mentoring relationships. I guarantee the women in your churches will be “organically” blessed when you have an intentional mentoring ministry—as expressed in this email I received recently from a mentee:

Hi Janet,

About 15 years ago, I attended a Woman to Woman mentoring coffee at Saddleback Church and was matched into a mentoring relationship with Ellie Swain. I just wanted you to know what a blessing that was. I moved to Arizona, and Ellie moved to Arkansas, but we visit each other and talk on the phone nearly every week to encourage each other in our walk with Jesus.

Janet, you made a difference in our lives. Thank you!

July 8, 2013
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Free Indeed!

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This week we’ll fire up the barbeques, grab the beach towels, and get ready for a day of celebration capped off with the best fireworks display we can locate in our area. The 4th of July is a day that businesses often close, workers get the day off, and families and friends gather for a time of good food and good fun. It’s a national holiday only celebrated in the United States of America—the home of the free!

For those who remember their history lesson, on July 4, 1776 the Declaration of Independence from English tyranny was adopted by the Continental Congress and the thirteen colonies that comprised America were now free to set up their own laws to govern the people and ensure the rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Freedom came at a high price—paid in blood—the blood of 8000 Americans who died in combat, another 17,000 who died from war-related diseases and thousands more wounded and maimed for life. Brave men who were willing to give their life so that you and I could be free to live our life the way we choose, within the restraints of the laws of man and God.

Those of us who know the Lord as our Savior also enjoy another type of freedom also paid for in blood—of only one man—Jesus Christ. I love how The Message translation describes in Colossians 1:20-23 our freedom as Christians:

You yourselves are a case study of what he does. At one time you all had your backs turned to God, thinking rebellious thoughts of him, giving him trouble every chance you got. But now, by giving himself completely at the Cross, actually dying for you, Christ brought you over to God’s side and put your lives together, whole and holy in his presence. You don’t walk away from a gift like that! You stay grounded and steady in that bond of trust, constantly tuned in to the Message, careful not to be distracted, or diverted. There is no other Message—just this one.

Then in 1 Peter 2:13-17, The Message, Peter tells us how to live as both free citizens and free Christians:

Make the Master proud of you by being good citizens. Respect the authorities, whatever their level; they are God’s emissaries for keeping order. It is God’s will that by doing good, you might cure the ignorance of the fools who think you’re a danger to society. Exercise your freedom by serving God, not by breaking the rules. Treat everyone you meet with dignity. Love your spiritual family. Revere God. Respect the government.

I don’t know about you, but with the recent decisions of the Supreme Court regarding marriage and a liberal president, I’m convicted by that last sentence: “Respect the government.” How can I respect a government that violates what I know to be true and right according to God and His Word? Their decisions and actions frustrate and anger me; and as a free citizen, I have the right to have those feelings and even express them publicly. There are countries today where criticizing the government—even in jest or in passing—can result in imprisonment and punishment.

This 4th of July, I will celebrate the freedoms we enjoy as citizens of the United States in gratitude and memory for those who laid down their life for that freedom. I will respect the law of the land, even when I don’t agree with it, but will exercise my freedom to vote for government officials who respect the laws of God.

The greater celebration, however, was Sunday morning at church when I took communion with my church family in remembrance of Christ who died to free me from the grip of sin and death. Now we’re talking freedom—free indeed!

 

July 1, 2013
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Character From An 8 Year-old’s Perspective

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First day of VBS

The above picture is of the grandkids and me heading off to our first day of Vacation Bible School at our church, located at the bottom of the hill we live on. The kids and I like to walk down to VBS every morning and trudge back up the hill after the hot lunch provided for all the VBS kids!

At the bottom of the hill, we have to cross a two-lane country road, which is the only access in and out of our area, so it’s busy in the morning. Where we live there are no stoplights or crosswalks, so the kids and I stand patiently waiting for our chance to cross the street. When there’s a clearing in the “traffic,” we hold hands and walk across the road to church. As a side note, we live in a rural area, so I use the term “traffic” very loosely!

Several mornings, the kids and I were surprised and elated that cars going both directions simultaneously stopped to let us walk across the road. They were literally stopping traffic for us. We waved a thank you, and in true country fashion, the drivers waved back with a nod of the head conveying: no problem . . . our pleasure . . . have a fun day. We probably looked like a protective mamma duck and her little ducklings trying to cross the road.

One morning as cars were stopped for us to cross the road, 8 year-old Brandon intuitively commented, “Grammie, you know those people who stop for us . . . they are people of character!” I was truly stunned to hear such wisdom coming from my precious little grandson, who gave his heart to Jesus at VBS. I told Brandon that he was exactly right; they truly were people of character. Then I mused that those kind motorists had no idea the impression they had just made on this little guy.

Brandon’s definition of a person of character seems to be someone who does the right thing: goes out of their way to help others, even if it’s inconvenient. A person who sees someone in need and stops to help, even if it makes him or her late, or others are irritated with their act of kindness. Someone who thinks of others needs before their own needs and are always looking for people to help or assist. It made me wonder how many people I influence every day by my actions and my deeds. Would I be considered a woman of character . . . all the time? Am I always looking out for someone, literally or figuratively, standing on the side of the road needing someone to stop and notice his or her dilemma?

In busy towns, I’ve seen so many motorists  who barely let someone cross in front of them in a crosswalk before rushing on through or making an impatient turn when pedestrians just clear the front of their car. These could be drivers headed to church or late for a small group meeting or rushing to do good, while not seeing the good they could do right in front of them.

It makes you think doesn’t it?

Speaking of people of character, my husband Dave’s story of being a father who follows The Father was featured on Father’s Day at The M.O.M Initiative. So proud of the godly husband, father, and grampa he is as the Spiritual Leader of our family. Now that’s a man of character!

June 24, 2013
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Love Song Couples Getaway

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God’s Call?

Last fall, I was browsing Facebook and the web looking for a picture of the Harvest Crusade for a power point presentation to accompany my testimony at a retreat. 20 years ago, I rededicated my life to Christ at a Harvest Crusade led by Pastor Greg Laurie. When Pastor Greg asked if we were ready to die tonight, I knew at that time my answer would have been, “No.” Even though I had accepted Christ as my Savior at the age of twelve, as a divorced single mom I had spent many years backsliding.

On the Harvest Crusade Facebook page, there was a picture of Pastor Greg Laurie, so I decided to “Like” his Facebook page and saw that he was speaking in Maui in May 2013 at an event called The Love Song Couples Getaway at the Grand Wailea in Maui.

The Love Song Couples Getaway sounded like a perfect way to celebrate and commemorate two major life events. The same night I rededicated my life at the Harvest Crusade, I also heard God telling me to rededicate myself to the godly man He had given me to date, Dave! I did, and we were married 6 months later. So it was not only the 20th anniversary of me rededicating my life, but also our 20th wedding anniversary, which we had talked about celebrating in Hawaii. And Pastor Greg was going to be speaking at the Getaway…this had to be God!

I presented all this to Dave and he said, no. I told him that Mac Powell from Third Day would be leading worship, along with Chris August and Leeland, but still he felt it was too extravagant. So I gave up the cause . . . until December when I saw that they were having a Christmas discount. I again approached Dave, and this time he was more receptive. Several days later, he booked us to go!

The Witness

I was able to witness to so many people about why I thought God was leading us to take this trip. I told them about rededicating my life to God at the Harvest Crusade twenty years ago and that Pastor Greg Laurie would be speaking at the event in Maui, which just happened to coincide with our 20th wedding anniversary. Then I told them about how I had broken up with Dave before the Crusade, but that night we had sat in his car hashing out our relationship until the parking lot of Anaheim Stadium emptied, and how I felt God calling me to rededicate myself to Dave. I told versions of this story to people at the grocery store, hairdressers, family, friends, friends’ of friends, strangers . . . anyone who asked where we were going on vacation! It became quite a testimony.

A Glimpse of Heaven

The trip seemed so far off when we booked it last December, but May 23 we took off for the best vacation of our lives! Imagine Mac Powell, Chris August, and Leeland playing worship music on the sprawling lawn in front of the Grand Wailea chapel with the soft sound of the ocean waves accompanying them, or watching a beautiful Hawaiian sunset while listening to a worship concert by one of these amazing godly musicians. Or listening to Greg Laurie or Pastor Jim Wright (from Oregon) talk about our marriage relationship and our relationship with the Lord.

We all wore blue wristbands for admission into the Love Song events, but the wristbands also allowed us to identify each other on and off the resort. We made many new friends from all over the United States, Canada, and Australia because when you saw the wristbands, you knew this person was “family” . . . the family of God.

It was a glimpse of heaven: a tropical paradise with amazing Christian worship music morning and night and fellowshipping with hundreds of Christian believers.

When they announced where the trip would be next year—back to Maui or Paradise Island in the Bahamas—Dave was one of the first to jump out of his seat to sign up for the Bahamas.

If you’re looking for a vacation that combines Christian teaching, worship music, lots of free time, a chance to make new friends, or just be alone in a beautiful oasis, we highly recommend this God-centered vacation. The young couple orchestrating Love Song Couples Getaway feels it is their ministry to provide outstanding Christian getaways for couples. Dave and I would agree they are definitely fulfilling God’s call!

Mac Powell of Third Day and me                    Getting a book signed by Pastor Greg Laurie

Our first day                                                                             Making new friends

June 17, 2013
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The Wonders of Prayerful Handholding

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You’ve probably noticed that I’ve had guest bloggers the past three weeks while I was on vacation and participating in our churches VBS with my grandkids. A big thank you to Julie Sanders and Stephanie Shott for their great guest blogs. In the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing the many God wonders from our vacation and VBS adventures, starting with today’s blog post.

Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare.—Psalm 40:5

 

The Wonders of Prayerful Handholding!

“Bless you both,” I heard as my husband, Dave, and I opened our eyes after praying over our dinner in the Seattle airport food court. I looked up to see an elderly gentleman and his wife beaming at us from the next table. In an instant, we all knew that we shared something in common—God! When we acknowledged the husband’s comment, his wife gleefully added, “And I said to my husband, ‘Look they’re holding hands while they pray!’”.

As we chatted with the couple, we learned that they were waiting to board a plane to Orange County, our former home, and they were traveling from Canada. I later told Dave that I have always wanted to acknowledge others praying over their meal when we’re out to eat, but I never knew exactly what to say that wouldn’t be intrusive—now I knew exactly what to say!

Backing up a bit…earlier that morning, Dave and I had again held hands and prayed as we sat in the Boise airport anticipating a long travel day with a seven hour layover in Seattle on our way to Maui. We asked God to use our long waits and travel times to His glory and that He would have us encounter the people He wanted us to meet. As we said “Amen,” I heard a familiar voice calling my name and it was the sweet receptionist at our Garden Valley Clinic. She was on her way to Texas, and as we chatted together she told us of her friend she was going to help move back to Idaho, and we were able to share with her about a group we are starting in our home that might help her friend.

After sixteen hours of travel and a four hour time change, we finally made it to the beautiful island of Maui ready to enjoy a week at the Love Song Couples Getaway at the Grand Wailea Resort. Since it took us a day of travel and we arrived late at night, we had decided to go two days early and spend our first two nights before the Getaway started at a less expensive hotel near the airport on a different part of the island than the Grand Wailea.

Our first morning in this “tropical paradise,” we headed down to the hotel’s restaurant for my favorite Hawaiian breakfast: pancakes with coconut syrup.  While savoring every bite, I noticed that a couple who had just been seated at the table next to us were holding hands and praying before their meal, as Dave and I had done before they arrived. Here is my chance to try out my acknowledgement greeting.

So when I heard “Amen,” I said to them “Bless you both.” They looked a little surprised at first, but as the conversation ensued, it turned out they too were from Orange County and were also headed to the Love Song Couples Getaway, and like us, had decided to come in two days early and stay near the airport! What are the chances of that? Hmmm, God was really answering our prayer to orchestrate who He wanted us to meet.

The next day at the same restaurant for breakfast, I noticed another couple sitting next to us and they were finishing their meal as we sat down. Dave and I ordered and then held hands and prayed a blessing over our food. As the couple got up to leave, I noticed the husband gave us a kind acknowledging smile.

Later that day, we checked out of our hotel and checked into the Grand Wailea, where the Love Song Couples Getaway was being held. And who should we see in the lobby but the same couple we had seen that morning at breakfast! It turns out that they had watched us pray over our meal and the wife had said to the husband, “Why don’t we hold hands while we pray?”

Thousands of tourists are on the island of Maui ever day…what are the chances that we would meet two couples going to the same retreat we were who were staying the first two night on the same part of the island that we did, and that we would eat breakfast in the same place at the same time, and that holding hands while we prayed would be our connecting factor.

We became great friends with both of these couples while we were at the Getaway and thanks to Facebook and email, we’ll stay friends across the miles. As other couples asked us how we met each other, it gave us another opportunity to share our story of the wonders of God using handholding while praying.

I have so much to tell you about the Love Song Couples Getaway, which I will in upcoming blogs, but let me salt you with saying it was the best, God-filled vacation we have ever had and we’ve already signed up to go next year to the Bahamas with them. This vacation was better than our expectations and a wise investment of our time and resources to enhance our marriage and draw us closer to each other and God.

Do you hold hands with your spouse when you pray?

Dave and I have held hands praying since before we were married…we hold hands whenever we pray whether it be in church, over a meal anywhere and everywhere… yes even over pizza…and when we pray together at home. We also hold hands with our friends, family, kids, grandkids, visitors . . . whoever is in the circle of breaking bread together when we pray over a meal. There’s a unity that comes from clasping our hands in another’s and lifting your heart to the Lord together. And who knows….God just might use it as your witness and help you make new friends!

You might enjoy looking over some tips for Praying as a Couple that I included in Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter.

June 10, 2013
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Mother’s Day: Happy or Hurting

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“I hate Mother’s Day!” said my dear friend who is longing for a baby. “You know that women struggling with infertility don’t go to church on Mother’s Day.” Kris agrees, “I was that mom-in-waiting for 16 years; I stayed away from baby showers, church, and friends who would get pregnant. I didn’t stop praying, but it WAS the worse pain.” Lisa concurs, “I am guilty of having skipped church a few years before we adopted my son.”

In my book, Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? A Companion Guide for Couples on the Infertility Journey, my own daughter wrote about her painful Mother’s Day experience:

Dear God,

It’s almost Mother’s Day and I don’t know if I can handle seeing all those happy moms at church and brunch. I’m trying to focus on my mom and not think about how I’m missing out on being a mommy on yet another Mother’s Day. This year is especially hard since we’ve been trying to be parents for so long and so hard, only to be repeatedly disappointed. At the store looking for a card for my mom, I see the cute cards at the end of the aisle “To Mommy”…oh God, I wish I were someone’s mommy! I look away and continue focusing at the task ahead, getting my mom and mothers-in-law their cards.

Today’s the day, it’s Mother’s Day. I don’t think I can bear it. It’s just begun and already I want this day over. I pull myself out of bed and get ready for church. I’m not looking forward to the sermon about children being a blessing and honoring mothers. God, help me focus on my mom.

We met my parents at church and I put on my happy face, when inside I was crying watching all the mothers with big smiles dressed in pretty spring dresses and children running all around. This was a day of celebration and I just wanted to go back to bed. The pastor started the message with asking all the mothers to stand up. Hundreds of women stood and everyone applauded. I couldn’t take it any longer and sat slouched over in my seat quietly crying. Toby put his arm around me and my mom held my hand, but nothing took away the pain. I barely heard the rest of the message.

After brunch, I came home, collapsed on my bed, and cried myself to sleep where I remained the rest of the day. God, please don’t make me go through another Mother’s Day with this hole in my heart. I want to stand up in church with all those other mothers beaming from ear to ear and have everyone applaud me. God, please let me stand up next year.

Mother’s Day is especially hard for mommies-in-waiting, but for most of these women, every day is hard. With 1 in 6 couples experiencing infertility, you are, or know, a woman experiencing this heartache. Often we don’t know what to say to them, so we say nothing, or maybe unintentionally say something that makes them feel worse. Kris, who I mentioned in the opening paragraph, says, “We cannot ignore them [women longing for a child]. I know how hard it was for people to talk to me. But I would have loved it if they did.”

In Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby?, I offer tools to help you know the “Top Fifteen Things Not to Say or Do And To Say or Do to Someone Experiencing Infertility.” This list is also on the Infertility Support page on my website.

When I was writing the book, women often told me that the place they felt the loneliest was the church. That breaks my heart.  Jesus said he came for the sick, and that includes heartsick. The church should be a safe place for the hurting, not a place where they feel shunned or outcast.  How does your church comfort mommies-in-waiting on Mother’s Day and every day?

Mothers of Prodigals

Another group of women who will be hurting on Mother’s Day are the mothers of prodigals. They may not even know where there child is, or know all too well where they are and what they are doing that breaks a mother’s heart and the heart of God. These moms also need comforting, a hug, a reminder that this day is for them too and they are not forgotten or ignored.

I was that hurting mom and in Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter: Hope, Help & Encouragement for Hurting Parents, I tell the story of praying daily that my daughter would find her way back to God, and six years later, she did. This Mother’s Day weekend she and I will be sharing our story at a Mother/Daughter tea. I’ve had a vision of us doing this for many years and prayed expectantly that God would bring my dream to life, and He has.

And Kim who was that heartsick mommy-in-waiting on Mother’s Day is now blessed with a family, but when we speak to the women God brings to this Mother’s Day Tea, neither of us will ever forget what it felt like to be hurting on Mother’s Day. We will speak with caring and compassion a comforting message of hope in God’s plan and timing. We won’t ignore these women, we will love on them!

I hope that you will do the same for the mommies-in-waiting, the moms of prodigals, or the moms who have lost a daughter or a son who may need a shoulder to cry on . . . a prayer . . . an understanding hug. If you’ve been where they’re at, mentor them like only someone who has been in their shoes can. If you haven’t been in their shoes, just let them know you can’t possibly understand, but you’re there for them and God is too!

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”—1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)

NOTE: Besides not knowing what to say, many of us don’t know what to give a mommy-in-waiting or a mom of a prodigal, and so we usually give them nothing. The books I have written for these women are full of hope and encouragement from the voices of other women who have walked the same journey, as well as from God’s Love Letter.  So for the month of May I’m running a sale on my website for Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? and Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter. Another helpful book might be Face-to-Face with Sarah, Rachel, and Hannah: Pleading with God. I will sign and personalize each book.

May 6, 2013
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Sisters in Christ

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My husband, Dave, and I have just returned from a three-week road trip to California and Oregon. The purpose of our trip was for me to speak at the Christian Ministries Training Association’s annual conference in Pasadena, CA, and at LifeWay’s You Lead event in Eugene, OR. Along the way, we visited with friends and family.

When Dave and I were first married, we prayed for God to bring us Christian friends we could enjoy together as a couple. We each came from divorce and it’s often uncomfortable being around couples that were friends with your former spouse. God has continued to answer our prayer over our twenty years of marriage and we have a multitude of Christian friends in both California and Idaho. What we have noticed is how these friendships traverse time and distance. When we return to California we pick up right where we left off . . . almost as if we never left.

In the family of God, we share a common bond that binds us together across the miles and over the years.

When I speak to groups of Christian women, that same bond is evident. It’s as if there is an unspoken sisterhood. We share a common love for Jesus and reach out to each other with that love. I’m always welcomed with gratitude for the time I’ve spent preparing and the energy I put into presenting. I take a personal interest in helping each woman work on her ministry and relationship with Jesus.

Usually, I’ve never met these women, but by the end of my session or sessions or retreat or conference, I’ve made new friends. During my time with them, I’ll point out that we are all sisters in Christ with the same heavenly Father, and I’ll have them turn to each other and say: “Hey sis, did you know we have the same Father?” It makes them smile and laugh, but it also brings home the point that Christians are all in the family of God.

Dawn Stephenson, a LifeWay trainer and women’s ministry director who was also a trainer at You Lead with me in Eugene, explains it like this: “Amazing how God weaves our relationships together for our good and His glory!”

In my Bible study Face-to-Face with Mary and Martha: Sisters in Christ I point out that:

In spite of the scene in Luke 10:38-42, Mary and Martha were very much a part of each other’s lives, and perhaps were friends as well as sisters: the Scriptures always mention them together. Like Mary and Martha and the sisters in this Bible study, sisters who share a family heritage often remain close throughout life. However, sisters also can go separate ways as adults. But sisters in Christ have a spiritual heritage that is often stronger than blood ties.

I’d love to hear about your sisters in Christ and the role they play in your life. I wish I had a closer relationship with my blood sister, but I’m so grateful that I share with so many sisters in Christ the love for Jesus who shed His blood for each of us.

 

PS I’m writing a new book with a working title of How Good is God? I Can’t Remember . . . 10 Ways to Never Forget God’s Faithfulness. If you have a story of forgetting God’s goodness (and don’t we all) or ways that help you remember God’s faithfulness, I’d love to see your story for consideration in the book. You can reach me from the website or leave a comment here.

April 29, 2013
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5 Things You Should Know About “Dear God, He’s Home! A Woman’s Guide to Her Stay-at-Home Man”

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1. It’s humorous.

When I was writing the book and telling people about it, there was always laughter and chuckles. My husband noticed this and asked me if it was going to be a funny book. I told him there would be some funny parts . . . but the book wouldn’t portray husbands in a negative light or poke fun at them.

Sometimes the best way to handle a transition or new situation is to laugh—at yourself and the circumstances. The humor comes from our humanness and some of the crazy things we do and say. God will turn your tears into laughter, and your mourning into dancing, if you let Him (Ecclesasties 4:10)

2. It’s also serious.

The book had to include serious moments because the circumstances that bring a husband home are often very serious—illness, accidents, disability, layoffs, PTSD, unplanned retirement . . . just to name a few. And the transitions that the wife and husband experience can at times be serious. God takes our problems and trials seriously (Matthew 11:28), so the book includes Love Letters from God (personalized Scripture) and Let’s Pray (prayers to personalize).

3. It’s been described as “raw.”

I am open, vulnerable, and “real” when sharing about myself, but always make sure to give God the glory for the amazing things He has done in my life. My tagline is “Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness,” and that’s the heart of mentoring—my passion and my purpose. So I do discuss my fears, inadequacies, anxious moments, and difficulties in adjusting to our new 24/7 lifestyle, as do the women sharing their stories in the book. In our weakness, God’s strength prevails (1 Corinthians 4:10).

4. It contains questions for couples, small groups, & readers’ groups.

My vision for the book is that it will encourage husbands and wives to talk about their “issues.” Often problems escalate for lack of communication. It also would be advantageous for women with stay-at-home men to form support/small groups or couples’ groups: there’s a leader’s guide included to help facilitate the group. This would be a perfect book for book clubs. God tells us to meet together and encourage each other (Hebrews 10:25).

5. It features my husband as the hero of the book, but he says he’s the “sacrificial lamb.”

My husband graciously allowed me to share our lives and hearts with the readers. He also wrote the epilogue to give a window into his experience as a stay-at-home man. He is my helpmate and my biggest encourager. I could not do the things God has led me to do without my husband cheering me one. As God has ordained for marriage, we truly have become one (Mark 10:8).

To read a snippet.

To learn more about Dear God, He’s Home!

April 22, 2013
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