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Mamas Don’t Take Your Babies to Town

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A River Runs Through Garden Valley, Idaho. Picture by Megan Griffith

A River Runs Through Garden Valley, Idaho. Picture by Megan Griffith

If you’ve been following my Monday Morning Blog, you know that I’ve had guest bloggers for the past few weeks while I was on the rode speaking in San Diego, CA and Billings, Montana. In both Southern California and Montana, we combined business with fun and visited with friends and family. I trust you enjoyed the different guest bloggers and the wide variety of topics discussed—all with the theme of mentoring from their experience and expertise.

It’s great to be home and hard at work on a new book, How Good is God? I Can’t Remember . . . Creating a Culture of Memories. If you have a story of forgetting God’s past goodness, and or ways that help you remember His goodness, please contact me for guidelines.

You might be wondering what all this has to do with the title of today’s blog . . . nothing! I just want to say “Hey” and let you know where I’ve been and what I’m up to. But now, let me share with you something that is burdening my heart and does relate to this blog title.

Election Day—The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

This past Tuesday was election day, and I know many of you rejoiced with me when you saw how the conservatives came out in force and let their voice and vote for change in our government be heard. I went to bed thanking God that so many of us took a stand to put into office those we hope will honor and abide by the conservative moral agenda.

That was the good. The bad happened in my own little rural community in our “red” state. For several months, a liberal force was stirring up interest in taking steps to change Idaho law to allow legal gaming, otherwise known as gambling, in rural *Boise County where we live. There was a question on our ballots last week asking if we were for or against this effort. Of the six cities in rural Boise County, five voted to pursue changing the law and our little town of Garden Valley was one of the five. Only 220 votes differed in the total county vote, but enough to give the commissioners incentive to move forward.

As Dave and I traveled through Montana, a state that God created with such beauty and majesty where Dave and I almost moved, we again were saddened at how such an amazing state allowed the marring of its gorgeous landscape by garish and grotesque casino signs and billboards. Returning home, we now discover that our quiet picturesque community with a river running through it might suffer the same ill fate. Here is a picture of our precious town and the surrounding area. What do you think that’s going to look like with a glaring casino sign? Ugly!

God's Beautiful Creation!

God’s Beautiful Creation!

Crouch FranciscoThe Center of Town in Garden Valley, ID is Crouch

Does this look like a good fit for our little town? Naught!

Does this look like a good fit for our little town? Naught!

But it’s not just the marring of God’s creation that’s heartbreaking; it’s the moral degradation that accompanies gambling. They don’t call Las Vegas “sin city” for nothing or coin the term “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” No, God sees all the drinking, smoking, loss of money, drugs, prostitution, vulgarity, and debauchery that takes place on the strip.

And here’s the saddest part—Satan loves to make sin look enticing, fun, and justifiable so why not make an area of sin—the Las Vegas strip—a “family fun place” where you can bring the kids. Who could find fault with water slides, carrousels, and play areas? Except their surrounded by smoke, excessive drinking, gambling and loss of money, corruption, and risqué shows. It’s like taking a family vacation in Sodom and Gomorrah and we know what God thought about that city.

Or try to justify that gambling and lotteries will bring in money for schools. Really? That’s how we want to fund our schools? There’s no right way to do the wrong thing! And believe me, the owners of these casinos make far more money than a school will ever see.

The Purpose of Gambling is to Make Losers

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Don’t gamble on the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, hocking your house against a lucky chance. The time will come when you have to pay up; you’ll be left with nothing but the shirt on your back.

Proverbs 22:26-27 The Message

So back to our little town. The whole purpose of gambling is for the casino to make money—and the gambler to lose. Those big casino owners and backers are not philanthropist wanting to help the community and economy. They are business people wanting to make their fortune off all those gamblers sitting in casinos with blank looks on their faces feeding the slot machines or throwing down chips that represent their family’s sustenance.

Drinking, drugs, robbery, and crime accompany gambling when people lose money, which they will, and get angry or depressed and take it out on those around them or become a danger on the road when they get in their cars drunk, mad, and desperate. The adrenalin that flows during games of chance, gambling, quickly leads to addiction. Our quiet little town has all the potential to be inundated with, as the newspaper put it—a degradation of moral character.

[Tweet “The adrenalin that flows during games of chance, gambling, quickly leads to addiction.”]

**The Christian Perspective

The Bible calls for Christians to be good stewards of the finances that God has given us. Funding casinos is not being good stewards or storing up treasures in heaven. I don’t think a Christian would want to be sitting at a blackjack, craps, or poker table or a slot machine when Jesus returns.

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19 “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. 21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.

22 “Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. 23 But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!

24 “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.Matthew 6:19-24 NLT

Some might say, “Oh we go to Vegas, but we never gamble.” Every dime spent there is funding all that happens there. “We must act all the time as if it were day. Keep away from wild parties and do not be drunk. Keep yourself free from sex sins and bad actions” (Romans 13:13 NLV).

Or “It’s just entertainment with discretionary funds.” How could it be entertaining to throw money away with nothing to show for it? I would advise Christians with that kind of discretionary “throw away money” to consider sponsoring a child through a Christian organization like World Vision or helping your church building fund or giving your pastor a bonus. Store up your treasures in heaven.

17 If a bird sees a trap being set,
it knows to stay away.
18 But these people set an ambush for themselves;
they are trying to get themselves killed.
19 Such is the fate of all who are greedy for money;
it robs them of life.Proverbs 1:17-19 (NLT)

[Tweet “Titus 2 men and women, should help the next generation learn to live a righteous and godly life and model that type of lifestyle.”]

Your job is to speak out on the things that make for solid doctrine. Guide older men into lives of temperance, dignity, and wisdom, into healthy faith, love, and endurance. Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior. Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives. (Titus 2:1-6, The Message)

Please pray for Garden Valley Idaho. There are still many more steps to change the laws of Idaho to legalize gambling in Boise County, and Garden Valley could opt out even if it passes. Pray that the 50 voters that exceeded the “nay” votes in Garden Valley open their eyes to the travesty this would be for our precious little town. Pray that some would come to know Jesus through the many discussions that will ensue. Pray for spiritual and physical protection for those of us who oppose legalized gambling in Boise County.

Pray for Las Vegas, the Christians who live there, and those who are ministering to the many lost souls on the strip.

Pray for those of us who live in Boise County and want to maintain the peaceful quality of life that drew us to this pristine paradise where we feel safe bringing our babies and grandbabies to town!

*Note: The city of Boise is in Ada County and is not in Boise County. Boise County is comprised of rural: Idaho City, Placerville, Garden Valley, Horseshoe Bend, Lowman, and Mores Creek.

**To read more on a Christan Perspective of gambling, here are two links or do a Google search:

http://www.gty.org/blog/B110522/is-gambling-ok-dont-bet-on-it
http://ag.org/top/Beliefs/position_papers/pp_downloads/pp_4186_gambling.pdf

Also consider that it was the Roman soldiers–Jesus’ killers–who gambled for his clothes, not His followers . . .

November 10, 2014
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A Mentor is a Coach

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three-peasant-women-by-camille-pissarroThree peasant women-by-Camille Pissarro

Another word for mentor is “coach.” I have enjoyed the opportunity to coach ministry team leaders and also coach writers through the editing and publishing process. Today’s guest blog is by Heather Gillis, another client of writing coach, Judith Couchman. This is the third in a series of blogs on the value of accepting the call to be a mentor and the blessings of having someone mentor you. If you haven’t read the first two blogs, Judith’s is The Call That Changed my Life written from the perspective of the mentor, and the second blog post was last week, A Mentee Shares Her Story by Erica Wiggenhorn. Today we hear from another of Judith Couchman’s coaching clients.

Heather Gillis Shares the Value of Having a Coach

I decided to write a book.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into prior to starting this process. I am a nurse by trade, but my passion is writing. I journaled as a teenager and young adult, but never thought I would write a book and get it published. I didn’t know there were so many variables that go into the publishing process. There is the platform, the social media, the followers, the likes on Facebook, the editing, the branding, the website . . . the list goes on and on. None of which I knew anything about.

As I jumped feet first into the self-publishing world, I started to encounter other writers who graciously gave me tips and led me to others who could help. I had just poured my heart and soul into my book, but had no idea what to do next. Even though it was nice to meet fellow writers who shared their tips, it wasn’t enough. I started to have doubts. I didn’t have the experience. I needed help and advice of what to do next. I realized there was more than just writing a book; I needed guidance.

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I Needed a Coach More Than I Realized!

The day I met my writing coach, I did not realize how much I needed a writing coach. Fellow writers were telling me that they used a writing coach to help them in the beginnings of their careers, and I was about to send the final changes of my book to the editor. I needed someone to hold my hand. When I started coaching sessions with my writing coach, Judith Couchman, I knew I was going down the right path.

[Tweet “She challenged and pushed me when I needed direction and focus”]

After speaking with her, I wished that I had met her before I started the publishing process. I wish I had known more of the invaluable information she was teaching me. It was apparent after meeting her, that God had orchestrated us to meet, because without her, I would not be where I am today. She guided me, led me, and taught me things that I could have never learned on my own—things I never realized about myself. She challenged and pushed me when I needed direction and focus. She was able to see the whole picture of my vision and help me connect the pieces to turn my vision into reality. It was so nice to have someone to advise me and let me know what wouldn’t work or tell me great job! She was the missing link to bridge the gap between what to do next and how to do it.

[Tweet “Having a writing coach is so invaluable that it’s worth every penny.”]

Having a writing coach is so invaluable that it’s worth every penny. Having someone you can trust guide you down the right path and help turn your vision into reality is priceless. Working with a writing coach has turned my book into a ministry and made my vision have purpose, something I could have never done on my own.

Heather Gillis works part-time as a registered nurse anesthetist, and is a full-time wife and mother of two children. She is author of “Waiting for Heaven: Finding Beauty in the Pain and the Struggle.” Heather is founder of Bowen’s Hope, a ministry that helps kidney disease kids and their families at the Phoenix Children’s Hospital. Learn more about Heather, her book and ministry by visiting www.bowenshope.com or contact her at [email protected].

Heather 2BowensHope Logo Final-1waiting for heavn

November 3, 2014
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A Mentee Shares Her Story by Erica Wiggenhorn

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Last week’s guest post was written by Judith Couchman who shared how she overcame misgivings to call Erica Wiggenhorn to see if she would like to be mentored in writing. It was a hard phone call for Judith to make but she wrote about how this was The Call That Changed My Life. If you haven’t read that post yet, be sure to read it before you read today’s guest post by her mentee, Erica Wiggenhorn. Judith and Erica confirm what I teach about mentoring: It’s always a  two-way blessing.

Receiving the Call by Erica Wiggenhorn

Camille_Pissarro_Two_Young_Peasant_WomenPicture by Camille Pissarro

Life felt overwhelming. Two steps forward, three steps back. It wasn’t the most difficult time of my life, tragedy and blackness had already shoved my face into the dirt and sent me reeling. Rising back up, I had pressed on in my journey. Digging into God’s Word and participating regularly in Bible study had lifted me to my feet and steadied my steps.

Deadness and dryness marked my current season, sapping my strength. Incredibly busy, yet empty. Even Bible study seemed meaningless and inapplicable to my present circumstances. I cried out to the Lord, “Does it grieve your heart that no one wants to study your Word just to get to know You? Why isn’t there a study that focuses on Who You Are and not what you can do for me?”

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The Lord nudged my heart and whispered in my Spirit: “You write one. Write a study about Who I Am.”

“Um, that wasn’t the question, Lord! I can’t write a study, I barely have time to brush my teeth!”

“Write it,” He persisted.

“How? Where would I even begin?”

“Ezekiel. Study the prophet.”

“Ezekiel?” I don’t know if I’ve ever even read through that whole book of the Bible before!”

After several months of resisting, the emptiness in my soul was excruciating, and with no lift in my circumstances in sight, I sat down and opened my study Bible. The introduction jumped off the page at me, “The Israelites worshipped God for what they thought He could give them, not for Who He Was.” The hair on the back of my neck stood up. This was exactly what I had been expressing to the Lord for so many months: I just want to know Who You Are!

“Ok, Lord! I’ll do it!” Now what? The task seemed daunting. I began to study, scribbling notes in a composition book and digging through commentaries. While life still felt overwhelming, the discoveries about God during my studies energized me. However, I still had absolutely no idea how to form all of this information into a study or even if I was ever meant to share what I was discovering.

The Next Steps

On a particularly difficult morning, I had dropped my children off at preschool in my socially acceptable pajamas, aka old, ratty sweats, and drove home in my mini-van. My phone rang and I answered it. My friend Kim boldly announced, “Every day during my quiet time, the Lord keeps laying you on my heart. Is there something going on with you?”

The floodgates poured open. I told her about my emptiness, my feelings of being completely overwhelmed with the daily tasks of life, and this new crazy endeavor of studying the Book of Ezekiel and attempting to write a Bible study. I didn’t know Kim well and what she said next shocked me, “Well, I am supposed to go on a writer’s retreat tomorrow. There are only 12 spots and one of the ladies hurt her back and can’t come. I think you’re supposed to be there.”

The next morning with my composition book full of scribbles, I headed up the mountain, completely unsure of what to expect. If anything, it felt wonderful to step away from daily life. It was there I met Judy Couchman. She spent the next three days inspiring us to pursue the call of writing. She encouraged me, looked me in the eye and said, “God has called you to this and I know you can do it!” I knew I had to finish this study, somehow or another.

A Relationship Was Born

The following year, I returned to that same retreat with my study completed. I placed a copy in Judy’s hands and her eyes lit up. She rejoiced that I had fulfilled the call that the Lord had placed in my heart and done the work. She prayed over the study and over me.

A few weeks after coming home and wondering what the Lord had next for me in the way of writing, my phone rang. It was Judy. I could sense a slight quake in her voice, which was so unlike the professional, accomplished woman I had met at the retreats. What she said next made my heart skip a beat, “I believe God is calling me to mentor you. Would you like a writing coach?” She didn’t even need to finish her question before I blurted out, “YES!”

Two studies later, I’m still writing. Without the accountability and nudging, I wouldn’t be where I am. Mentoring kept me moving forward when the journey seemed impossible. Judy’s words on the other end of the phone kept me focused on the calling and avoiding the distractions.

[Tweet ” Mentoring kept me moving forward when the journey seemed impossible.”]

Sometimes we just need an arm around us or a shoulder to cry on. Other times we need someone to look us in the eye and say, “I know you can do it!” Most of the time, we need a reminder of that gentle whisper God spoke into our soul to muster up the courage to continue to obey Him. This is the work of a mentor.

Has God given you a story to tell? Who can you invite to come alongside you to do the work? Guiding that call is the delight of a mentor.

[Tweet “Has God given you a story to tell?”]

Author/Mentee Erica Wiggenhorn

Author/Mentee Erica Wiggenhorn

Erica Wiggenhorn is the founder of Every Life Ministries, encouraging women to live significantly through the study and application of God’s Word. She is the author of Ezekiel: Every Life Positioned for Purpose and Moses: Every Life Proof of God’s Promises. For more information about Erica and her ministry, visit www. EricaWiggenhorn.com.9781615079094_COVER.indd

October 27, 2014
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The Call That Changed My Life by Judith Couchman

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I’m delighted to introduce to you a fellow author, Judith Couchman, who shares her experience in mentoring other authors. Mentoring takes place in every area of our lives when one person who is a little ahead of the other in some life experience is willing to share and encourage someone else going through something similar: Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness.

Judith’s Story

Coaching by Camille-Pissarro

Coaching by Camille-Pissarro

If ever I felt stupid initiating a phone call, this was it. As I listened to my cell phone ringing into cyberspace, each pulse mocked me with a repeated warning: You can’t do this. You can’t do this. You can’t do this. I readily agreed with each ring’s caution: it mimicked the fear pounding in my chest. But before I could hang up, Erica answered.

If ever a woman contrasted with me, Erica was the one. Married with two young grade schoolers, she managed her husband’s left-brain medical practice and helped lead the women’s ministry at a church. A lifetime single and ardent writer, I joked that God created me so right-brained, I probably perpetually leaned to the right without recognizing it. I lived as a precarious Pisa Tower in bodily form. I also back pedaled from group attachments and their draining effect on my time and energy. But more and more, I thought about Erica. So much so, I wondered if God was calling.

After some questioning and procrastination, I couldn’t deny the Spirit’s persistent nudging. I finally originated the fatal phone call, the ringing that changed my life.

I’d met Erica at a small writer’s retreat, so we chatted with a vague familiarity. Then I posed the persistent question in my head: “Do you need a writing mentor?”

Without hesitation, she answered yes before I could apologize for asking and hang up.

And that was that. I instantly morphed into a writing coach.

From Dread to Delight

If ever a resistant mentor existed, it was me. Consumed by my own publishing and speaking life, I didn’t gravitate toward guiding writers in close-up relationships. I eschewed the recurring time commitment, the detailed assessments, and the embedded fears accompanying new writers. At the same time, I’d taught at many writers’ events—from expansive conferences to intimate retreats—and doubted the results. How many participants actually returned home and wrote? In my experience, not many.

As the Holy Spirit pressed me about Erica, I wondered if personal mentoring would yield more effective outcomes. In other words, would one-to-one mentoring produce people who actually wrote? Would they actively pursue God’s call to write and publish?

[Tweet “Would one-to-one mentoring produce people who actually wrote?”]

            Answering these questions meant following the gentle compulsion to call Erica.

Not much time passed before my dread transformed into delight. Through the recommendations of people I trust, I began coaching a handful of writers. Like Erica, new clients fascinated, taught, befriended, and stretched me beyond expectation. And yes, the chance someone will write and publish dramatically increases when a seasoned writer draws in close. This cheers me. This feels like making a difference for God’s kingdom. Like preparing the next generation to impact the world, too.

The Deeper Questions

As I’ve coached writers, mostly those getting started and some changing direction, it’s grown into satisfying, sacred work. However, the scope doesn’t encompass just my clients. It’s also included God challenging and changing me. Usually, He asks me poignant questions. For example:

  • I grew so busy pursuing my own call, I ignored the necessity of bringing along those behind me. This proved a serious oversight because Scripture called me to mentor, both expressly and by example. Instead, I acted selfish and protective. I didn’t give to others. Would I stop this self-centeredness? Early in the coaching process, I confessed this sin to the Lord and repented.

 [Tweet “I grew so busy pursuing my own call, I ignored the necessity of bringing along those behind me”]

  • With so many changes in the Christian publishing industry, I’m unsure about my future as a published author and speaker. Despite my uncertainties, God challenges me to feed into the writing and speaking ministries of others. Is it possible my outreach could extinguish while theirs flames? Am I willing to still invest in them?
  • Can I not feel competitive or jealous of writers twenty or more years younger than me? Can I coach them with an open, encouraging spirit? Can I applaud if they exceed my accomplishments?
  • Can I mentor through difficult personal times in my life? Can I focus on clients and not myself, not expecting anything from them during these troubles?

Answering these questions constitutes an ongoing journey. But as I gradually say yes to each one, shedding self-concerns, I gain freedom, joy, and wonder. I celebrate my clients and their progress. I feel closer to God’s heart. Honestly, sometimes I hardly recognize my coaching self. Except I still don’t like making phone calls.

 

Judith Couchman is an author, speaker, and writing coach with more than forty traditionally published books, Bible studies, and compilations. She’s also contributed to Bible projects. Learn more about Judith and her work at www.judithcouchman.com. Or contact her at [email protected].

 Judith Couchman

 

 

 

October 20, 2014
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Mentoring Teens in a Puppet Ministry by Karen Whiting

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Today’s guest post is by a fellow AWSA author, Karen Whiting. The ideas Karen gives here for mentoring the next generation in the puppet ministry could be applied to any ministry. Our church has a puppet ministry, and just as Karen describes below, the youth are being trained early to participate in the ministry and the seasoned puppeteers are training them.

PuppetTeamThe Puppet Team

My high school daughter started a puppet ministry for teens with my husband and me as the advisers. Over time, it also became a mentoring ministry where the experienced members and adults trained new recruits. A few activities developed leadership qualities:

1. We held a week training camp each summer. We divided the campers into three or four small groups or pairs and they rotated through four areas each day. In one, the less experienced team members showed videos and led a devotional they had enjoyed during the year. In another, the next level of puppeteers taught how to use props. The third group of the most proficient puppeteers taught the new members how to hold and move the puppets. The last group met with a few of the artistic members and myself to make a puppet or some props. Each group of leaders felt important and started at a comfortable level to mentor newcomers. They also looked forward to moving up to the next level and that inspired them to work hard during the year.

2. We held quarterly meetings to plan shows. We had the most experienced members lead the meetings. They brainstormed ideas and listened to songs and read skits they might want to use. The other adults and I added thoughts to encourage some of the ideas put forth or to point out the challenges they might face. They also discussed parts and worked to give puppeteers roles that would develop their skill and reward members who had worked hard. This kept the experienced ones from hogging parts and helped them continue to train less experienced members.

3. We competed at Christian puppet festivals. To help everything go smoothly practices included how to set up the puppets and props backstage for easy access in the order needed. The teen leaders chose a few prop masters and stage directors to take charge behind the scenes. After the competition we read the judges comments and celebrated the outcome. Within a year or two we generally won gold medals and sometimes took the people’s choice award.

4. We chose spiritually mature teens to lead devotions before each practice. The leaders sometimes led the devotions. This helped keep unity and a focus on serving God.

5. We held a lock-in at least once a year. We enjoyed icebreakers and games, and spent some of the time practicing a show. It gave us time to bond and just be ourselves.

Puppet Training

Puppet Training

The adults always made themselves available for anyone who wanted counseling or advise. We also met before practice with the teen leaders to provide feedback, encourage them, and listen to their ideas. It amazed us to watch how the teens matured and developed leadership qualities and a heart for the members.

Now I write for tweens and teens and hopefully the books help them develop skills, confidence, and leadership qualities.

 

Bio: Karen Whiting is the author of eighteen books, including Nature Girl: A Guide for Caring for God’s Creation. She’s a former television host and served as the adult director of the teen puppet ministry for thirteen years. Currently she helps with Officer’s Christian Fellowship (OCF) for the midshipmen at the US Naval Academy.

October 13, 2014
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Finding Mom Mentors: No Gray Hair Required by Melinda Means

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grayhairedwoman

Melinda Means is our guest today on Monday Morning Blog. I met Melinda for the first time at The M.O.M Initiative Better Together Conference this past summer. Today Melinda writes about something I’m always teaching–mentoring is just being a few steps ahead of someone else. Sometimes it will be an older woman, but other times it might be someone your own age or even younger like in Face-to-Face with Mary and Martha: Sisters in Christ. Melinda talks here about finding a mentor mom, but all of her suggestions apply to finding a mentor in all walks of life.

She never arrived.

I waited for her. Prayed for her. God knows how desperately I needed her.

But, as a young mom, the Titus 2 woman I envisioned never made an appearance.

I so badly needed a more seasoned mom to show me the ropes. To help guide me away from foolish choices and selfish attitudes.

But the sweet, gray-haired wise mentor I dreamed of – the one who’d spend structured time with me each week — never materialized.

Instead, God sent my pastor’s wife. Just a few years older than me, she modeled how to put family before myself in healthy ways.

He gave me another wise friend with kids a stage or two above mine who alerted me to the pitfalls I was going to encounter if I didn’t set better boundaries with my children.

“My kids always know I mean what I say. They never doubt that I’m going to follow through,” she told me. “Yours have to know that, too.”

Although she moved away years ago, I’ve never forgotten those words.

He sent me a lifelong friend who is actually a year younger than me who gave me tough love during a difficult time. God used her to strengthen my resolve and muster the courage to make hard choices during a very painful season with one of my children.

He sent others along the way who gave me just what I needed at a crucial time in my life and mothering.

Some of them are still in my life. Others were there just for a season. Still others didn’t even know they were mentoring me. I simply observed and learned from them, even though I may not have had even more than a passing relationship with them.

It took me years to recognize that these were my Titus 2 women.

She did show up after all! She just didn’t arrive in the package that I expected. I didn’t realize that my Titus 2 woman could look just like me.

[Tweet “I didn’t realize that my Titus 2 woman could look just like me. “]

Many moms do have wise older women who pour into their lives regularly. Today, I count myself among them.

But as a young mom I found the search for traditional mentoring difficult. Along the way, I discovered there’s no age requirement for mentors. They just have to be humble, godly and willing to honestly share the wisdom of their life experiences. As moms, we can learn a lot from women who are just a stage or two ahead of us in the parenting journey.

So how do you find your Titus 2 woman?

I have good news. She’s probably already in your life. You just may not know it. I had to look beyond my idea of what a mentor “should” look like.

Try asking yourself these questions:

  • Do I have a friend who is highly skilled in an area of mothering where I struggle?
  • What women do I know that have godly character that I admire?
  • Have I observed someone in my life who seems to handle difficult situations with her husband and/or children in a way I respect and want to learn from?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you have a Titus 2 woman in your life.

To benefit from her wisdom and experience, all it takes is a teachable heart, keen observation, and the humility to ask for help and guidance.

Are you the answer to someone’s mentor prayer?

We all need mentoring, but we can also be mentors. You could be the Titus 2 woman that someone else is praying for.

Because no matter how inadequate we may feel at times, we always have skills and character traits that someone else admires and can learn from.

God never intended for us to do mothering alone. We need each other.

[Tweet “God never intended for us to do mothering alone. We need each other.”]

Sometimes we just have to open our eyes to the resources around us. And open our hearts to other moms who need our wisdom and support.

No gray hair required!

Melissa Means

Melinda Means

About Melinda:

Melinda is mother to two teenagers — a strapping son and a beautiful and entertaining daughter. She has been a freelance writer since her daughter was an infant, writing primarily for healthcare publications up until several years ago when her writing focus took a decidedly maternal turn.

You can find Melinda on Moms Together, a thriving, interactive Facebook group for moms. She is also a Regular Contributor to Christian Work at Home Moms and More To Be, a mentoring site for mothers and teen girls. Melinda co-authored Mothering From Scratch: Finding the Best Parenting Style for You and Your Family. It will be released by Bethany House Publishers in January 2015.

October 6, 2014
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Three Reasons Authenticity is Worth the Risk by Lindsey Bell

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Our guest blogger today is author and speaker Lindsey Bell. Lindsey and I are mentor moms for The M.O.M. Initiative and we met for the first time when we both spoke at the Better Together Conference in Jacksonville, Florida. Lindsey and I have a heart for women struggling with infertility. She shares about her miscarriages and secondary infertility, as our daughter Shannon also shares in my book Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? I know you will be blessed with Lindsey’s post today as she encourages us to be authentic in all circumstances.

Three Reasons Authenticity is Worth the Risk

By Lindsey Bell

3 Reasons Authenticity is Worth the Risk

It’s so easy to be fake, to put on a smiling face when someone asks how you’re doing and to answer back, “I’m doing good. How about you?”

It’s tempting to pretend you’ve got it all together…especially when everyone around you seems to have it all together too. You certainly don’t want to be “that girl” who always has issues.

I know because I’ve been that girl. I’ve been the one who seems to be struggling all the time. I’ve been the girl whose faith is ugly, who is dealing with doubts and questions I don’t want to admit aloud.

One thing I learned during those years, though, is that sometimes authenticity is God’s tool to heal your heart. It certainly was for me.

[Tweet “Sometimes authenticity is God’s tool to heal your heart”]

 My “Authentic” Story

About four years ago, my husband and I began battling secondary infertility.

In 2010, we lost our first child to miscarriage. Then followed miscarriage #2, #3, and #4.

I know for some, especially if you’ve never had a miscarriage or didn’t really struggle with yours, miscarriages might not seem like that big of a deal. But to me, each loss stabbed my heart just a little bit deeper.

Each loss also led me to question God’s love for me. I knew he was capable of fixing whatever was causing our miscarriages, but for whatever reason, he chose not to.

For a while, I tried to hide my brokenness. I assumed (mistakenly) that if I didn’t show how broken I felt, it would go away.

The problem with this kind of thinking is that brokenness doesn’t go away. Broken things don’t get fixed unless you let Someone put them back together again.

It was only when I started sharing about how hurt I was that God began healing my heart and putting me back together again. He used the people around me to shower me with His love…to remind me he did still love me, he was still with me, and he had heard every single prayer I uttered to him.

God used my authenticity to bring healing, and I believe he wants to do the same for many other women as well.

The problem is, we’re afraid to be authentic. We’re afraid of being judged, rejected, or abandoned.

I won’t deny the risk. Authenticity is risky…but it’s also worth it.

Three Reasons Authenticity is Worth the Risk:

 

1. Authenticity opens the door to real relationships.

C.S. Lewis said that “friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another:

What! You too?’”

How many times have you struggled with a problem and thought you were the only one? But then, when you finally got the courage to share your issue, you realized many other women had been there too.

Real relationships are only possible when both people are willing to be real with one another…real about their struggles, their successes, and their lives.

2. Authenticity opens the door to real healing.

[Tweet “Authenticity opens the door to real healing. “]

Jennifer Rothschild told a story in her book God is Just Not Fair about a speaker who carried a glass of water with her onto the platform as she spoke. This woman held the glass of water throughout the entire presentation.

At first, holding the glass was easy. After all, it was just a glass of water.

But as the class wore on, everyone in the audience could tell the woman’s arms were getting tired. That glass of water—that didn’t weigh much—felt like it weighed a ton because of how long she held it.

You and I often carry around our own glasses of water…our own worries, fears, insecurities, or problems. We don’t want anyone to know what we’re carrying so we pretend it doesn’t exist.

The problem, though, is that it does exist, and it’s getting heavier the longer we carry it alone. Our sisters in Christ can’t help us carry our glasses if they don’t know about them. Likewise, God can’t carry our glasses if we’re not willing to let him have them.

3. Authenticity opens the door to God’s glory shining through us.

I love this quote by Kaci Calvaresi:

“God can’t use a redemptive story that you’re not willing to tell.”

God wants to use our stories to show his glory, but He can only use them if we will share them.

 [Tweet “God wants to use our stories to show his glory, but He can only use them if we will share them.”]

Authenticity is scary at times. It’s risky. But it’s also worth it!

Let’s talk: why do you think it’s so hard to be authentic with one another? Leave a comment and let us know your thoughts . . .

*photo courtesy: Foreman Photography

About Lindsey Bell:

Lindsey Bell is the author of Searching for Sanity, a parenting devotional designed for busy moms. She’s also a stay-at-home mother of two, minister’s wife, avid reader, and chocolate lover. You can find Lindsey online at any of the following locations:

Her blog: www.lindsey-bell.com

Her website: www.lindseymbell.com

Twitter: www.twitter.com/LindseyMBell

Facebook: www.facebook.com/AuthorLindseyBell

Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/LindseyMBell01

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September 22, 2014
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Is Your Soul At Rest?

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McCall Retreat

Our “Cabin” for Crouch Community Church Women’s Retreat

This past weekend our church had its annual women’s retreat in the beautiful setting of McCall, Idaho. We stayed in a retreat cabin on the lake and the weather was spectacular! We enjoyed early morning walks, kayaking, amazing meals out on the deck overlooking the lake, skits, karaoke, making new friends, and all the “slumber party” things we girls love to do.

But mostly we fellowshipped together, enjoyed worship time, the teaching of our speaker Phyllis Cook, and a Sunday morning devotional led by new friend, Athena Crowley. What a treat it was for me to just “be” and not have any specific role except to enjoy and refresh. I prayed that God would give me divine appointments and something to share with you today.

God is so faithful!

Divine Appointments

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Have you ever prayed for divine appointments? I think God loves it when we do because He can really show up big time and He gets all the glory. I’ve written before about praying for divine appointments and how God has answered them for me in amazing ways and He didn’t disappoint this weekend:

1. The retreat speaker, Phyllis Cook, and I had never met so when we started talking she asked my name. When I said “Janet Thompson,” her face lit up in recognition, “I have one of your books.” She went on to explain that while a friend of hers from Israel was visiting, she wanted to buy Phyllis a book for her ministry at Meridian First Baptist Church where Phyllis’ husband pastors. Phyllis and her friend went to the local Christian bookstore and the friend chose my book The Team That Jesus Built and bought it for Phyllis. Phyllis and I marveled that God brought us together and we took this picture for Phyllis to send to her friend in Israel.

Phyllis Cook and me

Retreat speaker Phyllis Cook and me looking straight into the bright beautiful morning sun!

2. I felt God impressing on me to speak to a woman at the retreat, but I couldn’t find the appropriate time. The last morning, I said, God if You want me to do this You’re going to have to intervene. He did!

3. Our last meal, I sat next to a woman I had not met. We started chatting and I learned that she and her husband had just moved to Garden Valley in the summer. She heard about the retreat when they visited our church and decided to come. I invited her to our couples Bible study group and she was excited for them to join us.

4. I loved the gluten-free, honey, organic, pumpkin muffins that were on the snack table. Someone said that “Athena” made them. I had not met Athena, but as we started talking, she said, “Oh, you’re the author I was told to meet. Could I talk to you over dinner and discuss the book I’m writing?” We enjoyed a dinner of great food and “author” conversation.

Athena Crowley and me

Athena Crowley and me

 

Finding Rest for Your Soul

When I called home Friday night, hubby prayed that I would have a time of rest and refueling as I prepare for a very busy fall of speaking and writing.

In God’s perfect providence, Phyllis Cook, our retreat speaker, chose Matthew 11:28-30 as her topic for the weekend:

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

The first night she talked about verse 28 as God’s invitation to rest, refreshment, and peace. Ahhh just what my husband had been praying for me.

The next morning, she helped us focus on verse 29 to find inner peace from Jesus’ example of gentleness, humbleness, forgiveness, and a servant attitude.

Her last session explored the paradox of taking on a yoke to find rest! Phyllis pointed out that Jesus’ yoke of humility is far lighter than trying to bear the yoke of pride and all of its manifestations.

[Tweet “Jesus’ yoke of humility is far lighter than trying to bear the yoke of pride and all of its manifestations.”]

Phyllis had us look at the yoke of pride. Are any of these weighing you down?

  • Complaining against God
  • Lack of gratitude
  • Anger, moodiness, impatience, rudeness
  • Perfectionism
  • Talking too much about yourself
  • Seeking independence or control—my way
  • Devastated by criticism
  • Defensiveness or blame-shifting
  • Not having close relationships
  • Competitiveness that always has to win or be first (I added to this to the her list)
  • Can you think of more?

Here’s how Phyllis explained Jesus’ yoke of humility. Do you see why it’s light?

  • Trusting God’s character
  • Not questioning God
  • Focus on Christ
  • Lots of prayer
  • Thankfulness
  • Willing to wait, long suffering
  • Good listener
  • Serving
  • Teachable spirit
  • Repentance, asking forgiveness
  • Close-relationships
  • Letting others win or go first (I added this to her list)
  • Can you think of more?

I was at peace all weekend and felt an incredible sense of rest in my soul and my spirit. Even when my mind wandered to all I had to do when I returned home . . . including writing this blog . . . I couldn’t conjure up a single moment of anxiety!

Arise and Go About His Work

My soul being at rest does not mean it’s time to stop speaking and writing. Contraire! It means I continue on About His Work with renewed energy and focus. Our Sunday morning devotional by Athena Crowley, the sweet woman I mentioned above who made the delicious pumpkin muffins, confirmed God’s call on my life . . . but this was not just a call to me. This was a call to every Christian!

Athena read Song of Solomon 2:10-13

My beloved spoke and said to me,
“Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, come with me.
11 See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
12 Flowers appear on the earth;
the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
is heard in our land.
13 The fig tree forms its early fruit;
the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling;
my beautiful one, come with me.”

From this passage, Athena shared that we are to arise from our “winters” of:

  • Apathy
  • Depression
  • Our Own Interests

Because it’s springtime in our souls! God is calling His people into into a closer relationship with Him so that we can go out and share the light of His glory to others who need more of Him in their life . . . or don’t yet know Him.

[Tweet “It’s springtime in our souls! God is calling His people into into a closer relationship with Him!”]

The world is full of so many who are stumbling in darkness. God calls every Christian to be His flashlight to help the lost find their way into the light of His glory. If our light is going to shine brightly, we need to refresh, renew, and refuel!

Is your soul at rest?

Can you choose humility over pride?

Are you ready to arise and be God’s flashlight?

If yes, then start praying now for those divine appointments where God will use you in a lost and lonely world.

 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

September 15, 2014
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Do You Have a Mentoring Story?

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 Mentoring

 

“You should write a book about mentoring!” the editor suggested at the International Retail Show in 2006.

“You should write a book about mentoring!” the agent suggested at the International Retail Show this past June!

Do you think God is trying to get my attention? I do, and I’m listening. I so want to do His will.

If you follow me, you know that my passion is mentoring—Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness. Since I wrote Woman to Woman Mentoring: How to Start, Grow, and Maintain a Mentoring Ministry in 1997, God has been starting mentoring ministries in churches all over the world, and mentors and mentees (M&M’s) have been experiencing the blessings of mentoring.

Over the years, many ministry leaders have sent me stories about starting the Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry, and many M&M’s have sent me their stories too; but I also know there are many untold stories that would bless my readers. Will you help me write this book?

[Tweet “Do you have a mentoring story to share and encourage others?”]

I Need Your Help

Here’s what I could use:

1. What would you want to read about in a mentoring book?

2. What would encourage you to be a mentor or mentee?

3. If you’ve been in a mentoring relationship—either as a mentor or mentee or both—would you tell me your story? Even if it didn’t go like you planned.

share your mentoring story

If you would like to share your story, please leave a comment below and I can contact you. Or you can go to the contact page on this website and leave me a message with your email address and I can give you more details.

I know God is smiling that I’ve finally paid attention to His call. In the beginning, I thought God’s call was just to write resources to help start mentoring ministries and then teach and train about mentoring. But He’s also been gently nudging me that there’s more mentoring work to do!

[Tweet “Together we can reach, encourage, and teach what we’ve been taught to the next generation.”]

O God, . . .I constantly tell others about the wonderful things you do. Psalm 71:17

September 8, 2014
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Are You Loving Your Husband to Death?

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Love Your Body Like God Loves It

Love Your Body Like God Loves It

Several years ago, I led a group of women through Cynthia Heald’s Loving Your Husband Bible study. When we got to the chapter on “She Brings Him Good, not Harm,” I thought it would be a good time to talk about taking care of our husbands by feeding them well. The wives’ reactions stunned me. You would have thought I had asked them to give their husband’s a foot massage every night!

How dare I think they had time in their busy schedules of—taking care of kids, car pools, the gym, working, and feeding picky kids—to worry about what they fed a husband who often came home after the family dinner anyway. How could I expect them to add preparing healthy food to their already overburdened lives!? Even as I write this, I can still hear the indignation and anger in their voices as each one agreed with the other that this was over the top!

After I recovered from my shock at their response, I said, “Don’t you want your husband to be around to help you raise your children? Don’t you want him to have a long, productive healthy life? Don’t you love him and care about his health?” They were not convinced.

Your Husband’s Well-Being Could Depend on You

[Tweet “Your Husband’s Well-Being Could Depend on You”]

When I try to encourage women whose husbands are overweight or have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, or high blood sugar, or have just suffered a heart attack, to prepare healthy food for these beloved men, the wives often tell me meekly, “I can’t take away his one pleasure.” Seriously—food is his only pleasure? Or as I watched one wife give Kentucky Fried Chicken to her husband who had just had open-heart surgery, “He loves it so much. I can’t deny him food he likes.”

To all of these women I say, “You are loving your husband to death.”

[Tweet “Are you loving your husband to death?”]

I’ve heard all the excuses—he eats lunch on his own. I can’t be his conscience or police what he eats. He’ll make it himself if I don’t make it for him. He won’t eat anything else. If he doesn’t care, I don’t care. And on and on . . .

One woman commented on last month’s Loving Your Body—90 Days to a Physical Renewal blog post by Debbie Alsdorf: “And while my hubby is supportive of me doing what I need to do for good health, he can only take ‘healthy’ food so long and then he wants processed foods.”

Debbie’s reply:

“Though my husband is very supportive, he did not do this plan with me. What he did do is eat the basic same dinner that I ate so I wouldn’t have to prepare two different things. My dinners usually consisted of lean protein, salad, and vegetable. Last night I had delicious grilled chicken, mashed cauliflower and grilled zucchini. It doesn’t get much better….Really! Sometimes I would add a starch for him, but he ended up quite happy without it. He still had his ice cream at night….I got used to not joining him in that. Without doing it fully, he lost one shirt size and one pant size in the 90 days!

Love Your Husband to Life

“I want to meet this woman who has my dad eating turkey burgers!”—Michelle, hubby Dave’s oldest daughter

When Dave and I first started dating, he was a heavy beefeater and didn’t eat healthy. I’ve always eaten healthy since my first career was as a Registered Dietitian, so when I prepared a meal it was always chicken, turkey, or fish, no fried foods, lots of veggies and salads, no added salt, and very little sugar. Dave probably went along with this because he wanted to make a good impression and was falling in love.

However, after we were married he had some real adjustments to make to what I cooked at home, but he ate whatever he wanted at lunch. Dave had always had bronchial problems and he was on antibiotics far too often. I also knew that his dad had quadruple bypass surgery so Dave could have a propensity to heart disease also. We had a long talk and I said how much I loved him and wanted him to be around for a long time, and I would do my part by making sure the food I fed him was healthy and that he got exercise with me at the gym.

Dave lost 10 pounds our first year of marriage, his bronchial issues went away, and he started enjoying the food I prepared. I honored the foods he didn’t like, but introduced him to a new way of eating. Whenever he protested, I just reminded him that I loved him and wanted us to grow old together. Love won him over.

Then twelve years ago when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, we took eating healthy to another level. We budgeted to buy exclusively organic, avoid processed foods, and eat raw as much as possible. I still didn’t give Dave foods he didn’t like, but I didn’t give him a food he did like if it wasn’t good for him or me. Dave’s response: If this will save my wife’s life, I’ll do whatever it takes.

He also agreed to start taking his lunches instead of the fast food he was grabbing. Now after 22 years of feeding my hubby healthy food, his doctor says he is 98% healthier than the men the doctor sees in his practice. At 68 years-old, Dave takes no medications, all of his blood work is pristine, and he is in excellent health.

I loved my husband to life and you can too.

[Tweet “I loved my husband to life and you can too.”]

Here is what I responded to the woman in the blog comment above whose husband wanted processed foods:

I will be praying for you. I know all the health issues you’ve had and I’m sure healthy eating would help you so much. God provides healthy “fuel” to keep our bodies running optimally. My hubby had a hard time too at first, but when I had breast cancer (now three times), he agreed to do whatever it took. He had made many changes when we married, but he made huge strides after breast cancer. But he doesn’t do everything I do…and that’s ok.

Maybe you could convince your hubby that healthy eating would be so good for him too…because you love him and want him to be around for a long time. But until then, make the change yourself and set the example as he watches you enjoy more energy and live healthier.

Practical Tips

1. For years, I didn’t cook veggies Dave doesn’t like: asparagus, onions, peppers, cauliflower, beets, cooked spinach, and artichokes. Then it dawned on me: I could make them for myself! Dave will eat raw spinach in salads so we eat it that way, which is much better for us. Often a hearty salad is dinner. Read labels on salad dressings or make your own heart-healthy ones with olive oil, vinegar, and herbs.

2. Bake, broil, grill, BBQ, roast, and steam. Don’t fry.

3. You are probably the main purchaser of food, so don’t have tempting, unhealthy food in the house.

4. Cook with herbs instead of salt. Don’t set the saltshaker on the table.

5. Cut back on red meat to several times a week, or none if he will agree and eat more wild fish, and organic or grass-fed chicken and turkey. Substitute turkey burger for hamburger. Eliminate processed/brined lunchmeats. Roast a turkey or chicken and slice for sandwiches.

6. Offer to pack a lunch for him. If he doesn’t agree, then be sure the meals you do prepare for him are healthy.

7. Do some research into what “healthy” means. For example if cholesterol is a problem, learn what foods are high in cholesterol. A simple “Google” search will provide answers to many of your questions.

8. Cut back on portion size. Dish up food on plates in the kitchen instead of putting food on the table with the temptation to have a second or third helping.

9. Limit desserts to special occasions or maybe on a weekend night—not every night.

10. Avoid casseroles—they are usually high in fat and calories. Another fallacy I often hear is that it just takes too much time to eat healthy. Not true. It’s much quicker to broil a lean piece of chicken or fish, steam veggies, and make a salad then the time it takes to make lasagna or a casserole.

[Tweet “Smother your hubby with love with foods his body will love!”]

Smother your hubby with love and let him know you are researching ways to prepare good tasting healthy foods that his body will love because you and God love him so much and want him to be around for a long long time. What husband could resist that? Mine can’t, and he’s so happy, happy, happy . . .

My hubby is Happy Happy Happy and Healthy!

My hubby is Happy Happy Happy and Healthy!

 

 

 

August 25, 2014
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